Batfam AU

Damian was captured by some villain, and Dick just saved him.

Nightwing: Why didn't you send a distress signal? You could have gotten hurt. What if I didn't get here in time?

Robin: tt, stop your incessant nagging, Grayson. I can handle myself. Besides, I did send out a distress signal.

Nightwing: Really, cause I didn't get it, and neither did B.

Robin, realizing something: Ah, I believe I may have alerted someone else of my capture then...

Nightwing: who-

He's cut off as a red figure barrels through the window, shattering it.

Red Hood, guns cocked as he looks around the room: Who the fuck do I need to kill?

Robin, deadpan: Impeccable timing as always, Akhi.

Jason: who the fuck-!!! Bruce: Language! Jason: sorry pops! Whom the fuck-!! Bruce: thank you. Dick:...wha- NO!!!

*dick grayson cartwheeling across the road*

bruce six hours into parenthood:

headcanon that jason reads to cass. well, it started as him reading to cass -- she got to work on her literacy, and he got to share his favorite books with someone -- but it kind of isn't just cass anymore.

tim was the first to join them. he'd sit at the end of the couch and listen. jason's got a good voice for reading, very calm and measured, and having that sort of steady, relaxed sound in the background made tim feel comfortable enough to fall asleep to the sound of his brother reading.

damian, oddly enough, was next. he walked into the library one day, fully prepared to dye tim's hair purple or something while he was asleep, but he came across jason reading aloud and short-circuted a bit. he didn't get read to growing up in the league of assassins, so the concept was pretty foreign to him. but he kind of liked it. so he sat down in one of the chairs and listened.

dick's Sibling Bonding Radar just went off one afternoon and led him to the couch in the library. tim was already asleep and damian was settled into the armchair, entranced, so it was cass that made eye contact with him and put a finger to her lips, telling him not to interrupt. not that dick was going to -- he was already stretching out on the floor, careful to be absolutely silent so as not to disturb the peace.

steph, kate, duke, and barbara don't live at the manor, but every time they're in the house during this self-imposed quiet time, they'll find a spot on the couch or the floor to listen. in the kind of life they have (the one where you dress in kevlar and spandex and go out at night to punch people) (or during the day to punch people) (or you run an enormous computer to help the people in the kevlar and spandex... okay you get it) it's nice to have some quiet time with their family.

Bruce being absolutely horrible in the kitchen will always be a fav, but listen aight

Would Alfred really let this boy live with teaching him how to cook? I know Alfie drilled it into his brain on how to cook with perfection, but Bruce just chooses to make bum ass food for a reason only god knows, most weirdest combinations that got so weird to the point Alfred banned him from ever stepping foot in the kitchen ever again

Someone give me a fic where the jl & the titans & batfamily have been living with dick grayson and his  "holy __ batman!" for all their lives and they're confused as hell and there's an increasing amount of "PLEASE just TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON-”

and then one day Dick is talking to Damian about a mission, and Damian corrects him on something, and without missing a beat Dick just goes "oh, fuck.”

Huh

Huh.

(For context, this was about Paris Paloma’s song, Labour, which is about the unfair treatment of women in society; both comments were found on a post with Dick Grayson and Jason Todd with the song “The Fruits” also by Paloma, which is about how unfairly society perceives/treats women regarding SA.)

*please leave the posters alone btw this is not meant to be an attack or anything*

one of jason’s love interests deciding to make the first move (because we all know jason wouldn’t be the one to do it because he’s a loser): hey handsome, do you come here often?

jason todd (a nerd who’s last somewhat serious romantic relationship happened before his death): get the hell out of my city

honestly this plague of the absolutely hugest dicks in bl manhwas is kinda funny. like yeah this dude routinely has a dick that's the size of a leg up to the knee inside his ass and he's totally fine and enjoying it

hello first man i have a question.

Why did both your wives leave you for “the most hated being in all of existence” (your words not mine)

get a VPN girl!!!!!

watched it. he is perhaps the most dickmatized individual in human history

Nightwing was hurt. That, in and of itself, was bad. Nightwing panicking because he was hurt however? That was downright horrifying. Nightwing didn't panic. He didn't squeal. He laughed and smiled and offered high fives and hugs. He was calm and collected. The Justice League had once watched him get shot twice in the leg and he had still talked the girl off the ledge without a dip in his voice. But this was bad. Blood was streaming down his chest, little rivers running down his cheeks and chin, teeth coated red. They hovered around him, anxious, unknowing, Diana attempting to staunch the flow of blood, Clark and Barry trying to calm him down but Nightwings voice was too high pitched, his voice too frantic, screams to desperate. The doubles doors slid open and Batman billowed into the room like a phantom ghost. Hal tried to stop him, to explain what had happened, but without even glancing his way Batman zeroed in on Nightwing, stalking for him. “Hes hurt Bats! Badly.” Oliver stressed. At the name Bats, Nightwings scream died in his throat. Batman pushed Superman away, kneeling at the young heroes side and cupping his chin in his hands. “Robin.” He breathed softly. Nightwings shaking had ceased, his pleas and whimpers gone. “Status report.” Batmans voice was anything but harsh, gentle and soothing and calm in a way the League had never heard. And Nightwing was responding to it in turn, relaxing almost completely with only Bats hand on his cheek. “It hurts B.” Nightwing breathed, and a tear slid down his cheek. Batman wiped it away, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Its okay.” He whispered, glancing at Diana. She showed him her empty hands, free from gauze and needles. She had finished her patching up to the best of her abilities. He would be fine, but he needed rest and to calm down. “You'll be alright chum.” Batman murmured, and then he lifted the fully grown male into his arms bridal style like he was nothing more than a toddler, walking out of the room. Nightwing let his head drop onto the Dark Knights shoulder, and closed his eyes. The JL stared at each other, mouths dangling open. 

Cass and Bruce play a game with the whole family!

Cass is clearly winning!

This is the end of father-daughter day bc I'm very lazy. But I had fun doing this and if I'm bored again, I think I'm gonna do this again :)

tumblr ads must be stopped. we can’t have porn anymore but i get served the horniest mobile game ads you could possibly think of without someone literally stripping down and fucking

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