heeeyyy please talk to me, ask me stupid questions maybe or tell me abt YOUR day because i’m stuck in this car for two hours with nothing to do and also i would love to know abt it actually.

Love Again - cth

sad disco - part one

summary: used to be afraid of love and what it might do but goddamn, you got me in love again. 

author’s notes: thanks again for your patience on this one! based on love again - dua lipa!

warnings: mentions of sexual themes, mentions of food, angst. 

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Sometimes, Calum's heart beat so loud that he was sure the entire world could hear it. He felt the pounding in his chest, left breathless by the sheer power of the muscle that kept his blood pumping. Sometimes, Calum thought that his heart had simply forced itself into hiding, protecting Calum from any more hurt and heartbreak. Those were the times where the pounding was dull and ached, almost as if the one thing keeping him alive was the reason for him shutting down. He liked to think that's who he could blame now, his heart for wanting to protect him from another heartbreak. 

But no, Calum had done that on his own. 

Calum had barely left his house. Ever since that night when he'd been a fool and let you go, he had decided that hiding away in his house was his best course of action. He had hated the way the tears in your eyes fell down onto Ashton's shoulder. More so, he hated the fact that he was the reason for those tears. He hadn't known the true reason until early the next morning when his pounding headache and the blaring phone had woken him up. He'd winced through Ashton's explanation of the night's events after Calum had been left alone in a club, wishing that he could just erase the night and never had it have happened. 

"She's....she's really hurt man, you should really talk to her," Ashton sighed, the man sounding way too awake and not hungover like Calum was, "You both need to tell each other the truth."

"I doubt she wants to talk to me," Calum sighed, "I'm going to give her some space."

"Cal-" Ashton started, a sigh evident in his voice as Calum interrupted him.

"Thanks for taking care of her, Ash."

You weren't sure where things had gone wrong. You'd never been one to cry over useless drama or men, especially not when those men were nothing but a friend to you. But life had a funny way of throwing curveballs at you and you'd found yourself stuck on your living room couch most days, staring up at the ceiling to try and stop the tears. Those pesky tears that fell no matter how many times you tried to convince yourself that you were stronger than this and that a man was not worth your tears, especially one who had technically done nothing wrong. Sure, Calum had been single, he'd been allowed to dance with whoever he wanted to because he was an adult and that was his business. But Calum had never wanted to dance with you. 

It had been two weeks since that night, where you shamelessly cried to Ashton as the city lights passed by the two of you, two weeks since Calum and you hadn't spoken. Before, when things were nice and friendly, you two couldn't go a day without talking. Text messages, phone calls, and airdrops were common occurrences between the two of you so the radio silence was killing you. The number of times a funny picture or tiktok reminded you of him, the urge to send it to Calum forcing you to push more tears down, had been too many in the past couple of days. You'd even cut off nights out with your friends, fearing that Calum would be there and you'd be forced to talk about that night. It hurt, even more, knowing that the thought of going out again to that club wouldn't be the same, that dancing would never feel the same. All because of a stupid man with an addicting smile and humor to match your own. 

Calum had been hesitant about Ashton's proposal. He was used to having nights out together, getting dinner, and then going back to his place to watch a movie or play video games until the mind-numbing hours in the morning. But Calum hadn't left his house in weeks and he knew this was Ashton's way to tell him to get his shit together and get over himself. He knew that this game night was just another way for Ashton to knock some sense into him, a way for Calum to maybe score some free food and booze and pretend to listen to his friend tell him to get his head out of his ass. So without another thought, Calum grabbed his jacket and made his way to Ashton’s house.

Ashton had promised you that the movie night would consist of watching shitty romcoms, eating ice cream, and having way too many fries from McDonald’s. You’d been wary about the night out, knowing that Ashton had been trying to get you out of your living room for days on end, but you knew that he had been trying his best to make you feel better. A night out was what you needed, the lack of socialization and the promise of ice cream the pushing force to get you into your car and driving towards Ashton’s house. As you pulled into the driveway, you saw Ashton standing outside, waving over at you and grinning.

“You made it! Come inside,” Ashton cheered as you got out of the car, leading you into the comfort of his home, “The pizza should be here soon.”

Walking into the living room, you froze as you saw a familiar head of curly hair sitting on Ashton's couch. Calum, who was way too focused on the video game in front of him, looked just as breathtaking as he always looked. His messy curls were splayed across his forehead, his shoulders tense as he took a sharp turn on the race he was in. He looked so beautiful and all the sadness from the past weeks disappeared the second you heard him laugh. But the familiar sound of a car leaving a driveway made your shoulders and your breath hitch when Calum's head turn and his eyes met yours. 

"Oh..." Calum breathed out, his eyes widening as he set the controller down, the screen behind him coming to a still, much like the air between you both. 

"Hey you two, it's Ashton," Ashton's voice rang out from a speaker, "Please don't hate me but we all know this was meant to happen and it's been weeks so...." he chuckled nervously, "You both have feelings for one another and I'm not going to let you through that away. So, I'm leaving you two alone and I just hope you guys don't fuck on my bed." 

You both stood in silence, listening to Ashton's words echoed in your heads as you both stared at one another. Calum's eyes watched as you slowly walked towards the couch, watched as your hands cupped the side of his face, and pulled him into a kiss. The kiss made you both gasp into each other's mouth, made you both finally jump across that thin line you both had danced around for countless nights and countless days. It was the scissors that finally snipped the string that had strung between them. The kiss was all the words that neither of them could say. 

The door to Ashton's guest room was pushed open, the darkness of the room hiding both of you. The bed was creaking, every thrust and every rock of hips met with the sound of skin meeting. Calum's silver chain was hanging above you, brushing against your chest with every thrust of his hips, the cold metal a relief from the heat that spurred between you both. Your hand found Calum's arm in the dark, trailing down his forearm until your fingers wrapped around his wrist and brought it up to your neck. 

"Fuck, baby," Calum breathed out, his ring-clad fingers wrapping around the base of your throat.

As the mattress underneath you both rocked and the headboard bumped into the wall behind you, you felt closer and closer to Calum. You felt the passion through every rock of his hips, through every grunt and breathy sigh that left him. It was all the passion and unsaid words that had gone unspoken between the two of you for months. And when the high came crashing down upon you both, when the moans echoed through the room and hips stilled, you knew that you'd found the one who made your heart race again. 

"I'm sorry," Calum mumbled and sighed quietly, "I...I should've called earlier and tried to fix this, I just...I don't even know," he sighed and shook his head as his fingers traced soft circles onto your hip.

"No, I was just, I never even thought you could ever have feelings for me and I hurt my own feelings," you mumbled and frowned, "I pushed you away and I can't even begin to apologize."

"I think we were both just...scared?" he sighed and shrugged, "Afraid of whatever we were headed towards."

"I was afraid to lose you," you whispered, "Afraid that I had lost you that night when I saw you dancing with her."

"I wanted to show you I could dance," he chuckled quietly and bit his lip, "I saw you dancing with that guy and I...I don't know I thought I could make you jealous enough to have you dance with me." 

"You could've just asked," you whispered and shook your head, "I'd always dance with you."

And in a way, Calum knew that meant that you loved him too.

Your soft breaths hit Calum's neck, the soft puffs of air leaving him in disbelief that you were actually laying next to him. The past few weeks had left him wondering if he'd ever get to see you again, to be next to you. But the night had changed in such a quick instant that Calum had forgotten he was in Ashton's house for a second.  He'd gone from playing video games on his best friend's couch to sleeping with the love of his life, finally telling you the truth about how he felt. He'd gone from being someone who tried to run away from love, run away from being open, to let himself be vulnerable in front of someone who he'd hurt. He wasn't afraid of letting his feelings be known any more and even if it felt surreal in that bed where you slept next to him, he could believe that he was in love with you. 

All he had to do now was take you out dancing

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“Control” Steve Harrington x reader

Steve Harrington - Control Janet Jackson

Not requested 

First time I fell in love, I didn't know what hit me So young and so naive, I thought it would be easy

August 1982

“I don’t understand how you like this stuff!” I roll over to sit up on Jonathan Byers bed. “How do you not? It’s so easy to move to, he has a nice voice, don’t even get me started on his dancing!” He looks up from his workbook with an incredulous look. “Y/N, I get it, you’re a dancer. But seriously? Michael Jackson? I thought I taught you better than that.” I shrug, “Well, I happen to like Disco and Hip-Hop. Not everyone could like The Clash, or else they wouldn’t be so indie.” We sit and study, or at least try to. We eventually migrate next to each other, hands intertwined. Everything felt simple then. 

November 1983

Will had gone missing. Jonathan was up all hours of the night looking for him, and for some reason Nancy would always happen to be around. “Hey Jon, you wanna watch a movie tonight? I think we both need to destress.” He looks back at me, dazed and confused. “What? Yeah, sure.” He turns to look back at someone across the lunchroom. As I follow his gaze, no one but Nancy Wheeler ducks her head down, not wanting to get caught. Everything in me sinks at the realization, but I smile at him anyways. 

It’s been hours since movie night was supposed to start, and Jonathan had still not shown up. Sighing, I put away all of the snacks I had prepared, put the tape back in the box, turned off the TV, and went to bed, crying myself to sleep. The next morning, I don’t see Jonathan or Nancy until second period. I watch them silently communicate across rooms or hallways, Jonathan disappears at her signal, leaving me alone during lunch most days if not all. As Jonathan leaves again, not even bothering with an excuse this time, I break. I gather my things and blink away the tears, heading to the library for peace and quiet. I cry in a secluded corner of the library, muffling my whimpers with my hand. How am I going to fix this? 

October 1884

Jonathan didn’t want to go to this party. I didn’t want to go to this party. But Nancy wanted to go to this party. She wanted Jonathan to go to this party. That’s how I ended up dressed as Stevie Nicks, all in black and hair big. I had grabbed a soda, wanting to stay sober and keeping my mind in the right place. I watch Nancy and Steve have an argument, resulting in her white blouse to stain red. I had lost Jonathan not long after we arrived, choosing to people watch instead of looking for him. Feeling claustrophobic over the amount of bodies in the main room, I head outside. I watch the new guy do a keg stand for a surprising amount of time, and observe the costumed teens mill about the lawn. By the time I re-enter the house, Nancy is gone, and I’m done partying. I bump into a wall of a person in the hall, looking up at none other than Steve “The Hair” Harrington. “What are you still doing here? I thought you were taking Nancy home?” Rolling his eyes he leans against the wall. “Yeah, I thought I was too, until your boyfriend did it for me.” I gasp, hurt filling my chest. “Oh. Ok, cool. I guess I’m walking home tonight. Guess I should probably get started then if my ride is gone.” As I turn to walk out the door once again, Steve grabs my wrist. “No, there’s no reason for that. I’ll take you home. I mean we both get fucked over, might as well be hospitable to each other.” Nodding, I mutter “I need a drink. Fuck being sober.” 

I take another sip of “Pure Fuel” as Springsteen blasts through the stereo system. I felt the buzz kick in as I move out to the living area. As a bass and drum heavy song comes on I feel a grip on my hips. I throw my head back to see the offender, coming face to face with the “New Keg King”. I shout “Can I help you?” over the music with a raised eyebrow. Leaning in, he says into my ear, “I’m hoping you can sweetheart.” Ok, if that’s how he wants to play, then let’s play. I swivel my hips hard against him, his grip tightening. I smirk and grip the back of his neck and his left hand on my hip. Spinning in his arms, we face each other. We keep dancing together, intertwined in a sweaty mess. He moves us against the wall, leaning to nibble at my neck. I catch Steve’s eye, and he holds up his keys, time to go. Rolling my eyes, I push the keg king off of me. “Well, I’ve had so much fun sweetheart, but I’ve got to go. Have a nice night.” As I walk away, I feel his gaze burn into my backside. Linking my arm with Steve, I ask: “Alright big boy, where to?” We get in the car, and I rest against the window, the buzz wearing off, leaving exhaustion behind. I tell him where I live, and fall asleep. I wake-up slightly at him opening my door, and he picks me up. “Parents aren’t home. Key under the mat.” He gets the door open unexpectedly easily. “What room?” Cuddling further into his chest, I grumble, “Upstairs, third door on the left.” I once again doze off, not waking until morning. 

When I was 17 I did what people told me Did what my father said, and let my mother mold me

Summer 1985

“Y/N, you need to get a job. How are you going to get a car? Or pay for college? Your mother and I are not always going to be here for you.” I nod at my father's words. “Yes Sir.” My mother opens her mouth to give her two cents in. “Oh, Y/N, before you go, let me help you with your make-up today. You always have to be presenting yourself, you want to make me proud, don’t you?” I look down at my plate, nodding, and take another bite of my waffle. “Oh, and Y/N, maybe we can start a diet. Don’t want an embarrassing figure now honey.” Pushing the offending food around my plate, I respond “Yes Ma’am.” 

I'm in Control - Never gonna stop. Control - To get what I want. Control - I like to have a lot. Control - Now I'm all grown up

I ended up getting the job at Scoops Ahoy, much to my Mothers chargain. “Y/N, are you sure you can control yourself around so much sweets? I just don’t want you to get any bigger than you already are.” Desperate to prove my mother wrong, I eat salads every meal, run the mall during my breaks, and always make sure my make-up is immaculate. I squeeze into the uniform my mother demanded I get in a small. It miraculously fits my waist snugly, but pulls at my hips, and rides high on my thighs. The shirt is short and tight around my torso, making it uncomfortable when teenage boys stop by only on my shift, doing everything in their power to stay at the counter and oggle what the uniform brings attention to. One of them grows brave and leans over the counter, “Did you sit in a bowl of sugar? Because it looks like you’ve got a pretty sweet ass.” I turn red in embarrassment, cursing my mother for my “blessings” and her insistence on the overly tight uniform. As I do my best to deflect their eyes and serve them as fast as possible, Steve comes out of the back, his shift starting. His eyes flicker between my red face and the boys ogling his co-worker. He pushes me behind him as he confronts the boys. “Alright guys, how can I help you? Our U.S.S Butterscotch is really good, and two scoops will only cost you a buck. So what’ll it be? Oh, and Y/N, Robin needs you in the back.” I open my mouth to protest, but he just nudges me towards the door. Reaching the back, I look at Robin. “Steve said you needed me?” Her eyebrows scrunch together. “What? No, I haven’t even talked to Steve today.” 

                     .                                                                                                   

We all sit in the bathroom, bloody and bruised. Talking about random shit. Parents end up being brought up in the conversation. “Ugh, my parents want to control me. My dad wants me to be an adult, and my mother wants me to be just like her. She made me get that stupid uniform in a small, she wants me to do my make-up dark and perfect, she wants me to be the skinniest girl out there. I bet she wishes I was made out of clay so she could mold me exactly how she wants me to be.” Robin mutters “My parents just want me to get a boyfriend. Like that’s going to happen.” We both turn to her. “What does that mean?” Blinking, she realizes what she said. “Oh, uh, I like girls. I don’t like boys like that.” I grimace as I scoot closer to her, taking her hand. “Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to tell us that. Just do you know, you’re not missing out on much. Guys are bullshit.” Steve shouts a “Hey!” at my accusation, but I give him a look that says “Seriously? Be honest with yourself.” He raises his hands in surrender and turns towards me. “Alright, why didn’t you want anyone to get close to you when you first started working here?” I swallow thickly, thinking through my answer. “Everyone else has been in control of what happens in my life for so long, I wanted to take that control back. I thought, if there was no one to try to take control, I would never have to lose control. Stupid I know.” They both shake their heads at my answer, just sitting in peaceful silence until Dustin bursts in the door. “Guys, we’ve got to go.” 

After this is all over, Steve takes me home like he did almost a year ago. I rest against his window, sleeping off my injuries. I wake up as the car stops, but it's not outside my house. “Steve? Where are we? This isn’t my house.” Putting the car in park, he turns back to me. “No, it’s not. It’s my house, thought it would be easier to get you patched up and rested here than getting you home and needing to explain it to your parents. You can call them and tell them you’re with Robin or something.” I go to stand and walk into the house, but my legs give out. Steve picks me up from off the ground and carries me into the house. We patch each other up, band-aids here, ice packs there. We spend the night watching cheesy tape after cheesy tape, neither wanting to sleep and see the nightmares under our eyelids. As we both doze off, too exhausted to stay awake any longer, I feel Steve kiss my forehead and whisper “You talk about wanting control, but you’ve had control over me since Halloween.”

20/20 Albums of the Year

Circles by Mac Miller  |  Hip-Hop, Soul, Funk Released: January 17, 2020

Best Album For... Pouring One Out for Mac

I wrote a few different drafts of this album summary, and none of them felt like they really fit the impossibly large bill of accurately describing the posthumous importance or brilliance of this album. If you are a fan of hip-hop or soul music of any kind, try to give this piece of work a chance. I for one, used to judge Mac based on his early frat rap days in the late 2000s. But a decade later he came to leave the world with one of the most surprising and frankly impressive artistic evolutions that I’ve been able to witness in real time. RIP Mac. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Circles” or “Everybody”

Marigold by Pinegrove  |  Alternative Country and Folk Rock Released: January 17, 2020

Best Album For… Passing Through a Small Town on a Cloudy Winter Day 

Pinegrove was one of the last great concerts I got to experience before the pandemic. And it was my favorite performance of theirs from the last 6 years of seeing them play live. Is this my favorite album of theirs? Honestly, it’s not. But I still find it extremely enjoyable, and the memory of seeing these songs performed live, along with some of their classics, was enough for me to include it on this list. This is an album that marks Pinegrove’s exit from their pop punk roots. It’s still sentimental, but much more country and folk rock focused vs. anything trying to be associated with emo or punk. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora   Start With: “The Alarmist” or “No Drugs”

Watch This Liquid Pour Itself by Okay Kaya  |  Synth Pop, Art Rock, Folk Released: January 24, 2020

Best Album For… Crywanking at 3am, Bathed in The Dull Light of Your Overheating Laptop

What if Feist and Father John Misty had a secret love child? They might sound something like Okay Kaya. Self proclaimed “Singer ~ Crywanker,” Okay Kaya brings serious BDE to weirdo art pop that she seems like she could be a plant  from the mind of Nathan Fielder. Kaya delivers with such deadpan precision as she rolls out line after line of sarcastic joy, staring blankly at our dystopian reality. “Here I am, the whole world is my daddy,” “Netflix and yeast infection,” “Sex with me is mediocre,” “I just want us to do well like Jon Bon Jovi’s Rosê,” and, “My parasite and I are blushing / In the zero interaction ramen bar,” are just a few examples of some of her memorable and biting lyrics. The entire album is both a critique and nihilistic fondness for the absurdity of our lonely technological society, not quite sure how to deal with taboos like repressed female sexuality, depression, and codependency. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Baby Little Tween” or “Asexual Wellbeing”

UNLOCKED by Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats  |  Hip-Hop Released: February 7, 2020

Best Album For... Nodding Your Damn Head To, Feeling Cooler Than You Actually Are

I had to double check that this was an album. Clocking in under 20 minutes, this collection of songs feels more like an EP, especially with the track titles that purposefully look like file names and placeholders. But for a short album, Denzel wastes no time, furiously zigging and zagging effortlessly over Kenny Beats’ 90s New York-indebted production (ad libs and all). Kenny pulls out samples of an array of pop culture references made by Denzel (like quotes from movies and weapon sound effects like a lightsaber) — as he rotates his flow between admirable impressions of DMX, Nas, and Joey Bada$$.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “So.Incredible.pkg” or “DIET_”

Cardboard City by Zack Villere  |  Pop, Electronic, R&B Released: February 14, 2020

Best Album For… Pal-ing Around With Your Friends From High School, Maybe Quoting Superbad At The Same Time

The first time I watched a music video from Zack Villere, I noticed the top comment said: “how did frank ocean get trapped in mark zuckerberg.” And while that definitely gets at the heart of how Zack Villere presents himself, he is not a phenomenal singer like Frank Ocean is, nor does he come off as an asshole like Mark Zuckerberg does. I would say that he is just a slightly awkward nerdy white guy who loves hip-hop production and R&B melodies. So the better question is really, “how did drake get trapped in michael cera?” This premise should not work at all, but somehow it does. This is only Villere’s second album, but he shows some serious production and songwriting chops, plus a commitment to his delivery that comes across as genuine, charming, and unique. 

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Grateful” or “Superhero Strength”

The Slow Rush by Tame Impala  |  Psych Rock, Synth Pop, Disco Released: February 14, 2020

Best Album For... Throwing a Silent Disco For One 

Tame Impala continues on their now 10 year streak of psych rock dominance. Along the way we’ve seen Kevin Parker master and stretch the boundaries of psychedelic production. This has resulted in his music coming as close to sounding like the best aspects of The Beatles, while also expanding into hip hop drums, R&B hooks, plus more and more electronic elements. This is an album that I was not super impressed with when it initially came out, but as we entered the pandemic and were tasked with finding small joys in staying at home all the time, I found myself going back to this album and appreciating the themes of solitude and self reflection that Parker has drawn from throughout his career.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Posthumous Forgiveness” or “One More Hour”

1988 by Knxwledge  |  Hip-Hop Released: March 27, 2020

Best Album For... Pumping Your Brakes and Driving Slow, Uh *Homie* Although this album is named after a year in the 80s, the sound here is a perfect portal back to 90s golden era hip-hop, with all the gospel, soul samples, and the kind of deep bass you want to feel in your chest. This is the rare, largely instrumental hip-hop album that I find myself going back to, other than works from the legendary J Dilla and MF Doom. Knxwledge is good friends and a frequent collaborator with Anderson .Paak (in the form of NxWorries). Here we get Anderson to grace us with his presence on the track “itkanbe[sonice]”, and of course it sounds just like an authentic vintage soul sample. When I hear this collection of songs it makes me wish I still had a car, so I could inevitably damage my speakers listening to this.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “dont be afraid” or “thats allwekando.”

Future Nostalgia by Dua Lipa  |  Pop, R&B, Funk, Disco Released: March 27, 2020 Best Album For... Alarming Your Pet With Your Enthusiastic Lip Syncing

This album is a pure sugar rush. Like Bruno Mars with the help of Mark Ronson, or Calvin Harris a few years ago, Dua has harnessed a nostalgia (it’s even in the title, wink) for disco, funk and R&B, and is instantly a sexy, catchy, not-so-guilty pleasure. It’s sad that the majority of these songs are all bonafide club hits that didn’t have a proper home this year … except for my living room. And hopefully yours.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora 

Start With: “Pretty Please” or “Future Nostalgia”

Hold Space For Me by Orion Sun  |  Alternative R&B and Hip-Hop Released: March 27, 2020

Best Album For... Wishing Frank Ocean Was Your Dad

“Alternative R&B” is a contentious term, but what else would you call one of a few R&B singers cool enough to make it onto (NYC indie darlings) Mom+Pop Records?? On one hand, she brings the vulnerable and introverted lyrics of an indie singer songwriter like Tracey Chapman, crossed with the raw presence and sweet melodic delivery of a true R&B star like Aaliyah. I’d even go far enough to refer to her as the musical stepchild of Frank Ocean and SZA.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora

Start With: “Ne Me Quitte Pass (Don’t Leave Me)” or “Lightning”

You and Your Friends by Peach Pit  |  Indie Rock and Dream Pop Released: April 3, 2020

Best Album For... Going Back To Your College Town To Crash A Party

Peach Pit seem like they would be cool dudes to hang out with. You have no problem picturing them as the band playing a house show in an indie movie about college kids. And that’s because there’s a familiarity to the scenes that their songs portray, of stumbling through your 20s, either being too dumb or having too much fun to notice. It’s funny to refer to this as “Indie” rock since this is Peach Pit’s major label debut with Columbia Records. But It has all the trappings of Indie; sticky melodies, gentle reverb, an “I’m not trying that hard” vibe, and lyrics that are oddly specific enough to be interesting, but still vague enough to be relatable.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Feelin’ Low (Fuckboy Blues)” or “Shampoo Bottles”

Heaven To a Tortured Mind by Yves Tumor  |  Psych Rock, Indie Pop, Post-Punk, Alternative R&B, Experimental Electronic Released: April 3, 2020

Best Album For... Tearing Up The Fucking Dance Floor With Your Hot Robot Girlfriend

If Tyler the Creator, Alex G, King Krule, and Blood Orange all got into the studio together and dropped a shit ton of acid on Halloween, their recording session might sound something like Heaven To a Tortured Mind… And even then, you still might have trouble putting your finger on exactly what you’re hearing. “Dream Palette” is a good reference track for Tumor’s most wild and mesmerizing qualities. The biggest styles of the past half century of music have been loaded into this gleefully effective genre blender, with blades of dissonance slicing everything up, creating a surrealist sonic smoothie.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Super Stars” or “Dream Palette”

The New Abnormal by The Strokes  |  Indie Rock, Dirtbag Disco, Synth Pop Released: April 10, 2020

Best Album For... Mixing Yourself Another Drink This Saturday Night

Back from the dead, The Strokes return with their first album in 7 years to turn some heads and settle back into some old habits. The charming messy haired garage rock of the early 2000s still pops up here and there, but this is really a record where the group is mature enough to show you that they actually are trying, and are unafraid to take joyous swings for the fences. Julian Casablancas pushes his scratchy alley cat yelp of a voice into something more vulnerable, sunny, and sweet, like he asked for a piña colada (you know, with one of those little umbrellas) instead of a double shot of scotch before hopping up on stage… Or maybe he did both. But these days, everyone is looking for some sort of break from our groundhog day lives any way that we can. Sometimes that sounds like selling out, or depending on how you look at it, stepping up. This album is the result of a group of old friends who got together to make music they simply want to make for themselves. Now far removed from the 2000s New York scene where their younger selves were acting too cool and disaffected to care about having fun.

Spotify      Apple Music      YouTube      Pandora  

Start With: “Eternal Summer” or “The Adults Are Talking”

The Loves of Your Life by Hamilton Leithauser  |  Indie Rock and Alternative Country Released: April 10, 2020

Best Album For... Drinking Down At The Docks, Watching The Sun Set

While I am a fan of The Walkmen, I have no idea what their frontman Hamilton Leithauser looks like or how he dresses. But hearing these songs off of his latest solo, I imagine the following: a member of Mumford and Sons if they were edgy and cooler, giving off a “cowboy rocker meets depression-era dock worker” aesthetic. That’s exactly how his music comes off to me. It’s a convincing blend of blues rock, Americana, and old timey country music. All expertly narrated by dusty country guitars and standup bass, tarnished horns and flutes, and what I imagine to be a restored saloon piano. The Loves of Your Life originally started as a collection of short stories, each about characters based on both people he knew and strangers. Leithauser then wrote the music separately, and finally came to mix and match their parts together in a surprisingly convincing fashion to create the album.

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Start With: “Wack Jack” or “Cross-Sound Ferry (Walk-On Ticket)”

What Kinda Music by Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes  |  Neo-Soul, Electronic, Hip-Hop

Released: April 24, 2020

Best Album For... Cooking For Someone You’re In Love With

Exactly what kind of music do Tom Misch and Yussef Dayes make? It’s orchestral, it’s jazz-infused, it’s hip-hop beats joined with gentle soul. It’s a little sexy, it’s a little mysterious, and you’re going to want to listen to it a whole lot. That’s it. That’s what kind of music it is! Send tweet. 

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Start With: “What Kinda Music” or “Storm Before The Calm”

Petals For Armor by Hayley Williams  |  Electronic Pop and Art Rock Released: May 8, 2020

Best Album For... Browsing Depop for Your Next 80s Normcore ‘Fit

Hayley, Hayley, Hayley. You are too good for this wretched world!! After exploring more adventurous sounds and genre hopping over the last few Paramore records, Hayley decided to go out on her own. This really frees herself from the expectations that come along with being the face and heart of a wildly popular band for the last 15+ years. Thom Yorke fans rejoice, because Hayley Williams has a clear admiration for Radiohead’s haunting indie electronic vibe, while emoting some pain and darkness atop her love for 80s pop and art rock (think Genesis, Devo, The Talking Heads). This is a promising new avenue for Hayley to explore herself and process her pain and desire completely on her own. I see this new project of hers only blooming further from here.

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Start With: “Simmer” or “Sudden Desire” 

Set My Heart On Fire Immediately by Perfume Genius  |  Indie Pop and Art Rock Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Daydreaming That You Were Somewhere Else

For his 5th studio album, Perfume Genius enlists production wizard and guitar god Blake Mills, along with Grammy Award-winning arranger and multi-instrumentalist Rob Moose to create a beautiful swirling mosaic of 80s pastel pop that also packs serious classic rock grandeur. Bass guitar dances between satin smooth lines on one song to churning distorted currents on the next. Sparkling string arrangements and organs bleed together to expose a fading sunset that you’ll want to try and hold in your hands to keep it in sight. Perfume Genius is unafraid to challenge traditional masculinity, packing a 21st century queer machismo into both the quiet moments and jubilant explosions.

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Start With: “Without You” or “Describe”

græ by Moses Sumney  |  Indie Pop, Art Rock, Neo-Soul, Psychic Folk Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Astral Projection 101 

I mean this in the best way possible, but I think that Moses Sumney is a witch. Or maybe a wizard? There’s no other reasonable explanation for the level of creativity and wonder that he summons. This album feels like a private concert by a waterfall (similar to one on the cover), with ethereal pleas, and heavy ideas—like meditating on what lies beyond the constraints of the physical self and reconsidering how well we can actually trust memory and the mind. Sumney layers his voice to create the effect of a ghostly choir, accented by a stark intimidating falsetto that reverberates through the ruins of an abandoned temple where Sumney is the only one in attendance.

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Start With: “Cut Me” or “Polly”

WILL THIS MAKE ME GOOD by Nick Hakim  |  Psychedelic Neo-Soul Released: May 15, 2020

Best Album For... Playing Pool in a Hazy Dive Bar

Nick Hakim is a silky smooth smokey crooner who paints with warbly piano loops, dreamy reverb-heavy guitar, boom bap beats—not to mention a falsetto that would make Smokey Robinson jealous. Clearly a fan of Motown and 60s jazz, Hakim could be considered a peer of Thunder Cat and Anderson .Paak’s to a degree. I remember seeing him perform at Music Hall of Williamsburg a few years ago. The performance ended with him falling down on stage (presumably from being under the influence of multiple substances). But while the song continued he popped back up and belted an impressive high note like it was nothing, drink in hand. And it’s that kind of messy beauty that also makes this album so engrossing. Like watching the eye of the storm get closer and closer, but unable to look away from the sheer magnetism that nature can wield.

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RTJ4 by Run The Jewels  |  Hip-Hop Released: June 3, 2020

Best Album For... Making Your Next Protest Sign

Run The Jewels’ fourth outing might be the most unapologetically angry rap album in the “fuck this” year of 2020. And it reminded me that I should absolutely still be furious about everything that happened during this groundbreaking yet terrifyingly familiar year: country wide protests over the continued murder of innocent black people at the hands of the police, government drone strikes and detaining kids in cages, the state of our environment worsening—and that’s not even addressing the pandemic or election. Killer Mike and El-P are here to scream from the rooftops that our current system of cutthroat capitalism and white supremacy is killing the planet and its inhabitants, and I’m glad that they’re using their platform to continue to sound the alarm.

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Start With: “out of sight” or “ooh la la”

Your Hero Is Not Dead by Westerman  |  New Wave Revival and Indie Pop Released: June 5, 2020 Best Album For... Wanting Your Old School MTV

The cover of Westerman’s first proper album is mostly black and white, except for the title, which is scrawled out in lettering which spans the Crayola color spectrum. It’s an album that on the surface is cold and buttoned up, but when these choruses open up, the maximalist 80s power pop bursts like the bulbs of a neon sign. There’s a level of even-keeled cool and confidence in small moments on display here that makes this relatively new artist seem well beyond his years. Having seen him play at Rough Trade a few years ago (opening up for the stellar Puma Blue), the songwriting growth on display on this record is impressive. I’m only sad that there wasn’t an opportunity to have seen him play these new songs live.

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Start With: “Easy Money” or “Confirmation (SSBD)” 

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers  |  Indie Rock and Alternative Country Released: June 18, 2020

Best Album For... Burning Incense and Breaking Out a Ouija Board to Talk to The Ghost of Your Former Self

This is without a doubt, a career defining release for Phoebe. Taking everything she’s learned from writing, performing, and touring with the likes of Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker (in boygenius), and Conor Oberst (in Better Oblivion Community Center), Bridgers levels up to become the truly prolific singer-songwriter she’s been telling us she would always be. Bridgers has explained her personal definition of “a punisher” as a well meaning person who’s, “just talking to you and they don’t realize that your eyes are glazed over and you’re trying to escape.” Vital to understanding this album and its central message is that Phoebe finds herself caught between the contradiction of falling victim to this phenomenon while also doing it herself, especially if she ever met her musical idol, Elliott Smith. Punisher serves as a warning to her audience that if you focus too much on trying to find yourself through other people (via escaping through fandom, drugs, toxic relationships), you’ll always feel lost and dissatisfied, without the proper self awareness to ever quite know why. 

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Start With: “Garden Song” or “ICU”

Women In Music Pt. III by HAIM  |  Rock, Pop, Folk, R&B Released: June 26, 2020

Best Album For... Preparing For A Better 2021, lol 

With this album, HAIM skyrocketed to the #1 position of family bands that start with an “H.” Sorry, Hanson! But seriously, HAIM has outdone themselves on this one. If there was one album from this list that I would dub my personal AOTY, this would be it. You might wince at any tracklist longer than 10-12 songs these days (I know I usually do), but almost every song proves itself worthy, pulling at a different thread of my heart until there’s nothing left. Sunshine State Beach Pop? Check. Blues Tinged Dad Rock? Yup! Dive Bar Country? Mmhmm! No, wait, what’s that you say, Glitched-Out R&B? Yes, yes, and yes. You can have it all, sister! ‘Cause when you’re Haim, you’re family! ;) And these three “women in music” continue to prove that they are just about the best Assorted Pop Rocks(™) act in the world right now.

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Start With: “I’ve Been Down” or “Don’t Wanna”

Lianne La Havas by Lianne La Havas  |  Neo-Soul and Indie Pop Released: July 17, 2020

Best Album For... Sipping Coffee and Journaling on a Weekend Morning

This album exudes a warm vulnerability, like a comforting hug we all needed this year. On her third album, Lianne La Havas makes the risky decision to self title it, a move that artists make when they believe that it is the piece of work that they most want most directly associated with their name. It’s one thing to name your first album after yourself if you can’t think of anything else at the time, but to make a self titled album in the middle of your career, it means that you are sure about having captured who you really are and who you want people to remember you as. “If I love myself, I know I can't be no one else,” La Havas admits on the standout track, “Paper Thin.” She knows that she will meet her destiny and reach self actualization, but only through self love. And finally, I cannot overstate how breathtaking La Havas’s voice comes across on this album. The strength and control on display in her vocal tone and vibrato is quite a spectacle. 

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Start With: “Paper Thin” or “Sour Flower”

Limbo by Aminé  |  Hip-Hop and R&B Released: August 7, 2020

Best Album For... Trying and Get Over Kanye With

On Limbo, Aminé establishes himself as one of the torchbearers of soul-sampling, lyrics-driven hip-hop that still cares about storytelling, skits, and presenting vocals clearly. Kanye West, Drake, and J. Cole all paved the way for someone from the next generation like Aminé to keep the dream alive and avoid succumbing to the “feel good, don’t think” form of passive listening that mumble rap has made the standard for mainstream hip-hop.

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Start With: “Pressure In My Palms” or “My Reality”

Shore by Fleet Foxes  |  Folk and Indie Rock Released: September 22, 2020

Best Album For... Running Along The Beach With Your Arms Stretched Out

It was really kind of Robin Pecknold and co. to have released an album this triumphant, calming, and awe-inspiring during the year of our Lorde 2020. On behalf of myself and anyone else who suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder, the SAD people of the world really needed this, man. And to anyone who is quick to judge these beard-o’s of being boring, you’re simply not using your ears properly. Yeah, you know those two things on either side of your head? Get the gunk out of them! That way you’ll hear the choir of angels with acoustic guitars who are here to guide us through quarantine and beyond. 

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Start With: “Can I Believe You” or “A Long Way Past The Past” 

Listen to all of these albums together in our playlist.

Would Never Be | Tom Holland

masterlist found here

pairing - Tom x reader | Shawn Mendes x reader word count - 3,608 warnings - A/N - for the anon who requested!

summary - You and Tom had been best friends for your entire lives. When you met Shawn Mendes, you were determined to leave your feelings for Tom behind. Unfortunately, the heart wants what it wants.

You were a sucker for friends to lovers stories.

Your top three favorite movies? When Harry Met Sally, What If, and Love, Rosie. All three stories had the same basic plot: can guys and girls be “just friends,” or will someone always catch feelings?

For a long time, you believed the former. Over the years, you had had plenty of guy friends. No one ever caught feelings in those relationships. From your childhood days, there was Adam, Nathan, Trent, and Simon. Those friendships formed due to your parents all being friends, so it was more out of obligation. Any feelings? Nope. From secondary school, there was Damien. You went to Damien about almost everything: actual crushes, family drama, college rejection (and acceptance) letters, and anything else you needed a friend for. Did you fall for him? He for you? Of course not.

Then, one day, it felt like everything changed. You had been friends with Tom for your whole life. Tom was incomparable to any other guy friend you had. You were next door neighbors and had met one lovely summer day while you were both playing outside. You were riding your bike down the street when all of a sudden he zoomed past you on his own. You lost your balance and fell over. You were six, so the little tumble made you burst into tears. Immediately, Tom turned around and came back to you. “I’m so sorry,” he said, getting off his bike and letting it fall onto the grass beside the sidewalk. “I didn’t think I was close to you. I’m so so sorry.”

You sniffed. “It’s okay.”

“Are you bleeding?” he asked. You shook your head no and looked up at Tom. He gave you a nervous smile and stood up, then stuck out his hand to pull you up. “We have ice lollies at my house,” he said. “Do you want to come inside?” You smiled eagerly and nodded, your fall immediately becoming a distant memory.

“I’ll go tell my mom!”

You buzzed home on your bike, shouted to your mom where you were going, and were back outside and over to Tom in mere minutes.

The rest, as they say, was history.

Somewhere along the line, you fell for him. And it was more than just a silly fall off your bike. These were feelings knocking you on your ass.

Everything with Tom was so platonic. It wasn’t the kind of platonic you read about in the stories where it was clear to everyone except the two of you that feelings were involved from both parties. It was like Tom was holding a neon sign that flashed “I friendzoned her” every time you were together. And it was fine. Really. It was. You loved Tom however you got to have him.

This didn’t mean things weren’t hard from time to time.

Like, there was the school disco when you were in your final year of school. The two of you were supposed to go together. You always agreed you’d go together if you were both single. The time came, and neither of you were in relationships, but Tom had a crush on the school’s most popular girl, Lacey. You knew he wanted to go with her. You saw the way he looked at her. It was the same way you looked at him when he wasn’t watching.

You all but forced him to go with her, convincing him you were okay with going stag. His face lit up, and he thanked you a million times over. You selfishly wished his face could’ve lit up like that at the idea of going with you.

Or there was the time your date ended up being a total creep and left your house in a fit of rage when you wouldn’t sleep with him. You called Tom, but he didn’t answer. You called again, and got nothing again. You decided to call his home phone and see if he’d pick that up. Instead, it was Harry who answered. “Is Tom there?” you asked him, hoping your voice didn’t sound as shaky as it felt.

“Sort of?” Harry said. The words came out as a question. “Like, he’s here, but he’s super unavailable.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning he’s in the middle of fucking Lacey.”

You hung up the phone and burst into tears.

He’s not mine. He’s not mine. He’s not mine.

You forgot that some friends didn’t get to the lovers part, no matter how much one party wants it.

So, you forced yourself to move on. You dated around in school, still maintaining a close friendship with Tom. You went to BRIT school with him and ended up with a fairly successful movie career of your own. Despite rumors spreading constantly that the two of you were romantically involved, you never were. You were just best friends. Plain and simple. As the years went on, that fact started to sting a lot less. It was more like a dull buzz in the back of your head.

You met Shawn Mendes at the MTV Movie and TV awards in 2018. You liked his music and thought he was super cute. Not to mention, he seemed like one of the few celebrities your age who hadn’t let the fame go to his head. You always wanted to befriend him, talk to him, or even DM him on social media, but you always wimped out. It was he who approached you at the award show. You were on the red carpet, posing for a picture, when he suddenly walked up to you. “Hey,” he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just wanted to say I’m a huge fan of your movies.” You smiled at him. “Oh, uh, I’m Shawn by the way.”

You laughed, “Yeah, I know. I love your music. Your last album was insane. Queen is like, my favorite song.” Now it was Shawn’s turn to smile.

“Thanks,” he said.

“Shawn, (Y/N), over here!” one of the photographers suddenly shouted. Shawn looked at you as if asking if you wanted your picture taken with him. You smiled and gave him a short nod, so he put his arm around your waist and turned to the cameras.

What you didn’t notice was Tom standing at the other end of the carpet, staring at you with a look you were very familiar with.

You weren’t seated anywhere near Shawn during the award show, but he somehow found you as soon as it ended. You heard him call your name as you were headed to the car that was ready to pick you up. You turned to find him jogging over to you. You couldn’t help but smile as he ran his fingers through his hair, finally slowing to a stop in front of you. “Where’re you headed?” he asked.

“I was just going to go back to my hotel,” you told him, biting your lip softly. “Unless you had a proposition for me.”

“Yeah, actually,” he said. “Do you want to maybe go grab some drinks?” Immediately, you nodded.

“That sounds great,” you said. “Let’s-”

“Hey, (Y/N)!”

You turned when you heard Tom call you. Truthfully, you sort of forgot he was at the show. “What’s up?” you asked him. He looked from you to Shawn and back again.

“N-Nothing,” he stuttered. “I, uh, I kind of thought you and me would-”

“I’m going out with Shawn,” you said before he could finish the sentence. The last thing you wanted was for Shawn to think you had prior plans with Tom, which you really didn’t. “I’ll catch you later, okay?”

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “Okay. Yeah.” You and Shawn both waved goodbye to Tom, got in your car, and headed off to the nearest bar.

After that day, things weren’t the same between you and Tom.

He was still your best friend, but you had a new man in your life. Shawn became first priority. The two of you made a perfect couple. The media loved you, and, for the most part, your respective fan bases were ecstatic that you were together. The only exception were the few fans who were furious you were not with Tom. It didn’t bother you or Shawn. He had once gone through a similar thing with people shipping him and Camila Cabello, so he was no stranger to opinionated fans.

It was around that time that things with Tom started to get weird.

Tom started to feel you slipping away from him. It was also around that time that he started to realize he was absolutely, madly, and irrevocably in love with you.

He grew angry any time he saw a paparazzi report on you and Shawn out on a date or a picture one of you had posted of or with the other. He never wanted to go out with Harrison anymore, and he found himself ignoring most of your phone calls. It hurt too much to talk to you knowing you could never be his.

“You’ve gotta get over this,” Harrison said to Tom one day.

“You’ve gotta leave me alone,” Tom retorted.

“I’m serious!” Harrison almost laughed. “You’ve been in love with this girl for -What?- 17 years?”

“Give or take,” Tom mumbled.

“Then fucking do something!” Harrison said.

“She’s with Shawn,” Tom said. “You know that. Plus, Shawn’s perfect for her. He’s, like, over six feet tall, and he’s got those fucking muscles, and he did that Calvin ad that she talks about all the time, and he’s a musician, and he’s actually a good person. I can’t compete with any of that.”

“Maybe, but you know what else I know?” Harrison said. Tom just raised an eyebrow. “She has never once looked at Shawn the same way she’s been looking at you since we were kids.”

-

About a year passed since you and Shawn started dating, and things with Tom were better. In the blink of an eye, everything went back to normal. You were so relieved that you never bothered to ask why he had been so cold.

On the other hand, things with Shawn were off. Shawn was trying. God was he trying, but he knew you weren’t fully into it, even if you didn’t realize it yourself at the time. You didn’t see anything wrong with your relationship. Everything felt normal to you.

You were staying in a hotel in New York, as it was the day before the Met Gala. You usually lived in London, but when Anna Wintour invited you to the ball, you hopped on the first flight overseas to go. Shawn and Tom were both going as well, so you ended up getting rooms in the same hotel. Shawn had gone out with a couple of his friends for the day, and you were excited when you heard him come into your hotel room. However, you noticed quickly that his usual bright smile wasn’t meeting his eyes.

“What’s going on, babe?” you asked as he came to sit beside you on the couch. “You look upset.”

“I just-” He paused to clear his throat. “-I want to talk to you about something.”

“Uh-oh,” you laughed. “That doesn’t sound too encouraging.” You thought he was joking, but when he looked in your eyes, you knew he was being serious. “You’re freaking me out, Shawn.”

“You know I love you,” Shawn said, “and this past year has been ama-”

“Stop,” you said quickly, holding up a hand. “Please don’t.”

“I need you to let me say this,” he pressed. You felt tears welling up in your eyes, and it didn’t help that Shawn looked like he was going to cry, too. “You mean so much to me, but I can’t keep being second best.”

“Second best?” you repeated. “You’re, what are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” he said softly.

“Tom?” you clarified. Shawn just looked at you, clenched his jaw, and hung his head. “You know there’s nothing going on between me and Tom!”

“But I know that you want there to be,” he said.

“That, that doesn’t matter,” you stuttered. “Okay? It doesn’t matter.”

“But it does matter, (Y/N)!” he shouted. “I don’t see how you don’t get that.”

“Shawn-”

“You use me to get over him,” he said, “and I was fine with that for a while. I get it. Sometimes you need to be with one person in order to really let someone else go. Eventually I realized that that wasn’t working for you. You can’t be with me because you will never be over him.”

Tears started to fall steadily from your eyes, and you put your forehead in your hands. You didn’t even want to look at Shawn. You weren’t upset with him at all. You were embarrassed and upset with yourself. Deep down, you knew there was a part of you that was always hoping Shawn would help you get over Tom. You didn’t want to give up in case, eventually, it would start working. You loved Shawn. You really did. He was lovely and wonderful and handsome and kind and almost everything you wanted in a person. What he wasn’t -and what he would never be- was Tom.

“Hey,” Shawn said softly. You looked up at him and wiped some of the tears from your eyes. “I’m not mad at you, okay? I need you to know that.” You took in a deep breath and nodded. You felt your lower lip quiver, so you bit it gently. “I still love you so much, and I’ll always be here for you. I just think you need me as a friend more than you need me as anything else.”

“I’m so sorry,” you choked out. “I never ever meant to put you through this. I wanted it to be you, Shawn. I wanted it to be you so badly.”

“I know,” he said with a gentle smile. “I wanted it to be me, too.” You sniffed and wiped your fingers under your eyes, then put your hands on his cheeks.

“I love you, you know that?” you said. “I really do. I’m just sorry I couldn’t love you more.” Shawn gave you a sad smile and pressed his lips softly to yours, then wiped another tear from your cheek.

“I’m going to go, okay?” he whispered. You nodded and pulled away from him.

“Okay,” you whispered back. Shawn gave you another smile and stood up from the couch.

“I hope you figure things out,” he said. He didn’t need to explain what he meant. You knew.

You hated it, but as soon as your front door closed, your instinct was to call Tom. You couldn’t help it. You clicked his contact name before you could second guess it and listened to it ring only twice before he answered.

“Hello, love,” Tom almost sang when he picked up. You swallowed thickly and let out a shaky sigh. “(Y/N)?”

“Are you busy right now?” you asked him.

“No,” he said. “You want me to come over?”

“If you don’t mind,” you said.

“Give me two seconds,” he said. He hung up almost immediately and was at your door just as quickly. You walked over to the door and let him in, then walked back over to your bed and threw yourself on it. “What’s going on?” he asked, coming over and sitting on the bed beside you. You mumbled something into your pillow that Tom couldn’t quite hear. “I can’t hear you, love,” he laughed lightly, poking your cheek. You sighed and turned your head to look at him.

“Shawn broke up with me.”

Tom’s smile dropped, and he opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly. “W-Why?” he finally stuttered. You knew you couldn’t tell him the truth, so you just shrugged and turned on your side facing away from him.

“Just thinks we’re better off as friends,” you mumbled. “He was really nice about it.”

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N),” he said gently. You were both quiet for a moment until Tom sighed. He laid down beside you and wrapped his arms around you from behind. This made you start to cry.

Guilt overwhelmed you as your heart fluttered the minute his skin touched yours. Shawn was right. Of course he was right. You had been head-over-heels in love with Tom for your whole life, and no matter how much you loved Shawn, the feelings would never be the same. You hated yourself for that. You felt like you had been using Shawn for the past year. You couldn’t believe he had forgiven you for that. Why couldn’t your heart have just chosen him? Everything would’ve been so much better.

“It’s okay,” Tom whispered. “Shh, shh, you’ll be okay.”

Eventually, you cried yourself exhausted and fell asleep with Tom’s arms wrapped around you. When you woke up, Tom was gone as if nothing had really happened at all.

The day breezed by and, before you knew it, it was time for the ball. You met up with your stylist and got ready. Your outfit was incredible, your hair and make-up equally as amazing. You met up with Tom at the red carpet, and he gave you a hug. “You look gorgeous,” he said, standing arms length away from you to admire your outfit.

“You don’t look too shabby yourself,” you said with a smile. He hadn’t gone as bold as some of the other men at the event, but he looked handsome all the same.

The two of you walked the carpet, posing for pictures together as well as independently. You were having such a good time which was exactly what you needed. As you were posing with Tom, you absentmindedly glanced down the carpet, admiring your fellow stars’ outfits. Then, you saw Shawn. He looked at you as well, a small and gentle smile on his face. You felt that guilt creeping up on you again. Before tears could come to your eyes, you saw Shawn mouth, “It’s okay.”

And you knew he meant it.

When you finished your walk down the carpet, you found yourself pulling Tom off to the side before you entered the venue. “Whoa,” Tom laughed. “What’s going-”

“I lied to you,” you said abruptly. Tom furrowed his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“I lied to you about why Shawn broke up with me,” you said. Before Tom could say anything, you kept talking. “I know I don’t need to tell you this right now, but I feel like I can’t not tell you. I hate how I’m feeling right now, and I have to tell you.”

“(Y/N)-”

“I love you,” you blurted out. “I love you, and I’ve loved you ever since we were kids. When I started dating Shawn, I was trying so hard to get over you, because I know you don’t feel the same way about me as I feel about you. And that’s, it’s fine. It’s something I have to move on from. It’s just, Shawn could see how I felt about you, and he felt like he was second best to you. I hate that. I hate that I made someone else feel like they weren’t amazing because I can’t get over you. And, and like I said earlier, Shawn was super nice about it. He’s, he’s such a good guy Tom, and I wanted it to be him. I wanted to love him like I love you because he deserves that, but I can’t. I can’t because I fucking love you, you fucking dickhead!” You paused and shook your head. “Sorry. I got mad. I don’t-”

“You don’t remember, do you?”

You cocked your head and looked at Tom with a quizzical expression. Tom laughed lightly and scratched the back of his neck. “It was your birthday,” he explained. “Your 18th. You were plastered. I drove you back to our neighborhood and let you crash with me because you didn’t want your parents to see you wasted. The next morning, we told them-”

“That you got drunk and I had to help you home,” you finished. “I remember. Then I told you I never wanted to talk about that night ever again, so why are you bringing it up?”

“Before you fell asleep,” Tom said, “you told me you loved me.”

“I, I what?”

“You said you were in love with me,” Tom continued. “I told you I loved you too, and you started crying, because you meant it as more than friends, and no matter how many times I told you I did too, you just didn’t believe me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” you asked.

“You told me never to talk about that night ever again,” he said. “I thought you remembered your confession and that you regretted it. So, I’ve basically been spending the past five years trying to find someone I think is as incredible as you are. And you know what? I come up short every damn time.” Tom took a step closer to you and put his hand on your cheek. “I’m sorry about Shawn,” he whispered, “but I won’t be as sorry if it’s lead you to me.”

Whatever happened after that would stay between you and Tom forever, because Anna Wintour had a strict no-phone policy at the Met Gala, and you had left the paparazzi behind on the carpet. For that, you were extremely grateful. People had been scrutinizing your relationship with Tom for your entire professional lives. It was nice to have its actual beginning be yours and yours alone.

1-100.. bitch

oh FUCK you (im jk.. i love you..)

The meaning behind my url: i love french, and so i wanted to spice up my url and have it not be sims related from the get-go (my previous url was ughplumb). at first i wanted my url to be “cherry wine” in french because my favorite song of all time is cherry wine by hozier, however the url was already taken. i settled for rosy honey, hence rosymiel

A picture of me: honestly just look at my tag “kyla has a face”! i don’t have any new selfies of myself aside from what i’ve posted.

How many tattoos i have and what they are: i only have one, and it’s right in between my shoulder blades on my back. it’s of my family’s crest, which says “miseris succurrere disco”, which basically means to help people in need.

Last time i cried and why: last night because i was watching queer eye

Piercings i have: i used to have my ears pierced, but i hated keeping track of my earrings so i just let them close up. i wish i never let them close up, and now i also want to get my nose pierced 

Favorite band: i don’t really listen to any bands, just artists!

Biggest turn offs: burping and chewing sounds. chewing sounds legitimately anger me so much, i don’t know why

Top 5 songs: Cherry Wine (Hozier), Rain On Me (Joji), IDFC (Blackbear), I Love You (Billie Eilish), The Night We Met (Lord Huron)

Tattoos I want: OHHHHH MY GOD i want so many!!!! i just honestly want my body to be covered in flower tattoos to the point that i’m just a walking garden!! i really want to get a pair of watercolor roses or lilies right under my collarbones!!

Biggest turn ons: good cologne. i don’t know why, but cologne makes me go insane, i love it so much

Age: 18 going on 19!

Ideas of a perfect date: relaxing at home and cuddling with my boyfriend while watching our favorite show

Life goal: oh god this is super deep and i’ve sat on this question for a fat minute and all i can think about is how much i want to be content with myself, so i guess that’s my goal

Piercings i want: nose and ear piercings, babie!!!

Relationship status: happily taken!

Favorite movie: oh god, probably across the universe. i’ve loved it ever since i was a kid

A fact about my life: i’ve been in choir almost all my life

Phobia: the dark. when i was a kid i used to see faces on my walls when my room was dark

Middle name: marie

Height: 5′5.5 (basically just 5′6)

Are you a virgin?: yessirree 

What’s your shoe size?: 7

What’s your sexual orientation?: i’m pretty straight, but i think i’m heteroflexible. i’d definitely get down and nasty with a girl, but i’ve never felt any romantic attraction towards females

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?: no, my parents smoked cigarettes for most of my life, and my dad regularly smokes weed. the smell of weed makes my head hurt and makes me feel nauseous, so no thanks.

Someone you miss: my boyfriend. he’s been on a family trip to cuba, and he hasn’t contacted anyone (including me) in almost 10 days. i miss him so much that it genuinely hurts.

What’s one thing you regret?: not learning to love myself sooner and finding comfort in feeling depressed because it’s something familiar

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: zendaya 

Favorite ice cream?: i don’t eat a whole lot of ice cream, so i guess cookies and cream

One insecurity: my teeth. my two teeth next to my front teeth are pointed, and i used to get called a vampire when i was young. i was always bullied for it, and for most of my life i would cover my mouth with my hand whenever i laughed or smiled. a recent incident that comes to mind was sophomore year in high school in my english class. i sat next to my friend mooney (i called her by her last name because we met in gym), and one day she was talking to the guy infront of her about how pretty she thought i was, and how she thought that i could’ve been a model. the guy who sat in front of me, who’s name was tristan and was also in my choir the previous year, said that i’d be pretty with me if my teeth weren’t so fucked up. 

What my last text message says: “god this fan feels so nice”

Have you ever taken a picture naked?: :)

Have you ever painted your room?: no, but i’ve tried painting the bathroom with my mom

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: nope

Have you ever slept naked?: yeah?????????

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: i can’t dance, so absolutely not

Have you ever had a crush?: yeah??!??!?!!? ofc. i had a major crush on my current boyfriend, and he had a crush on me first before we started dating. it’s actually a really cute story

Have you ever been dumped?: yeah, twice. my last one was really brutal, but not because of how he dumped me.

Have you ever stole money from a friend?: nope

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: nope

Have you ever been in a fist fight?: nope

Have you ever snuck out of your house?: nah, i’m a goody-two-shoes

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?: oh HELL yeah

Have you ever been arrested?: nope, and not planning on it!

Have you ever made out with a stranger?: nope!! 

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: not in a sexual or romantic way, no

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?: nah

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbor?: i don’t think so??

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?: i ditched my nesika (which was like homeroom, but only two days of the week rather than daily) to go to a coffee stand with a friend

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: not in a sexual or romantic way

Have you ever seen someone die?: no, and i really don’t want to :^(

Have you ever been on a plane?: yup!! i love it

Have you ever kissed a picture?: maybe…………… :’^)

Have you ever slept in until 3?: oh my GOD no. i fall asleep relatively early and wake up early, even on my days off.

Have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now?: yeah??? lowkey this question is phrased in a weird way

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: oh my god yes, it’s so relaxing

Have you ever made a snow angel?: yup!!!!

Have you ever played dress up?: oh HELL yes i have!!!

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: okay does anyone remember doing the stock market game in freshmen year/middle school in history class? my friend and i looked up the answers online and cheated. we were rich that day in that class.

Have you ever been lonely?: i’m lonely right now

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?: maybe for 10 seconds, but no

Have you ever been to a club?: nope!

Have you ever felt an earthquake?: i don’t think so, no

Have you ever touched a snake?: SDKJGBSD NO!!!!!

Have you ever ran a red light?: nope!

Have you ever been suspended from school?: nope!!!!

Have you ever had detention?: i had lunch detention for saying “stfu” to a guy who was bugging me in 5th grade. i thought i was the shit for that.

Have you ever been in a car accident?: nope!

Have you ever hated the way you look?: 100%. i’ve always had huge insecurities surrounding my body or how i look.

Have you ever witnessed a crime?: bruh i literally stole a pack of gum from a store when i was 4. i COMMITTED a crime. in my defense, i stole it for my mom to make her happy. i got yelled at

Have you ever pole danced?: nope, but i would love to! it looks like a really good workout!

Have you ever been lost?: i got lost just last week

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?: nope!!! i don’t travel much

Have you ever felt like dying?: yes. i used to be suicidal

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: hell yeah babie!

Have you ever sang karaoke?: i sing karaoke on youtube almost every single day. not only that, but on the first day of practicing for my high school graduation i stopped by my choir class before it began (seniors got out earlier than everyone else), and i sang karaoke with them.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: 100%

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: NO?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?: no

Have you ever kissed in the rain?: how can u kiss the rain. bruh.

Have you ever sang in the shower?: i sang in the shower earlier today

Have you ever made out in a park?: nope!

Have you ever dream that you married someone?: yep!!!!

Have you ever glued your hand to something?: i don’t think so????

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole?: no, but i got my tongue stuck to one of those metal low monkey bar things.

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?: no?????

Have you ever been a cheerleader?: no, but my childhood friend and i wanted to be cheerleaders in high school before i moved to a different state

Have you ever sat on a roof top?: nope

Have you ever brushed your teeth?: who are you, my mom?

Have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone?: oh my GOD yes

Have you ever played chicken?: nope!! im a pussy

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: nope!

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?: not that i’m hot, but i’ve gotten many compliments from strangers

Have you ever broken a bone?: nope!

Have you ever been easily amused?: i used to be one of those kids that would laugh before they could finish a joke

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: i’ve laughed so hard that i’ve pissed myself. so yes.

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: i mean????

Have you ever cheated on a test?: i cheated on a 2nd grade spelling test. who knew that i would end up actually being great at spelling shit

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?: oh my god i have the worst memory and i’m terrible with names

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: my boyfriend :’’’’^)

Give us one thing about you that no one knows: a couple friends know, but when i’m too lazy to throw on shoes or socks to walk around the house i just pull my sweatpants legs a bit over my feet and just wrap it around my feet. it’s weird

S.O.S. Chapter 6

Pairing: Lance Tucker x Evelyn Burns (OC)

Warnings: Talk of death of a loved one, flirting, language

The previous 5 chapters and all of my other works can be found on my masterlist right HERE

For what seemed like an eternity, Evelyn stared at the ceiling trying to understand what the fuck happened.  Every time Ben snored or moved beside her she felt guilt surge her, so she decided it would be easier to think downstairs in the kitchen.  

She paced for God knows how long, going over what happened in her head.  How in holy hell did Lance Tucker manage to get her off with so little effort?  In a fantasy, no less!  And how did she let herself fantasize about him?  She was having sex with Ben.  She loved Ben.  Ben made her feel good.  But Lance …  God, he made her feel …  

What was she saying?  She hated Lance.  Well, hate was a strong word … but she didn’t really like the guy.  He was a womanizing jerk with the biggest ego she’d ever seen.  And boy, did he love riling her up.  But earlier that night, he riled her up in a different way.  And he was so…. Soooo…

“Stop it,” she scolded, pulling open the fridge door.  She fully intended to get some milk out to warm up in an attempt to make her sleepy.  Instead, she grabbed a bottle of wine, opened it, and poured herself a glass as if she were sleepwalking and completely unaware of her actions.  She sat down on a bar stool and sipped her wine, trying to slow her racing mind.  

“Auntie?” Hannah came into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Hannah!”  Evelyn thought to hide the wine glass, but it was too late.  “What are you doing up?  It’s …” Evelyn looked at the clock.  It was nearly midnight.  “You should be in bed.”

“Bad dream,” Hannah said, coming to sit on the stool beside her.  “You okay?  I thought I heard you talking to someone.”

“What?  Oh, no.  I’m fine.”  She took a sip of her wine and Hannah gave her a look.  “Bad dream, too.  What was yours about?”

“My parents.”

“Oh.”  Well, that put things into perspective.  Why was she worried about a stupid fantasy when someone she loved was in pain?  “Do you want to talk about it?”

“It was Christmas morning and I was in my old house and I went down the stairs.”  She paused and Evelyn realized she was holding back tears.

“Hannah.”  Evelyn got off her stool and wrapped her arms around her niece, pulling her into her chest and rubbing her back as she cried.

“They weren’t there.  Nothing was there.  And … I-I ...I was alone.  And I …” She burst into tears and Evelyn held her tighter, stroking her hair.  “I don’t want … To do … Christmas without them,” Hannah sobbed.  “It’s too hard, auntie.  It’s too hard.”

“I know, sweetheart.”  She kissed her hair.  “I know it’s hard.  But you know they want you to be happy.  They want you to go on, right?”  Hannah nodded, her head still buried in Evelyn’s shoulder.  “They want you to celebrate life and all that comes with it.  I know your mom loved Christmas and that it’s hard doing it without her.  It’s hard for me, too.  But when she looks down on us, she doesn’t want to see us crying, does she?”

“N-no.”

“She wants to see us smiling.  And laughing.  Your father, too.  They want you to be happy, Hannah.  And you’re doing so well.”  She pulled back, looking down at Hannah’s tear-stained face.  “You amaze me.  You know that?”  Hannah shook her head.  “The fact that you were able to move across the country and start at a new school and a new gym and somehow fit in effortlessly amazes me.  You’re so strong.  And so good.  And so talented.  You’re honestly my hero.”

“That’s what coach Tucker says, too,” Hannah sniffed.  For once, Evelyn agreed with Lance.

“Well … he’s right.  You are a phenomenal young lady.” Evelyn put her hands on Hannah’s shoulders.  “I know this first Christmas is going to be tough.  It will always be hard.  But I think your parents would want you to celebrate.  Don’t you?”  Hannah nodded.  “Plus, I got you something really cool.”

“You did?” Hannah blinked at her and Evelyn nodded.  “What?”

“You’ll have to wait until Christmas morning to find out,” she said with a smile.

“Fine,” she groaned.

“Think you can go back to sleep?” Evelyn asked.  Hannah shook her head.  “Want to watch some late-night infomercials and laugh at the salespeople?” Hannah nodded and Evelyn giggled.  “Okay, then.”

Christmas went better than expected.  Hannah was, understandably, somber at first.  But both Evelyn and Ben did their best to make it a special day for her.  Yes, even Ben went out of his way to be festive, going as far as wearing an ugly Christmas sweater while the three of them drank cocoa and watched old Christmas movies.  At the end of the day, Hannah had a smile on her face and that was all Evelyn could have asked for.

A week later was Jeanie’s annual New Years Eve party.  Evelyn didn’t care much for the holiday, especially after last year.  They were at a big party in Orlando for her work and Ben was going to meet her there after his plane landed.  She got all dressed up and even got her hair and make-up professionally done.  But then midnight rolled around and she was sitting alone on the terrace with a half-drunk bottle of champagne and tear-stained cheeks.  Ben apologized profusely, but it still left a sour taste in her mouth.  She feared the same might happen this year, since he would be flying in from Shanghai that day.  But even if he didn’t make it, Evelyn was determined to have fun because this year, Hannah would be there with her.  

Jeanie’s party was always a big family affair.  Everyone from the gym would be there, including Lance.  That part did make Evelyn a tad weary.  Thankfully, he hadn’t managed to creep into her lurid thoughts since that night, probably partially due to the fact that she had avoided him like the plague.  She dropped Hannah off for her practice and then went to run “errands” before picking her up again.  She did not set foot in the gym once that week.  

“What do you think of this one?” Hannah asked, showing her aunt the 3rd dress she’d tried on.  She twirled and Evelyn smiled and gave her a thumbs up.

“That’s the one.  It’s so cute and sparkly.  I wish I could get away with wearing sparkles like that.”

“You can, auntie.  It’s New Years Eve!  Everyone’s dressed like a disco ball.”

“Unfortunately, I do not own any disco-ball ensembles.  I think I’ll just go with …” She fingered through the dresses hanging in her closet.  “This one?”

“Black?  Again?  C’mon, aunt Evelyn.  Throw in some color.”

“What would you suggest then?” Evelyn asked, throwing her hands on her hips and giving her a face.  Hannah just laughed.

“This one!”  She pulled out a dress that Evelyn had honestly forgotten about.  It was cherry red with thin straps and a sweetheart neck.  The skirt flared a bit and it came just above her knee.  “It’s festive and if you put some red lipstick on, your eyes will really pop!”

“I dunno …”

“You’ll make me really happy if you wear it,” Hannah sang, swaying from side to side holding the dress up.  Evelyn snatched the dress.

“Fine.  You win.”

“Yes!” Hannah pumped her fist.

After the valet left with Evelyn’s car - yes, Jeanie had a valet at her party - she and Hannah stood in front of the house, staring at it.  “I will never get over the size of this house,” Evelyn said.  Evelyn wasn’t hurting for money, but she didn’t flaunt it either.  Jeanie … she liked to flaunt.  But she did it beautifully.  It was a gorgeous house and the Christmas lights were spectacular.  As they approached, they heard music and laughter.  And Evelyn was sure she heard Lance’s laugh.  She cursed the fact that she could pick it out in a crowd of people.  

“You okay?” Hannah asked.  Evelyn nodded.  “Let’s go.  I’m sure Ben will be here soon.”

“Yeah.  Maybe.”  Last time she heard from him he had just landed in New York and his flight to St. Pete was delayed.  If he left soon, he might make it just in time for the clock to strike midnight.

“Hannah!  Evelyn!  Don’t you look gorgeous!”  Jeanie greeted them with open arms and when Hannah looked over at Evelyn, they both smiled because Jeanie was wearing a dress even more shiny than Hannah’s.  “Come in.  Come in!  The bar is over to the left.  Of course, we have some great non-alcoholic drinks for the kids.  Have you ever had a Shirley Temple, Hannah?”

“Oh, yeah.  They’re delish.”  

“Delish,” Jeanie repeated, laughing like someone tickled her.  “You’re too much.  The buffet is over in the grand dining room down the hall.  And there’s a dance floor set up out on the lawn.  If you need anything, track down someone with a bow-tie!”

“Alright, then,” Evelyn said as soon as Jeanie went to greet the next wave of guests.  “Shirley Temple?”

“Shirley Temple.”

It didn’t take long for Evelyn to find Lance.  Not that she was looking.  He just kinda stuck out.  He was wearing a navy blue suit that had a little bit of a shine to it with a white dress shirt and no tie. The first few buttons of his shirt were left open, exposes his tanned skin.  He looked … It didn’t matter how he looked.  A new waify blonde was attached to him.  Literally.  She looked like she was glued to his side.  It was kind of gross the way she was hanging off of him.

“Is it okay if I go downstairs with the rest of the kids?  They’re playing spin …” Hannah stopped mid-sentence; her cheeks turned bright red.

“The bottle?” Evelyn finished.

“What?  What’s that?” Hannah asked with feigned curiosity, cocking her head to the side.

“Go on,” Evelyn laughed.  “But if they start playing 7 minutes in heaven you come right back up here, missy.  And don’t kiss anyone you don’t want to kiss.”  

“Who’s kissing who?” The hairs on the back of Evelyn’s neck spiked up at the sound of his voice.  Damnit.  Slowly, she turned around to find Lance and his date.

“Hannah.  She’s just going down to the basement with the other kids.”

“Are there boys down there?”  Suddenly, Lance’s cheeky smile disappeared.  He looked like a concerned dad.  It was not a look she thought she’d ever see on Lance Tucker.

“I suppose so,” Evelyn said with a shrug.

“And you let her go down there?” Lance asked in a harsh tone.

“She’s my niece, Lance.  And she’s just having a little fun.  It’s harmless.”

“Sure.  That’s how it starts. But boys that age … Maybe I should go down there.”

“Let the kids play, Lancy,” the waif cooed, running her fingers across the exposed bit of his chest.  “That way you can play with me.”  Evelyn couldn’t help rolling her eyes and Lance definitely noticed.  He averted her gaze and she couldn’t tell if it was because he was annoyed or embarrassed.  He stepped back from his date and she pouted.

“I just don’t want her to get mixed up with a boy so close to the competition next week.”

“Ah, I see.”  Evelyn nodded thoughtfully before taking a sip of her drink.  “So, you’re just worried she’ll lose focus and it’ll mess up a win for you.”

“No.  No, that’s not what I …” He stepped closer to her.

“Uh huh,” Evelyn nodded, turning away from him.  “Enjoy the party, Lance.”

“Wait, Evelyn …” she heard him call, but she just kept walking.

The hours passed and still no Ben.  Hannah was having fun with the other teens.  They’d moved to the dance floor around 11 and she looked like she was having a blast.  Evelyn?  Not so much.  She felt like she was experiencing deja vu, standing on the deck overlooking the west lawn watching the party from a distance.  There were a few other people enjoying the lovely night out on the deck, but she still felt so alone.

“The elusive Evelyn,” Lance said from behind her.  She stiffened.  She was so not in the mood for this.  She hoped that maybe if she stayed perfectly still and didn’t respond that he’d just go away.  She should have known that was hopeless.  “I was wondering where you’d gone off to.”  He came to stand beside her, leaning against the railing with his body facing hers.  She didn’t look at him.  

“Here I am,” she said, shrugging.  “And don’t worry, Hannah’s perfectly fine.  She’s out there dancing.”

“I know.  I talked to her a few minutes ago.  She’s having fun.”

“Like a normal teenager.  So weird, right?” Evelyn quipped, finally glancing over at her.  Lance glared at her.  “You know, you’ll go blind if you keep glaring at me like that.”

“Throwing my line back at me.”  He raised his glass to her.  “Nice.”

“Did you lose your date?” Evelyn asked, taking a sip of her drink.  It was her second one, and she was starting to feel the effects of the vodka.  It helped with the whole missing your fiance on New Years Eve thing.  

“Nope.”  He leaned into Evelyn, pointing out onto the dance floor.  There she was, dancing with another guy.  “There she is.”

“Shouldn’t you be out there?” Evelyn asked.

“I’m not much of a dancer,” he shrugged.

“Well, I know that much,” Evelyn replied.  Lance gave her a look.  “I caught you dancing last week, remember?  If you can call it that.”

“Hey!  I may not be much of a dancer, but I have moves other places.”  Evelyn’s eyes unwillingly widened.  “Like on the uneven bars,” he said with a cheeky grin.  “Oh, you thought I meant …”

“I didn’t think anything,” she said, standing up and pushing herself off the railing.  “I’m going to go get another drink.”

“Let me.  What’re you drinking?”

“No, it’s fine, I got it,” she said.  Lance shook his head, grabbing her drink from her hand.  As he did, his fingers brushed against her skin and she was reminded of where else those fingers had been - in reality and in fantasy.  She hoped the night hid her blushing cheeks.  

“What’re you drinking?” he repeated.

“Vodka.  Vodka tonic,” she replied.

“Alright, then,” he said with an amused look.  “I’ll be right back.”

“Great.  I’ll be here,” she said, throwing her arms up.  He chuckled at her, shaking his head.  Moments later, he returned with two drinks.  

“So, Evelyn … I have this feeling …”

“Huh?”  Suddenly, Evelyn felt nerves tickle in her belly.  He wasn’t smiling and that made her even more nervous.  Serious Lance was unsettling.  He rarely came out.  

“Did I do something to piss you off?”  Evelyn stared at him and a little smile played at the corners of his mouth.  “I mean, more than usual?”

“What?  No.  Why would you say that?”  She turned to look out onto the dance floor again.  

“Well, you haven’t been at a single practice this week.”

“I’ve been busy.  With work.”

“Aren’t you off work this week?” he asked, leaning in a bit.  God, he smelled good.  She didn’t want to, but her eyes moved over to him.  That little smile was gone again.  “Did I do something?”

“No.”  Not you, she thought.  Just the stupid, ridiculously sexy fantasy version of you that made me feel like I’ve been drowning in guilt the last week.

“You sure?”  He was so close now that she could feel his breath on her.  Or maybe that was the breeze.  She pulled back slightly, nodding.

“I’ve just been busy.  The holidays, ya know.”

“Alright, then,” he said, his nose scrunching up a bit as he said it.  “And how’s the knee?”

“It’s fine,” she replied.  It was better, actually.

“You’ve been doing the exercises and getting it massaged?” he asked.

“Mmm-hmmm.  Ben’s very good at the massage part.”

“Is he?” Lance chuckled.

“What?” Evelyn couldn’t help but smile at him.

“Just hard to imagine someone so stiff giving a good massage,” Lance said with a shrug.  “You gotta have the right touch.”  Lance moved his hand in the air like he was massaging her thigh.  Evelyn squeezed her thighs together to quell the unwanted ache that suddenly manifested in between her legs.  “Where is Ben, anyway?  I mean, if my fiance was at a party alone looking the way you look …” He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, glancing at her.  She felt like he was looking at her naked or something.  She didn’t like it, she told herself.  Nope.  She didn’t like it at all.  

“He’s on his way,” she blurted out.  “He should be here right before midnight.”

“You mean in ten minutes?” Lance asked.  Evelyn’s eyes widened and she grabbed Lance’s arm, pushing up his sleeve to look at his watch.

“Shit … I didn’t realize it was so late.  I should go get Hannah.”

“Let her have fun,” he said with a wave.

“You’ve changed your tune,” she said, giving him a look.

“I mean, we can both see her.  She’s just dancing.  That’s quite different than being in a basement with a bunch of teenage boys and a spinning bottle.  I still can’t believe you let her go down there.”

“Tell me, Lance.  What other critiques do you have on my parenting skills?”  She found herself moving closer to him.

“You know I didn’t mean it like that,” he said softly.  “I just worry about her.  She’s like my …”

“Kid?” she asked.  Lance shrugged.  Evelyn didn’t know quite what to say to that.  She couldn’t decide if it pissed her off or warmed her heart.  So, she decided to change the topic.  “Shouldn’t you go find your date so you can kiss her at midnight?”

“Eh,” Lance said with a shrug.  “I’m kind of over it.  She’s a bit clingy.”

“You think?” Evelyn laughed.

“What about Ben?  Does he know where to find you?”

“I texted him and told him where I was.”  She looked down at her phone.  Nothing.  And it was five minutes to midnight.  She sighed.  “Deja vu,” she mumbled to herself.

“Hmm?” Lance hummed, scooting closer so their elbows touched.

“Nothing,” she sighed, turning to face him.  He turned into her.

“You said deja vu.  Were you at this party last year?  I feel like I would have remembered you …”

“No,” she laughed.  “I didn’t know any of these people last year.  Last year, Ben and I were supposed to go to a big party in Orlando.  Well, I went and he missed it.  His flight got delayed and he didn’t get in until 3 am.  So, it kinda feels like-”

“Deja vu,” Lance said, giving her a soft smile.

“I was really hoping to get a New Years Eve kiss this year,” she found herself saying.  “Which is silly, really.  Because I hate this holiday.  It’s so stupid.  Just another excuse to get drunk.”

“Which you are,” he said with a little laugh.

“I am not!  I’m tipsy, at worst,” she said.  When she tried to stand up tall, she stumbled and Lance had to steady her with his hand on her waist.

“Okay, tipsy.  Maybe we should cut you off, huh?”  He grabbed her drink and put it on the ledge.

“You’re not my coach, you know.”

“True, but I can still worry.”

“About me?”  When Lance shrugged she threw her head back and laughed, causing her to lose her balance again.  Lance grabbed her by the hips this time.  With both hands.

“Whoa there,” he said with a little chuckle.  He was holding her so close.  Too close.  She pulled back.

“Okay, maybe no more vodka.”

“Good call.”

“What time is it?” she mumbled, pulling Lance’s arm off of her and looking at his watch again, even though she had her phone in her little bag.  “Two minutes.”

“You know, if you really want a kiss, I could …”

“What?” Evelyn’s eyes widened in shock.  “Lance, no.  That is not-”

“Just on the cheek,” he blurted out.  He smiled and his nose did that little scrunched up thing again.  “Just so you have at least a kiss, even if it’s not the one you really want.”

“I don’t need a …” She looked up at him and he smiled, but it wasn’t his Lance Tucker smile.  It was softer.  Kind. “I don’t need a kiss.  And even if I did, you would not be the one-”

“Alright, alright” he said, putting his hands up in defense.  “I just thought I’d offer.  You know, the gentlemanly thing to do.”

“I wouldn’t say kissing someone else’s fiance was gentlemanly,” Evelyn said, patting his chest.  Lance looked down at her hand that remained over his peck for probably a little too long.

“20! 19! 18!”

“Countdown time,” Lance said.  Her hand was still on his chest.  She cleared her throat, stepping back and staring down at her shoes.

“Lance!  There you are!”  His date ran up to him, throwing her arms around him.  “I thought I was going to miss out on my New Years Eve, kiss.”

“So did I,” Lance said, glancing over at Evelyn as he said it.

“10!  9!  8!”

“Evelyn!”  Ben appeared in the doorway.  He looked completely exhausted.  His hair was all a mess and his tie was loose around his neck.  He had bags under his eyes.  But he was there.  “I made it!”

“You did!”  She held her arms out to him and he ran to her, picking her up and spinning her.  “Oh, whoa.  No spinning,” she said, blinking up at him.

“Have you been drinking?” he asked.  He looked disappointed.

“2! 1!  Happy New Year!”

“Happy New Year,” Evelyn said to him, pulling him in for a kiss.

“Happy New Year, Lancy!” Lance’s date exclaimed, effectively ruining Evelyn’s moment with Ben.  When she pulled back from the kiss, she caught a glance of Lance over Ben’s shoulder.  He was looking at her, too.  The expression on his face baffled Evelyn.  She was expecting a cocky smile.  A smirk.  A wink.  But he looked apologetic.  What was he sorry for?  His annoying date?  The fact that he didn’t get to kiss her instead?  No.  That was silly.  Why would he be sorry about that?  And why would that even cross Evelyn’s mind?  Great… now she was thinking about kissing him.  Of his lips brushing against her cheek.  She wondered how soft his lips were.  She wondered how they would feel against hers.  They looked soft.  And his date sure seemed to enjoy the kiss he gave her.  She kept kissing his neck, like she couldn’t get enough of him.

“You alright, darling?” Ben cooed, giving her another kiss and pulling her out of her ridiculous daze.  Evelyn saw Lance turn away and put his arm around his date, leaving her alone with her fiance.

“What?  Oh.  Yeah.  I’m fine,” she said, smiling widely.

“You’re cheeks are flushed.  Too much to drink, I think, hmm?” He patted her arm.

“Yeah.  Must have been that,” she said.  That’s why she was thinking about kissing Lance - she was drunk.  That was the only logical reason.

“Let’s get Hannah and get you home, hmm?”

“Home.  Yes.  Good.”

tag list: @mindingmyownbusiness @badassbaker @vechkinfan @seb-smut @221bshrlocked @angryschnauzer @moonbeambucky @papi-chulo-bucky @papi-chulo-seb 

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What’s your favorite nail polish that you own? I don’t use nail polish. I move my hands around too much and anything I put on my nails would get chipped in an instant. What’s your favorite play by Shakespeare? I never enjoyed taking up Shakespeare in high school. I guess I was most engaged when we studied Macbeth, though. That or Hamlet. What’s your favorite recipe that takes less than 15 minutes to prepare? Homemade pizza. We were taught how to do it in preschool–hotdogs, mayo, ketchup, cheese on white bread then pop it in the oven toaster. I haven’t had it in like a decade just because I’ve never had time to make them, but it’s the best thing that takes less than ten minutes. It’s such a preschool recipe but since I had it so many times as a kid, it’s comfort food to me. What is the smallest thing that made you embarrassed or anxious? Ordering in restaurants, asking for help at a store, talking on the phone, asking questions, people looking at me. Anything can make me anxious really, so long as I’m thrust in the spotlight. You’ve just written the most annoying computer virus ever made. What does it do?  I used to have the world’s most annoying virus on my ancient laptop. It used to type down random Vietnamese texts on its own. Like I could be watching a YouTube video and it would make a group of Viet words show up on the search bar. If I had to wish something on my worst enemy it would be that.

Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? Fortunately no. Filipino weddings aren’t as dramatic as the horror stories I’ve heard in other countries. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do?  Dunno. Keeping a magna cum laude standing to this day is one of them though. What movie surprised you with how good it was? Wonder Woman. I never go to see blockbusters, much less superhero films. That one was a pleasant surprise. Is there anything you’re stressed out about? Yes, but I’m on Tumblr right now to de-stress so don’t remind me. Satan decides to make a new Hell for the lesser sinners where everything is mildly inconvenient. What would you expect to find there?  Ads. Lots and lots of annoying, unskippable ads. Think the Fifteen Million Merits episode of Black Mirror. Which persistent myth/misconception annoys you the most?  Can’t seem to think of any now... What’s the last video you watched on YouTube? I think it was a snippet from The Return of Superman, the Korean show with dads taking care of their kids. Do you have any extensions on your web browser? No, I don’t download third-party programs onto my Mac now since I want to keep it as clean as possible. What is the most bullshit sounding true fact that you know? The fact that mammoths were still alive when people were building up the pyramids. That or people before the 1800′s had no idea what dinosaurs were. If you were to create your own candle scent, what would it be? I don’t know. Cookie dough? I’m sure that’s been made already. Have you ever bought food online? I always have my food delivered online because I could never call them up. Are there any foods that you avoid eating? Yes. Any kind of fruit. What Oreo flavor is your favorite?  Just the regular ones. What G-rated joke always cracks you up? They’re all in Filipino so nobody would understand anyway. If you won free food and drinks for a lifetime to a restaurant of your choice, which restaurant would you choose? Vikings. It’s this huuuuge buffet restaurant so I would always have a variety of choices. What comedic sound effect would completely ruin sex? All I could think of is Mario screaming “YAHOO!” so that. Do you think they should have made a sequel to Nightmare Before Christmas where they explored the other holidays?  I’ve never seen that movie so I don’t know if it would be a good idea or not to extend it. But I know I wouldn’t want, say, Love Actually to be turned into a Halloween or a New Year’s movie, that’s for sure. What is your favorite holiday?  Halloween even though it isn’t a holiday. Do you ever make playlists? Yeah, for certain moods. I have a playlist for when I drive my car with Gab in the middle of the night and a playlist for when I’m sad, to name a couple. Do you think you could create an entirely new font?  No. I’m so not creative. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? Errr I guess sour. I’ve never had a gummy anything that tasted plain. What songs have you been listening to a lot lately? Dua Lipa’s Homecoming is SOOOOO good. It’s a breath of fresh air from New Rules, which is becoming overplayed to an extent that I don’t particularly enjoy. What was something that looked easy but turned out to be hard?  Being an adult.  Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? No, because I have no talent that I could at least show off to an audience. :/ Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Well not a talent show, but I did try out for the school newspaper. I got through the first cut, but not in the final one. I did cry; it had been my dream to be in that paper since I was in fourth grade (they only accept high school students.) I never tried out for it again and instead became part of the editorial board for the yearbook when I was a senior. When that was happening, the paper was begging me to pick them and work for them...too bad. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Nothing. That’s the stupidest thing I had ever cried about–I literally cried over nothing. Do you like peanut butter?: LOVE IT. Put it on/in my pancakes, my cookies, my cakes, my cupcakes, my chocolate bars, and on my kare-kare. Peanut butter is life. What about marshmallows?: I fucking hate marshmallows. How do you roast your marshmallows?  I don’t even eat them. Do you eat s’mores?:  Sometimes. That’s really the only time I get to enjoy marshmallows. What’s the best brand of chocolate?  Reese’s, Twix, and Maltesers. Do you own a disco ball, or know anyone who does? No. Gabie sure deserves one, though. She’s stuck in the 70′s. Own a lava lamp? I don’t but I did want one when I was like 14. Own any sort of glow-in-the-dark room accessory? No. I have glow in the dark sticks and bracelets that I got from concerts, but they’ve long faded by now haha. Ever faked an orgasm?: Never. If I couldn’t have one I’ll just let my girlfriend know and snuggle instead? Done something illegal to your car?:  No. The car wasn’t bought under my name, so if I did anything stupid it’ll be my dad who answers to that and I don’t want him to kill me. Own some type of work out machine? My mom owns one but I have no idea what it does. Ever pooped a weird color besides brown, green, or orange?: No. Are you quickly getting grossed out?  Not at all. Think a drum player for a band is hot?: I don’t find them hot, but I always found anyone who could play drums cool. Do you tend to like male or female bands better? I like bands with music I could listen to better. What scars on your body do you have? One near my eye and another on my pinky toe. Ever did something sexual in public? Sure. Do you like the taste of squid or eel?  Yep, we live on seafood down here. Ever date anybody in middle school?: I didn’t. No joke, as a grade schooler, I thought I wasn’t supposed to develop romantic feelings for anybody until I was at least 25. I just thought it was an adult thing. What was your first date like? I’ve never been on a getting-to-know-someone date...my ‘first date’ was literally the first date I had with Gab, since I went straight to asking her to be my girlfriend and never really courted her hahahaha. It was beautiful. We went to a museum and had a nice Italian dinner and had a sleepover in my house where we played video games (well she did) and had pizza delivered. It was the purest thing. What about your WORST date? Ugh. That Shakey’s date was THE WORST. It was our last date before we broke up and also my last resort to get through to her, after I realized that she was distancing herself. Everything was my treat and it was because her birthday was coming up...I felt like shit when I learned it wasn’t going to fix anything anymore. Share a really embarrassing moment?  Driving out of the gas station and nearly entering the highway when I didn’t even wait for my change :(( The gas attendant had to run after my car, since I was basically driving away from around ₱400. That’s a week’s worth of lunches, and it would have sucked if I was able enter the highway immediately. Did you like to get dirty when you were little? Nah. My mom hated it and wanted me to stay clean, so it got passed on to me. Do you find the show Family Guy absolutely hilarious?:  There are some scenes that are funny but ultimately, it’s not my humor. Most jokes just fly over my head since they’re too political or too pop culture-y for me to recognize them. Own anything that has to do with dragons or unicorns? I don’t think so. Believe in mermaids/mermen?:  Nope. What piercings do you have/want?: None anymore. What tattoos do you have/want?:  Also none anymore. Hate needles. Which is cooler - pink or purple?: Pink.

Unusual Asks

Yep, I’m in that mode again. Time to answer questions about myself that literally no one asked for :D

If someone finds this in the deep ocean blue and wants to answer the same questions, I found them here

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Pandora, I guess? But I don’t really use any of them. I only tried Pandora for a time because it told you what genre the music is, and that was how I learned I listened to completely random and unrelated songs

is your room messy or clean?

Yes.

It’s messy, but it’s only dirty clothes really? So the second we do a major Laundry Sweep it suddenly becomes clean.

what color are your eyes?

Brown baby come an get dat chocolatttte

do you like your name? why?

Yes, because it’s tomboyish. When I was younger for some reason I really liked my friend’s name Emily, and wished that was my name instead. As I got older I liked my name more and more. I also love the 30 bajillion nicknames my name comes with. And I love my nickname Moon simply because from that nickname are 30 bajillion more nicknames.

what is your relationship status?

Single and deathly afraid of romance probs

describe your personality in 3 words or less

0-100 spaz

what color hair do you have?

Black hair :3

what kind of car do you drive? color?

It’s a sentra because they get good gas mileage and I’m cheap and it’s a darkish red, cause it’s the only color they had

where do you shop?

Food Banks

how would you describe your style?

Don’t Notice Me Anyone I’m Just a Background Character

favorite social media account

I hate social media when I know people, so tumblr, because screaming into a void where I’m not known is fun. It’s like having an imaginary argument in your shower

what size bed do you have?

Twin

any siblings?

Three of them! Two half-sisters, and a half-brother, all older :3

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?    

With my friends

favorite snapchat filter?

Pfffft I’m an antisocial dweeb and never bothered with snapchat because my phone is old and I rarely take pictures of myself or share pictures of anything else I capture

favorite makeup brand(s)

I don’t wear makeup, so none VwV

how many times a week do you shower?

Once a week if I haven’t done anything that makes me gross. Maybe 3 times a week if I went jogging and got all sweaty

favorite tv show?

Steven Universe, Last Airbender, Amazing World of Gumball, Star vs.

shoe size?

6 ½

how tall are you?

5”2

… and ½

sandals or sneakers?

w a t e r  s h o e s

do you go to the gym?

No, I hate the gym. The air in there gives me a headache, everyone’s staring at you doing everything wrong, there’s people in general, and I just no. I like to work out either in the privacy of my room or out in nature (aka I started jogging at my library park and I’m very proud of myself hopefully I keep this up).

describe your dream date

A date that treats me nice and we have a good time    

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

13 bucks

what color socks are you wearing?

My skin

how many pillows do you sleep with?

Uhhhh. 2 for my head, 2 to hug, a beanie-filled duck thing, and also my cats old blanket. So like. 4 pillows if you wanna get technical, 6 if let’s be honest the duck and blanket act as pillows

do you have a job? what do you do?

I do. I clean trays and do numerous odd jobs for an oral surgeon’s office. It’s literally a part time job the employees often have their teens do. But it’s something for now

how many friends do you have?

7. The seventh one I just made recently, and it’s still sort of iffy if we’ll actively be friends. We’ve known each other for years, and she’s called me her friend before, but we’ve never like. Hung out, or talked literally ever. But I’ve always thought she seemed like a cool person and someone I wanted to be friends with, and sometime last month or so (she was staying on our couch due to family complications) I outright told her “Hey, you seem like a cool person, and I’d love to be better friends with you J” and by some miracle that WORKED. She called me a nerd for that and we’ve saw Wonder Woman with our moms. I lent her a book from the library (The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale, wonderful book, literally the first in my favorite book series!), and she’s really loving it so far! We’re gonna hang out Sunday, so hopefully we click well and I truly will have successfully made my first friend where I was the one who approached!

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

One time when I was younger I had a fight with my mom. Recalling correctly, I was upset that she ‘loved God more than me’ and during that fight she ‘let go’ and said that I was more important to her. Immediately afterwards I made her take it back, and apologized profusely, and never said anything about her feeling God was more important ever again. And she forgave me, because that’s the kind of person she is, but I still feel like shit for it, and I’m so sorry I ever made her say that, whether she meant it or not. I feel so guilty about it even today. She told me that night that she let go so she could grab onto me and save me from drowning, and that even if she had let go, God would have never let her go, and he would save the both of us. I still wish I could make it so I’d never said that.

whats your favorite candle scent?

MMmmm, I dunno. Do they have cherry blossom? Cause that one

3 favorite boy names

Devon (Deh-von), Aiden (Ay-den), and uhhhh? Naruto. (Nar-oo-toe)

3 favorite girl names

Astrid (totally from Phantom Hourglass), Anaise (yes that’s from the Amazing World of Gumball I fell in love the second I heard it), aaaaaand ermmmmmm. Buzz Lightyear

favorite actor?

Will Smith? Morgan Freeman? Yeah, let’s go with them

favorite actress?

Will Smith? Morgan Freeman? Yeah, let’s go with them

who is your celebrity crush?

Me™

favorite movie?

Bambi, Jumanji, Jurassic Park, Pirates of the Carribean

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

I do, I do!! I love Forest Born from Shannon Hale’s Books of Bayern! It’s the 4th and last book in her series, and I love it so much! I recommend it for everyone! Adventure, fantasy, a little bit of romance, fun, and honest-to-god you feel like you’re in an old folk tale the whole time. It’s all a beautiful series.

money or brains?

Brains

do you have a nickname? what is it?

Moon, Moo, Moonmoon, Moonie

how many times have you been to the hospital?

A lot for reasons

top 10 favorite songs

Fireflies by Owl City

Last Unicorn by America (yes, from the movie the Last Unicorn)

Tabi no Tochuu by Kiyoura, Natsumi (aka the Spice and Wolf Season 1 Theme)

Something Entire New from Steven Universe

Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing by Set It Off

I Ship It by Not Literally (An ‘I Don’t Care’ parody, it’s hilarious and I love it, please go listen to it)

Blue Lips by Regina Spektor

Miss Jackson by Panic! At the Disco

E.T. by Katy Perry (I’m not even sure why I like this one so much, but I dooooo)

Girl with One Eye by Florence and the Machine

do you take any medications daily?

I do, antidepressants, which I started maybe 1 or 2 months ago after people suggesting I take medication for years

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

Perfect™

No but I guess it’s fine? I live in a dry area, but my skin isn’t dried out at all, even before I put lotion on constantly. The crown of my forehead/my nose get a bit oily, but splashing my face every morning basically takes care of that. I feel kind of bad for saying I don’t really have any skin problems

what is your biggest fear?

My loved ones hating me, dying, or being hurt from my own inept, or me being unable to help them

how many kids do you want?

Two. One boy, one girl (or if one wants to change/be whatever gender later in life I really don’t care). One that’s mine genetically, one I’ve adopted. Before I would have preferred giving birth to a boy since Devon was always my favorite boy name (and my only favorite name period), but with my sister being pregnant recently I’ve randomly thought about girl names as well so now I’m chill with having a boy or girl first so I can name them either Devon or Anaise/Astrid. God forbid I have twins that are both boys/girls since A) twins run in my family, and B) I’m having only two kids period so if I got twin boys/girls then that’s it I’m done that’s the end for me

whats your go to hair style?

Two French braids that stay in my head for the whole week

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

It’s an apartment, so small

who is your role model?

My old cat Princess

what was the last compliment you received?

I legit don’t remember, but probably my mom telling me I’m gorgeous. Thanks mom, love you!

what was the last text you sent?

Me sending my group chat this

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

You think I put a date on that ish?? I dunno, I think I was still in my old house, so anywhere from 6-8 maybe?

what is your dream car?

A car that has no pollution/carbon footprint, runs on sunlight and electricity, and is reliable, also it doubles as a stray cat home that doesn’t kill them if I turn it on

opinion on smoking?

My entire older family (aunts, uncles, cousins, older brother/sister), smoked. My aunt is a cancer survivor and STILL smokes. My brother and sisters father died from lung cancer. My mother’s parents died from lung cancer. My father smokes (yet expects to live to 100???). My mother is probably the only person in her immediate family that was completely disgusted by smoking. My brother and sister vape now, in their attempt to quit, but my sister would take a hit of our aunts cigarettes every now and then. I hate smoking. It kills. It’s addictive. It’s a waste of your money and brain power. What’s worse is the people (like my sister and aunt), who don’t give a fuck if it will kill you down the road because, according to my sister, “once you reach like, 70, the fun parts over, now you start dying anyways”. Fuck you. What about everyone you’re leaving behind? FUCK you. If you get cancer it’s not just you that’s affected, it’s everyone you love and care about. Your parents, your siblings, your friends, your children. They don’t want to see you die like this, decrepit, and weak. They want to see you healthy, and having fun, and HAPPY. Do they really mean so little to you that you would LITERALLY KILL YOURSELF just because of a 2-minute dopamine rush? I hate people like that. I will never date someone who smokes. That is 100% a deal breaker. I will never, EVER go through what my mother went through with her husband, and what so many others must have gone through.

My opinion on smoking is that it needs to be buried, like all the people it’s already killed.

do you go to college?

I do! I just finished my first semester (just English 101 for my first semester), with flying colors! 940/1000 points!

what is your dream job?

Anything with animals and where I can make a difference in the animal community

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

Rural areas. I hate the city and people

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

100% I paid a shit ton of money for this room and you don’t even provide free snacks. I brought my own shampoo/condition but you can bet your ass I’m taking all of theirs

do you have freckles?

Yes? No? Does it count if it’s like, one freckle? It’s not a cluster of freckles, but I have a lot of freckle-spots on the right side of my face, random other parts of my face, and various other parts of my body (and one where like, my dude the sun don’t shine there how’s you get there???)            

do you smile for pictures?

Absolutely!

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

Currently? I dunno, 100 or so?

have you ever peed in the woods?

100%

do you still watch cartoons?

Absolutely, they’re way more entertaining than anything else anyways

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Wendy’s

Favorite dipping sauce?

Good ol’ ketchup

what do you wear to bed?

Mismatching pajamas, and gorgeous dark blue blue shirt and blue leopard spot Victoria’s Secret pajamas that came with a matching eyemask that my aunt got me for Christmas and they have a cute shirt cut, the pants make me look curvy, I look damn good in them, they’re my favorite color, and most importantly they have POCKETS and it’s literally my favorite pair of pajamas I love them

have you ever won a spelling bee?

No, but I was in a spelling bee! Literally no idea how I got in, I think the best speller of each class was just. Automatically put in? I was naturally good at spelling and randomly got in the spelling bee, was terrified of being on stage, and got my first word wrong because the fuck? How did I get in this?? I’m 9, I’m not studying for this get me off this Awful Stage stop looking at me

what are your hobbies?

Writing, drawing, video games, teasing my cats, roleplaying, and hiking if I was anywhere away from the city

can you draw?

Yes!

do you play an instrument?

Does my voice count?

what was the last concert you saw?

Hilary Duff, when I was like 12. First and only concert I’ve ever seen in my life. Almost the best night of my tiny 12 year old life, but my friend’s mom was a dick and told me to calm down when I was screaming, singing, and cheering, and I spent the rest of the concert sitting in my seat and feeling embarrassed and awkward. Who the fuck tells a 12 year old to calm down when she’s at her first concert with her best friend with their favorite artist in the world??? You’re a fucking dick biscuit, Friend’s Mom.

tea or coffee?

W a t e r

I hate both of those. Though peppermint tea is okay, not that I’d drink it outside of being sick

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Starbucks, but only for a cinnamon twist pastry thingy

do you want to get married?

I do!

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

I have never had a crush for realsies, only an ‘lol I thought I had a crush but nevermind’

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

If my name sounds good with their last name, yes. If not, sorry honeycakes, I’m keeping my name. They’re more than welcome to change their last name if they so choose.

what color looks best on you?

White, black, red

do you miss anyone right now?

Princess, my old cat

And Fern and Thatcher, my best friends

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Closed, because I don’t want my kittens to get in. I used to sleep with it open exclusively so my old cat Princess could get in and out

do you believe in ghosts?

Sure

what is your biggest pet peeve?

Self-righteous people

last person you called

My mom’s case manager

favorite ice cream flavor?

Cookie dough without chocolate chips

regular oreos or golden oreos?

ReGuLaR

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

NO!!!!!!!!!

what shirt are you wearing?

Black superman shirt I wear for pjs

what is your phone background?

My old cat Princess

are you outgoing or shy?

Shy, unless I’m around people I’m comfortable with. Then I’m shy but a bit more sociable

do you like it when people play with your hair?

Oh god yes. I want to fall asleep if I ever have someone doing my hair and it’s at the Not Ripping Out Your Hair part. God it feels great. Tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if that was a turn on for me

do you like your neighbors?

Hell no they’re all awful

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

In the morning. And “wash” is a bit formal, my face-washing is more of a splash-your-face-wake-up-you-lazy-bastard kind of washing. Sometimes I splash it a few times to wake myself up more or take some oil off the oilier parts of my face, but I rarely/never use facewash or anything. It’s just water.

have you ever been high?

Nope

have you ever been drunk?

Nu-uh

last thing you ate?

Some cheap microwave chimichanga

favorite lyrics right now

Why not let me win? – You can’t dodge forever. Even if the pain is more fun together! You know I will just reset and come back newer :) and with every try I’m getting even faster than you are.

summer or winter?

Summer, if I can actually go outside and enjoy it and am not trapped in my black scrubs all day. Winter if I can look out the window and enjoy it

day or night?

Night

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

White chocolate when paired with other things, milk chocolate when by itself

favorite month?

April

what is your zodiac sign

Scorpio!

who was the last person you cried in front of?

My mom

Chapter 9: I’ve wanted this for so long

Attention this chapter may cause blushing.

Here it is, chapter 9 already! Time flies you guys.

I hope you enjoy reading it as I did writing it. Don't forget the feedback!

Remember to follow Anastasia on Instagram because I have no life.

Anastasia_Truman

Much love to you all! ❤️️

--------------------------------------------

Read chapter 8

Weather in New York was perfect: not too hot but not cold yet. A car picked the Truman sisters up to take them to a luxurious hotel.

-          So whose idea was it? – Anastasia told her sister while they were stuck in traffic – To have you on the video?

-          Who do you think? – She answered smiling.

-          Tony, of course.

Her sister didn’t say a thing but the answer was obvious. Anthony and Barbara had a strange relationship. They were definitely friends, they have been for at least 20 years, and an obvious attraction was always around. Before Barbara got married, 12 years ago, they kind of tried to be together but it never worked; now that Barbara was divorced they were on at it again.

-          I know that I’m never going to have a serious relationship with him. I mean, I love him to death, he is one of my best friends but I know who he is and why his relationships don’t work. However I deserve to have fun too, even more after the horrible divorce and Tony is the perfect man to do it with.

-          I wish I could be half the chill you are – Anastasia said.

-          You overthink everything. You need life to flow; the Universe will give you what you want. Who told you about this anyway?

-          Josh – Anastasia cuddled with her sister in the back seat – He wanted to see me.

-          And do you want to see him?

-          Barb, I took a flight in a fucking tiny plane at six in the morning to come to New York. Yes I want to see him – Barbara laughed.

-          Josh is a really nice guy and you should give yourself an opportunity.

-          You sound like Mandy.

After what seemed like years they got into their hotel and checked into a double room. Barbara knew that only Anastasia was going to sleep there.

After a long shower and a quick change of clothes, the girls went to the video set. Although Barbara didn’t have to film until the next day she thought it was a good idea to come by and say hi. They were on a room with a Saturday-Night-Fever-style dance floor. Anthony and Flea were there looking like characters from the movie. The sisters laughed and hugged each one of the guys.

-          This reminds me of my youth – Barbara said.

-          I know, it’s going to be a fun video – Anthony said.

-          If you put “Staying Alive” I swear that Barbara and I know all the moves – Anastasia said looking at the illuminated dance floor.

-          We should have a dance off – Chad said appearing from behind the girls and hugging them – Me and Anthony and you two.

-          It’s on. But you go first – Barbara said unable to stop laughing.

There was no turning back. “Thank God the place is empty”, Anastasia thought. While Chad and Anthony made themselves look like fools, the girls looked like idiots too but they did it with grace so Flea choose them to win the “Saturday Night Fever Dance Off”. After sharing an applause, Anastasia saw Josh sitting on a corner laughing, it was obvious he saw her dancing disco style with her sister; she mended her dignity and went straight to him.

-          Well, you always find me making a fool of myself – She said hugging him.

-          That victory was obvious – Josh said.

-          I say recount the votes – Anthony screamed from across the room and everyone started laughing.

-          I’m glad you came – Josh said looking Anastasia into her eyes.

-          I’m glad you invited me.

-          It’s great you just can get into a plane and go to wherever place you want.

-          A privilege just a few have – she remembered the thoughts she had about Carrie after he invited her to New York.

-          Listen, we are going to do a bunch of takes tonight until late, but tomorrow I have time off after filming some more, why don’t you and I have dinner tomorrow? There is a monstrous milkshake place I want to try.

-          You mentioned food so I have to accept.

When Anastasia woke up the next day she was alone in the hotel room, her sister left a message on her phone saying that she was going to film her scenes for the Red Hot Chili Peppers video and that gave Anastasia plenty of time to do some shopping alone and in peace at New York. She wanted to find something special for tonight’s date and she did, she found a dark blue short dress with long sleeves, it wasn’t tight so it didn’t look tacky she pair it up with black ankle boots covered in silver stars with high heels, a pony tail and red lips completed the look. This time Josh went to get her to the room.

-          Red lips uh? – He said with a huge smile.

-          For a change – She answered – You like it?

-          I like it all – He said looking at her from head to toe. Her face turned red – I know I told you we were going for milkshakes but I thought that we should visit a fancier place.

-          That’s why you’re wearing a tux? – She said – I like the cap, it’s a nice touch – he was wearing a New York Yankees black cap.

-          I’m wearing just the tux jacket – he answered laughing.

Anastasia agreed and soon they were walking through the streets of New York. The place wasn’t far away from their hotel and a proper New York walk was a must every time Anastasia visited the city. Suddenly Josh stopped.

-          Is that you? – He said looking at a big billboard up their heads.

-          Yes – Anastasia said ashamed. It was a fashion advertisement that Mandy and her did earlier that year – Mandy is all about fashion so brands search for her for campaigns and sometimes she drags me into them too.

-          You look amazing there – Josh said but Anastasia noticed he didn’t show a lot of enthusiasm for the billboard.

Soon they entered a very elegant restaurant, full of details and typical chic New Yorkers, the reserved table was out of sight.

-          You really like hidden tables – she said taking a seat.

-          I just like to enjoy food in peace – he answered.

-          We really should do something besides eating once in a while - Anastasia said.

-          I thought about that and Eric told me you are a huge Broadway fan so I’m taking you to see Hamilton tonight – Anastasia was perplexed.

-          Shut up! There aren’t tickets available until next year – She said – Not even Barbara could find them!

-          Well I guess we have a very diligent assistant – He said smiling.

-          I always wanted to be in Broadway, it’s one of my frustrated dreams but I’m not good at acting at all, the singing I got it covered, the dancing well… you saw it yesterday, the acting two thumbs down to that. I auditioned for a couple of musicals but didn’t get it.

-          You push yourself so far.

-          What do you mean?

-          You do so many things.

-          I don’t know, I guess I like arts and everything that has to do with them, even musical theater.

-          I must warn you that we aren’t going alone tonight; Chad and his wife are going to join us.

-          That’s fine. Nancy is one of Barbara’s best friends and I’m super close to Chad so, it’s okay.

After eating some fish, drinking some wine and having a very lovely conversation about baseball, because both of them were really huge sports fans, the two walked to the theater where Chad and Nancy were waiting, they shared a hug and entered to see the show. Nobody spoke a word during the musical; everyone was captivated by the story. After it ended Chad and Nancy were planning on going to have dinner, and since Anastasia and Josh already did that, they excused themselves and walked back to their hotel. Josh asked Anastasia to come to his room and, once again, she couldn’t refuse.

His room was located in one of the highest floors, of course, with a great view of the Big Apple.

-          Somehow we always end in a hotel room – Anastasia said sitting on a big couch.

-          Maybe it’s destiny – Josh said taking a seat next to her. She felt her face turn red again.

She felt the impulse to get closer to him, maybe it was his half smile which made him look incredible sexy or maybe it was his brown and illuminated eyes which made him look tender. She was going to jump into this bottomless abysm and only time would tell her how to get out.

He placed a hand in her waist and another in her neck while hers moved through his back without stopping the kisses. She didn’t drink that much but she felt it was impossible to try to control herself; probably the same went through Josh mind. She managed to take Josh’s jacket off and somehow sat on top of him. In a break to take some air Josh stopped her and looked into her eyes.

-          What? – Anastasia looked back at Josh – Now you have red lips – She said trying to clean them a bit while both laughed.

-          Are you sure? – He said. She understood what he meant and only nodded. He smiled - I’ve wanted this for so long – He kissed her just to separate lips a few seconds after. Then he looked again straight to her big turquoise eyes – I’ll be gentle – And he gave her a naughty half smile.

After a long kissing session in the living room they moved into the bedroom, where after months of doubt Anastasia felt she never was more right about a decision before. Josh made her feel safe and warm, made her feel unique and made her feel things no other man had achieved before. She only hoped she had the same effect in him and by his gestures on his face she thought it was safe to affirm it. It was a long night; they almost saw the first rays of light slip through the panoramic windows that surrounded the bedroom. It was the best night she had in years. At the end they didn’t say a word to each other, their eyes spoke for them and after a couple of kisses they fell asleep in a hug.

At morning Anastasia woke up a little bit confused, she looked around the room and then saw Josh sleeping next to her without a shirt on. For reasons unknown panic took over her mind and trying to not wake him up, she grabbed her clothes that were spread all over the floor and got out the room.

She got into her own room where Barbara was nowhere to be seen. Her bed was made and her things in the same exact position as yesterday. It was clear she didn’t spend the night there either. She took a shower and called Mandy.

-          What’s up? – Mandy answered through the phone.

-          Are you alone? – Anastasia asked.

-          No, I’m with Eric packing instruments for Chicago while you are spending all your money on Fifth Saks Avenue. And you are on speaker by the way.

-          Hi An! – Eric’s voice was heard.

-          Oh God! – Anastasia started – It happened.

-          What happened? – Mandy asked.

-          With Josh! It happened!

-          WHAT? – Both voices said at the same time.

-          When? - Mandy asked.

-          Last night.

-          But it’s damn early. Is he there?

-          No. I ran away!

-          ANASTASIA! - Both voices said at the same time again.

-          I know but I freaked out! Damn anxiety! – She heard her friends laughing loudly.

-          I can’t believe this! – Eric said without stopping the laugh.

-          Go back to his room, An! – Mandy said.

-          I can’t! That would be more stupid.

-          What you did is already very stupid – In that moment Anastasia’s phone received a second call.

-          Somebody is calling. I’ll call you back in a second.

-          Probably it’s him, asking if you fuck and leave – Mandy said without stop laughing.

Her friend was right, it was Josh calling. Anastasia took a deep breath and answered.

-          So are you going to disappear every time I kiss you? – Josh asked and Anastasia noticed he wasn’t angry at all.

-          Well, that was more than kissing and I wanted to get a shower.

-          I have a shower here.

-          Yes but my clean clothes are here.

-          Right. Want to join me for breakfast? I’ll call room service.

-          Sure. I will be there in a minute.

She hung up. The images of last night were stuck in her head and created a big smile on her face. A smile she was going to carry for days.

Read chapter 10

1-216

u fuck.

You know what this is? This is a challenge and I am definitely taking it.

1: My name? Rachel2: Do I have any nicknames? In real life? Some coworker’s jokingly call me Raquel. Lol3: Zodiac sign? Pisces4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? Right now it’s a game called Kingdom5: Book/series I reread? The Maze Runner 6: Aliens or ghosts? Ghosts7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? I’m not sure what this means? I don’t have a particular author8: Favourite radio station? 106.9 or 104.59: Favourite flavour of anything? Vanilla or chocolate usually 10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome11: Favourite song? Right now it’s probably LA Devotee by Panic! At the Disco12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? What do you do in your free time?13: Favourite word? Dude. 14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? This is a hard one to answer. No?15: Last song I listened to? Sunday Morning by Maroon 516: TV show I always recommend? Avatar the Last Airbender17: Pirates or ninjas? Pirates18: Movie I watch when I’m feeling down? Oooo I dunno. Any Disney movie. 19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? Right now it’s Ghost Town by Adam Lambert20: Favourite video games? Anything Zelda related21: What am I most afraid of? SPIDERS22: A good quality of mine? Um. It used to be patience but lmao. I guess I’m understanding?23: A bad quality of mine? I misunderstand people’s actions a lot and think they’re mad at me/hate me when it’s not like that at all24: Cats or dogs? Dogs. I love cats but I’m allergic 25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they’re in? Mmm I don’t have a favorite. 26: Favourite season? Fall27: Am I in a relationship? Not currently28: Something I miss? I miss being a kid. Having the naivety of youth and seeing nothing wrong with the world 29: My best friend? Cig, Paige, or Ashley30: Eye colour? Hazel31: Hair colour? Naturally brunette, but it’s blue and black right now32: Someone I love? My parents?33: Someone I trust? My friends?34: Someone I always think about? Me. Lmao jk. My friends again. I know, I’m interesting. 35: Am I excited about anything? Not really. 36: My current obsession? A new anime that I really want to finish. 37: Favourite TV shows as a child? What age are we talking here? Because it was definitely Blues Clues for a while, then probably Courage the Cowardly Dog. I used to watch Kids Next Door too. 38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? Yes39: Am I superstitious? Sometimes40: What do I think about most? –41: Do I have any strange phobias? Clowns and Geese. I also have tryptophobia or however you spell it???42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Behind43: Favourite hobbies? Writing, watching YouTube 44: Last book I read? I FORGOT THE NAME OF IT45: Last film I watched? Split46: Do I play any instruments? I used to play the clarinet47: Favourite animal? Wolf or a lion48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? –49: Superpower I wish I could have? The ability to change into any animal I want50: How do I destress? Watch YouTube, shut myself in my room51: Do I like confrontation? No52: When do I feel most at peace? When I’m alone usually53: What makes me smile? Spongebob memes usually |:54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off who tf sleeps with them on?????55: Play any sports? No56: What is my song of the week? UH I DUNNO57: Favourite drink? Honestly? I just really like ice water58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? Paiges last birthday59: Afraid of heights? Yes60: Pet peeve? God I have so many61: What was the last concert I went to see? I DUNNO BUT I’m ABOUT TO GO SEE P!ATD IN APRIL AND I AM EXCITED62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no, gimme my steak63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? Either a k-9 police officer or a truck driver lmao64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yes65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Fuck I think of this all the time and I don’t have an answer???66: Something I worry about? Everything lmao67: Scared of the dark? If I watched something scary recently68: Who are my best friends? Didn’t I just answer this?69: What do I admire most about others? Kindness. 70: Can I sing? I can match pitch but I don’t think I have a good voice71: Something I wish I could do? Travel more72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? Buy a house/pay off my parents house/save it all73: Have I ever skipped school? Definitely74: Favourite place on the planet? My bed75: Where do I want to live? Anywhere but the US at this particular moment76: Do I have any pets? Not currently but I want some77: What is my current desktop picture? A picture I took of the lake like 500 years ago when we used to go camping78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunset80: Can I drive? Yes81: Story behind my last kiss? Uh I don’t remember his name whoops 82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones83: Have I ever had braces? Yes84: Story behind one of my scars? Knee surgery in 8th grade after a motorcycle accident 85: Favourite genre of music? Rock86: Who is my hero? No idea87: Favourite comic book character? Iron man maybe?88: What makes me really angry? My mother usually. When people are intolerant of others89: Kindle or real book? Either, tbh90: Favourite sporty activity? None lmao unless you count marching band??91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? Male dress code pls92: What was my favourite subject at school? Science and English 93: Siblings? An older brother94: What was the last thing I bought? Uhhhh food for myself95: How tall am I? 5'9 ish96: Can I cook? I try 97: Can I bake? I try this also lol98: 3 things I love? Kittens, puppies, good food99: 3 things I hate? Crowds, confrontations, people being angry at me100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? Girl101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Girls I guess?102: Where was I born? Oklahoma103: Sexual orientation? Bisexual104: Where do I currently live? Oklahoma105: Last person I texted? My coworker, asking her to work for me this weekend for my birthday 106: Last time I cried? A few days ago 107: Guilty pleasure? Rewatching black butler, cough cough108: Favourite Youtuber? The guys at Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter109: A photo of myself. Look a few posts down from this one110: Do I like selfies? I love selfies!!!111: Favourite game app? Crossy road112: My relationship with my parents? Good so far113: Favourite accents? British and Scottish 114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? Ireland or Norway115: Favourite number? 5116: Can I juggle? Nope117: Am I religious? Nope118: Do I like space? Like… outer space or personal space? Because the answer is yes119: Do I like the deep ocean? It scares me120: Am I much of a daredevil? Not at all. I can be sometimes 121: Am I allergic to anything? Cats122: Can I curl my tongue? Yes123: Can I wiggle my ears? Yes 124: Do I like clowns? NO125: The Beatles or Elvis? Fuck. Uh. The Beatles. 126: My current project? ??? Trying to get up in the morning127: Am I a bad loser? Not usually, if I lost fairly128: Do I admit when I wrong? Always129: Forest or beach? Forest130: Favourite piece of advice? –131: Am I a good liar? Sometimes132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Hufflepuff / dunno / dunno133: Do I talk to myself? More than is probably healthy134: Am I very social? Not at all135: Do I like gossip? No but it likes me136: Do I keep a journal/diary? No137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? Definitely138: Do I believe in second chances? Yes139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? Look to see if there was a license or some type of identification and return it 140: Do I believe people are capable of change? Yes141: Have I ever been underweight? Lmao no142: Am I ticklish? YES143: Have I ever been in a submarine? Technically yes? But it wasn’t underwater144: Have I ever been on a plane? Yes145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? Fuck this question 146: Have I ever been overweight? Yes147: Do I have any piercings? My nose148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Um. Captain America. We need him right now149: Do I have any tattoos? I will have some soon150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? Going into the medical field151: Do I believe in Karma? No??? Sometimes??? I dunno152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? Glasses153: What was my first car? A two door silver dodge stratus154: Do I want children? Right now no155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? Dunno156: My most embarrassing memory? Fuck there are so many. One day when I was really young my parents asked my choir director and his wife over to dinner (they were family friends) and my pants fell down in front of them157: What makes me nostalgic? Old pictures or music that I used to listen to (Story of the Year mostly)158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? All the time 159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? Brains, but that doesn’t mean beauty isn’t nice to look at too160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? Black lmao but I’m working on it161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? Yes?? Kind of162: What do I hate most about myself? Everything163: What do I love most about myself? Not much164: Do I like adventure? … I want to say yes but at the same time I really like structure, so, I dunno. Once in a while?165: Do I believe in fate? No166: Favourite animal? I answered this one167: Have I ever been on radio? Nope168: Have I ever been on TV? Yes169: How old am I? 22, will be 23 in two more days!!170: One of my favourite quotes? “Remember who you are.” Don’t judge me. 171: Do I hold grudges? I try not to but I definitely do172: Do I trust easily? Too easily 173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? Some of them174: Best gift I’ve ever received? Can’t think of it right now175: Do I dream? Almost every night176: Have I ever had a night terror? Yes, when I was younger 177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? Sometimes I do, and one I remember recently was me marrying Leonardo DiCaprio. He bought me an island and we were having our honeymoon on his yacht on the way to the island but I woke up before we got there :c178: An experience that has made me stronger? ?????179: If I were immortal, what would I do? Travel180: Do I like shopping? I’m starting to. Usually no, I have to be in the right mood181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? Maybe steal money? But I’m talking like, Robin Hood style here. I’d steal from the super rich and give it to the homeless people living a few streets down from me182: What does “family” mean to me? Anyone I love and trust unconditionally183: What is my spirit animal? I took one of those quizzes on Facebook years ago and it said I was a dog which is also my Chinese zodiac so???184: How do I want to be remembered? As a nice person185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? Another language or playing a complicated instrument like the harp or something186: What is my greatest failure? My life lmao187: What is my greatest achievement? Graduating nursing school188: Love or money? Love, but if a sugar daddy comes my way and wants me to spend his money for him better be damn sure imma jump on that189: Love or career? Ughhhh I hate this. I’ve never been in love with someone so I can’t really say. 190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? Everywhere. Literally like I’d go to every time period191: What makes me the happiest? Sleeping192: What is “home” to me? Somewhere I come to after a long day that I can call “mine.”193: What motivates me? ???? Dunno194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? Ndksnsksndlx195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? POSSIBLY??? Either they kill me or it all goes swimmingly either way it’s a win196: A movie that scared me as a child? E.T. funnily enough197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? Coffee198: Zombies or vampires? Vampires199: Live in the city or suburbs? Suburbs200: Dragons or wizards? Dragons201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? When I was little I dreamed there was a monster under the driver’s seat in my moms car and it was pink and veiny and scary and it ate my dad so202: How do I define love? Someone I trust unconditionally 203: Do I judge a book by its cover? I try not to but I definitely do204: Have I ever had my heart broken? Not really205: Do I like my handwriting? Not at all206: Sweet or savoury? Mmm depends on my mood. 207: Worst job I’ve had? Working at a nursing home. I lasted three days lmao208: Do I collect anything? I used to collect Pokémon cards209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? A necklace unless I’m in scrubs210: What is on my bucket list? Skydiving, visiting certain places 211: How do I handle anger? Usually privately unless i can do something about it, then I’ll confront the person and try to work it out 212: Was I named after anyone? I share a middle name with my aunt 213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? No, neverrrr. I would NEVER do that…214: What TV character am I most like? No idea 215: What is the weirdest talent I have? Flaring my nostrils or crossing my eyes/moving them independently… or bending my fingers in weird ways??216: Favourite fictional character? I have many lol

All them questions bitch

Okayyyyy

1. Are you a side, back, or front sleeper?

- Side or stomach, mainly stomach.

2. When you hum random music what song is it?

- Probably the jeopardy theme song.

3. Explain your username

- I am a gay, and rose colored because of the Paramore song.

4: Explain my username

- Anon?

5: How did you fall into the tumblr hellpit?

- Lol, my friend Tuna from high school marching band.

6: What fan interest of yours would you least prefer to explain in your workplace?

-My hidden love for Degrassi, and other shows from when I was kid.

7: What fan interest or yours would you most enjoy explaining in your workplace?

- Definitely my love for Grey’s Anatomy

8: Last song you listened to?

- High Hopes - Panic! At the Disco

9: Weirdest thing on your dash today?

- Not weird, but saw a lot of porn

10: In a perfect world, what animal would you most like to adopt?

- A polar bear!

11: What animal would you most like someone else to adopt?

- This question doesn’t make sense to me

12: What’s something trivial you have strong opinions about?

- OOH man, if you want to get me fired up, I have a strong opinion on LGBTQ rights, gender inequality, a woman’s right to choose, and race inequality. I’m a sociologist, so.

13: What would your super-villain finishing move be?

- Spiderweb like Tom Holland did in Homecoming.

14: Explain your icon.

- It’s me, looking hella gay.

15: You meet your true love(s) today. Possibly again. Describe your ideal hilarious romcom meetcute. (can be aromantic)

- Ummm, I always love the idea of two people picking up each others coffee order by accident and then they go to switch it and the one person is like “why’d you order this like this?”, idk and it leads to conversation, lol. I have a wild imagination when it comes to writing.

16: Your comfort food, and why.

- I really really really love Matzo Brei made by my dad. 

17: What type of mad science will you Show Them All with? (ex: mad chemical engineer, mad library scientist, mad linguist). Which of your creations will probably turn on you?

- I have no clue

18: Favorite cheesy trope?

-The having to share the bed trope

19: Favorite trope nobody writes enough of?

- Fake dating

20: Rec me a book, comic, or anime, or other piece of media you wish there were more like.

- Mmm, I could always go for more LGBTQ fiction.

21: Wierdest tumblr drama you’ve been a part of or stumbled across.

- Uh well, someone was harassing me on anon for a while. 

22: You know those things from a million years ago your brain suddenly reminds you to feel embarrased/guilty/bad about in full technicolor? Tell me one of them.

- L O L, how about the time I decided not to listen to my mom, and I was swinging my body back and forth on my grandmother’s walker, and it was on concrete, it moved, and I fell on my ass and bruised my tailbone so bad I couldn’t sit for a week.

23: What is something you collect?

- Notebooks

24: Pens. Do you know where the one closest to you came from? Would you be distressed if someone took it?

- Its a pilot precise pen, it belongs to my mother and if I took it she’d murder me.

25: The last game you played is crossed with the zombie apocalypse and now going down outside your window. How boned are you?

- Like video game? Uh, Super Mario Bros.

26: What was the last thing that made you cry?

- Getting a job that I really wanted.

27: Most embarrassing/weird/personal body thing you’re willing to talk about.

- Umm, I have a lot of freckles just randomly placed all over me.

28: Your icon is now the voice of your inner therapist. How is this gonna go?

- So, I’m my own therapist?

29: Name a kink you only like hypothetically.

- I’m so vanilla

30: Name a kink you find bewildering.

- Anything with animals is just fucking weird

31: You have acquired: a mouse, a lizard, a rabbit, a spider, a domestic fox. Name them! Who gets to sleep on the bed?

- Mouse is definitely now named Mickey, the Lizard is Godzilla, Rabbit is Dash, Spider - No way in hell am I keeping a spider.., Fox is named Zeus

32: What was your favorite childhood toy? Do you still have it?

- It was a barney plush, and he’s in a box in my closet

33: Hit “shuffle” on your media player and tell me your favorite lyric from the song that comes up.

- “Did you take him to the pier in Santa Monica? Forget to bring a jacket, wrap up in him cause you wanted to? I'm just curious, is it serious?”

34: What fan media (of yours or someone else’s) would you most like to see art/fic for?

- These Strange Steps, it’s a Faberry fic on AO3. 

35: What do you ship that you think would be hard to explain convincingly to other people? Attempt an explanation.

- Uhhhh, I kinda shipped Arizona and April from Grey’s Anatomy.

36: What meme gets on your nerves?

- The salt bae one I guess

37: Showers or baths?

- Showers

38: Who was your biggest childhood nemesis and why?

- This kid Talia, she lied to a kid that liked me and told him I hated him and almost ruined our friendship.

39: First writing prompt that comes to your head.

- AU on fake dating

40: Least favorite color.

- Purple

41: What was the last thing you got really obsessed with?

- Cutthroat Kitchen

42: What’s the weirdest experience you’ve ever had on a mind-altering substance? (prescription, recreational, otc, or food)

- Uh, got high and drunk at the same time and just felt hella fucked up

43: Shuffle up a random song on your media player. Now tell me what ship/story goes with it.

- Wowwww, its How To Save A Life by the fray, it just means someone on Grey’s is prob gonna die.

44: What’s making you happiest recently? :)

- Rach

45: What’s scaring you these days? :(

- Writing 60000 papers, will my brain turn to mush

46: Post a funny video for me.

- Too much work

47: Did you ever have a dream/nightmare that stuck with you for years?

- YES, ok make fun of me all you want, but one night I had a nightmare that a hippo chased me up a palm tree, been scared of hippos since. Absolutely the most irrational fear ever

48: What’s a movie you thought you’d hate but you turned out to love?

- Honestly, I thought I’d hate marvel movies, but I love them now that I’ve given them a try

49: Tell me a really obscure fact you know.

- There’s a spot in the brain where if someone smoke cigarettes and you injure this part of the brain, they’ll immediately quit cold turkey

50: Hot or cold?

- I hate hot weather, love the cold

51: How did your parent(s) punish you as a kid? What do you think of that?

- Taking away my phone or something I wanted to do. It was good incentive not to misbehave anymore

52: What’s something you thought was true about yourself that your feelings have changed on over the years?

- That I wasn’t smart

53: Write a story in seven words.

- uhhh

54: What is your favorite curse word?

- fuck

55: Favorite food for every color of the rainbow.

- pink - cotton candy, green - broccoli, yellow - pineapple, red -strawberry, blue - acai berry

56: If you were a poltergeist where would you haunt and what would be your preferred style of prank?

- I’d haunt my enemies, scare the shit out of them

57: What is an art style, craft, or skill that you can’t do, but you really admire in others?

- anything art like

58: What is a skill you have that people probably don’t know about?

- I can write poetry well

59: Name a pet peeve you have, and something you do that is probably a pet peeve for others.

- PEOPLE THAT CHEW WITH THEIR MOUTH OPEN, uhh i click pens constantly. Sorry lmao

60: Dragons, dinosaurs, or aliens?

- dinosaurs

61: What was the last big fight you had with someone about?

- About what show to watch at dinner, with my mom.

62: Insult the asker of this question creatively.

- too lazy

63: In an ideal world, what would you like done with your body after you die?

- do that thing where i become a tree

64: Find me a weird stock photo and post it.

- no

65: What was your bedtime ritual as a kid? Did you have one?

- my dad used to come in my room and open my closet and check under my bed for monsters and yell at them to leave

66: What are the three traits you value the most in others?

- humor, loyalty, honesty

67: What are the three most interesting wild animals you’ve encountered in your life?

- manatees, elephants, trump supporters

68: What is a word you really enjoy saying?

- shitballs

69: Answer number 60 like it was a “fuck, marry, kill” rhetorical.

- dude no thats nasty

70: Describe something that happened to you today as if you were a narrator in a film noir, nature documentary, or 50s teaching video

- ummm no

71: Create five new nicknames for yourself as quickly as you can.

- hey you, asshole, gaymo, flaming homo, queerer than a deer

72: Shorts, pants, skirts, or other?

- basketball shorts, or jeans

73: What’s a song you hate and why?

- Anything by Meghan trainor or taylor swift

74: If you were a superhero, what would be your one weakness?

- id stop on my way to save people if i saw a cute puppy that id want to pet

75: Describe a weird encounter you had with a bug.

- I killed a spider yesterday that had hitched a ride in my car

100 questions tag

1:Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Most of the time it's closed 2:Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Who dosnt? 3:Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out 4:Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No 5:Do you like to use post-it notes? Sometimes 6:Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I'm to lazy to cut out coupons lol 7:Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? A bear 8:Do you have freckles? I wish!! 9:Do you always smile for pictures? Nope 10:What is your biggest pet peeve? Ignorant people 11:Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Sometimes I do lol 12:Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes when I was little I didn't want to go inside so I made my friends turn around and I peed in the woods lmao 13:What about pooped in the woods? No 14:Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? Yes 15:Do you chew your pens and pencils? Every once in a while 16:How many people have you slept with this week? No one lmao I'm single af😂 17:What size is your bed? Full 18:What is your Song of the week? Dark Blue by Jacks Mannequin 19:Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Of course 20:Do you still watch cartoons? Yes 21:Whats your least favorite movie? We bought a zoo, that movie is awful lmao 22:Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Idk lol 23:What do you drink with dinner? Water usually 24:What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup or nothing 25:What is your favorite food? Pizza 26:What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Harry Potter and Starwars 27:Last person you kissed/kissed you? Does my mom count? 28:Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Oh yes 29:Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Nope 30:When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Umm when I was in 2nd grade? 31:Can you change the oil on a car? No 32:Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No 33:Ever ran out of gas? No 34:Favorite kind of sandwich? Turkey 35:Best thing to eat for breakfast? Leftover pizza 36:What is your usual bedtime? 9-11:30 37:Are you lazy? Yes 38:When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? All the things 39:What is your Chinese astrological sign? Horse 40:How many languages can you speak? 1 41:Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No 42:Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos duh 43:Are you stubborn? Yes 44:Who is better…Leno or Letterman? Idk 45:Ever watch soap operas? No 46:Are you afraid of heights? Not really 47:Do you sing in the car? Ofc 48:Do you sing in the shower? No 49:Do you dance in the car? Yes 50:Ever used a gun? Yes 51:Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Around a month ago 52:Do you think musicals are cheesy? Absolutely not I love them 53:Is Christmas stressful? Yes 54:Ever eat a pierogi? Yes I eat them all the time 55:Favorite type of fruit pie? Idk 56:Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Singer, actor, dancer 57:Do you believe in ghosts? Yes 58:Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes 59:Take a vitamin daily? Yes I take vitamin D 60:Wear slippers? No 61:Wear a bath robe? No 62:What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants and a tee shirt 63:First concert? Selena Gomez when I was in third grade lol 64:Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target 65:Nike or Adidas? Nike 66:Cheetos Or Fritos? Cherri's 67:Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds 68:Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? Nope 69:Ever take dance lessons? When I was younger 70:Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No 71:Can you curl your tongue? Yes 72:Ever won a spelling bee? Nope I can't spell 73:Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes 74:Own any record albums? No 75:Own a record player? No 76:Regularly burn incense? No 77:Ever been in love? Yes 78:Who would you like to see in concert? TØP 79:What was the last concert you saw? Panic! at the disco 80:Hot tea or cold tea? Both 81:Tea or coffee? Coffee 82:Sugar or snickerdoodles? Sugar 83:Can you swim well? Yes 84:Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes 85:Are you patient? Some times 86:DJ or band, at a wedding? Either 87:Ever won a contest? I don't think so 88:Ever have plastic surgery? No 89:Which are better black or green olives? Black the green ones are gross 90:Can you knit or crochet? No 91:Best room for a fireplace? Living room 92:Do you want to get married? Yes 93:If married, how long have you been married? I'm 14 lmao 94:Who was your HS crush? I'm in high school so my current crush 95:Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No 96:Do you have kids? No 97:Do you want kids? Yes 98:Whats your favorite color? Purple 99:Do you miss anyone right now? Yes 100: Something that happend to you in middle school My life got fucked up