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tsukimefuku · 1 month

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blunt trauma ♰ nanami kento

summary: your mission is to execute a curse user. the issue? said curse user is nanami kento, your former high school classmate and the man who you still secretly love.

tags and cw: dark content, no use of y/n, sorcerer!f!reader, villain!nanami, +18, explicit smut (mostly rough with tender moments hate/love sex), unprotected sex (wrap it, ppl), masturbation, oral (f receiving), pv, from enemies to enemies who fucked 👍, drama and angst (i’m a latina who grew up watching telenovelas), mentions of death, canon-typical violence, ptsd, cursing, hurt/no comfort, this man is saltier than the sea and turned it into everybody else's problem.

wc: 7.5k

notes etc.: somehow it became a character study. this is my rendition of what i think gege would make nanami to be like if they followed their original plan and had nanami be a villain. inspo list is so huge i had to make a playlist, i got carried away.

writing/reading soundtrack: playlist link ; main songs → way down we go (kaleo) and daylight (david kushner).

disclaimer: i do not in any way approve of (or encourage) the relationship depicted here. it is toxic and bad for all parties involved. this is fictional and should stay that way.

oh, father, tell me ♰ do we get what we deserve?

It felt like the air had been beaten out of your lungs by the very one and only blunt blade you ever knew when you heard the news from Gojo.

Of course the first thing he did when he finished wrapping things up was calling you. If roles were reversed, and this had been Geto, he wouldn't expect any less from you.

During the School's Exchange Event, Jujutsu High was attacked by multiple high grade curses and curse users.

One of them was your former best friend from high school, Nanami Kento.

"Are you certain it was him?"

"Absolutely," Gojo replied on the other side of the line, "there were traces of cursed energy from his cursed technique. He was also spotted by one of MeiMei's ravens."

"And how many students did he…"

"Two students from Kyoto."

Your head instantly felt dizzy.

"He also killed around a dozen assistants and people securing cursed objects underground."

"Shit… shit," you muttered, forgetting for a few seconds what words were and how to form a coherent sentence. Following suit, your stomach dropped with a sinking ache the moment you made the obvious realization, uttering the most painful thing you had to say in your life — even worse than he's gone, so many years before.

"This will earn him a death sentence, won't it?"

Gojo was silent for a few moments.

"Hey…"

"Tell me. I can take it."

After a bated breath — from your end, mostly — he confirmed your worst fears.

"Yes. It will."

Ever since Geto's and Nanami's defection, you and Gojo had a special type of shared sorrow over each other's failures to save the people you both loved the most. Call it trauma bonding or codependency, but you developed an unwavering sense of loyalty towards one another.

For that reason, he already knew what you were about to ask him, and you only would because you knew he wouldn't find it in himself to refuse it.

"When it happens, please, have me be appointed as the executioner."

"Of course."

Sitting with a glass of whiskey while gazing out of the window in an understated house just by the outskirts of Sendai, Nanami couldn't say he was fulfilled, unable to grasp the concept of feeling in any way elated ever since his teenage years. However, he was definitely satisfied that this plan had worked.

He managed to put a dent into Jujutsu Society, aiding Geto — or, at least, someone that looked like him, not that Nanami truly cared about it by this point — in retrieving multiple cursed objects that would be used for their inevitable fallout.

There had been a few casualties, though.

Two students and many personnel died — or rather, met their fateful end by the edge of his blunt blade —, but some deaths should be expected if Jujutsu Society was to be brought to the ground, down to its last brick.

Ever since that fateful day when he was nothing but a tall child sitting beside the cold corpse of his best friend, Yu Haibara, Nanami had simmered what would become a cauldron of absolute venom-dripping rage against Jujutsu Society.

To hell with saving other people — what about them? What about the teenager that would never grow to be a sorcerer, who became an inanimate nothing before ever getting the chance of making something out of himself?

That face… Nanami could never forget it. It haunted his dreams, even a decade later. Such a stark contrast between the light-spirited smiles and this cold, gray monolith that laid in the morgue.

They had no right to rob their students from their youth, much less from their lives, but that's exactly what Jujutsu High did when they didn't even bother to check the mission appropriately before dispatching Haibara and Nanami to a certain death.

Nanami escaped, but just barely, by the skin of his teeth. Haibara, however, wasn't blessed with the same luck, and drew the short straw when his hitched final breaths met their end against Nanami's shoulder. Nanami, who carried his best friend on his back, desperately tried to win a losing race against death.

Help was late to arrive.

They were too late for Haibara.

And, in a sense, they were too late for him, too.

The worst part, though, was when they were finally being transported all the way back to Jujutsu High. As he glanced over Haibara’s cadaver, now covered by a body bag, one particularly insensitive assistant very rudely stated, “at least there is a body to be buried.”

At least

There is a body

To be buried

Those words echoed in his head for what felt like eternity. Was that the best they all had to hope for? To at least have remains left behind for the mourning?

In any case, that was why, even though he had to kill, Nanami never mangled any of his human victims — something not easy to do, given how his technique worked and how easy it was to split someone in half.

You had noticed this perverted benevolence while looking over the necropsy reports, a realization that just added insult to injury.

Let there be something for the funeral, I suppose, was what he told himself.

In his own twisted way, Nanami figured this was a kindness very few sorcerers received at their tragic ends, and decided he'd definitely be more compassionate than what Jujutsu High put their sorcerers through.

In his eyes, those from Jujutsu High who died under his will were the ones granted a truly merciful death.

His peace was disturbed by the sound of the entrance door being brutally kicked in, flying its way across the living room. He pulled his blunt blade from the side of his armchair with his free hand, but quickly put it down when realizing it was you that had just barged inside.

He knew you very well — well enough to be certain you wouldn't come swinging at him immediately.

"I can see you still have a temper. Destroying the door wasn’t necessary, I would've opened it for you," he stated, sipping on his drink.

"I don't care," you retorted, "I guess you already know why I'm here, in any case."

"I do. You're here to carry out my death sentence," he stated, completely unbothered, as if talking about the weather.

As if he was just mundanely stuck in his ways.

You huffed, placing your hand over your sword's handle.

"Precisely."

"We haven't spoken in a long time, why don't you take a seat?" Nanami inquired, pointing at the armchair right in front of him. "I want to finish my drink."

You glared at the curse user, as he, unfazed, kept gulping on his whiskey. Nanami was wearing a black buttoned shirt, black pants and black oxford shoes, and you couldn't help but see him as a grim reaper — this was a somber look, fitting for the equally somber man who carried it.

For a second, you took in his features — you hadn’t seen Nanami for a few years after the last time you crossed paths.

His shoulders had slightly broadened, and he still bore the same chiseled face, framed by his sand-blond hair neatly slicked back.

Nanami’s eyes traveled over you quickly, apparently doing the very same thing.

Time had left its marks. It was evident you both had grown up — and apart.

You knew this was a shit idea, but entertained it enough that you actually walked towards the chair and sat down. There were definitely things to be talked about, and you just about had a million questions for him.

Most of them, however, boiled down to what you immediately asked.

"Why did you do it?"

Nanami put his glass on the coffee table right in front of you.

"It was a necessary means to an end."

His words came with frost-bitten coldness, his voice embodying the monotone you once loved, but eventually, grew to hate.

You scoffed, incredulous at his reply, involuntarily clenching your fingers around your katana's handle as it laid on your lap.

"Necessary means to an end? Nanami, you killed teenage sorcerers!"

"As I said, and I don't like repeating myself," he interjected, "it was a necessary sacrifice for a greater cause."

"You're such a hypocritical, self-righteous ass!"

Nanami sighed, clearly displeased.

"We have always been able to keep some semblance of respect for each other, despite our… differences. Do not use that foul language with me."

You laughed bitterly, no amusement or fun in your voice as you did.

"Do you think I can still have an ounce of respect for you after what you did? You murdered my people! They were all sorcerers. You killed students, Nanami! Jujutsu High's students! Just like Haibara once was!"

He shot his eyes at you, and the aura of his cursed energy grew sinister at your words.

"Don't say his name."

Yu Haibara, arguably the glue that kept the trio together. You were hot headed, Nanami was intransigent, and Yu was the conciliatory ray of sunshine that kept you two — but you, particularly — from constant quarreling as classmates nearly every day.

But back then, you'd argue with Nanami with love.

This wasn't the case now.

Not entirely, at least.

"He was my best friend too, the three of us were! Do you really think this is what he would've wanted?!" you questioned him, equal parts hurt and enraged.

"I'm not one to ponder on could've or would've been's. Haibara is gone."

"I'm not a would've been!"

You could still remember it. The day you realized why dealing with Nanami and hearing his sharp comebacks riled you up so intensely.

You finally understood you were in love with him.

Ever since the first day you met Nanami, you envied the way he'd be able to keep his feelings in check when you constantly felt like falling apart. You felt jealous at how he was considered a greatly competent individual, regarded by all as the best of your class, while you were basically viewed as a ticking bomb nearing explosion. And finally, it made you livid the way how everyone treated him like the informal leader of the trio when the three of you were out on a mission together.

However, those were the same things that got you to admire your friend and, eventually, fall in love for him.

That day, you asked Nanami to meet you outside after class by himself — much to Haibara's dismay —, because you had something to tell him. It was a Tuesday afternoon, and the unforgiving sun of summer was already setting, casting an orange glow through the leaves of the tree you were both under.

After confessing your feelings for him and bracing yourself for being shot down, because why the hell would Nanami Kento, the brilliant, competent, and mature second-year, have any interest in the chaotic, hot headed mess you were, you realized he actually looked surprised. After taking a few moments to collect himself, Nanami told you how he had thought you actually hated him.

At last, somewhat nervous — but definitely intent on not letting it show —, he confided he had affectionate feelings towards you as well.

Your first kiss was awkward, as it would be expected out of two inexperienced people such as you and Nanami were at that age, but it carried the sweet taste of a blue spring marked by teenage years' innocence.

It felt like a promise.

Unfortunately, such promise was unmercifully cut short the very next day, when Nanami and Haibara were dispatched to their life-changing mission.

What an irony it was that, in the end, you were the one to actually mature over Haibara's death, growing up to be an upstanding sorcerer, loved and admired by peers and students alike, and Nanami was the bomb to blow up in everybody's faces.

What a cruel irony.

"I was there too, and I'm still here, having to pick up the pieces of what you deliberately destroyed!" you rasped, angrily.

"You weren't a 'would've been'? Where were you when we needed you? When I needed you?" his voice didn't conceal the tinge of hurt that those questions carried.

What a fucking low blow.

"Nanami, that's not fair. There wasn't anything I could've done in that situation, and you know that!"

You blamed yourself for a while for not going on that mission with them, until you realized that you too would probably have died if you were there. From the three, Nanami was the only one strong and fast enough to pull off an escape like he did.

He diverted his gaze back to the window.

"You were the one to bring up hypothetical scenarios. Let's indulge in them for a minute, shall we?"

Nanami glanced back at you, and his next words brimmed with bitter resentment, even if his voice sounded more calm and collected than ever.

"You see someone you supposedly love slowly sinking into darkness. What do you do?"

"Don't you dare, you condescending prick! I asked you so many fucking times what was going on. You were the one who shut me out!"

Your voice carried a decade-old pain that resonated from the depths of your soul.

It came from all the times you entered his dorm room with his favorite sandwich after he had cooped up in there for days on end, and he didn't even bother to eat it. Every time you asked him to talk to you, said you were there for him, and was met by a vacant stare.

And, at last, the time when he cruelly blamed you for not being there when Haibara died.

The way he coldly told you about Haibara's last words.

According to Nanami, Haibara said he wanted to speak to you one last time, at least to bid you farewell.

And you weren't there.

Oh, the viciousness with which he blamed you, and decided you owed him something for this perceived failure.

The next time Nanami talked to you, he asked you to leave Jujutsu High with him, just like Geto did, and swore to destroy them. You tried, pleaded, implored for him to reconsider and stay, but the very following day, you were met by an empty room where the person you once loved used to be.

That emptiness had, paradoxically, filled you wholly with grief.

Gojo once told you that nobody could save someone who didn't want to be saved.

You still thought you should've tried harder, in a childish attempt at giving yourself an illusory semblance of control over that clusterfuck of a situation.

This is the gap inside our psyche that feeling guilty tries to fill, isn't it?

We can only feel guilty about the things we could've changed, right?

Your voice sounded decades older than yourself, burdening the weight of multiple lifetimes of hurt and grief. Your soul was too old for your own good.

"How can you find it in yourself to blame me for this?! No… This is a prison of your own making. You built the house of cards that is tumbling down on your head as we speak entirely by yourself."

He huffed intensely through his nostrils — Nanami’s version of a snort —, looking the other way before proceeding, each syllable hitting you with the deadly precision of his cursed technique.

"You abandoned us, leaving me and Haibara to fend for ourselves, just like Jujutsu Society did."

By that point, you began yelling, and your voice reverberated all across the room.

"The hell I did!"

You had to take a deep breath before proceeding.

"I just couldn't get behind this dumb idea that we should become curse users and bring down Jujutsu Society."

"Why didn't you come with me?" he finally asked, in an amalgam of pain, sadness, longing, anger, and stinging resentment. "I would have followed you to the deepest recesses of hell if you asked me to."

You huffed, laughing angrily in between your teeth, before thrusting your words like thorns against him.

"Funny you should say that. You'd go anywhere for me? How about staying? Why couldn't you have stayed for me, then?!"

Perhaps that request was egotistical, but you didn't care. If only for a moment, you wanted to give yourself this small privilege — to want in a world of duty.

"I was the one actually left to fend for myself, right inside the belly of the beast, and you couldn't have cared less."

He stared at you, nothing in his eyes other than the void left behind after his spirit got killed with his best friend so many years ago.

"I didn't stay because… Because," Nanami stated, with a grave finality, "and you're the one who chose to stay. You're still actively choosing to, just like you did back then."

"That's not a good enough answer," you replied with a bad taste in your mouth.

"It's what you've earned," he coldly replied, "but in case you change your mind-"

"Enough," you interrupted him, incredulous that even after everything, this man had the nerve of suggesting you'd ever be interested in running away with him. "It appalls me you would even consider I could… After what you've done? No, never."

Nanami sighed, and for a brief moment, seemed to be actually disappointed under his resigned, polished visage.

"Well, then. Let's get this over with, at once."

In a split second, you pushed your chair on the ground, falling on your shoulders and rolling on your back, dodging his lightning-fast attack. It left a crater behind, right where you were seconds before. Nanami jumped over the fallen armchair, and you dodged him once again, spinning on your heels, unsheathing your sword as you did so, to deal a beheading blow on the back of his neck.

However, right before impact, you faltered, slowing down your movement.

Your own body held you back from taking his life.

He didn't seem to notice.

Nanami bent down just in time to avoid the blow, and swung his blunt blade towards your kneecap. You were quick on your feet, and jumped back, putting a good distance between the both of you.

"I can see you're actually fighting to kill," he noted, getting up on his feet.

"Of course. That's what I came here to do," you spat in his direction.

"You were never the practical one."

You scoffed.

"Guess I learned something from you."

He smiled at the irony of that, but his eyes didn't follow his expression.

Nanami lunged at you, but while you thought he'd deal his next blow in your direction, he hit your footing, having you fall on the ground. Abruptly, his blunt blade descended in your direction, but you were able to catch it and have it slip to your side using your katana supported by your hand behind it, sending a sharp, loud sound around the vicinity, trembling against the bones and flesh of the house.

You rolled on your side when he struck a new hit in your direction, leaving another gaping hole on the floor, and you jumped yourself up.

Before you could attack him, however, he took you by surprise, and you lifted your sword to defend yourself. Nanami hit your katana with his blunt blade, breaking it near where the handle and the steel met, launching your body back on the wall.

The impact knocked the air out of your lungs, and you fell to your knees, unable to recover yourself as you got up. Instantly, you heard his quick, steady steps sprinting their way in your direction.

You were cornered.

This is it.

You braced yourself for the impact, closing your eyes. You remembered his technique perfectly.

Precise, just as he was.

Deadly, just as he was, too.

You were to die at the hands of the man you loved, who had become a murderer and only a distorted, broken version of whom you used to truly love.

This seemed like an oddly cruel way to go.

However, the impact never came.

His blunt blade stopped as it was about to hit your stomach, and you opened your eyes, just to see his face mere inches apart from yours. His mountainous form blocked your view from anything else behind him, and Nanami, at that moment, actually looked like the menace he truly was.

“Why were you appointed as my executioner?” Nanami asked, much to your surprise.

“I asked to be,” you answered, holding his gaze as something went through his eyes. A hint of anger, most likely, and some sense of betrayal, certainly.

“So, you want to kill someone you once loved? You were always prone to self-penitence, so it stands to reason you’d do something idiotic like that.”

You scoffed, grimacing at him, feeling your entire body incandescent with rage.

“I fucking hate you, Nanami.”

He inched his face even closer, brushing your noses against one another, eyes stone-cold and hauntingly vacant.

“I hate you as well.”

For a moment, you wondered if he had really stopped his blade before impact. You didn't expect it, but hearing those words felt like you just had been hit, victim of a blunt trauma, at how much they tore you apart.

The same blunt trauma that severed the Nanami you once knew — the teenager with bangs, who'd always be carrying around a few spare changes to get soda cans from the vending machine for you and Haibara, in his own understated kindness — and this empty monster looking back at you.

"Good. Finish me off, then, and get your revenge for a crime I never committed. Being unfair and an all-around self-centered asshole certainly suits you, fucker."

His hand made its way up your neck, and you were pressed against the wall. The grip was firm, but not enough to choke you — it came more as a warning than anything else.

"I already told you to stop using that foul language with me," he ordered, low voice simmering with genuine irritation.

"Then make me," you challenged him, hoping for this torture to be over as fast as possible.

Just fucking kill me already.

His blunt blade fell with a thud on the floor, and you were confused for a moment, wondering if he really wouldn't give you the kindness of a quick demise. Did he plan on choking you to death?

Did he hate you that much?

His other hand came up, but before you could do anything to try to resist — which would be nothing but a futile attempt at survival, given that Nanami was physically much stronger than you —, his fingers snaked their way through the back of your hair, tugging it at the roots.

His mouth clashed against yours, all teeth, tongue, anger, and hunger, and instantly every nerve in your body flared up with a raging fiery ember you hadn't felt in years. All the pent-up resentment, hurt, and desire you had for Nanami swirled together in your gut, guiding your hands up his hair, as you also pulled on it intently, robbing him of a gasp.

You intertwined your tongue against his, and he unceremoniously bullied his own inside your mouth, leaving no crevice unexplored, as his hand on your neck descended towards your waist, where he clenched his fingers with a vicious grip. You whimpered against his lips, and he grunted in return, pushing his body on yours. His throbbing growing cock could be felt, even through both of your clothes, as he pressed it right against the edge of your pants.

When you finally parted after what seemed like a not-long-enough eternity, you huffed and panted, and albeit less than you, he was panting too.

"I fucking… hate you…" you gnarled, glaring into his eyes. The hazel-brown gaze you once adored was now clouded and dark, like the muddy waters of a deep lake.

"Shut the fuck up," Nanami groaned back, strongly cupping your cunt with his large hand. You whimpered in surprise, and he pulled you in harshly for another kiss, letting go of your hair and sex to sink his fingers on the backside of your thighs, pulling them. You immediately jumped up and threw your arms around his shoulders, as he manhandled your legs to have them hooked around him.

He quickly took you both inside the room, and tossed you on the bed, having you gasping in surprise. Before you could catch your breath, he climbed his way on top of you, pressing your body down, and clashed his mouth against yours again, making you actually lightheaded from a lack of air.

You pushed against his chest, grunting uneasy, and surprisingly, he parted his lips from yours.

"What?"

You panted heavily, nearly hyperventilating, and mindlessly rested your hand on his cheek.

"C-can't breathe…" was all you mustered up to say, trying to replenish oxygen back into your system.

His eyes softened so discreetly you nearly missed it, and his cold-ivory enclosure slightly cracked under the affectionate touch he didn't expect.

Nanami had no idea how much he had craved it ever since you parted ways, and hated himself, just a little, for how much such an innocuous gesture stirred his old feelings up, throwing his heart against his chest in a fluttering rush.

I should be over her by now, dammit.

Nanami also brought his hand up your face, and ghosted over your cheek for a second before sliding his fingers delicately down over it.

You also weren't prepared for that, and your chest tightened all over your heavy heart as you remembered your first kiss.

The way he'd cup your face in his hands.

So delicate, so lovely.

This touch, at this very moment, felt like a painful reminder of everything you had lost.

"Kento…" you cooed, voice strained in your throat, with all the things you were sure you'd never say.

He hummed your name in return, and kissed you while sinking your body against the mattress. This kiss was different, as his lips brushed gently over yours, and his tongue tenderly teased over the seam of your mouth. You welcomed him in, and you both explored these deep waters tentatively, as he upped the intensity after each stroke of your tongues against each other.

He tasted like whiskey, and bread, and the tainted love left behind as nothing but a reminiscence of less grueling days. You couldn't help but feel robbed by him.

You both had been missing out on this for all these fucking years.

"Why did you have to go?" you asked, pulling back from him, a tinge of anger to your cadence, and another of pain in your face.

"Why did you have to stay?" he spat back at you, equal parts saddened and resentful.

His mouth made its way to your neck, and you gasped with the sensation of his warm breath mingled with saliva against your skin, as he licked and bit his way around.

You couldn’t find it in yourself to push him away, and your eyes burned with the prickling sensation of tears that wouldn’t come. You were starved for his touch, his smell, his body, even if this was the murderer of your students, of your friends.

In your head, you felt like digging a hole and throwing yourself in it, to wallow in the misery of realizing that you were about to fuck the murderer of people you loved, and that it felt good.

A pool of heat and fire shot down your insides as your heartbeats throbbed in between your legs.

You hated yourself, and on top of it all, hated Nanami.

Hated that you couldn't help but still love him, even after all he had done.

This was the setting tension in between the both of you, the two extremes of hate and love pulling against each other, all while the tug of war rope refused to snap to either side.

He pulled your shirt over your head, tossing it aside, and you undid his shirt, unzipping his pants. He unzipped you too, and quickly enough, took off your pants along with your panties with a single sharp tug.

Back to rough, but not entirely, it seemed.

His hand glided against your thigh and his fingertips slipped over your entrance, getting completely glazed by your already dripping arousal. He grunted, a guttural and intense sound deep in his chest, giving you another bite on the soft skin of your neck.

"Hate me?" Nanami asked, teasing his digits over your cunt, "doesn't seem like it."

You managed to scoff at him, which would prove to be a mistake.

"Go fuck yours-"

Before you could finish your sentence, he dove two of his fingers inside knuckle-deep, without any hint of a warning, forcefully stretching your walls around them. You immediately let out a whimper so pitiful you wondered if that was really your voice.

He seemed satisfied at that. Perhaps, even elated.

"Good girl," Nanami whispered right beside your ear, nibbling against your earlobe with his teeth, sending shivers down your spine. He began sliding his fingers in and out, and you bucked down against his hand while moaning and mewling, walls sheathing his digits as he finger-fucked your cunt, neglecting your clit as punishment for calling him a condescending prick earlier.

His palm rucked against your dripping folds, echoing wet slaps all throughout the room, as your arousal kept pooling on his palm.

He mumbled softly against your skin, bringing his mouth up to brush against yours, "hate… you still love me."

You instantly drew one of your hands to slap him in the face for this hurtful teasing, but he had quick reflexes — quicker than yours. He dodged himself back as your hand hit the empty sheets, and edged his fingers to hit against your soft spot, pressing it so violently, you let out a strained cry from the shooting overstimulation pain.

"Ah- Shit!" you shouted, face all scrunched up.

"Can't you behave for once?" he chided, "why is it so hard for you to j-just-“

Nanami’s breath hitched in his throat as he grunted, unable to finish his sentence.

You shut him up the only way you could think — grabbing his cock harshly over his boxers. It was extremely effective, and he immediately humped his length against your hand, while lowly groaning.

With trembling hands and a violent snap, you haphazardly pulled his boxers down to his mid-thighs, as his fingers kept mercilessly bullying their way inside you, sending vibrating waves all throughout your body with every thrust.

“Stop… telling me… ah-aaah-“ you rolled your eyes back with a loud moan, struggling to keep a train of coherent thought, gnarling your next words, “what to… ah- do!”

His cock sprang out, slapping against his belly. The tip was already flustered red, leaking with pre-cum, and had a long, prominent vein on the underside.

To punish him back for the roughness, you grabbed his length with one hand, and with the other, pressed the middle of your palm against his flushed tip, glistening his arousal around it with enough force to jump across the divide between intense pleasure and painful overstimulation.

Nanami cursed with a feral voice through his teeth, immediately biting the side muscles of your neck with no semblance of restraint, making sure to leave a purple remnant of pain etched on your skin.

“Ah- ouch! Fuck!” you spat out, tightening your grip around his cock, but weakened enough to release the tight pressure against his tip, letting him fuck into your hand. His hips bucked erratically, and his lips pressed a quick kiss right where he had previously bitten.

He couldn't help it.

Suddenly, Nanami stopped his rutting fingers to press his thumb against your already throbbing clit. That instantly had you seeing stars as you cursed loudly in between moans and grunts, drawing your free hand to his head, ferociously tugging at his hair, as heat pooled in your lower abdomen like fiery embers of coal.

He grabbed your arm, pulling it away from his shaft, and removed his fingers from your walls, having them clenching around nothing at such a sudden emptiness. You began complaining, only to have your voice cut short by his tongue slipping its way inside your mouth, in a sloppy, wet kiss.

Parting from you, Nanami’s eyes were glassy, and you were absolutely sure your gaze must’ve looked just as hazy as his.

In a brief moment, before you realized it, he slid himself down, and unceremoniously lapped at your already sensitive clit with his warm tongue, hot breath tickling against your sensitive skin.

Both of your hands descended towards his hair, brushing over his golden and now messy locks more tenderly than you expected. Nanami suddenly shivered and moaned into your cunt, edging his tongue down your folds and back, eyes fluttering shut the moment he tasted you entirely.

He felt a tinge of pain clench at his chest, realizing this was the taste he had missed out on for all that time — your taste, which would surely ruin him forever.

Nanami’s pain, however, was quick to turn into outrage, as he began sucking on your clit relentlessly, eliciting the most animalistic sounds you had ever uttered.

You instinctively tried backing away, and he pulled on your thighs, holding them with such a violent force that his hand was sure to leave an engraving of his digits over your plush skin.

Nanami was intent on dragging this orgasm out of you by any means necessary.

You had never given him anything he wanted from you — be it the company to fight against Jujutsu High or the same unwavering loyalty he had for you. So this was something he’d take.

If you wouldn’t be by his side, then the least you could do was to cum for him so fervently, he’d be sure to ruin you just as much as he felt like you had ruined him. You owed him that, or so Nanami thought.

“Aaah-- Kento! S-slow d-… fuck!”

You came with a thunderous shout, jolting your hip forward as your thighs tightened with inhuman strength to the sides of his head. Nanami made sure to deliciously lick your way down from your high, applying such a precise and perfect pressure on your clit that you could’ve wept from sheer satisfaction.

After your legs went limp, he slowly climbed his way back to you, pressing kisses all over your body, leaving a ghost of heat wherever his mouth traveled. When Nanami finally reached your face, he put his forearms against your sides, hands over your shoulders, caging you in, as he pressed his mouth against yours in a slow kiss.

You were floating in a calm sea, salty waves caressing your body every time they passed through, and it felt cozy. Inviting, even. As he parted his lips from yours, Nanami gazed into your eyes in the way he used to.

For a second, you got catapulted into the past, and the orange sun that warmed your cheeks through the leaves as you kissed for the first time seemed to shine its rays over again.

With his arms around you, the nonsensical feeling of being protected washed over your heart.

“Come with me,” he whispered with a sultry, husky voice.

“Kento…” you cooed, sighing, wanting nothing more than for this moment to extend for infinity.

But it couldn’t.

You didn’t go with him, so many years ago.

And wouldn’t go now, either.

That wasn’t how it worked for the both of you.

Nanami understood it, and what seemed like another crack against his unwavering walls had formed the moment his brows furrowed above his eyes.

“Fine, then,” he said, with a tinge of genuine hurt to his voice.

You parted your thighs to accommodate his hips, and he obliged, guiding his hand down to align his cock against your entrance. You bent and hooked your legs around him, pulling him in, and as the tip of his length got pressed against your dripping cunt, he gasped slightly over your lips.

Nanami sunk in slowly, going through your already relaxed ring. However, it apparently wasn’t relaxed enough, or perhaps he was just too big, because you could feel every inch of stretching his cock made against your walls as he slowly bottomed out inside your cunt.

His mouth fell open and you exhaled a moan into it, breaths mingling together. You two drank each other in. Nanami pressed his forehead against yours, and you both held each other’s gaze, as he pulled your left wrist above your head, holding it there, pushing you down the mattress by your waist with his other hand.

After a moment for you to take him in, Nanami began rolling his hips into you, while his hand kept bruisingly pressing your wrist against the mattress. You could feel his balancing act of trying to love you and wanting to hurt you at the same time.

You weren’t so different from him in that sense, though. Your nails got dragged down his back with abrasive force, and for a second, you considered drawing blood from him. He grunted, and you saw the spark of cold-hearted anger flash through his now dimmed eyes.

You both wanted to love each other just as much as you wanted to hurt each other.

In a more forgiving universe, perhaps, he’d hold your hand tenderly, intertwining his fingers in yours. Maybe you two would be in the kitchen as he showed you one of his favorite bread recipes, and share quiet moments of understanding companionship when remembering those who had left this world too soon.

But this wasn’t that universe, unfortunately.

He was to die, and you were to carry out his execution.

Except you couldn’t, because even if you still tried to cling on to any sliver of morals, even if his life was something yours alone to take, the mere thought of a world without Nanami was far worse than the reality of a world in which he was a murderer.

You insisted on fighting a losing game, and much to no one’s surprise, you lost.

Good riddance to me, I suppose.

His grunts came hitched and stuttered against your mouth as he was now rutting himself into you, biting your lower lip hard enough to almost pierce the skin with his teeth. You moaned loudly, dragged around with pain and pleasure, the combo that seemed to summarize the gist of your relationship.

He let go of your wrist and descended his hand without a warning towards your already overworked clit, glazing his thumb against the ring of arousal you were leaving around him before starting to make circles around your nub. Your moans came out cracked and faltering, as you tried to resist the instinctive urge of fleeing that the overstimulation was eliciting.

“Give me… one more,” Nanami groaned lowly against your cheek, planting multiple kisses down the side of your face and your chin. His hair — which had already fallen from its usual slick arrangement — brushed against your fluttering eyelids, momentarily weaving golden sand colors over your your vision, and you drove both your hands to the back of his head, pulling him in for another kiss.

You could kiss him like this forever.

You actually wanted to, at that moment.

To his request, you nodded, and this was probably the first time you acquiesced to any request Nanami had ever made to you.

Fulfilled, his thrusts and his finger over your clit became increasingly erratic, as he was now moaning your name against your mouth. You pushed your tongue over his, sliding your hands up his head to tug at his roots, and that was all it took to tip him over the edge.

Nanami came with a muffled groan, having your tongue still pushed inside his mouth, and kept pumping himself inside you trying to keep the comedown at bay. His thick, white cum got glazed all over inside you, and the slaps of flesh and skin began sounding ever more wet than they already were.

You weren’t so far off, with your walls fluttering around him, and he noticed it, keeping his now trembling thumb pressed and circling intently over your clit. With one perfectly applied nudge on your sensitive bud, Nanami finally pulled you over the edge along with him.

Some tears began pooling on the edges of your lashes, and all your emotions — anger, sadness, grief, longing, and a particular brand of despair you cultivated during the last decade — came crashing down as he wrenched your second orgasm from you.

Your body convulsed under him, fluttering walls expelling his softening cock out, as you shouted and grunted into his mouth. You didn’t know if you were more furious at yourself for still loving him, at him for loving you, or at Jujutsu Society for jumbling you both like pawns to be tossed around until you two were broken beyond repair.

Angry at them for sending the young out to have their spirits crushed too soon. For all the deaths no one got to mourn because there was too much work, too little time, and the wounded were always left behind to fend for themselves.

Just like you were.

And just like Nanami was.

You sat at the edge of the bed while putting your shirt back on, and looked back at Nanami, who had his buttoned shirt open over his chest.

“Are you still resolute on your decision of not coming with me?” Nanami asked, with a tinge of eagerness. Or maybe it was just your imagination.

You pondered for a moment, and knew exactly what the answer to that question was.

“Yes. I’m not coming with you.”

For a second, you caught the faintest glimpse of the person he used to be. Something aching to genuine disappointment.

The longing that flashed through him, unfortunately, was quick to go, as he began buttoning his shirt down, averting his gaze elsewhere.

“Why?”

“Because I’d hate myself for the rest of my life if I did,” you stated, sighing before continuing, “and it’s not because I can’t kill you or because I love you that I don’t despise you. You crossed an uncrossable line.”

He pursed his lips, and almost felt regretful for the path he chose.

Almost, since regret now would come ten years too late.

“You can’t go back. They will know you let me go,” Nanami remarked. Be it from him or from looking around this house, Jujutsu High would surely hold you accountable for this — for willingly letting the curse user and murderer, Nanami Kento, escape their wrath.

“I know that,” you replied, a tad bit more defeated than you expected, “that’s why I’m fleeing to Hokkaido.”

He sighed and looked at you. You held his gaze, feeling a little hint of anxiety at what he seemed to be simmering under the surface.

With a warmer expression — or as warm as he could muster it up to be —, Nanami spoke again.

“I truly want you to come with me. You’d be safer. We’d… be by each other’s side.”

For a moment, you faltered, open lips with no sound coming out of them. Blinking yourself back to Earth, you asked, “you mean together?”

Nanami kept silent, but nodded, waiting for your response.

He wasn’t just asking for you to come with him, but to be with him.

You wanted to. You did. Something Nanami never knew was just how much you wanted to follow him when he asked you the same thing, so many years ago.

But even though you wholeheartedly loved him with every minute part of your being, your loyalty lied elsewhere.

Not with him, but with the people he had killed.

Well, at least that was the comfortable lie you were capable of living with.

It would destroy you to realize the loyalty you had for the murderer of the people you loved.

In the end, even if you weren’t a teenager anymore, you were just as much a hostage to your feelings as you had always been.

The ticking took a long time, but the bomb eventually went off.

With a decade’s old delay.

“I… just can’t. I can’t.”

Nanami reclined himself against the wall over which the bed rested, closing his eyes as he supported the back of his head on it.

He never told you, but this moment broke his heart all over again.

He felt pathetically small.

Guess we get what we deserve, after all.

“You really do have a taste for penitence,” Nanami noted, his voice barely concealing the bitterness that tainted those words.

You scoffed, getting up on your feet, ready to leave as the first rays of sunshine began bleeding through the thick curtains that covered the bedroom’s window.

“Go to hell.”

He chuckled, a sound you hadn’t heard in a very long time. However, it sounded off-key. Wrong.

Sad.

“We’re already here.”

At the end of it all, he wasn’t wrong.

You were doomed to always keep leaving each other.

If only the world had been a little kinder.

But kindness, it seemed, wasn’t in the cards for you.

End notes: I’m silently screaming. Oh my, this one took way longer than expected, but I enjoyed the writing process during every step of the way (I mean, if that wasn’t evident already from the fact that I made a playlist for this 😂). I forgot how much I was a sucker for gut wrenching angst. Hope you enjoyed it too! 🦉

Tag list: @actuallysaiyan @diogodxlot @jadedjane @redlikerozez @voiceless9000

@marvelousfanfictionbitch @kentocalls @ohhheymessa @magical-girl-b @simp-manhwa

@codenamesongbird

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itsmealaiah · 4 months

Note

Hiii I'm a huge fan of ur works ❤️❤️❤️

I was wondering could u make a 2023 to 2024 tom and bill x reader the used to all be best friends but when tom got married hidei klum tells tom to cut reader off because she's jealous of her now so he did making reader go mia and hide from social media now in 2024 they rekindle and if u can could it be smut ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Once again I'm a huge fan

aww ❤️

Missing some action

tags/ warnings: author being a forgetful bitch and not putting bill in here, cheating/ adultery, multiple rounds of smut, getting caught in the act

Not proofread at all!

MDNI ⚠️ don't like don't read or leave hate

Disclaimer: nothing against heidi yall

pairing: tom x fem

may and will not be used in any other capacity besides this blog, do not translate, copy and paste, or claim as your own. we've had many issues with this in the past three months.

It had been four long years since the last time I had seen Tom Kaulitz. He used to be my best friend, the one person who understood me like no other. But then he married Heidi Klum, and everything changed. She grew jealous of our friendship, of the time we spent together, of the closeness we shared. So, she demanded that Tom choose between her and me. Of course, he chose her. I wasn't surprised, but it still hurt. A lot.

She made it clear that she didn't want me in their lives anymore, and Tom seemed to agree. I was heartbroken, but I had no choice but to leave them alone. I went off grid, deleted all my social media accounts, and tried to move on with my life. I focused on my career, my friends, and family. Time passed, and the pain eased a little, but it never truly went away.

Four years later, I received an invitation to Tom and Heidi's anniversary party. I didn't want to go, but my mom insisted. "You need to face your past and move on, sweetheart," she said, handing me the crumpled piece of paper with the address on it. As I got dressed for the event, I couldn't help but feel a mixture of anticipation and dread. What if Tom didn't even want to see me after all this time?

When I arrived at the party, I immediately felt out of place. The atmosphere was so different from the ones we used to share. The guests were all dressed to the nines, sipping expensive champagne, and laughing too loudly. I searched the crowd for Tom, hoping to avoid him for as long as possible. But then, I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

It was him. Tom looked different somehow, more grown up and self-assured. He was still as handsome as ever, with those piercing brown eyes that used to make my heart race. He was standing there with Heidi at his side, her arm looped through his, a smug smile playing on her lips. They both looked so happy together.

I hesitated for a moment, my heart thudding in my chest. Should I go over and say hello? Or should I just turn around and walk away? Before I could make a decision, Tom broke away from Heidi and walked towards me. His steps were slow and deliberate, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of nostalgia as I remembered the countless times we used to run into each other's arms and hug.

When he finally reached me, he took my hands in his and smiled warmly. "It's good to see you, y/n. I've missed you." His voice was soft and sincere, and it sent a shiver down my spine. "I'm sorry for the way things ended between us. I never meant for it to happen that way." He looked at me with those eyes, and it was like he was seeing right through me.

"It's okay, Tom. I understand." I forced a smile, trying to hide the ache in my heart. "It's good to see you too." I glanced around, feeling the need to break the awkward silence. "Heidi is looking lovely tonight."

He chuckled softly. "She is, isn't she? Well, come on. Let me introduce you to some people." He took my hand and led me through the crowd. As we walked, I couldn't help but notice how his touch sent tingles up my spine, how his presence still made my heart skip a beat.

"So, what have you been up to?" he asked, his voice low and intimate. "How's work? How's your family?" I told him about my latest project, my parents, my sister. He listened attentively, nodding along, occasionally asking questions. It felt so natural, like we were picking up right where we left off.

"I've been meaning to ask you," I said, hesitating for a moment. "How are things with you and Heidi?"

He smiled, but there was a sadness in his eyes. "We're doing well, I suppose. But things aren't always as perfect as they seem." He looked away, lost in thought. "I can't help but wonder sometimes what might have been, you know?"

I nodded, my heart aching for him. I knew exactly what he meant. But then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Heidi glaring at us from across the room. Her expression was a mixture of anger and jealousy, and it made me feel guilty all over again.

"Well," I said, trying to change the subject. "I should probably find my mom and thank her for bringing me here. It was nice seeing you, Tom." I reached up and kissed his cheek, feeling his skin warm beneath my lips.

He took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "Thank you for coming, y/n. I'm glad we could talk. Maybe we could do this again, when Heidi's not around." His voice was barely a whisper, but I could tell he meant it.

As I made my way through the crowd, I couldn't help but think about our conversation. Despite being married to Heidi, there was still a spark between us. A part of me wondered if we could ever find our way back to each other. But then again, Heidi was his wife, and they seemed happy enough together.

A few weeks passed, and I received an unexpected invitation from Tom. He wanted me to come over while Heidi was away on business. I hesitated for a moment, wondering if it was a good idea. After all, we had both moved on with our lives. But something about his words, the way he'd looked at me that night at the party, made me feel like I couldn't say no.

When the day finally arrived, I found myself nervously pacing in front of my mirror, trying to decide what to wear. I wanted to look nice, but not too nice. After all, I didn't want Tom to get the wrong idea. I eventually settled on a casual blouse and a pair of comfortable jeans. I didn't want to seem desperate or overeager, but I also didn't want to appear indifferent. It was a delicate balancing act.

As I drove to his house, my stomach was in knots. What would we talk about? Would we end up arguing about Heidi? Or would we be able to find some common ground, some semblance of the connection we'd once shared? I didn't know the answers to these questions, but I felt compelled to find out.

When I arrived at Tom's house, I found him sitting on the patio, a glass of wine in hand. He looked up as I approached, and the smile that spread across his face warmed me to my core. He stood, taking my hand in his, and pulled me into a gentle embrace. The touch of his skin against mine sent shivers down my spine, and for a moment, it felt like no time had passed at all.

"You look beautiful," he whispered into my ear. "Just like you did that night at the party." He let go of me, stepping back to take in my appearance.

"Well, thank you," I replied, feeling my cheeks flush. "You don't look so bad yourself." I gestured toward the chair opposite him. "Can I sit?"

He nodded, motioning for me to sit down. "Please, make yourself comfortable." As he sat back down across from me, I couldn't help but notice the slight awkwardness between us. We both seemed to be searching for something to say, something to break the silence.

"So," I began, trying to find my footing. "How have you been? How's the band?"

He smiled, shrugging nonchalantly. "Oh, you know, same old, same old. Heidi's been busy with her show, so I've been taking care of things at home. It's actually been kind of nice, having some time to myself. We've been doing alright, you know?" His eyes met mine, and there was a question in them. A question that I couldn't quite answer.

The silence that fell between us was thick, almost palpable. I could feel my cheeks flush as I wondered what he was thinking. Had I read too much into his words at the party? Was he truly happy with Heidi, or was there still a part of him that longed for something more? I wanted to believe the latter, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was just fooling myself.

As if sensing my discomfort, Tom reached out, taking my hand in his. His skin was warm against mine, sending shivers up my spine. "I'm glad you came over tonight," he said softly. "It's been… difficult, you know? Being so close to you, but not being able to…" His voice trailed off, his gaze searching mine for some sign of understanding.

I wanted to reassure him, to tell him that I felt the same way. That the connection we'd shared wasn't something that could be so easily forgotten. But instead, I found myself leaning in closer, pressing my lips against his. The kiss was slow, gentle at first, but as it deepened, so did the passion between us. His hand moved up my thigh, and I gasped against his mouth.

The sound seemed to fuel his desire, and he pulled me closer, his other hand tangled in my hair. I could feel the heat of his body pressed against mine, and it sent a shiver through me. The air around us seemed to crackle with anticipation, and I knew we were both thinking the same thing. We needed this. We needed each other.

With a growl, he lifted me up onto his arms. I gasped as I felt his lips brush against my neck, and then lower, sucking gently on the skin there. His touch sent shivers down my spine, and my heart raced in my chest. As if it were a reflex, my hands found their way under his shirt, tracing the hard planes of his stomach before moving higher, to cup his firm chest. He moaned into the kiss, pressing me harder against him.

He carried me toward the bedroom, kicking the bedroom door open with his foot. I giggled, feeling giddy with desire as he threw me onto the bed. My heart hammered in my chest as he stripped off his shirt, revealing his toned, muscular chest. He crawled on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress. His lips found mine again, and he kissed me hungrily, his tongue thrusting deep into my mouth.

His hands moved lower, tugging at my clothes, desperate to feel my skin against his. In a frenzy of need, he ripped my blouse open, sending buttons flying across the room. I arched my back, offering him easier access, as he pulled my bra free, releasing my breasts from their confines. He groaned, his hot breath fanning across my nipples, and then lowered his head, taking one of them into his mouth. I cried out, my hips bucking off the bed as he sucked and teased.

My own hands wandered over his body, exploring the defined muscles of his back and shoulders. I reached down between us, tugging at his belt, unfastening his pants. His erection sprang free, and I reached out, wrapping my hand around it, feeling the heat and the strength in my palm. He groaned again, arching his back into my touch.

"God, you're so fucking beautiful," he breathed against my skin. "I've missed this." He rolled onto his side, pressing his body against mine. His lips found my earlobe, and he nipped at it gently before moving lower, kissing his way down my neck and across my collarbone. I gasped, feeling his hot breath on my skin, as he pushed two fingers into me, slowly and deliberately. I cried out, my hips arching off the bed in response to the intrusion.

He smiled against my skin, his fingers moving deeper, curling inside me. His other hand found its way up, cupping my breast, his thumb rubbing roughly over my nipple. I mewled, feeling the delicious ache building inside me. I wanted more, and I knew he could give it to me. I reached down between us, wrapping my hand around his erection, stroking him in time with his movements inside me. His breath hitched, his fingers thrusting deeper, faster.

The bed creaked beneath us as he rolled us over, me now on top. His eyes met mine, and for a moment, there was a flicker of uncertainty there. But then it was gone, replaced by a fierce determination that only served to fuel my own desire. His hands moved to my hips, and he urged me down onto him, his erection pressing against my entrance.

I groaned, the sensation sending a wave of pleasure through me. I lowered myself further, feeling the head of his cock nudge against my opening. With a growl, he thrust upward, piercing me with his length. I cried out, my hips rocking in a frenzy off the bed as he filled me completely. His hands moved to my shoulders, holding me in place as he began to move, his body sliding against mine in a rhythm that was both familiar and exhilarating.

He kissed me roughly, his tongue thrusting deep into my mouth, as if he couldn't get close enough. His hips rose and fell, each thrust driving him deeper inside me. I arched my back, meeting his movements with equal fervor, my nails digging into his shoulders. The sound of our breaths and skin slapping together filled the room, drowning out everything else.

His pace quickened, and I felt myself on the edge of orgasm. I tightened my grip on him, urging him on, begging for more. With a growl, he pulled out of me and rolled me onto my stomach. I felt his hot breath on my neck as he spanked my ass, once, twice. The stinging sensation only served to heighten my arousal, and I moaned loudly.

His fingers pressed against me, slipping easily inside. He thrust them deep, curling them in a way that sent waves of pleasure through me. "That's it," he groaned, his voice rough with desire. "Give it all to me." His other hand moved to my breast, tweaking my nipple roughly as he continued to pump his fingers inside me.

I arched my back, moaning in ecstasy as I felt him fill me, felt the strength and heat of his body against mine. I reached down between us, taking his erection in my hand, stroking it in time with his movements inside me. He growled, thrusting harder, deeper, as if he couldn't get close enough.

His fingers moved to my clit, circling it expertly, and I cried out, my hips bucking wildly against his touch. The sensation was overwhelming, exquisite, and I felt myself on the brink of orgasm. He smiled against my neck, his lips moving to my ear. "That's it, baby. Let it go."

With a final thrust, he buried himself inside me, his body trembling as he came, his hot seed spilling into me. I felt my own orgasm crash over me, waves of pleasure washing through my body as I cried out his name. Our sweat-slicked bodies moved together in perfect rhythm, each breath, each moan, echoing in the room.

Finally, he collapsed on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress. I could feel his heart racing against my back, his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. I wrapped my legs around him, holding him close, savoring the feel of his skin against mine.

"God, y/n," he murmured into my hair. "I didn't think you'd be so… so responsive." His hips rocked slowly against mine, and I felt him grow harder inside me. It was as if he hadn't just filled me to the brim with his seed, as if he were still hungry for more.

His hands moved up my sides, cupping my breasts. He rolled my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers, sending a shiver through my entire body. I arched my back, pressing myself deeper into his touch. "Please," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Don't stop."

He smiled against my skin and began to move faster, harder. His breath came in ragged gasps, and I could feel his muscles tense beneath my fingers. I wrapped my legs around his waist, feeling the strength and power of his body as he drove into me. He was relentless, driving me higher and higher with each thrust.

My head tilted back, and I let out a moan of pure pleasure as he found my sweet spot. His name fell from my lips in a plea, a demand. He answered with a growl, his hips slamming against mine in a frenzy. I felt my own orgasm building, growing more intense with each passing second.

With one final thrust, he buried himself deep inside me, his body shuddering as he came. My orgasm crashed over me in a wave of bliss, and I cried out his name, my body arching off the bed as my pleasure consumed me.

He collapsed on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress, his breath coming in ragged gasps. For a moment, we lay entwined, his heart racing against my back, our sweat-slicked skin sticking together. It was as if time had stopped, as if the world outside this room didn't exist.

He rolled to his side, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at me. His eyes roamed over my flushed face and heated skin, and I felt a shiver run down my spine. "Well," he said with a grin, "I guess I'm not the only one who needed this."

I reached up, tracing a finger along his jawline. "No, I don't think you are," I replied, my voice still breathless from our passion. "But I don't regret it. Not for a second."

He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "Good," he whispered. "Because I think… I think we might need to do this again." His hand moved down between my legs, and I gasped as his fingers found their way back to my swollen, sensitive flesh.

His fingers moved over me in a familiar rhythm, and I arched my back, pressing myself against his touch. The pleasure coursing through my body was almost overwhelming, and I could feel my orgasm building once more. "Oh, God, yes," I moaned, my hips moving in time with his hand.

Tom watched me intently, his eyes dark with desire. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion. He leaned in, capturing my lips with his, his tongue tracing their shape. I could feel the strength of him pressed against me, his heart racing wildly beneath my fingertips. Heat spread through my body like a wildfire, and with each thrust, he drove deeper inside me, claiming me in a way that felt both possessive and tender.

"what the actual fuck" I looked up, my eyes barely opening.

Heidi

#tokio hotel #tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel x you #tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz imagines #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz fluff #tom kaulitz angst #tom kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz x y/n #tom kaulitz x you

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museaway · 9 days

Text

As requested, here's how I trained myself to wash the dishes pretty much daily.

Dishes and laundry have always felt insurmountable to me. It's probably because they never end. I live alone and I don't have a dishwasher, so I have to do the dishes whether I like it or not. I would much, much rather watch YouTube than do chores, so here's how I get around that.

(It's long so I'll put it behind a cut.)

Disclaimer: What works for me might not work for you. We all have different lives and situations. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

Solution #1: Make it low commitment

Sometimes I look at the sink and think, "I have to wash all of these?? It's going to take FOREVER. I'll do it tomorrow."

On those days, I challenge myself to wash dishes for the length of one song. It doesn't matter how many dishes I wash, just that I wash them for as long as the song plays!

Sometimes the song will finish and I'll feel up to washing for just one more. Usually, I end up listening to three or four and clean the whole sink. But if the song ends and I want to go do something else, I'm allowed to.

Try working up to multiple times a day.

Make a playlist with songs that make you feel energized! I use anime OPs because they're loud and fun to sing to.

Be gentle with yourself. If you washed one cup, that's great! That's a clean cup! That's one more clean cup than you had one song ago.

You're taking care of yourself by doing this. Really, it's a great kindness you're doing yourself and your family by cleaning something! You deserve to be taken care of!

This method also works with putting away folded laundry. If you don't want to use music, set a timer. Work for 3 minutes and stop.

Solution #2: Gamify it

When I have a little more energy, the goal changes:

"Can I clear the sink before this song ends?"

"Can I wash all of these within three songs?"

"Can I wash this cup before the chorus?"

This technique really motivates me. I tend to focus and work efficiently since I'm trying to beat the song. If I don't make it, I usually give myself another song or two. It's rare that I stop until the sink is clear.

Whether you beat the song or not, you've washed a bunch of stuff, so you win either way!

This technique also works for putting sheets on the bed, dusting, taking the trash out ("can I get back before the song stops??"), etc. Timers can replace music here too.

Solution #3: Use a habit tracker

The above solutions got me to stop leaving dishes in the sink for three days, but I was still leaving them overnight. To train myself to wash the dishes every single day, I made it a nightly chore for a solid month.

I used a habit tracker so that I got to check it off every day! I love checklists, so this was terribly satisfying.

I've tried a slew of habit trackers and hate all of them except for this one by TheFor. It's simple, has color coding, supports habit-based goals (like dish washing 7 days a week, or sweeping the deck once a week), and displays an overview so that you can check if you missed any days! Free on the Apple and Play stores. This isn't sponsored; I'm just a fan.

It took a month for my new habit to form, but it did! I'll now go wash the dishes when I see them in the sink, although I still use the first two solutions to keep it from feeling like a chore again.

Hand-washing tips:

Dish gloves will save your hands! Get a pair you like

I like a wooden dish brush with a replaceable head

I think it helps to like the scent of your dish soap

Get big, easy-to-clean things out of the way first. They take up a huge amount of room in the sink and make the situation look worse than it really is. Think colanders, cookie sheets, the pot you only boiled water in.

Wash things in categories. For example, I like to wash all of the mugs at once. It seems to go faster that way.

Leave the hardest-to-clean stuff for last so it can soak.

Paring down my mug collection sincerely helped the mug overload. Maybe put spares in a drawer for a while.

Sing while you work

Here's my dish washing playlist

#sharing life hacks #muse in real life

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roseofdarknessblog · 7 months

Text

Taking chances (Postwar!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 4 540

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: A year after the Rumbling, Levi finally has the chance to open the tea shop he always wanted. But due to his lasting health issues, he doesn't think it's a good idea.

This story can be read on its own or as a part of my little post-war series: Learn to live again

Taking chances

„Thank you so much, have a lovely day,“ you said and smiled at the elder lady, who handed you a piece of cheese wrapped in brown waxed paper. She already knew both you and Levi because her amazing selection of cheeses made you come back to her little stall every single time. „Here, you can cross off another item from the shopping list.“

„It's still ridiculously long,“ Levi muttered, taking the cheese from your hands and putting it in your favorite wicker basket you loved taking to the farmers market. When he came with you, he always kept it in his lap while your shopping list was in his hand with a pencil he used to check off the things you've already bought. „Do we really need all of this?“

„How do you expect me to cook if we don't have food at home?“ you teased him lovingly, before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. When he was sitting in his wheelchair, he simply had to put up with this cute little habit of yours.

While he wasn't a huge fan of PDA, you loved showing him love and affection anytime and anywhere. But only if it didn't make him feel too uncomfortable. After all, with a husband so handsome and charming, you simply couldn't help it. You wanted the whole world to know just how much you loved him.

Even more, because he didn't think of himself as handsome and charming.

„Right, you need lots of things because you keep messing up,“ he teased you, looking over his shoulder to see your reaction.

„Oh, stop that! I'm getting better at cooking and baking. Just ask Onyankopon, he's very proud of my progress.“

During your life in the Survey Corps, you never had time to learn your way around the kitchen. Cooking and baking were foreign territory to you, so now you had to learn almost everything. All you could do by yourself were the most basic things. But Onyankopon was so nice that he agreed to teach you. While on Paradis, he never mentioned just how great of a cook he was, so it was a huge surprise for both you and Levi.

He used to come over whenever he had some time, commanding you around in your small kitchen. With all the patience in the world, he explained everything and helped you prepare many delicious sweet, and savory dishes. The bad thing was, that they almost always turned out good solely when he was there. When you tried doing some of them alone... the kitchen ended up looking like a battlefield and the food was questionable.

„And hey, if you don't like my cooking, how about you take over? I'll gladly stand by and comment on everything like you always do it to me.“

„Not that I would be standing around...“

You chuckled when he tilted his head back and looked at you. It was such a shitty thing to say, that only Levi would do it and make fun of himself. And to be honest, he didn't do it often. Only on very rare occasions, which came once in a blue moon.

„The point is, I'm making progress. Soon I'll be the better cook of the two of us.“

„Yeah, only in your dreams. Learning how to prepare tea the way I like it took you almost two decades,“ he scoffed.

Sometimes it really made you upset. The fact, that your husband, who was missing an eye, two fingers and had trouble standing or walking without aid, was a better cook than you. It seemed that he knew his way around the kitchen naturally, while you felt like a fish on the shore – disoriented and full of panic. While Levi handled everything with grace, you were a walking disaster.

„The funny thing is that you hated cooking in the past. In the Underground... you hated that shitty little kitchen we had.“

He nodded slowly. „That's why Furlan was the one in charge.“

You smiled upon hearing his name. It's been so many years since he, Isabel, Levi and you lived together under the Capital of Paradis. Despite that, you still remembered the day the three of them left and you stayed behind. It took Levi almost a year until he came back for you – after Furlan and Isabel passed away during their first expedition beyond the Walls. Since then, it was only you and Levi. Through thick and thin, leading the Survey Corps by Erwin and Hange's side, and surviving the Rumbling, which wiped out 80% of the population.

It was a true miracle, that you two were still alive and now living a completely different life after so many years of fighting for the sake of humanity.

The Rumbling happened more than a year ago and since then... well, countless things changed. For the better and for the worse. Leaving Paradis behind, managing Levi's health, getting used to so many new things in the outside world, getting engaged and married just half a year later... Too many things were completely different from a year ago.

Both of you were still suffering and recovering at the same time. While you only mentally, Levi was still dealing with a lot of pain and discomfort. On top of all the mental health issues, he had to face himself as well. Nightmares kept coming and going for the both of you, while your own anxiety was sometimes threatening to suffocate you. Although it wasn't as bad as before, when you weren't even able to walk down the street due to the fear of the new place and people, you were still having a hard time with many things.

Healing was simply taking... too much time. At least that's how you saw it. Yes, you got to survive and have a future, but this still wasn't the life you so desperately wanted. Not for you and not for Levi. His disabilities... hurt you in a way you had no idea you could hurt. Ever. It was a brand new kind of pain you didn't know even existed before. It was coming from your own inability to help him be the man he was before. The man he wanted to be again.

„You okay?“ Levi asked after a long moment of silence, as you were making your way through the farmers market of the little seaside town you were living in now. Early Wednesday mornings were the best time to come – many great deals that would be available throughout the whole day, but still just a few people.

Everything looked very pretty and calming in the soft morning lights. All the colors of everything you laid your eyes on. The sellers were nice and friendly, many of them already knowing who you and Levi were. Some of them liked to chat with you a little every time you came here, others simply said hello and gave you a bright smile. It looked like... it looked like they were truly grateful, that thanks to you and your comrades, they still have all of this – their homes, jobs, families, friends, and their lives.

But despite being grateful and happy, that you found such a nice place to live, sometimes it got too much. All the noises from the people, who were watching you and who knew your identity. Sometimes... it simply didn't feel right to you.

Forcing your lungs to take a long and deep breath was suddenly too hard. You could feel the familiar uneasiness rise inside your chest, making it feel uncomfortably tight. „Yeah, yeah... just got a little lost in my thoughts. I'm fine.“

„Don't go down the rabbit hole again.“ You nodded even if Levi couldn't see you. He was right, tho. Getting drowned in your own memories and worries would only end up in falling back into depression once again. And avoiding that was your main goal every single day. You didn't spend so many years fighting to be killed by your own mind when the war was finally over. „Focus on what we need to get next,“ he said in a calm tone. „Breathe and try to stay in this moment with me.“

You tried taking a deep breath again, succeeding this time, as you continued walking forward, pushing Levi's wheelchair in front of you. For a moment, you stopped looking around and kept your eyes on the top of his head in front of you, focusing on breathing as calmly as possible. „Okay, what else do we need? You have the shopping list.“ Keeping your body busy and mind distracted by the truly important things was the key. Your past didn't need you, but the present moment did. And with it, Levi needed you as well.

And after all... nothing was happening at that moment. Nothing. Everything was completely okay. You were safe, had your husband close and together you were doing one of the most mundane tasks of an ordinary life. All you had to do, was keep yourself grounded and slow down your racing heart, that was freaking out for no logical reason.

Levi looked at you for a moment and after you gave him a reassuring smile, he started reading all the things you wanted to buy – onions, peppers, tomatoes, carrots, potatoes, rice, bread, eggs, apples, and cherries. You nodded at every word he said, slowly letting go of your memories once again and focusing on shopping.

You kept your mind busy by looking at the different stalls once again, taking in every little detail that caught your eye. All the vegetables, fruits, spices, and many more things needed for the kitchen, or other parts of the household. You focused on how the sellers arranged their products, on the prices written on little blackboards, or on the fresh flower decorations some of them had put on. You took in the whole atmosphere of the market, letting it pull you back into reality.

Within the next hour, you got everything you needed and also a little something that was not part of your shopping list. You simply couldn't say no to a couple of incredibly smelling herb bars of soap and to a nice straw hat with a yellow ribbon. Your last stop was a little stall, where a young man was selling different kinds of teas or homemade fruit juices. Without a doubt, this stall was Levi's favorite and you had to make a stop every single time and get at least one thing. So by the time you were truly done shopping, the basket in Levi's lap was almost completely full.

„Ready to head back home? It's about time we eat some breakfast.“ your husband asked, while you were pushing his wheelchair away from the farmers market.

„Not quite yet,“ you said, smirking a little for yourself.

„What? Why not?“ He sounded a little annoyed, but when you didn't say anything else, he decided not to ask and simply trust you. The additional journey you were making was just a short one. Your surprise stop was just a few doors down the street you lived on.

When you stopped in front of a small and empty shop next to a toy store, which was very popular with all the kids in the town, Levi looked over his shoulder with furrowed brows. You smiled at him, squeezing his left shoulder lovingly.

„What the hell are you smiling about?“ he asked, placing his hand on top of yours, his warm skin coming in contact with the cold metal of your wedding band. It was simple but held so many beautiful memories. Your wedding was small, but all the more precious and simply perfect. The calm and warm atmosphere, that your closest friends helped to create, was exactly what you were looking for – on your wedding day and in your marriage as well.

„Onyankopon said, that there used to be a caffé. It closed down around the same time we moved here,“ you stood next to him and started explaining, your voice calm but with a tiny hint of excitement. „It's for sale now and it seems nobody is really interested.“

„And?“ Levi asked, still not understanding why you were telling him all this.

You took one last deep breath, fairly afraid to continue. „What if we bought it?“

He furrowed his brows even more, pulling his hand back and putting it around the basket in his lap. It seemed that he had a truly hard time finding the right words for your offer.

„Are you out of your mind? What the hell would we do with a place like this?“ he spoke finally, his voice surprisingly cold and flat.

„We could open that tea shop you always wanted,“ you said quietly, locking eyes with him, when he looked in your direction again, his hand once again finding yours. His confused expression seemed almost too cute. „I mean... we still have some money left and... well...“

„Spit it out!“ he commanded, his grip on your hand getting stronger.

„I went to the Town Hall and asked around about this place. They said that if we wanted to open our own business of any kind, the town would lend us money, to help us set everything up and actually start earning. Eventually, we'll have to pay it back, obviously.“

Despite this little risk, it still seemed like an amazing opportunity. You knew how much Levi wanted his own tea shop. It was his dream for many years and now it was finally close enough to grab and turn into reality.

„What do you think?“ you asked him when he didn't react to your previous words. Sadly, everything was written all over his face, which became blank and almost sad.

„I don't think it's a good idea, Y/N. Not when I'm like this,“ he said almost too quietly, letting go of your hand.

You immediately shook your head. „Hey, hey... listen, don't talk like that!“ Even if he tried his best to adjust to the new reality, you knew Levi was suffering every single day. He wasn't able to find peace with how things turned out for him. Not even after a whole year, was he truly content with his disabilities. Not after being active throughout his whole life and being known as Humanity's strongest soldier.

When it came to walking, he was able to do it – with the help of his cane or while you were holding one of his arms, to help him with stability. But bearing his own weight for a longer time was simply too much for his left knee. Walking and standing caused him excruciating pain almost every single time, so he really had no other option except to use his wheelchair.

That fact alone wasn't even what made him so angry. It was the reality of appearing weak and vulnerable. Something he was never used to. Not, when during your time with the Scouts he was always the one people relied on. He was a living and breathing legend everybody knew about – people from all branches of the military and civilians as well.

„We would manage. I know we would, darling,“ you said, interlocking your fingers again and lovingly kissing the top of his head. „We need something to do. Something that will give our lives a new meaning. Something that will keep us busy.“ Money was always needed, but it wasn't the main reason now. All you wanted, was something that would help you and Levi heal further. Something, that would help you find a new purpose.

Levi shook his head without looking at you. To be honest, you weren't expecting a reaction like this. Wide smiles and loud cheers weren't his thing either but.... you truly felt disappointed in the lack of interest he showed. The lack of will to turn his dream into reality.

„Levi, having a place like this has always been your dream and...“

„Enough, let's go home,“ he hissed through gritted teeth, looking down the almost empty street, which was illuminated by the warm sunlight. It looked like today was going to be another beautiful summer day.

„But...“

„I said enough!“ he repeated himself a bit louder, his right hand, which was missing two fingers, curling into a fist. „Let's go home.“ You could hear the pain in the tone of his voice, but you did obey this time. With one last look at the empty shop, you took hold of his wheelchair once again and started walking towards your little apartment on the ground floor, which was just a few minutes away.

The day went by rather quickly. Maybe because you spent half of it in the kitchen. You managed to prepare a pretty good pasta salad and your cherry pie also turned out edible. A little sour because of the cherries and the lack of sugar, but you liked it anyway. It was probably one of the best things you've ever baked.

„May I come in?“ you asked after knocking on the bedroom door. Levi spent the whole day inside, reading and trying to appear busy, so he didn't have to talk to you. He barely even said anything while you were eating together.

When he stayed quiet, you rested your forehead against the door with a silent sigh. Communication was the most important thing in every single relationship. Romantic or not. And while both you and Levi knew it, sometimes it was simply too hard to sit down and open up about what was troubling you.

„Darling...“ you said quietly, keeping your hand on the door handle. „I'm really sorry if I made you feel upset or angry with that idea. That wasn't my intention at all.“

Some days it was very hard to find the right words. Hurting him or making him feel sad was the last thing you wanted. That's why sometimes it was better to stay quiet and simply wait it out. Give him the space to grieve the past, present, and future.

„I'll go make something for dinner, then. What would you like?“ you asked after another moment of painful silence. It seemed, that backing down was the smartest move to do.

But just before you walked away, you heard Levi's voice from behind the door. He said your name quietly, maybe hoping that you had already left. That's why you waited for a second and only then slowly opened the door. You found your husband sitting on the edge of the bed, a closed book put down next to him.

„Can we talk?“ you asked, not sure about what was going through his head when he looked up at you. His face seemed much more tired than in the morning, even though last night was full of nightmares. For the both of you, unfortunately.

For the past few nights, you weren't able to escape one of the worst memories of your life – leaving Hange behind, while they held up Eren's Titans. Having Hange in your life felt almost natural since the very first day you spent aboveground. They were simply always there, for you and for others. Accepting their fate felt as if somebody was ripping your heart out of your chest, while you were screaming and begging them to stop torturing you.

„Look, I'm sorry about the way I reacted earlier,“ Levi said, gripping the edge of the bed with one of his hands. It almost seemed that looking up and into your eyes took all his energy. „I know you only meant well. You always do.“

With a loving smile on your lips, you came to sit down next to him. „I thought you would be excited at least a little bit,“ you admitted, very carefully inching your hand closer to his. Any kind of physical contact was a hit or miss in these kinds of situations so you always tried to be as careful as possible. „Did it scare you? The possibility of truly turning your dream into reality?“

„It made me feel upset... angry, even.“

„Why?“

He took a deep breath, searching for the best words to use so you would understand his inner conflict over this whole situation. „How am I supposed to run my own business like this?“ The way he looked over at his left leg broke your heart. The tone of his voice was so cold and angry. So disappointed.

„You know more than well, that I would have your back. It would be our responsibility, not solely yours, Levi,“ you tried explaining, while the tips of your fingers brushed against his skin. When he didn't pull his hand away, you very gently grabbed it. „I know it's difficult, I really do. I try to understand the best I can. And you know that I support you in everything. But... not now. You're going to regret it, if we don't buy that empty store and put in all the work, to make your dream come true.“

Levi closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, his body tiredly leaning against yours. He pulled his hand from your grip so he could wrap his arm around your waist to keep you close. Confused, you leaned your head against his, waiting for him to say or do something.

„I'm beyond blessed to have you by my side after all the shit we went through. Sometimes... I still think it's a dream. I think about how I'm going to wake up back in the Scout's HQ with your death report on my desk.“

„Levi...“ You felt a lump form in your throat upon hearing his broken voice. You had a few close calls with death, but you always pulled through, thankfully.

„And when I finally realize, that we made it out of that hell alive, I feel like... like I'm not allowed to ask or wish for anything else.“ His grip around your waist tightened a little, his lips pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. „I have you, we're married and we have a fairly nice roof over our heads. Why should I ask for anything else?“

You swallowed hard, battling with your emotions, as your right hand started rubbing his back comfortingly. „Because you can. And you really should, you deserve it. Every good thing this world has to offer because you were the one, who sacrificed the most to save humanity.“

„No, you don't get it...“

„I think I do,“ you interrupted him. „And I don't agree with you. Most people in your place would be selfish and take everything that was offered to them. Every single thing, without thinking about it for more than a few seconds. They would take every chance to do something for themselves to feel good and happy. To put their wants and dreams before everything else.“

„I'm not most people.“

„I know, but I think that right now, you should try being like them. For this one thing, you always wanted so much.“ You could tell he didn't like the tone in which you were talking to him, but you kept on going. All you wanted, was for him to be happy and have everything he ever wanted. Absolutely everything. „If you're scared about looking selfish or anything similar, you don't have to. I want this too, Levi. For us. Owning and running such a place will help us heal even more and that's what we want, right?“

When he took a deep breath but didn't actually say anything, you knew you hit a very sensitive spot. Unfortunately, this was how healing looked like for you and Levi. Constantly getting uncomfortable and being forced to face your darkest and most painful emotions and thoughts. Admitting, that you simply weren't the same people as last year. Accepting, that this was your reality, your life.

„I know it hurts, Levi. I know it, I see the suffering in your eyes every single day, even if I sometimes don't say anything. But if we don't force ourselves to...“

„I can't fucking walk!“ he screamed out, putting all of his anger and frustration into those four words. You could feel his whole body shake a little, while he was still leaning against you, his breathing becoming a bit heavier.

„I know,“ you said almost inaudibly, your hand traveling from his back to the back of his head. While you could feel your eyes filling up with tears, you tried staying as calm as possible, letting your fingers run through his silky soft hair.

What broke your will to stay strong, was when you noticed that Levi was crying. Tears were running down his cheeks, his lips pressed into a thin line so as to not let out a single sound. Since the Rumbling, you have seen and heard him cry more times than throughout your entire time together. And despite that, you still felt unimaginable pain, when tears rolled down his cheeks again.

„We promised each other that we'll be happy,“ you said after a minute, pressing a kiss into his hair. „And opening that tea shop is one huge step closer to that happiness. It will work out, I know it will. I'm sure.“ No, you weren't. But you had to lie to yourself and him, to keep your true emotions in check. „You don't have to give me an answer right now, just promise me that you'll think about it.“

Very gently, you pulled away from him and held his face in your warm hands. Your thumbs wiped away every single tear, while you forced your lips to form a smile. Seeing him so broken and sad was the worst possible punishment for a loving wife like you. For someone, who was with Levi since before he joined the Scouts. He suffered a horrible amount of pain throughout the years, and yet nothing broke him like this. Nothing left him feeling so powerless.

„You are still you, Levi,“ you whispered, pressing your lips to his forehead. Keeping your own tears from rolling down your cheeks was becoming harder and harder, almost impossible by the time you pulled away. „And I really hope you'll let yourself be truly happy one day.“

„Nothing will ever make me happier than having you by my side,“ he said, when you wiped away the last of his tears, before leaning in for a sweet long kiss. Your foreheads ended up resting against each other, as Levi kept his eyes closed, focusing on calming down his own emotions, taking slow deep breaths alongside you. „Thank you for giving me this opportunity.“

„You know I'll do anything for you. Anything.“ In the past, you killed for this man. You killed Titans and humans to keep him alive. And if it came down to it, you would do it again. Without any hesitation.

When silence fell over the bedroom, you knew the discussion was over. At least for today. When Levi wrapped his arms around you and when he hid his face in the crook of your neck, you finally let some of your tears fall. Holding him tight as he started crying silently once again, you hoped with your whole heart, that today was another step forward and closer to happiness.

#levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman x female reader #aot x reader #aot x you #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin

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end3rs-eye · 5 months

Text

Trolls Band Together and the Way it Presents Family Relations

Do you ever watch a movie then get possessed and write a 1623 word long essay about the complicated nuances of sibling relationships? ….me neither

Before we get into it I’m just going to say that a boy band made out of teens and children is never going to end well (look up the jackson 5 if you don’t know who they are already). Seriously, who let them do this? Also as a disclaimer I am the oldest of two so I will obviously not have as much experience with the position of the middle child or the youngest. This is written with the rough estimate of bro-zone ages as John Dory (~19), Bruce/Spruce (~17), Clay (~15), Floyd (~14), Branch (~5). Here's why I’m going with these: link. This got a little (a lot) out of hand but I hope you enjoy :]]

John Dory

John Dory’s role in the family is the leader, the responsible one. He embodies the oldest child syndrome, defined as: Obsession, desire for perfection, high self-esteem, or pressure to meet parents' expectations (link). For the most part John Dory is the closest thing they have to an adult (excluding Grandma who didn’t seem like she was doing much). Keep in mind he’s in his late teens in Bro-zone. He’s given this HUGE amount of responsibility of watching his four younger brothers and isn’t really given credit for it, only being “the bossy one”. This is mentioned once in the movie during their fight on the bus, but isn’t really mentioned afterwards or anything. This is pretty typical for the oldest sibling. Having to take on huge amounts of responsibility at a young age.

John Dory wants his brothers to be happy so he pushes them to be perfect. He forgets there are other ways to be than just perfect. He ended up pushing them and pushing them until he had pushed them all away. Because of this want, this need to be perfect, John Dory ends up not realizing that people, including himself, are allowed to change. This is seen with his constant babying of branch and deadnaming of Bruce. He even says “Well, I wasn’t allowed to change! I’m the oldest. I had to be the leader”

Bruce/Spruce

Bruce is introduced as the hearthrob with chiseled abs. There are a couple of main features that people associate with the heartthrob character. Hot, irresponsible, and noncommittal. Out of all Bro-zone members, Bruce has the most healthy relationship with his boy band history. He balances what he hated in Bro-zone with what he liked. He disguards his name and any association with the band (although his reaction to John Dory calling him Spruce shows that he is recognized from time to time). He settles down quicker than any other member, something that goes directly against heartthrob stereotypes and has an (frankly unbelievable) amount of children. But despite separating himself from Bro-zone, Bruce stays in the spotlight in his co-ownership of Vacay Island.

Clay

Clay falls into the common comedy relief middle child trope. Clay is also the one that suffers the most from stereotyping during the Bro-zone era. The audience's first introduction of Clay is him being told that he needs to continue being the funny one despite his protests.

This is made even more evident when he’s introduced post Bro-zone breakup. Clay spends the majority of the 20 years apart being the opposite of the fun guy. He feels like he has something to prove. Clay tries his hardest to distance himself from Bro-zone and in the end he dedicates years to it. His entire personality is trying to escape the stereotypes he was put in as a teen.

Floyd

I have SO MANY feelings about Floyd. He’s the one in the Bro-zone that we get the most character development (other than Branch of course). Floyd’s role in the family is the mediator. He’s the one who watches for the other’s mental health and steps in when John Dory gets a little too intense. In the opening scene he not only checks in with John Dory, telling him to take deep breaths, he also helps Little Branch through some first show nerves. It doesn’t seem like this is the first time either. Floyd is also the one that seems most reluctant to break up the band and to leave Branch alone so it’s clear how much he cares for Branch. He ends up being the rock of the family. Branch tells Poppy that Floyd would be the one brother that he’d be willing to go on another adventure for.*

*I’m not sure if this is actually true, Branch also might do this for his other brothers but definitely not as willingly

Comparatively, Floyd changed the least after the band broke up. He takes a mediator role even in Velvet and Veneer’s relationship and continues to show a people pleasing, other-people-first attitude. This proves true to the real life people pleaser experience, these habits stick around long after leaving the environment that created it. Velvet and Veneer stealing Floyd’s talent is a metaphor for the way that people take and take from a selfless person like Floyd until the person is completely burnt out. Some, like Veneer, are more worried about the person's health but still end up taking it. Others, like Velvet, don't care and take it without thought.

Another key factor with Floyd is his selfless, self-sacrificial nature. During both John Dory and Branch’s visits to him in the dressing room, Floyd insists that they leave him to save themselves despite his life being in danger.

Branch

Branch is basically abandonment issues personified. Okay it’s a little more complicated than that but when you get down to it yeah. When I think about Branch, maybe 6 years old, in a boyband it makes me think of family vlog channels. IT’S SO INCREDIBLY UNHEALTHY. I promise I’m normal about this (lying).

Of course these problems start with the fact that he was ACTUALLY ABANDONED??? Then these abandonment issues are only accentuated by his grandma’s death. Whether or not Floyd meant to, he put the weight of taking care of Grandma on Branch’s shoulders. This just means he felt worse being the major cause of her death. This creates the feeling that he’s not only been abandoned again (this time in death) he feels like it’s his fault. Fun!

Branch shows a very interesting combination of self isolation and building his life around making people stay. Particularly his brothers. Branch hides in the fear of being abandoned again, first from the outside world and then from Poppy in his refusal to open up. At the same time he says he doesn’t want them [his brothers] to come back into his life then makes a bunker based on the base they wanted to build together. He keeps wearing Floyd’s old jacket and he holds onto the dream they once had. I mean for someone who claims to want his brothers out of his life did you SEE those puppy dog eyes when they told him they were planning to separate after rescuing Floyd.

Branch’s actual place in the family is the baby of the family. Although this label may have fit him 20 years ago, Branch has long outgrown it. Not that anyone else cares (other than Floyd). His family continues to treat him as the baby and ignore his maturity and needs. Upon reuniting with his older siblings Branch is promptly picked up, pinched, and generally treated like a child. Even Clay and Bruce who except each other in the ways that they’ve changed, still treat Branch like a small child. Now he feels like he has to prove that he isn’t a child, i.e. refusing the pacifier from Baby Diamond over and over again.

In conclusion, Trolls Band Together is a wonderful movie that presents common band stereotypes and the ways that being put in boxes affect the real people behind the band. It highlights people stuck in their boxes, John Dory as the leader and Floyd as the sensitive people-pleaser. It also shows those who try (to vairing degrees of success) escape the boxes, Branch as the baby, Bruce as the heartthrob, and Clay as the funny one.

#trolls band together #trolls 3 #main tagging this bc i actually want people to see it #john dory #trolls clay #trolls floyd #branch #trolls spruce #analysis #character analysis #essay #long post #cas whispers to the void #i think thats all the tags?

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bellyasks · 1 month

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Bakery-related stuffing prompts? (Like with the baker, or the baker’s assistant or something?)

i dont think theres much i can say on the tried & true bakery setting that hasnt been said 8000 times before But we are just having fun here so

[disclaimer: i dont know shit about how bakeries are run & today is not the day that changes]

Your character is the assistant of an ambitious and innovative baker who's always trying to make new and interesting things. One of their roles is taste testing the baker's new creations. Usually this manifests as an occasional snack during the week, but when the baker is in a particularly creative mood, it can mean a day (and stomach) filled with dozens of various treats.

Your character and their fellow bakers have just finished putting together a huge, extravagent wedding cake when the customer calls and says that the wedding is off and they don't even want to look at the damn thing, let alone come out and pick it up. Ordinarily, the bakery might try to sell the cake off by the slice, but it's the end of the day, and it's already been paid for, so, rather than get the enormous cake put away, your character and their colleagues take care of it themselves.

Your character is a clumsy, clueless new employee at the bakery. They have little experience in the field; they're really only there because it's the only place that was hiring, and they're always screwing things up. Today, they totally messed up a small batch of bread dough. Not wanting to get caught in another screw-up, they quickly hide the evidence--by eating it. They think they're in the clear, until they realize the dough is still rising.

Your character shows up to work absolutely starving. This would be bad enough, but they work at the bakery, surrounded by mouth-watering treats and the smell of fresh bread. Unable to resist, they sneak little snacks throughout the day. Some suspicion arises, but nobody suspects your character, at least until the end of the day when their round tummy gives them away.

Your character is a pregnant baker who's been struggling to resist their cravings. Today, though, the smell of the fresh loaves of bread they're pulling out of the oven overwhelms them, and they can't help it--they tear up an entire loaf on their own. Fortunately, their coworkers are understanding and amused when they find out what happened, but an entire loaf of bread might not feel so good in your character's tummy once the frenzy wears off.

Your character just totally screwed up a big batch of pastries. They can't be sold, and they're barely edible, but your character hates the idea of just dumping them all in the trash, so they reluctantly eat the entire batch of reject pastries by themself. Whether they do it all at once or throughout the day is up to you, but they certainly won't feel good by the time they're through.

#prompts #belly kink #tummy kink #stuffing #stuffed belly #belly #bellyache #my post

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bisolationist · 4 months

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blackswallowtailbutterfly/742450451214172160

What do you think of this? I think I mostly agree. I just feel bad about number 2. It leaves me demoralized. I shouldn't get hung up on whether its called rape or not.

I totally understand the need for a word that describes the sexual assault of women by men. I understand why rape is poised to simply be at that. I do not begrudge that. As a woman of course I get it.

But for people assaulted by women like me, "you weren't even really raped" is a common taunt. Many people treat it like its no big deal and I'm stupid for acting hurt by my experience.

So when people are eager to tell us its just sexual assault and not rape its hard to trust they aren't trying to say its lesser and stupid. Even if that is not their intent they often refuse to acknowledge people use it that way and just treat me like I'm a hysterical bitch.

And then there is the fact according to them I cannot call my abuser a rapist. she is just a woman according to these people, she didn't do anything so bad it deserves that title.

She agrees words can be a weapon I just wish there was acknowledgement its also a weapon against us loser "sexual assault" victims too.

Ah, I'm so sorry anon. Yeah, I completely get you on all fronts here. Super long post so putting a cut.

So on Point 2. I do agree that women need to be able to talk about male sexual violence and I see why they want to reserve the word rape to apply just to them. So I don't have an issue with that.

But I agree with you anon, the people who are neutrally trying to push to maintain that differentiation don't understand (and sometimes don't care) the degree to which "it's not even rape lolol" is a taunt that gets used against SA victims. They also put no effort into understand why people DO use it as a taunt and why it works.

So I think even if their insistence is based only on principle it can come across as really callous, and it's often worded in very stand-offish ways. So I do wish if there is going to an insistence on differentiating rape and sexual assault, then there should also be a concurrent emphasis on not belittling sexual assault and not treating it as something of "vastly lesser magnitude" (to use a phrase I often see thrown around). People probably don't do that because they think it's obvious (I'm hoping) but it's clearly not obvious to a lot of people, and without that disclaimer it does embolden those who use the "it's not rape" thing as an insult/mockery.

I also wish then more people would SAY "sexual assault and rape" and not just "rape" when discussing issues relevant to both, because a lot of anti-sexual violence stuff focuses on the word rape even when its clearly meant to be broader (even if just discussing women like you; obviously not trying to say all discussions of SA/rape have to be inclusive of male victims. But then don't word certain things to make it sound like it CANT include us either :X)

All of that said.... I do have the same hang-up as you for some reason. I'm okay with discussing my experience as sexual assault and not rape. But... the idea that these people think my rapist shouldn't be called a rapist makes me incredibly angry and upset almost past the point of reason. I've definitely had just very very strong emotional responses so that.

Another concern I have is for things like statutory rape or corrective rape? Those are established and understood terms. I think it does REALLY bother me if someone were to try to say women who assault bisexual/gay men/boys are not committing corrective rape. I get why, but it feels like trying to take away the 'hate crime's aspect of it. Maybe we need more words for sexual violence but I think we have to balance that with the need to maintain clear and recognizable language that all members of the public can interact with, too.

Sorry this ended up a huge response. I'll tackle the rest of the linked post as quickly as possible (you know I have essay writing disease so uhm... anyway).

Point 1. Okay cool thanks I guess. But saying "men do suffer from sexual assault" doesn't quite address the real point of contention. Most of the people attacking male victims acknowledge there might be suffering to the experience. But they think such suffering is either trivial (something that should have minor effect on the individual) or irrelevant (does not deserve mention or discussion), or more often both.

This is why there's so much eye-rolling "okay so? get over it" in response to female-on-male sexual assault from both men and women. People are extremely comfortable with telling us that it's NOT something life-changing or "justifiably" traumatic, and that it's a completely different type or level of suffering (pain, degradation) than what women endure.

Since October I've had people tell me it's a "Different level of magnitude", that it's "comparing a paper cut to a gunshot", and similar, the point being that the sexual violence boys/men face is nothing but a minor inconvenience and does not deserve seriousness or sensitivity . I know the original poster feels bad about it now, but I do have to point out there were hundreds of people agreeing with the idea that SA against men is "Bad but not horrific, and it's bad to treat it as a horrific because that diminishes how people think about Real sexual assault". The notion that we don't face real degradation is also incredibly prevalent. The original post was bad enough and lots of the responses were clear rape apologia, but this one is always going to stick in my mind as perfectly illustrating a sentiment I'd always felt being expressed but never seen said written out so casually. Like imagine really writing "Being sexually assaulted 'sucks' but isn't the worst thing in the world".

I agree with the linked post that there's other levels and factors for women when they are assaulted irt to both potential pregnancy and the trauma of living in a misogynistic culture after the fact, but I think many people take that to mean sexual violence against men truly is something that should be ignored by both the victim and society at large. I also think people underestimate how much all sexual assault victims, including men/boys, feel hated, ruined, and reviled by the culture at large. Again I completely understand why for women there's so many things that are retraumatizing, but I think there's this idea that for men/boys our trauma ends with the act and then we're free, but that's just not true either. I push through talking about all of this because I think it's important and someone has to, but that doesn't mean all the things that get said to me or about male victims is harmless and has no effect.

On Point 3. Yeah I agree, feminists don't owe anything to male SA victims, even when the perpetrator is female. But I am bothered by how often this is used as a shield to actively participate in sexual assault apologia. Yeah feminists don't have to do anything for males, but people don't have a moral responsibility to just one cause. Or in other words - yeah your feminist activism has no reason to focus on males or their suffering in any way, but if you do go out of your way to harass male victims or belittle their sexual assault you're still a shit person. It'd be fine for me to declare myself an anti-race activist and only work on issues related to race and xenophobia, and prioritize learning and caring about those issues, but as a person and moral agent that wouldn't give me carte blanche to ignore or belittle other forms of discrimination.

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taccobelle · 1 year

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WELCOME TO MY BOOK CLUB 📚

First rule about The Book Club? talk about The Book Club!

Here in TaccoBelle's book club 📚 is where I will keep a collection of all my favorite recent reads and their authors, in no particular order!

I can't always help in more impactful ways, like commissions, but I can definitely share the content!

if you'd like to join my book club give send an ask! let's make a community of these awesome reads!!

Disclaimer: due to some suspicious and disgusting events happening on this site involving a minor, I feel the obligation to reinforce that most, if not all, of these stories are 18+. They contain content that is NOT suitable for minors, so please do not interact! Mature themes will/may be discussed in these stories that is definitely not appropriate for minors. I do not claim to be the author of any of these works, merely a fan

TaccoBelle's Book Club

The Breakfast Club - Eddie Munson X Cheerleader!Reader

Author: @radioactiveparker

Summery: Five high school students from different walks of life endure a Saturday detention under a power-hungry principal. Each has a chance to tell his or her story, making the others see them a little differently. And when the day ends, they question whether school will ever be the same. (A retelling of The Breakfast Club, written and directed by John Hughes.)

What to expect: Enemies to lovers / All Characters Are 18+ / Strong Language / Sex References / Mentions of Abuse (physical and emotional) / Cheating / Bad Relationships / Dysfunctional Families / Arguing / Materialism / Kleptomania / Stereotyping / Sexual Orientations / Drug Use / Mentions of Alcohol / Smoking / Pyromania and Fire / References to Demonianism and Satanism / References to Religious Beliefs / Social Alienation / Angst / Hurt-Comfort / Use of Y/N (like once or twice) / Eddie is a complete asshole

“A/N: This mini series is set in its own little world, so it does not follow the Stranger Things timeline, and I have taken some creative liberties with most characters. Yes, they are all still in high school (final year and 18+), and yes, some of the events don't match up - just forget everything you knew about Stranger Things, it's easier that way haha.”

My thoughts: I am in absolute love with this series and can’t wait for updates ! I am so obsessed with the Breaksfast Club narrative, the enemies to lovers, the popular girl x school freak. It’s so enticing and I am a sucker for it! But what the author does that I am loving is that they set themselves apart from the original movie, js the interaction of the reader with other characters, I won’t spoil it, but it’s a little heartbreaking 💔 from the little that I have read from the 3 chapters so far, it is great!

Not Very Noble

Author: @allthingsjoeq

Summery: Your kingdom is placed under threat of liquidation, the villagers crying out for help as each day they enter greater poverty. As their princess you have been chosen to amend the broken monarchy, creating a truce between the neighbouring royals, and fulfilling a marriage decided by the King. A low-ranking knight and Princess both from reverse backgrounds thrusted together against choice, they descend into a journey of Hate, Lust and Love all while caught in between a circle of lies.

What to expect: Knight Eddie x Princess Reader Disclaimer: Enemies to Lovers, Angst, eventual fluff, light smut to come. Royal and medieval references but they may not all be 100% accurate.

My thoughts: I have a huge fascination with Medieval things, and think there isn’t nearly enough Eddie Munson Medieval themed AU’s and I think that’s a problem! This in particular is so well written, so beautifully put, it made me weep, and cry like a big baby from reading this, and it’s not even complete yet!!!!!! Y’all KNOW how much I buss down for an Enemies to Lovers trope 😩 I really hope they update this soon because I am patiently waiting 🥹

Not Wholly Evil

Author: @uglypastels

Summary: as the daughter of the Governor, there is quite a heavy prize set on your safe return home, and the captain will not let anything come between him and his bounty.

What to expect: "semi dark fic" - READ the warnings:. (gun/sword)violence. blood. minor character death. allusions to suicide. kidnapping. imprisonment. alcohol. open and deep sea. pirates are pigs: frequent mentions of non-con and allusions to assault, but it does not actually occur. malnourishment. abuse. manhandling.

My thoughts: I LOVE me some pirate au, I think it is so incredibly fitting for Eddie to be set in this role. It is still on-going so it only has 2 chapters, but that was enough to make me sign up for the tag list!! It’s is beautifully written, the descriptions are so good it makes me feel like I am IN the Hellfire ship. Super excited to see where this is take me, and I hope they update it soon because it’s my new obsession!

Turtle dove and the crow

Author: @blue-mossbird

Summary: You’ve known Edward Munson since he moved into the farm next door with his uncle - eight years old, odd, and utterly intriguing to you. For ten years, you’ve known him, and over that time, he’s become your best friend. But now, in the dreamy haze of August heat, you begin to know him in a different way. And in this process of knowing and becoming known, lives will be irrevocably changed.

What to expect: 1940s Farm AU, featuring bsf!neighbor!eddie x fem!reader18+ (minors dni). smut; true love; unexpected pregnancy; angst, angst, angst; parental issues; corporal punishment; scheming, plotting, and betrayal; hurt/comfort; period-typical stigma regarding unwed pregnancy; angst with a happy ending. oral (f!receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, breeding kink.

My thoughts: holy shit my dudes, I think I found my new hyper fixation, to add to the list of stories I will check daily for updates! This is only the first episode and it already has me in a death grip 🫥 I am in love with 1940’s due to Bucky Barnes, and mixing Eddie in with that aesthetic threw me for a loop!! This is not the fic for you if you want cannon content, it is clearly set in another world, a different decade, and seems to me like it’s Eddie’s personality adapted for a 1940’s farm boy view, and I think I’m in love. Plus my fantasy of being a southern Belle (that’s my name if you didn’t know) is in an all time high with this. I can already picture all of the angst and all the crying in my bed at 2am this story will bring me, and I’m so excited 🤩

June Baby

Author: @luveline

Summary: you’re a single mom living three trailers down. eddie thinks you’re the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. queue smiley face oatmeal, grossly misused power tools, desserts on the living room floor, a haircut, and an abundance of nerd metaphors

What to expect: teen mom!reader, fem!reader, r is Junie’s birth mother, fluff, hurt/comfort, Eddie ends up being a total girl dad (<3), mutual pining, yearning, etc, tw for not having much money, general loneliness, mentions of a shitty/traumatic pregnancy, general mom struggles :(, slow-burn friends to lovers, you wash Eddie’s hair!!!! this was low-key requested by anon

My thoughts: Honest to god, this is one o the best writing I have ever read on this app. The way Jade uses her words to describe the scenes, ughhhhhhh I can't explain, but Jade writes like a scene of a movie. It does not feel like the supporting characters don't feel like they seize to exist as soon as the main characters move on to a different scene. I love how the supporting characters are all incredibly detailed, feel like real people, and have real people reactions to things; weird, I know, haha. I love how much I adore this story so much. it does not feel like a simple fic, like I would invest in a start-up for this to be published into an actual book. It is so good, so sweet. I absolutely adore this story. It makes my heart do three summersaults per second every time Jade posts a new chapter, the characters have my fucking heart 🥺

Meet The Munsons

Author: @mypoisonedvine

Summary: you were barely acquaintances in high school, but his reputation as a delinquent and freak didn't exactly endear you to him. now he's moving in. at the risk of being too literal: oh, brother.

What to expect: kind of incest, but not really? male masturbation, swearing, mentions/implications of a deceased parent, reader is a tad judgmental but that's what character development is for!

My thoughts: I have read and re-read this story about three times. If I'm not mistaken, this is the only complete one on this list. I LOVE IT SO MUCH!! it made me so giddy. a grown woman giggling and kicking my feet like a little girl. I love the evolution of the characters and the way, slowly but surely, their feelings start to slip out, and by the end, you are totally like, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST HOLD HANDS, I BEG OF YOU. Not gonna lie, the "kind of incest" threw me off at first, but then you find out that they aren't actually related in no way possible; the reader's mom marries Uncle Wayne, and they are not raised together, so their not that weird situation of raised like siblings, which would make it really weird when they make out pretty heavily. Can't believe I'm defending incest.

The "Yes" Policy

Author: @pinkrelish

Summary: After a lifetime of questionable decisions, you moved from the big city to the sleepy town of Hawkins with your best friend and took the first job you saw: answering phones for the most boring auto shop in the dullest place on Earth. It wasn't exactly the adventure you wanted it to be.. but attempting to win over the jaded mechanic who insisted on ignoring your existence proved entertaining.

What to expect: slow burn, eventual smut, strangers to lovers, flirting, mutual pining, angst, drug/alcohol mention/use, depictions of poverty, sort of grumpy x sunshine, but Eddie's just tired, reader and Eddie are mid-late 20's

My thoughts: This fic singlehandedly made me fall in love with the sunshine x grumpy trope, the thought of Eddie being a girl dad makes my heart double in size. Him being a single dad, Wayne being grandpapi is too cute! them doing their best to provide the best for their little princess, and the relationship between Miss Mouse and Adrie has my heart.

To Have and To Scold

Author: @icallhimjoey

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It's just that... you don't really get along all that well, do you? At least, that's what you think.

What to expect: CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers (very vague, im sorry, but you'll see), language, drinking, rpf, fem!reader

My thoughts: I don’t usually like reading real person fics, like when the character is actually a real life person, I much prefer a fictional character because otherwise sometimes I get weirded out. That being said, I decided to give this fic a try, and I must say that I was pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed the story. I picked it up and couldn’t put the phone down till I finished! The characters are engaging, and story is so sweet 🫶🏼

Bad Idea

Author: @lunarzstarz

Summary: Not wanting to leave for college with your virginity still intact, you turn to your last resort that you know can only end terribly…

What to expect: NSFW 18+ minors dni, drugs, first Times, oral (F receiving), fingering, protected sex, nicknames (Princess/Sweetheart), Eddie being a goof but also an asshole (Slightly proofread) Fuckboy!EddieMunson x Virgin!Fem!Reader

My thoughts: smut, plain smut. And I love it. Eddie is kind of a dickhead, not gonna lie, but then he starts to show signs of falling for the reader, regular shmegular lowkey toxic trope, but I love it!!!!

Crayons and Cassettes

Author: @comfort-writing

Summary: You are a kindergarten teacher. Eddie’s daughter, Sage, is in your class. She bonds with you instantly, and Eddie is trying not to do the same.

What to expect: his fic will be 18+ in later chapters, so minors DNI! In this chapter, it is mentioned that rumors about Eddie still linger. no use of y/n. I can think of nothing else for this chapter because it’s just an introductory one, but please let me know if I missed anything!

My thoughts: I have not finished this fic yet, but s far it is amazing!! Eddie is so nervous and so sweet, but still nerdy, and charming.

Honey I'm Home

Author: @trashmouth-richie

Summary: you were desperate for a roommate after Nancy got married and moved out. An ad in the paper goes unanswered until someone comes knocking on the door.

What to expect: enemies to lovers trope, eventual smut, language, crude behavior, Eddie is a fucking menace.

My thoughts: I honestly fell in love with this story, it is so mysterious, and so touching, funny, endearing, and most of all, a big tease. I fell in love with these characters, and their personalities, how they are together, and how the interact with one another. The idea of an older protective Eddie, that is conflicted with the thoughts of seeing Tooty as a little girl, but now she is a grown woman is mesmerizing to read, and Richie does an amazing job at writing it all so well.

Disjointed

Author: @boomhauer

Summary: Nurse!Reader is reunited with her high school crush in the emergency room. Faced with a lifetime worth of debt, she helps Eddie in the only way she can.

What to expect: Fake marriage. Friends to lovers. Medical trauma. Lemon/Smut. Angst. Slow burn. No Vecna!!

My thoughts: This a new type of fic for me, I had never read anything in the nursing realm, an amazing first! I appreciate the reality of it all, from what I understand the author has personally experienced some of these scenarios, and im guessing has been/is a nurse practitioner, so makes for an extremely believable, and amusing plot!!

Twenty Four Hours

Author: @ghost-proofbaby

What to expect: modern!Eddie Munson x fem!reader, uses female pronouns on occasion. strong language, eventual smut, upside down does not exist, minors dni

Summary: in which Eddie Munson and you absolutely hate each other's guts. what happens when your friends make a bet that you can't spend more than twenty-four hours consecutively together? modern!college!eddie x college!fem!reader

My Thoughts: I love Enemies to Lovers trope!! This fic is full of stunning writing, amazing visual descriptions of feelings, and hot-ass characters! this made me cry on multiple occasions, in a good way! Though I am a crybaby. Eddie is such a sweetheart in this, and mean in some chapters, but it's all for the feels!!

Smoke Signals

Author: @eddies-house

What to expect: Grumpy!Eddie Munson x shy!reader, uses female pronouns on occasion, strong language, eventual smut, PTSD, trauma, talks about trauma, mentions of death, mentions of bullying, minors dni, set in a town other than Hawkings

Summary: Relocating to the small town of Knife’s Edge in hopes of leaving your old life behind and starting brand new solves all of your problems, right? Wrong. It only creates more and one of them may live right next door. Side effects may include blaring music at 3AM, a scowling neighbor, and one too many shots of tequila on several occasions. (That The Bourbon will not be comping.)

My Thoughts: I love Enemies to Lovers trope! That much isn't any news to you guys! This fic is so lovely written, I love how real the characters feel, and how immersed I was in reading this, I am so related to the character because I too am a crybaby. Eddie is such a sweetheart in this, I just want Bambi to hug and kiss him 🥹, and mean in some chapters, but it isn't in a toxic sort of way.

Begin Again

Author: @abibliophobiaa

What to expect: Eddie’s post-S4 trauma; panic attacks; nightmares; family member loss; grief; alcohol use; mild smut in later chapters, so 18+; additional warnings to be added. Eddie Munson x afab!reader, sunshine!reader x grumpy!eddie vibes

Summary: The year is 1988. After the loss of a beloved family member, you find yourself inheriting an old coffee shop. The quiet bartender at the Hideout across the street just so happens to catch your eye.

My Thoughts: you know that I love sunshine!reader x grumpy!eddie vibes! This fic is so nicely written, It has long chapters which I fiend for, I absolutely adore it when a fic has 20K words in one chapter, it only has 4 of them because it takes place as a chapter for each season, which is generous btw, wish I'd thought of this!

Beast of Burden

Author: @neonghostlights

What to expect: Fuckboy!Werewolf!Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader Eddie gets called a man-whore (not by reader), mates, cussing, mention of almost hitting an animal with your car (doesn't happen but almost does), parental and grandparent death (readers whole family is dead) 18+ only, minors dni

Summary: (doesn't really have a summary, but this post the author made pretty much sums up) "I’m thinking about fuckboy!werewolf Eddie. Let’s say he’s gotten around with every girl in Hawkins because he never thought he’d have a mate. That was until you, a human, showed up and proved him wrong. Now he has to find a way to prove himself to you."

My Thoughts: yeah! fucking sue me, I like werewolf fanfictions! I can't really blame it all on Twilight, except I absolutely will blame it all on Twilight. But I swear this is really cute, and I live for it!

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autumnbrambleagain · 3 months

Text

edit: rant edited to reflect how Snoot Game treats gender identity b/c i hadn't really done more than look at a few convos about it

I'm GBH, Goodbye Volcano High got like, the worst fucking shake

Disclaimer, I haven't played it (there is a very special irony in this that i'll get into in a bit), but I've watched people on youtube play it, and I think it's. Fine? It's fine. But everything surrounding this game, everything that happened to and around it, it's fucking wild. I've never seen a game get such a poor serve-up on the tennis court before.

It gets put up on the big console premier along huge AAA budget games. That's rough. A small intimate-scale VN about the end of the world as a metaphor for growing up and leaving highschool and changing and also a non-metaphor for the world ending as itself a metaphor for the new generation entering into what feels like an absolutely hopeless, pointless future (spoilers: the future is pretty fucking dire (the present is already fucking bad))?

Those are some rough themes! That isn't doomchief and master slayer punching guys! And not to denigrate doomchief! These are some ROUGH themes and the trust that those themes will be handled WELL isn't something you want to give out so readily! Those are themes that are easy to fuck up! Fair! But still. Oof!

To have your relatively small scale game put up as a launch title alongside mass-consumption AAA games. Ouch.

I'll admit: the art style was pretty rough, it's really rough on first look. I made fun of it too.

Then it comes out the MC is enby, that it deals with queer themes, and 4chan-esque folk go nuts over it. Snoot Game comes out which, apparently, seemingly, actually not bad! A lot more ironic but with serious themes handled, apparently earnestly, and it's overall... good!? Even some critical accounts suggest it isn't, at least, bad? Whichever: it comes out faster than GVH does, so it now has a parody-competitor dealing with the same themes, but not just as a JOKE but actually putting effort into it too. Like. That's the thing. Snoot Game DEALS with strong themes of growing up, of becoming a person, it DEALS with the themes GVH is saying it will deal with... and it uses the characters to do it too.

And it does it, by some accounts, WELL.

Ouch!

Granted Snoot Game is from 4chan and apparently I'm now reading one of the themes is Fang accepting they're a woman and they were just being enby to try and be different, and while it seems like it DOES handle it very seriously, and like, the game seems to penalize you for being shitty about their gender, and like, detransitioning IS a thing! I don't want to give TOO much trust to a 4chan-derived game either. I'm literally enby, but I also wasn't always enby, but like. Having a game where the message of "you were only trans because you were pressured into being different", it's, ehhhhhhhh not great no!

TBH without going through Snoot Game I can't really speak about it but Snoot Game overall isn't the main point, the main point is:

Some people are already now primed with associations and expectations, you already have a doppleganger as your competitor. OUCH.

So like.

Pretty rough.

And while Snoot Game, from the compressed summaries of it I've seen, seems to actually have honest heart and love in it in its final form, a lot of people just seem to be along for the hate-ride against GVH at this point because "eww the alphabet rainbow furries."

And then the writer has to step down because they found out she's into child por--wait, it was just 3d animations? That someone else made? That she was watching and criticizing as part of an article on how dumb video game porn is?

Oh. See, there's a difference between "the author is an active pedophile" and "the author watched a Harry Potter porn animation to write an article on the concept of video game porn," but in our modern era there's really never a distinction. Drawing something bad is the same as doing it in real life. Looking at it at all is the same as doing it in real life. If you see a woman's ankle on the street, make sure to head immediately to confession or God will judge you for the rape you have committed in your heart.

We live in such a media-literacy dead-end zone that people are calling the original Lolita book child porn. We live in such a media-literacy dead-end timeline that people are saying the only media that should be permitted to exist is happy comfort fluff where nothing bad ever happens because if you make bad things happen in fiction it means you're an evil villain :3 i'm not an evil villain, though, i don't watch bad media!

So of course it's fine to ruin careers because that's not EVIL. I didn't look at the BAD media so I CAN'T be evil. So you know, we have this modern purity pandemic of people thinking they're heroes for getting people to kill themselves because they drew or wrote "the wrong kind of thing" and are therefore EVIL and we're in a post-DnD world the cultural well got poisoned by DnD's secular take on evangelical protestantism's absolute morality of saved-vs-nonsaved. You're Lawful Good, you know you're Lawful Good. Whatever you to do Chaotic Evil people? That's fine. You can do whatever you want to them. You're Good.

Anyway, then it gets delayed to remove all her influence from the game, because at this point, even admitting you know what sex is online seems to be enough to ruin anything you touch tbh. Humanity's doing great, btw.

Like I can find twitter posts of her apologizing for "hurting people" by having seen harry potter porn. Your species is insane, just btb.

GVH finally comes out quietly and everyone's so fucking. MAD at this game. Hardcore 4chan whateverfolk hate it because there's queers and highschoolers. Other people dislike it because Snoot Game already came out and now GVH feels like fanfiction of THAT to them. They already met these characters, enjoyed them written like they were in Snoot Game, so how they come off in GVH feels worse. And you know, sure! That's a rough fucking shake when a fanfiction comes out before your actual release and it's good! For others it's tainted because a ""sex perver"" had worked on it. For others the art style and that it premiered alongside big name AAA games as a launch title was enough to slot it firmly in the derision zone. For some, because the queer community cannot NOT devour its own tail, it's doing queerness wRONG (Fang's parents MISGENDER and DEADNAME them!!! you can't put that in a game that deals with gender as a theme!!!!)

And then you have people who don't care about ANY of that, who are upset that everyone dies in the end and "your choices didn't matter", despite your choices affecting your relationships with the other characters. Granted? Sure! More actual endings beyond the end-of-the-world concert would be great! But comparing it to Mass Effect 3 where NOTHING mattered because the Reapers destroy everything and you pick one option at the end and their implied consequences before like 4 different changes to the ending came out to retcon "oh yeah everyone in the galaxy is stranded, everyone probably dies anyway, you accomplished nothing everyone's still dead" ? ?

The world's ending. That's the point. It's what you do with the time left that seems to be the point? Yeah? No? I'm not saying it HIT that theme well, and I'm not saying it actually failed at it either. I honestly think it did FINE. The criticism i keep seeing is "everyone died so nothing mattered." Buddy. Buddy. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. Please do not let that convince you that nothing you ever did mattered.

Among all that it came out buggy, apparently, and the music minigame isn't like. Super. Good. Doesn't matter too much if you do well or not. Not greatly designed? So you know. The game also has just general internal problems too mechanically, so people without a dog in the race just don't enjoy playing it? Like, the art style was all on the creators, like, it's... it's not GREAT I'll be real! It's really weird. It's humans in those latex dolphin masks the memes weren't off base even i was laughing at it and groaning at yet another piece of media whose theme was "leaving highschool is like the world ending"

but like.

GVH isn't like. I dont' think this is some great amazing the best game ever. The art style's grown on me but in the way where you learn to ignore how it looks. But like, I see people complaining it's too whiny--wait, the characters aren't depressed ENOUGH about the world ending--honestly, honestly,

I think I like it? I haven't played it but I've watched it and I think I like it. I'm not like, this is probably the last day in a while I'll ever even think about the game, it isn't going to stick with me for years and years, it didnt' make a big impact on me--but I liked it well enough???

At this point, my default assumption at this point is if someone strongly openly firmly dislikes this game it's not at all for any good reasons--or rather, that it's not on the value of the game in-and-of-itself. This poor game was saddled with all this WEIGHT on top of it. Can you even dig it clear of this external context and examine the game itself for what it is anymore?

I'm writing all these words and like. I haven't PLAYED it i've just watched other people play it. I'm not even BIG into the game it's like... it's okay!

But oh my god I cannot get over what a fucking. BAD serve-up the game had leading to its release and just beyond. Oof. Ouch. God. That's real rough, buddy. I have never seen something get this POOR a serve. What an absolute rough, ravage, unfair birth for a thing into the world!

I think if the game congealed out of the aether (and maybe with a more... better art direction?) it'd be fondly remembered in small quantities?

Instead it's just... the actual game itself is just BURIED under all this mess.

It's fucking fascinating to me, honestly. It's far more fascinating what happened to this game than the game itself at this point, and that, too, isn't very fair to the poor game. I, too, am here not to talk about the game, to care about the game, to have anything to say about the game. I am PART of this problem I'm talking about. Instead of addressing the game I'm talking about the context that was built around it.

I'm here because I remembered the drama, looked into all the drama, then went to watch the game and, after seeing ALL of that, EVERYthing I read through to get to the game itself, actually seeing the game was just... like... for this? All of that, for this?

Huh.

#long #autumn says things #autumn rambles

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leareadsheresy · 3 months

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What is the Horus Heresy as a fictional construct (to me) and why is it interesting (to me)?

It's a series of ads for toy soldiers that the toy soldier manufacturer figured out how to monetize, so people will pay to be advertised to. Whew, that was easy. That sounds like a blithe dismissal but actually it's a foundational assumption we need to establish so we can move past it. Assume for the rest of this essay that no matter what else I'm typing, I never forget that the Horus Heresy is first and foremost monetized advertising for a commercial product, and that I hate myself at least a little bit for finding it stimulating.

Disclaimer over. Anyway, I'm writing this at least in part because I know there's at least one person reading this Tumblr who doesn't know anything about the Horus Heresy. I thought maybe I could expand that into something worth writing (and maybe even worth reading!). This is really long so I'm putting it behind a cut.

"The Horus Heresy" is a fictional period of history in the setting of the Games Workshop tabletop-war-game-slash-multimedia-empire Warhammer 40,000, taking place about ten thousand years prior to the "present" of the setting, during the founding of the Imperium, the human faction and arguable protagonists (or at least best-seller) of the property. The Heresy is therefore sometimes referred to as Warhammer 30k. (It's also occasionally called HH, but I won't be using that abbreviation; you can probably guess why.) It is the story of a nine year civil war that occurred when Horus, then the favored "son" of the Emperor of Mankind, recently appointed Warmaster of the (at the time) eighteen Space Marine Legions, turned traitor and lead half of the Imperium's armies against the other half, trashing the nascent Imperium and dooming it to a ten thousand year slide into stagnation and decay that resulted in the current 40k setting. Before the Heresy there was a two century period in the setting called the Great Crusade, in which the Emperor of Mankind (who'd recently conquered and unified Earth just in time for hyperspace storms to clear up, enabling large-scale FTL travel in the Milky Way for the first time in five thousand years) struck out into space with a unified Earth's armies to conquer the galaxy for humanity (before anybody else could take advantage of the suddenly-available-again FTL and do it first), and after the Heresy is an undefined period called the Scouring in which the "victorious" loyalist clean up the remains of the traitors and chase them into exile. So it's a bounded period, nine years between the Great Crusade and the Scouring, with a known narrative and timeline of events and battles, beginning just before the Istvaan III Atrocity and ending with the duel between the Emperor and Horus at the end of the Siege of Terra that left Horus dead and the Emperor an invalid.

As "the founding myth of Warhammer 40,000," Games Workshop has been talking about the Horus Heresy since pretty much 40k has been around, and it has its shape because that shape is useful to a company whose business model is spending huge amounts of money on very durable stainless steel injection moulds it can then operate pretty much indefinitely to sell small amounts of cheap plastic at tremendous markup. Specifically, Warhammer 40,000 is a game about science fiction versions of knights, soldiers, orks, elves, skeletons, demons, and monsters all fighting each other, and each of those armies has different model kits and needs a different set of expensive moulds, but in a civil war game, both sides can use the same models manufactured with the same moulds. In 1988, just a year after publishing the first edition of 40k, GW launched the first edition of Adeptus Titanicus, a game set during the Heresy in which both sides fought with the same giant robots, because GW wanted to do a giant robot game but it would have been expensive to do a 40k-era game where they'd have needed to sculpt and manufacture a different set of giant robots for each faction. In Adeptus Titanicus, both sides played with the same robots and players would differentiate faction with color schemes.

More recently than that, the Heresy as a fictional construct acquired an aesthetic distinct from normal 40k. Games Workshop has, in the past, been structured oddly, with the main studio being treated separately from a secondary studio called ForgeWorld who manufactured more niche models, mainly from resin, a modeling material that can (in theory and when everything is working) hold more and crisper detail than plastic. ForgeWorld has now been folded into Games Workshop proper, but in the past it was, though still profit-driven, headed by artists and sculptors more so than the main studio, and was strongly influenced by military modelers. I've seen it jokingly described as "That group of Games Workshop sculptors who split off because they wanted to do a bunch of historically inspired sci-fi tanks." When ForgeWorld spun the Horus Heresy off into its own variant of (at the time) 40k 6th edition in 2012, with its own dedicated sets of expensive resin models, those models were sculpted (and painted, in promotional materials) in styles inspired by World War I and World War II historical wargaming, in contrast to the more gonzo heavy-metal-airbrushed-on-the-side-of-a-van style of 40k.

In short, the Horus Heresy is a pseudo-history, a nine-year conflict in which the broad course of events was largely known from the start, presented with the aesthetics of historical recreation. Tonally, it's "more serious" than 40k, less gonzo and more elegiac. It is a fictional construct that attempts to evoke the momentousness of "real" war, presented by fictional historians. The Horus Heresy 1st edition game books are written as pastiches of Osprey Publishing military history books, complete with color plates of the uniforms and heraldry of the various forces who participated in it, written in the style of historical documentaries walking the reader through various specific military campaigns during the nine years of the larger war.

The Horus Heresy is also an attempt at Milton's Paradise Lost; I don't really engage with it on that level but I want to mention it. Space Marines are sometimes called the Emperor's Angels in 40k and it's the story of how Lucifer fell and took a third of the host of angels with him. In fact, it's been Paradise Lost for a lot longer than it's been Osprey military history; it arguably started as Milton in 1987 and only became Osprey pastiche in 2012. But I engage with it as Osprey pastiche first.

So why is a po-faced pseudo-historical spinoff of gonzo space fantasy, presented in muted colors with everyone playing variations on the same two or three armies, interesting?

For that, first I'm going to have to talk about superheroes and pirates.

Superhero comics go on forever. There are stories where Spider-Man gets old, but in mainline Spider-Man comics, he does not (unless the issue is about a mad scientist hitting him with an aging ray or something). He's aged a bit between his introduction in 1962 from a highschooler to his current vaguely twentysomething-to-thirtysomething incarnation, but from here on out he's doomed to vascillate between twentysomething to thirtysomething and back again according to the needs of the current arc, like Green Lantern Hal Jordan gaining grey hair at his temples to indicate that he's getting old, only for it to later be revealed that he was going grey early because of an alien parasite, which, once it was expelled, caused all his hair to turn brown again. Until the death of Marvel and DC as comic book publishers, these characters will proceed through an eternal adulthood that never approaches old age. Because Spider-Man stories shy away from openly acknowledging that Peter Parker has aged only ten to twenty years during the 62 year period between 1962 to 2024, stories about him tend to be set in an indefinite now designed to last forever, and even if a particular story did something to set itself in a specific time and place, we understand when it gets referenced thirty years later in real time as something that only happened five years ago in comics time, we the reader are supposed to interpret it through a filter of "Okay something like that happened, but not literally tied to the historical events of thirty years ago, because Peter's not that old." He did not meet John Belushi on the set of Saturday Night Live, because now, John Belushi died before Peter Parker was born, never mind the cover of the comic literally having Spider-Man and John Belushi on it. In the flashbacks to the events of that issue decades later, it'll be some other, more recent SNL performer that he met instead. (They used Chris Farley, although that would have to be changed again if they ever did more flashbacks now.)

The Golden Age of Piracy was a seventy year period, shaped by material circumstances that incentivized plunder of naval trade, circumstances that arose, changed, and ultimately ended. Stories about pirates are implicitly or explicitly dependent on those historical circumstances, and have trouble existing without them. Unlike the indefinite adulthood of a superhero, the Golden Age of Piracy is not an indefinite now that can last forever. I first noticed this while working in tabletop roleplaying setting design, while learning from some of the many, many failures of the first edition of a tabletop roleplaying game called 7th Sea. 7th Sea was supposed to be a game about playing pirates having adventures on the high seas, but the setting and history had not been written to highlight any of the factors that incentivized real piracy during the real Golden Age of Piracy. There was only one continent, and there was nothing like the triangle trade or mass quantities of colonial plunder being shipped back to imperial seats of power, or a recent major naval war that left huge quantities of trained sailors unemployed, or a geopolitical system that left nations plausibly and currently ill-equipped to effectively police their sea-lanes. Looking at the setting it was difficult to understand what all these pirates were plundering, or who they were plundering it from, or why. And you can certainly say "The pirates are plundering treasure and they're doing it because that's the premise of the game," but a well-written setting in an interactive medium like tabletop roleplaying games or fictional war games is deliberately constructed to support and make compelling the conflicts it pitches.

So for starters, mostly because of my own examination of the failures of 7th Sea, I find a limited-duration, bounded-context setting like the Horus Heresy, with a beginning, middle, and end interesting. And it's not that I dislike "eternal now" contexts (I'm enough of a nerd to know about both the Hal Jordan grey hair thing and Spider-Man and the Not Ready for Prime Time Players), but eternal nows have so much become the standard in pop fiction that I find a bounded context refreshing, especially if it makes use of the advantages it affords. To keep audiences interested in an eternal now, every new twist and turn of the plot has to be presented on some level as the most important thing that has happened yet, with the previous twists and turns -- regardless of having been presented in their time as the most important things that had happened yet when they were new -- fading into an eternal plot churn, and this becomes difficult to maintain as a property continues over the decades. In a bounded context like a pseudo-historical war or the biography of a character whose birth and death are known from the start, the eternal plot churn is less inevitable.

Second, I like to watch artists play with compatible variations on a theme, and I like to navigate fictional semantic systems where a story imbues novel symbols with meaning, and for that reason I fuckin' love Heresy-era Space Marine armor. (You may want to skip the next paragraph.)

Okay so check this out. During the early years of the Great Crusade, Space Marines mostly used what's called Mark II "Crusade" armor, an early armor characterized by banded segments around the legs, visible power cabling, and a grilled helmet with a single visor instead of separate eye slits. Over the course of the Great Crusade, a specific field modification of Crusade armor that incorporated heavier armor along the front plates of the chest and legs and a heavier grill on the helmet became so popular that it became standardized as Mark III "Iron" armor -- Iron armor was a side-grade rather than an upgrade, less maneuverable but more effective in heavy fighting in confined spaces like boarding assaults. Later, the Imperial suppliers developed and began distributing the more high-tech-looking Mark IV "Maximus" armor and continued development and field testing of what was, at the time, meant to be designated Mark V armor (as yet nameless). Horus as the Warmaster during the buildup to the Heresy diverted most shipments of new, better Maximus armor to the Legions he expected to side with him, giving them a slight technological and logistical advantage. After the fighting of the Heresy broke out, supply lines were fractured and the Space Marine legions were all forced to cobble together makeshift armor from spare parts and whatever they could reliably manufacture with limited resources, resulting in the creation of what would later be designated Mark V "Heresy" armor in non-production (ad hoc designs using any spare parts that were available) and production (a standardized design using plentiful spare parts and locally manufactured replacements that had been found easy to produce under most circumstances) models, while the armor originally intended to be released as Mark V was re-numbered to Mark VI and named "Corvus" armor after the accomplishments of a specific loyalist general, and also because its helmet looks like a beak. (But even before its distribution to the loyalists, the traitors had stolen the designs and were manufacturing them to distribute among their own side.) Finally, during the Siege of Terra, loyalists on Terra were issued a brand new Mark VII "Aquilla" armor design. That's six armor designs -- Crusade, Iron, Maximus, Heresy, Corvus, and Aquilla (that's a different set of links, BTW) -- all visually distinct but compatible with each other, and all imbued with meaning by the circumstances of their manufacture and distribution (to say nothing of variations like Mantilla-pattern facial grills or Anvilus backpacks). So, for example, Crusade-era Raven Guard would mostly have stuck to Crusade armor instead of switching to Iron because they're all about stealth and maneuvers instead of close-quarters brutality, meaning once the Heresy broke out they'd mostly have old Crusade armor in reserve, and they were the first Legion to be given Corvus armor when that was available… so if I model a Raven Guard character in Iron armor with Heresy gauntlets, that's imbued with meaning, because it's a soldier from the stealthy chapter wearing the most brutal and least stealthy armor mark with armored gauntlets that are makeshift and easy to repair, i.e. he is probably big and angry and likes to punch things above and beyond other space marines, and in contrast to the culture of his Legion.

I typed that awful paragraph nearly off the top of my head; I didn't need to look up any of it except for what Anvilus backpacks are called. I find it semantically satisfying to engage with Horus Heresy model design. Also physically satisfying, because all of these armor marks are little toys I can stick together like Legos and then paint up to look cool. (Or will be, once GW puts out more upgraded kits; currently Crusade is unavailable, Maximus and Aquilla are older kits and too short, and Heresy is older and a bit too short and also only available in expensive resin; they seem to be doing one updated armor mark per year.) Current 40k models are much more varied across all the different 40k armies, but nothing there is as artistically or semantically as interesting to me within a single army as 30k space marines are.

Third… I don't want to say I love trash. I'm honestly not the sort of person to watch and laugh at bad movies because they're bad. But I am interested in observing the success or failure of execution on a promising concept. 7th Sea is, at least, instructive, and its failings informed my work on Exalted. I feel like I have made a good case here for why the Horus Heresy has the potential to be very cool. A lot of visual artists have put a lot of work into appealing art for it, illustrations and modeling and painting; and its bounded pseudo-historical context is unusual and has specific strengths that can make it an interesting change of pace from the forever-now context of most pop storytelling. And yet, in discussion of the Horus Heresy novel series, what often comes up is how nobody, under any circumstances, should read all of the books, because there are 64+ of them and a lot of them are awful. And to some extent this is because some of them are extruded ad copy barely disguised as prose but in other cases they're bad because specific authors with more enthusiasm than skill staked out specific bits of the Heresy as their territory and really enjoyed writing the hell out those corners without being, you know, good at it. I find looking at that sort of thing interesting like a pirate game with a setting where there's no reason for pirates to pirate. The gap between potential and execution is a learning tool.

I don't really have a conclusion paragraph here. These are my current thoughts on what the Horus Heresy is to me and why it interests me. (Currently reading Flight of the Eisenstein, and by "reading Flight of the Eisenstein" I mean "I've gotten back into Elden Ring.")

#horus heresy #warhammer 30k #lea reads heresy

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marmixedwithabitofintellect · 2 years

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Chapter Two: Wild Ride

Chapter 2 here we go!! We have so many things happening and I know you guys are excited for some of them to come! I'm really sorry it took this long to post, but I hope from the bottom of my heart that the wait was worth! Also I wanna give a huge shoutout and thanks to Andrea from @behindmygreyeyes for helping me proofread, you really don't know how much it means to me 🥹✨ Come talk to me after you read and tell me what you think! All the love 🤍 Mar

Click on the visuals to enhance your reading experience!

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

TW: Mentions of Sex, not too graphic but feel free to skip it

January 14, 2022 – February 13, 2022: Month One

January 17, 2022

Harry. New York City, New York. 12:30 PM.

It had been over a week since my family had left and I was proud to say we had been able to get into a routine. Pippa was growing too fast for my liking, but I swear I fell more and more in love with her everyday. She started to look so much more like her mumma. I am also very excited because we have the ‘all clear’ from our pediatrician to travel to London in a few days.

I have some work commitments and we both agreed that it would be nice for my family and some friends we have there to meet Pippa, so after a lot of planning on our end as well as on Jeff’s end, we had managed to fix a schedule. We will be leaving in five days and staying there until after Valentine’s Day.

I know I won’t tell Y/N this, but one of the reasons I am so excited to go to England is that we will be able to have either Gemma, or my mum babysit Pippa so I can take her out on a date, we were supposed to go on a date a few days ago, Ellie and Nate were supposed to babysit for us, but a winter storm had them stuck in Denver until further notice.

Upon hearing this, Richard had agreed to babysit for a few hours and after a lot of planning everything was set to go, until yesterday when he had tested positive for Covid. That left us where we are now, in a car waiting for Y/N to deliver a care package to her dad and ready to head home for the evening.

I was pulled from my thoughts when she opened the door and climbed on the back seat with Pippa, I smiled at her, “Hey, how did it go?” She removed her mask, put on some antibacterial and smiled at me, “Good, I just left in on the door and walked back, he looks good but was so bummed he couldn’t see this little bean before we leave”, she then cooed at the baby in her car seat

“I’m glad he’s okay, love”, I squeezed her knee before turning back and starting the drive back home. Once we got there, Y/N unbuckled Pip before handing her to me. I kissed her forehead before turning to look at my love, “I’ll get her ready for bed and I’ll meet you in the nursery afterwards, okay?” She nodded and kissed Pippa’s head before making her way to the living room.

I turned the lights on in the nursery and started humming to Pippa, “Let’s get you ready bunny”. I removed her knitted outfit and she let out a little whimper. “Oh no, no tears it’s okay yeah?” I changed her diaper and reached for the lotion since my little girl’s skin was pretty dry, and as I lathered her skin I started humming a song I had written for a special project, If I was a bluebird, I would fly to you, you'd be the spoon, dip you in honey so I could be sticking to you

After rubbing her body with lotion, I grabbed her long-sleeved onesie and tiny socks and once they were on, I grabbed the sleeper and dressed her up. “Look at you baby! You are the prettiest tiny baby, my heart!”. As I was brushing her hair, Y/N came in.

When she saw us, she smiled. I walked to meet her halfway and handed her Pippa. She started cooing before whispering to her, “Are you pretty hungry, tiny miss?” She kissed her head before turning to look at me, a mischievous look on her face. Before I could talk, she said to me, “Why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll come get you once you’re done”. I smirked at her “Why?” She laughed, “Just do it please?” I nodded and kissed her forehead and then Pippa’s and left the room.

I knew she would normally take up to forty minutes to feed and put her to sleep, so before jumping into the shower I checked some emails ranging from the special project I would announce soon, our trip to London and our trip to California for Coachella. About twenty minutes later, I went into the bathroom and got through my shower routine.

I was just finishing putting my laundry away when there was a knock on my door. I walked to open it and found her there. She had changed into some pajamas, face cleaned and a top bun on her head. She reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze before pulling me towards the living room. When we entered, I could feel a warmth fill me up.

She had hung up some fairy lights all around and dimmed the lights, there were pillows and blankets all over the floor. Two bowls of steamy alfredo pasta were set on the coffee table along with a basket of our favorite goodies and some hot chocolate. The perfect ending to this though was the snow that had started falling a few hours ago.

I turned and pulled her into a hug, I squeezed her and kissed her neck multiple times before pulling back. She smiled and said, “I know we were supposed to have another date, but we had to work with what we had”. I shook my head, “Baby this is way better than I could’ve hoped for, thank you”. She kissed my cheek and we sat down to eat.

While we ate, we pressed play on the movie she had chosen, which was Encanto because she was a Disney girl at heart. After the movie ended, I went and made some more hot chocolate and sat down next to her. One of my favorite things to do was talk to her about anything and everything.

“I wanna do something different.” I nodded while she continued to speak. “I want us to talk about what we did after we broke up and before you freak out, I think it is important in this new journey for us”. I sighed and gave her a smile. I said, “Are you sure?” She nodded and I cleared my throat before speaking up, “So, do you wanna go first?” She nodded her head.

“After Glenne picked me up from the house, we went into Whole Foods and bought some wine and dinner, then drove to Abalone Cove Shoreline Park. We sat on the beach and I cried for hours. I threw rocks as well as sand and cursed whatever I saw. After I finished, she dropped me at my hotel. I ordered some more champagne and some chocolate covered strawberries, and cried some more while watching the Mamma Mia movies before falling asleep”,

I kissed her cheek, she pulled back and shrugged her shoulders saying “I also paid with your card, Jeff sent it”. That had me laughing out loud before taking a deep breath, “How on Earth did I not find out, huh?” She gave me a childish smile, “That’s a secret we’ll never tell; how about you?” I cleared my throat before speaking up.

“After you left, I think I cried for a few hours, then… then I wrote you a song”. She sat up straighter, surprise written all over her face, “What?” I smiled, “Wanna listen to it?” She nodded and I stood up and grabbed my guitar before starting to play the song I had written to her. When I did, I could see the tears in her eyes which made my heart break. As soon as I was done, she pulled me into a hug before kissing the shell of my ear and whispering, “I love you, thank you”

“I love you more, and I know we still have to address the elephant in the room, but I’m still working with Patricia on it”. She shushed me, “Whenever you are ready, we will baby, there’s no rush”. I nodded and reached to pull her into my arms.

January 24, 2022

New York City, New York. 11:00 AM.

It was crazy to think that the last time I came to Betty’s office, I was still pregnant. Harry opened the door and we walked in. Randy smiled at us and said, “Hello you guys! Welcome! Oh, please let me see the baby!”. Harry and I smiled before stopping the stroller in front of her and pulling up the cover we had. She cooed before turning to look at us, “Good Lord she gets prettier and prettier each day!”

We laughed a little and turned to look at the door where Betty was coming out from. “There they are! Oh, it’s so good to see you three!” She hugged Harry and then turned to pull me into a hug before turning to see Pippa.“Well look at those cheeks! How are you, Miss Pippa?” She pulled back before turning to look at us, “Shall we?”

We nodded and followed her to her office. “So how have we been since the last time we spoke a few weeks ago?” Harry helped me remove my coat and sit down on the table, “It’s been good, we have been taking it pretty slow” She smiled while making her way to where I was. “That is pretty good”, she started taking my vitals and then helped me lay down so she could examine me.

“Has your bleeding stopped?” I nodded, “Last week” she nodded, “That’s okay, on average, new moms bleed from four to six weeks, so it doesn’t worry me. Everything is returning to it’s place and your uterus and cervix looks great”, I nodded, “How has breastfeeding gone?” I sighed, “It has been an up and down ride, there are days where feeds go great and others that leave us both crying”.

Betty frowned a little, “Are you pumping?” I nodded, “In between feeds” We moved to sit at her desk. I noticed Harry looking at me intently, I knew he would have something to say later on. Betty then cleared her throat and turned to look at me, “And… emotionally? How are you?”

I smiled and cleared my throat, “It has been a wild ride for sure, it has been a big adjustment, but honestly? I have not felt like I’m drowning”. I sniffled before reaching out to squeeze Harry’s hand, “He has been my anchor, and our families too; I mean I do feel some anxiety sometimes, especially when I think of her growing up”.

Betty smiled, “That’s normal darling, we all do, I remember with my babies I didn’t even leave my house for two months except for essential things”. I laughed, “Don’t get me started, that has me a little anxious?”, Betty gave us a questioning look, “We’re leaving for England in a few days, Harry has some work commitments and we’re visiting family”.

“Oh, how fun! It is normal for you to feel anxious, just please don’t keep it to yourself, like you said you have a tribe who will listen to you”. I nodded and felt Harry kiss my temple. She turned to my chart and started reviewing again. “Have you thought about birth control?” I nodded, “I wanted to know if I could go into the ‘minipill’? From my research I saw that it was the safest option while breastfeeding”. She nodded, “Oh absolutely, I will write a prescription for you”.

Harry and I nodded. “So the last thing to address, exercise and sex”. We both tensed at that and my heart leapt out of my chest. “I see no issue for you guys to engage in such activities, but please take it slow, I truly cannot express enough how important this is okay?” We both nodded before Harry squeezed my hand and spoke up, “I will take care of her, whatever her decision may be”. I turned to look at him and gave him an appreciative smile.

After Betty finished making notes she handed me the folder back and we said our goodbyes. When we left her office, we got into the car. I sat in the back with Pippa and once Harry sat down in the driver’s side, I reached to kiss his cheek. He turned and gave me a smile, “What was that for, huh?”. I shrugged, “Just because”. He nodded and turned back to start the car so we could leave to run our errands.

January 28, 2022

London, England. 12:30 PM.

The trip to London had been hectic to say the least. I never realized just how many things we actually needed to bring, that we could not buy in London. Once everything was packed, we made our way to Teterboro where we met Jeff, Tommy, and Harry L. because they were all traveling with us.

The flight itself had been pretty good, Pippa behaved like a champion and her father was the worst traveler of the group. After we landed in London, we made our way to Harry’s house. Both Anne and Gemma had already visited and helped us by getting us groceries and some meals since Pippa was having a bit of a hard time adjusting to the time change.

We had agreed that Harry’s family would meet Pippa once we traveled North for Harry’s birthday, but there was a visit that had me so excited, and that day had finally come. Florence Pugh, Gemma Chan, and I had bonded while H was filing ‘Don’t Worry Darling’ and stayed in touch since then. As of right now, they both were here in England getting ready to start some new projects, so we had agreed to have them come and meet Pippa.

As soon as I opened the door, I was pulled into a bone crushing hug by two of my closest friends, the three of us let out squeals of happiness and we swayed a little before pulling back. I moved and let both of our visitors come in, the girls having removed their shoes and coats, and we made our way to the living room.

Before we got there, Gemma piped up “Love where is your bathroom? I want to wash my hands before meeting the baby?”. Flo chimed in, “Yeah me too!”. I smiled and took them to the bathroom and let them know I would go to the kitchen to grab some things. Harry had helped me bring in the heavy stuff before going upstairs and getting Pippa up from her nap, so I just had to carry the teapot.

Gemma and Flo were standing in the living room looking at the photos Harry had displayed. They turned when I walked in and gave me a smile. “Come on sit down, do you want some tea?” The two of them nodded and took the seat on the loveseat closest to the window before Flo spoke up, “Can you please explain to me how the hell you look so hot after giving birth just one month ago?”

I laughed while Gemma nodded. I could feel my cheeks turn red before answering, “Breastfeeding, truly it is keeping me very occupied, and my pilates, little by little I have been able to get back to it”. Gemma nodded in awe, “Well darling you look amazing”. Before I could answer, Harry cleared his throat and the three of us turned to look at him and the little swaddled bundle in his arms.

Both Flo and Gemma gasped and squealed when they saw the baby before Flo screamed-whispered, “Look at that tiny baby!”. Gemma laughed before speaking up, “Look at that smile, there’s the proud dad!”. Harry handed me the baby before walking to where they were sitting and pulling them into a hug.

When he pulled back, he came to stand next to where I was and squeezed my hip. I cleared my throat before speaking up, “Ladies, there’s someone who is very excited, who wants to meet her aunts”. Before I could take a step to where they were sitting, Gemma put her hands up in a stop motion, “Wait! Let us put our mask on and some antibacterial gel”. Harry spoke up, “Hey, it’s fine if you don’t wear them”.

Flo scoffed before speaking up, “Of course we will, she’s a tiny baby and we have been with a lot of people, and sadly we’re not sure if everyone is vaccinated, I mean we are but I don’t wanna risk anything”. We both nodded and once they were ready they nodded. I walked to where they were standing and whispered, “Look Pip, these are your aunts; auntie Gemma and auntie Flo”.

Gemma reached to run a hand down her hair while Flo sniffled and placed her hands on her chest, “Look at her, she’s so beautiful, thank God she looks like her mumma”. That had Gemma and I laughing while Harry whined and pouted, “Come on Flo, I thought we were friends”. She shrugged her shoulders, “We are, but I need to speak the truth”. He scoffed, “Okay I’ll give you that”.

Gemma cleared her throat before whispering, “Can I hold her?” I nodded and transferred the baby into her arms. Gemma started swaying a little and cooed, “Hi Pippa, hi lovie, God look at you!” Flo was running her hand down her hair while also cooing, “I cannot wait until you’re old enough and I can take you to get a piercing”. Harry groaned again and Gemma and I laughed at her.

Gemma then motioned to Flo so she could let her hold the baby, Gemma carefully handed her Pippa and then came to give me a side hug before going to stand next to Harry. She turned and smiled, “I’m sorry to tell you pal, but she is all her mum’s beauty”. He shrugged his shoulders, “I cannot deny that”. She then gave him a small smile before telling him, “I’m proud of you Harry, of how much you have grown and who you are today”.

He sniffled before pulling her into a side hug and kissing her head, “Thank you Gemma, for being such a good friend even after everything that happened, I’m so happy my kids have you as an aunt”. Florence pipped in, “Kids?! Mate, you’re getting way ahead of yourself”. We all laughed at that before he turned to look at me, a sincere smile, “Just wait and see”.

Florence then spoke up, “Oh! Before we forget, we got the little miss a present”. She pulled out a box from her bag before handing it to me. I unwrapped it and found a box. I opened it and saw there was a little pendant with her initial engraved and on the back was her birthday. Gemma spoke up, “We know she is still small, so we thought of a gift she could grow with”.

I nodded and gave them both a teary smile, “Thank you girls, this is a gift I want for her to treasure forever”. Gemma handed Harry the baby and she made her way along with Flo to pull me into a group hug, and after a few seconds I heard them both whisper to me, “Congratulations mama”, “We are so proud of you”.

February 1, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 8:30 AM.

I was awakened by someone clearing their throat. When I groggily opened my eyes I smiled, my girls were standing there in front of me, Pippa in her arms, she was wide awake which led me to believe she had just fed her. “Well good morning, ladies”. Y/N handed Pippa to me and started walking back, “Wait I’ll be back in a moment”.

I nodded and sat up a little turning to kiss her little forehead, “Hi little Pip, what a great way to start my birthday huh?”. Y/N cleared her throat from outside the room and said “Can you close your eyes for a second?”. I laughed while closing them, a few seconds later she spoke again, “Are your eyes closed?”

“Yes, my heart, they are closed!”, A few seconds later I heard her come in and sing ‘Happy Birthday’. I opened my eyes and my heart started beating a thousand miles an hour when I saw her with a cake and a candle. She sat in front of me and as soon as she finished singing, she said “Wait wait! Before you blow let me take some pictures”.

I nodded, and after she was done, she said, “Okay then, close your eyes, make a wish, and blow your candle!”. I did as she asked me and blew out the candle and she gave a little cheer. I pulled her in and pulled her for a kiss. We pulled back and I brought her again before she whispered “Happy birthday baby”. I said “Thank you my love”.

She ran a hand down my cheek and said, “Your mom just finished preparing breakfast, shall we go down?” I groaned and pouted “I wanted to cuddle my girls”. She laughed and kissed my pout before saying, “We’ll cuddle after breakfast, yes? I’m so glad you convinced your mom to cater today’s food”. I laughed too before we both stood up and made our way downstairs to where my mum was finishing breakfast.

When she heard us come in, she gave me a big smile before speaking up, “There he is! Happy birthday baby boy!” I handed Pip to Y/N and pulled my mum into a hug, “Thanks mumma! I love you!”. We pulled back and my mum went to say hello to Y/N and Pip.

We all sat down to eat breakfast and talked about the plans for today. Y/N then cleaned the table while mum disappeared for a second and returned with a gift in her hands which she placed in front of me. “Mum you didn’t have to!”. She shrugged, “It’s nothing, just open it”. I pulled the lid off the box and reached in for the item which turns out was a polaroid camera. My mum spoke up

“I know this lovely lady has your old one, so I wanted to gift you one so you could have it with you always”, I smiled at her and pulled her for a hug, “Thank you mumma”. She kissed my cheek, “You’re welcome darling”.

February 1, 2022

Holmes Chapel, England. 12:30 PM.

I was pulled from my slumber by a tiny whimper coming from the travel cot at my bedside. Harry was cuddling me, so I carefully pulled out to grab Pippa. When I did, she started crying, “Oh hey, no need for that missy, I know you’re hungry, my boobs are making sure I know”, Anne had been so nice to bring one of her loveseats here so I could breastfeed, so I sat there to feed Pippa.

About twenty minutes into the feeding, I heard a pull of air and turned to see Harry waking up, he started looking around the room and smiled, “There they are! Hi, my loves”. “Hello birthday boy, how was your nap?”. He stretched and laid down again, “It was good, but I missed you guys”. I smiled at him then I remembered something.

“Hey, there are two packages inside my suitcase, could you please grab them?” He nodded and went into the closet. When he came back, he was trying so hard to keep a straight face but was failing miserably.He placed the gifts on the bed before making his way to where I was finishing feeding Pippa and setting her up for a burp. “I thought we had agreed on no gifts missy”.

I shrugged my shoulders and told him “It’s your birthday, you deserve to be pampered, and the truth is one is mine and the other is from your little girl”. He kissed the back of her head and my forehead before going to sit on the bed. “Which should I open first?” I pointed to the square box and he nodded and started unwrapping it.

“That one is from Pip”. He smiled and removed the paper as he he pulled out a personalized book from Pippa. I could see him tear up and looked up at me, “Baby…” I smiled, “That way, you two can have your special bedtime story book”. “I cannot wait to read it to her, thank you”. He walked to where we were sitting and kissed me.

“I’m glad you loved it baby”. He then made his way back to the bed and grabbed the other gift. When he opened it, he pulled out a box full of vouchers I had made for dates, massages, dinners, kisses, and more. He laughed and turned to look at me, “When can I start redeeming them?”, “Hm, when we return to London”. He groaned, but nodded.

I stood up and started swaying with Pippa. He came and hugged us telling me“Thank you for my gifts baby, I love them so much”. I kissed his lips, “I’m glad you do”. I turned to see the time and sighed, “We better start getting ready, everyone will be here in about an hour”. He groaned but nodded, “Are you ready for them to meet her?” I nodded excitedly, “Especially Thea and Ella”. He smiled, “Me too love”.

February 1, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 4:30 PM.

I was pretty thankful that this birthday I had all of my family here with me to celebrate. The food mum had ordered was delicious and everyone was so happy to meet Pippa. I was currently seated on the floor playing with Thea while Ella was holding Pippa. She turned to look at me and gave me a smile.

“I cannot believe that just a few years ago we were joking about coming to your mum’s house for Christmas with our babies and we are here now”. I laughed, “I know, still feels like a dream huh?” She nodded, I turned to look at Thea who gave me a gummy smile, “Oh look at that smile! You are gorgeous darling!”, Ella smiled, “And this lovie! I’m so impressed by how much she looks like her mumma.”

We sat there for a few minutes in silence just cuddling the babies before Ella spoke up again, “I’m proud of you H; you chose a great woman to be your partner.”, I gave her a smile, “Just like you and Ryan”, I reached to squeeze her knee, we both turned to the door where Gemma entered carrying a cake while my family started singing ‘Happy Birthday’.

After they were done, I blew out the candles and my mum started cutting the cake, sharing a piece with everyone. I sat down next to where Y/N was sitting talking with my auntie Dee who was holding Pippa. She smiled at us, “She really is a beauty Harry, oh I cannot wait until you two get married!” We both laughed before I squeezed her hip before answering my aunt, “Soon Aunt Dee”. Y/N kissed my cheek in reassurance before answering, “All in due time”.

February 1, 2022

Holmes Chapel, England. 8:45 PM.

After we said goodbye to the last guests, I went into the kitchen where Anne was waiting for me. She made sure Harry was not near before she pulled out a wrapped gift from the cabinet and handed it to me, “Here darling, everything is ready for you guys”. I smiled and grabbed the gift, “I really cannot thank you enough”.

She shrugged her shoulders, “You guys deserve a night off, and I am really excited about having one-on-one with my babe”. I reached in and pulled her into a hug, “We’ll see you tomorrow, yes? Please if you need anything call us, but milk is pumped and measured for you, and I left everything you might need out”. She squeezed my arms, “We’ll be okay, and you guys will be a fifteen-minute drive away”. I nodded and jumped a little when I heard someone clear their throat.

I turned and smiled when I found Harry standing there, “What are you ladies up to huh?”. I smiled and while Anne excused herself Harry made his way to me. He pulled me into his arms, settling his hands on my lower back and kissed my lips before speaking up, “Hi lovie”. I laughed and then whispered to him, “Hi birthday boy”.

He pouted his lips and squeezed my love handles, “Heeey”., I laughed and kissed his chest, “Hi love”. He gave me a boyish grin before reaching down to pull me into a kiss. Before we could get carried away, I pulled back, which he was not happy about and he started blowing raspberries on my neck.

I was laughing so hard but managed to tell him in between laughs, “Wait! Wait! I have one last birthday present for you!”. He pulled back, a soft smile decorating his face, “You didn’t have to, you have given me so much already”. I shrugged my shoulders, “It’s your birthday, and I wanna make up for the birthday I missed”. I grabbed the box which was on the counter next to me and handed it to him. “Open it”.

He smiled and unwrapped the little gift and came across a box. When he pulled off the lid, he found a key and grabbed it, “Did you buy me a house?”. I shook my head, “Not really, but I did get us a place for the night, just you and me”. There was a twinkle in his eyes I hadn’t seen in a while. He leaned and whispered, “Will I need my birthday suit?” My heart started beating so fast at his comment before whispering to him, “Maybe…”

I kissed the shell of his ear and walked away to the living room so I could cuddle Pippa, who was lounging on her bouncer. Before we left, I picked her up and started swaying while kissing her head. A few seconds later, Harry came into the room and pouted when he saw Pippa. He came to where we were standing and ran a hand down her head.

“Are you okay leaving her?” I nodded, “We need some time for us H, she has been the center of our Universe for the last two months”. He nodded and smiled at his mom, who had just walked into the living room. He pulled her into a hug, “Thank you mum”. Anne hugged him back and kissed his cheek before pulling back, “You guys deserve this, Pippa will definitely be okay yes?”, I nodded and turned to look at Harry and gave him a reassuring smile.

Harry asked “Can I hold her?”, I nodded and handed the baby to him, who immediately cuddled into his chest, her favorite place. He smiled and swayed a little before kissing her head and telling her, “Please be on your best behavior for Nana yes? Mumma and Daddy will be back before you notice it, but if you miss us too much just tell your Nana and she’ll give us a call.” Anne and I let out a laugh, God this man was very much in love with his baby.

He then handed her to me and turned to hug is mom bye, while I squeezed Pippa a little before whispering to her, “I’ll miss you sweet girl, I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?”. When Harry and Anne pulled back she made her way to me. I handed her the baby and she pulled me into a side hug, “Enjoy yourselves darling, we’ll be fine”. I nodded and kissed her cheek before making my way to where Harry was standing, I pulled the overnight bag from the closet and we left the house before we both cried.

February 1, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 9:10 PM.

When we closed the door, my heart started racing with excitement. I was so thankful for all the surprises I had gotten today, but this topped pretty much everything. As I was about to get into the driver side Y/N pulled me to the passenger side. I obliged and smiled at her, “You’re driving huh?”

She smiled and nodded her head, “You just have to relax and let me do my thing okay?”, I smiled at her, she then grabbed a blindfold from her pocket and turned to look at me, “May I?”. I nodded and she carefully came over to where I was seated., I put my seatbelt on and once I was settled she placed the blindfold on me. Before she pulled back she placed a kiss on the corner of my lips.

I whined a little and she laughed before I interrupted her, “Stop teasing!” She squeezed my arm, leaned into me and whispered to my ear, “Don’t worry, there’s so much more from where that came from.” I shuddered and sat up a little straighter while I heard her make her way to the driver’s side.

She turned on the car and when the radio came to life I smiled, “Is this our playlist?”She hummed in agreement, “It is baby, thought we could make our fifteen-minute drive a little bit more entertaining, what do you think?”,“I love it, I love you.” She reached for my hand and gave it a squeeze, “I love you more.”

The ride itself went really fast. Once she parked the car and turned off the radio, I heard her get out the door, and a few seconds later I heard her come to my side. She opened the door and removed my seatbelt before helping me get out of the car. Once I was out, she closed the door and made her way to the boot to grab the overnight bag.

I heard a thud which meant she probably had dropped the bag before squeezing my arms, “Okay, you ready?” I nodded eagerly and she laughed as she removed my blindfold, I waited for a second before I opened my eyes and was in awe at the little cottage in front of us. I turned to see my girl and gave her a smile, “Where did you find this?”

She shrugged before answering, “I have my secrets.” I laughed and pulled her into a hug before whispering, “Thank you my love.” She squeezed me before pulling back, “Come on, there is more inside.” I grabbed her hand and scoffed when she did not let me help her with the overnight bag. We stopped at the front door and she nudged me to open and go inside.

My heart was beating so fast, I truly did not know what to expect. I opened the door and immediately smiled at the sight, the cottage was lined up with fake candles and sunflower bouquets. I continued to walk inside and stopped at the kitchen where I found a little banoffee pie with a candle.

It was then that I noticed that the living room was filled with balloons that had pictures of me with all my favorite people, including her and Pippa, and in the middle of the room I found a book addressed to me. I kneeled down and started tearing up when I realized there were letters from people in my life, friends from high school, people from my One Direction times, my filming crew and some cast mates, a drawing from Otis and Daisy, and at the end my closest friends which included letters from all four boys.

As I was looking, I furrowed my brows when I noticed that Y/N had not written me anything, but just before I could ask her why, I saw that the last page had gotten stuck and when I turned I let out a sob when I found three of my favorite pictures of all time, I had taken it when we were at the hospital when Pippa was born, one of my girls snuggling in the very early hours of the morning, the last one was of the first belly pictures she had ever sent me, which had also been my lock and home screen until Pippa was born.

And the third one, a picture of us cuddling on the couch, with our hands resting on her belly. I remember I took it just a few days before Pippa had made her arrival, and back then I swore I could never ever love the woman laying with me more than I did, turns out I was wrong. I smiled when I found her handwriting, I knew she wasn’t a big writer, but her message conveyed everything I knew she wanted to say: Thank you for finding your way back to me <3

When I turned and stood up I started tearing up again when I saw her standing there with the cake and candle turned on, she started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me once more and once she was done, I laughed and leaned down to blow the candle, I pulled her in for a kiss before I felt her smear some of the whipped cream on my cheek.

I nuzzled myself into her neck making sure that my cheek full of whipped cream was rubbing her, and God I swear her laugh could make even the angriest man laugh. “Stop! H, please stop!” I kissed her neck and pulled back a little before smiling at her and reaching to peck her lips. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, before gaining her momentum again and saying, “Shall we eat this pie?”

I nodded in agreement, and although I did want to eat the pie I knew that was not what she wanted to tell me, but I would respect her and wait until she was ready to say what she wanted to say. I sat down on the chair and pulled her into my lap, “Thank you baby, I loved the book”. She smiled while eating her pie and feeding me some. She swallowed and then answered, “You deserve it H”.

She suddenly stood up and went into the little fridge and pulled out a bottle of non-alcoholic wine before coming back to me. I asked “We’re doing it out of the bottle?” She nodded and smiled, she then offered me the bottle before giving me an apprehensive look, “I’m sorry it’s not alcoholic, I know- “

I shushed her by placing a finger on her mouth to silence her, “Baby don’t apologize, I know how much breastfeeding means to you, and I wouldn’t ask you to pump and dump just because of my birthday.” She nodded, a small appreciative smile on her face before encouraging me to take a sip, which I did. We passed it back and forth, and as we drank our wine and ate our pie I could feel something in the atmosphere shift.

While I was dishing the last of her pie, she cleared her throat and I turned to give her a smile. When I ran a hand along her thigh, she had that look again, and I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it meant, but this time her look did not falter. “Do you remember when we went and saw Betty?” I nodded, “Yeah, about a week ago, why?” She was playing with her fingers before she answered me, “Do you remember what she said about…us?” Ahh, so this is where she was going huh? Maybe I’ll tease her a bit.

I nodded, “I do baby, she said you were doing so well with your recovery and that she was happy to see you.” She nodded, “Yeah, and what else did she say?” I pretended to ponder for a moment before turning to look at her, a serious expression in my face, “That was all wasn’t it?”, I could see her start to blush while she whined and hid herself in my neck.

I laughed and kissed her cheek before whispering to her, “I know what else she said, I just wanted to make you sweat baby.” She pulled back while imitating me and then wrapped her arms around my neck before kissing my nose and speaking up, “You think you’re so funny huh?” She kissed my nose again before sitting straighter and clearing her throat, I could tell she was nervous, and for some reason I started to feel nervous too.

“In all seriousness, and addressing the elephant in the room”, I nodded and squeezed her hip letting her know I was listening to her, “Six weeks are up”, I nodded, “And... well we have gotten in between second and third base so far yeah?” I chuckled and nodded. She sighed before continuing, “What if… what if I told you I was ready for a home run?” My heart started beating so fast and I took a deep breath before speaking up.

“Baby…” She placed her finger on my lips, “I know where you are heading so let me reassure you; no, it is not just because it is your birthday, I genuinely want you to make love to me, I trust you enough to know you will take care of me.”

I squeezed her hips. “Baby this is like your first time all over again.” She nodded, “And I want it to be with you.” I was still apprehensive, I knew how important this was for her and truly, I did not feel like I deserved to be the one it happened with. She kissed my temple before whispering into my ear, “I know what you are thinking, you do deserve it baby, I would always choose you, my best friend, baby daddy, love of my life.”

She pulled back and gave me a smile, there was something in her look that made me feel like butterflies were roaming my belly, something that screamed I love you, I trust you. After a few moments I nodded, “Are you completely sure?” She laughed, “Man, if I knew how hard it would be for me to undress you I wouldn’t have asked.” We both laughed before I grabbed her face and squeezed her cheeks to get her attention.

“I’m sorry, I just really want for you to be sure, I feel honored you want this with me baby, and yes, I promise I will take care of you.” She nodded before reaching to kiss me and after a few seconds she pulled back before whispering to my lips, “Take me upstairs?”, I hoisted her up by her thighs and as we continued to kiss, we started making our way upstairs, but not before making sure the door was locked.

I put her on her feet when we got upstairs, I was in awe, the room was full of candles, the air had a smell of citrus which reminded me of our trip to Sorrento when it suddenly dawned on me and I pulled back, “Wait… is this the scent the hotel in Sorrento we stayed in used?” She gave me a cheeky smile and nodded her head, “You know what happened in Sorrento, I thought we could relive old happy memories.”

I smiled while shaking my head, “You are something else baby, God, I love you” I walked to where she was standing and kissed her, then I pulled her into a hug and while she nuzzled into my neck. I told her again “Thank you for trusting me with this baby, I promise it will be special.” She pulled back and gave me a small smile, her eyes were full of fear and her hands were trembling, if she could hear and feel how fast my heart was going, she would be so surprised.

February 1, 2022

Holmes Chapel, England. 10:05 PM.

My hands were shaking, and my heart was beating about a thousand beats per minute. He reached to grab my hands and brought them to his lips, “Baby, you’re shaking so much, we really don’t have to do anything if you don’t feel comfortable or ready.”, I smiled and shook my head, “I want to, it’s just my nerves talking.”

He gave me an apprehensive nod and a smile, “We can stop whenever you feel like it, okay? I’ll go slow.” I smirked, “I should be the one undressing you, it’s your birthday after all.” He laughed, grabbed my face and kissed it, “Well, the birthday boy wants to be the one who undresses you.” I smiled and nodded.

I let out a shuddering breath., hHe pressed his forehead to mine and nudged his nose with mine before whispering, “Hey, it’s just me my love.”, I nodded and reached for his lips, and while we kissed, he pulled my sweater off my torso and I thenI reached to remove his coat, not caring where it fell.

While he ran his hands down my body, I started unbuttoning his shirt. Once I finished, I pulled it off his shoulders while and he removed the tank top I had been wearing today. I got so nervous I pulled my hands over my body, but he kissed my forehead and removed my arms, and told me “You’re gorgeous and I’m obsessed with your body baby, don’t hide it.” He patted my thighs which I took as a sign to jump into his arms while he walked us back to the bed.

He laid us down and started placing feather soft kisses on my neck while I played with his little curls. The familiar feeling of trust was finally starting to settle in, I felt him reach to pull down my leggings. I pulled one of my hands from his hair to try and unbuckle his pants, and before we knew it all of our clothing had been discarded.

Both of us sat up and were panting, looking into each other with eyes full of lust and love, and an appreciation for being able to find us again. Harry placed his hand on my cheek, and I did on his chest, which God I had forgotten was my weakness. His eyes were so ever reassuring, wanting to have my permission before doing anything else. I nodded and reached to pull him into a kiss, and when he squeezed my side I opened my mouth and moaned when I felt his tongue slip in.

His hands started caressing all the dips and valleys of my body, while his lips never left my face and neck. A squeeze to my thighs had me turning to look him in the eyes, lust written all over them and a question of whether he should continue or not, when I nodded, he started kissing his way down my body to where I craved him the most.

With rolling eyes and a panting chest I welcomed the haze and euphoria he had managed to vest upon me. Soft sultry whispers of his name fell off my lips, a squeeze to the hand he had pressed in my direction wanting to remind him how good it felt and how much I trusted him. I really did not know how much time had passed, the burning was growing bigger and bigger by the second until it had me arching my back and screaming his name as I let myself go.

And as the haze disappeared along with the newfound lightness, I felt him kiss my belly before I looked down and gave him a lazy smile. Oh how I had missed this feeling, the feeling only he knew how to give me. I leaned on my elbows and gave him a smile, still panting and trying to hold on to this feeling before he spoke up, “Still got it huh?” I laughed and nodded, “I swear it was even better than before.”

I pulled him up by his hand and we laid down next to each other, words would never be enough to describe the love I felt for this man. He nudged his nose with mine as a way of making sure I was still okay. I nodded and kissed his lips before pulling back and resting his forehead with mine. hHe caressed my hair while I played with the little curls that fell at the back of his head, hoping that I was able to convey everything I was feeling right in that moment.

I love you, I missed this, I missed us

He started placing pecks all over my face, and that was enough for me to understand what he was trying to say

I love you too, I missed us, I missed you more than life itself, I’ll always take care of you

If there was something I loved, it was seeing Harry blissful and happy, just like we are now. I started kissing his neck and shoulders before kissing his chest. I swung a leg over his torso and settled there, his hands reached to squeeze my thighs, a lazy, sexy smile adorning his face. I kissed his temple, then turned to his lips, chin and below his ear.

As his breath quickened, I continued to place some kisses on his chest, pecks, over the butterfly that adorned his belly while also slithering down to settle in between his legs; once I saw the ferns, I took my time loving them before moving to the tiger which I had honestly missed so much. His moans were increasing in volume and his hands were searching for something to hold on to before finally settling on the comforter.

And as his abdomen contracted, I could see his face start turning red, sweat dripping down his temples and more soft moans falling from his mouth, moans that increased in volume and were accompanied by my name and his favorite nicknames, until suddenly it all stopped and his sigh of relief was the only thing I could hear. A triumphant smile decorated my face while I straddled him again and kissed his nose before asking him, “Hey, you still with me?” A lazy smile all over his face before nodding and answering in a hoarse voice, “You are trying to kill me”

The stamina was still going strong, and the desire had only grown, and as I caressed his curls, I felt his hand roam all over my torso, heart rate slowly rising and sweat starting to fall in the dip of my back. As he laid kisses on the crevice between my neck and chest he blew a raspberry. I laughed, and a second later his laugh met mine.

He settled his hand on my hip giving it a squeeze hoping to get my attention, I turned to see his face adorned with a smile, silently asking for my permission to allow his hand continue south down my body. I placed a kiss on his chin before nodding, his fingers swiftly moving along, silent moans exiting my lips.

I closed my eyes and colors exploded behind my eyelids, the mix of his fingers moving, the spark that we both shared combined with the anticipation had me squeezing his bicep and leaving fingernail imprints on his skin. My loud moans and terms of endearment filled the vast room until all of a sudden, I could only see white.

We laid there in silence for a few before I cleared my throat and whispered, “Harry?” He hummed, “Yes, my love?” He turned to look at me, I nudged his nose with mine before whispering to his lips, “Make love to me” He gave me the sweetest smile and nodded, “You don’t even have to ask”, and before I could react he had pulled me to a straddle in his lap and was now lovingly kissing my chest and collarbone, a tingling overtaking my feelings before he stopped and turned to look me in the eye.

“We’ll stop whenever you feel like it okay?” I nodded and he started kissing my neck, ear and cheeks, before stopping on my lips and whispering, “I love you” All of a sudden, the connection, feeling and warmth that I had missed and was also terrified of experiencing again was there, but God I had been so wrong, this felt so right for both of us. Both of our pants and moans intertwined with the warm light decorating the room.

As we tried to find a rhythm there was laughter, there was a clumsiness that came from the nerves we both had and the desire to please each other to the best of our capabilities; and all of a sudden there was bliss, stolen kisses and whispers, there was thrill and excitement, there was surprise with the laughter, there were memories and above all there was love, there was a recognition of the love we shared and the reminder that this love had given us her, the one who held our heart.

As my heartbeat raised and the burning and eagerness grew, and as we both started panting even harder, there was a need, a climb to reach the highest point possible. Harry turned to me and desperately whispered, “Whenever you’re ready my love.” I nodded and started kissing his neck, and just like the last time, there was a release, a relief full of happiness and bliss. I am not sure how long we laid there cuddling, my head over his heart listening to the beating slow down, his hand running down my arm.

A recognition shared between us through love in our eyes and relaxed smiles. This was so worth the wait, I would wait for you forever.

After we were both calm, he turned to look at me and whispered, “Forever and always?” I smiled and pulled him for a kiss before pulling back a little and whispering to his lips, “Always and forever.”

February 2, 2022

Harry. Holmes Chapel, England. 7:35 AM.

A tickle in my nose pulled me from my slumber. I opened my eyes to find my love sleeping with her head resting where my heart was and her hand tangled with mine, and for a few moments the only thing I could do was stare at her.

She was beautiful, she was light, she was magic, she was more than I ever could hope for in a partner, and everything I would ever need and more. As we laid there, I took the opportunity to study her, she was the same girl I fell in love with four years ago, but now she had some eye bags that came along with the territory of being a new mum.

Her freckle I loved to kiss was still there, she had some wrinkles but against popular thought she got them from laughing rather than aging, her hair was changing like crazy from postpartum loss and new growth. I wanted to let her rest so I quietly got out of bed and made my way downstairs, where I started brewing some coffee and sat down to sip it while watching the morning roll in the field behind the cottage.

It was crazy to think how different this birthday had been from last year. Yes, I did celebrate with friends and Olivia, but my family missing it was a huge downer; and truthfully, I was still grieving my breakup with Y/N. It was around that time Patricia and I started working on how those feelings affected me.

If you would have told 27-year-old me that this birthday he would have spent it cuddling the love of his life and their teeny tiny baby girl he would’ve laughed, because how on Earth would the woman who broke his heart in an effort to mend her already broken heart forgive him? And especially agree to raise a baby with him? Nah that was surreal to even think about, but then again, here we are.

I was pulled from my thought when I felt a pair of arms hug me from behind. I smiled and placed my cup on the table before pulling her arms so she could sit with me. Ipecked her lips multiple times before muttering against them, “Good morning my love.” She smiled before replying, “Good morning, slept well?”

I nodded and continued to peck her lips, while getting ourselves comfortable so that we could cuddle for a bit. She had brought a blanket with her for us to be warm.After a few seconds of silence she started laughing. I turned and gave her a questioning look, but she started getting bashful before replying, “I just remembered I had another surprise for you for yesterday, but I was so nervous I forgot.”

I laughed and kissed her neck before muttering, “Maybe you can show it to me now??” She laughed and shook her head, “Nah, I think I’ll let the anticipation grow”, I rolled my eyes but nodded. We settled again for a little but there was something in her eyes, a thought that was troubling her.

“Baby? You okay?” She nodded her head and sighed, “Can I ask you something?”, I nodded, “What does home mean for you?”, I pondered a little before answering, “You and Pippa, the thought of coming home to you too every single day”. She nodded and then asked, “Is there any place that makes you think of home?”, I answered “You two, I truthfully could be in London, New York, LA or China for all I know, but if you two are with me everything will be okay, why?”

She sighed and turned to look at me, “It’s just that I’ve been thinking about it a lot, about what home means to me and where do I see my home, and much like you, home is Pippa and it’s you, it’s knowing that at the end of the day you two are with me, but a home also means community, means having a support system.”

She gave me sad smile before continuing, “We don’t have that in New York H, yes my family lives there but they all have their life, and the times you need to be away for work will start the need for the support system will be greater.” I squeezed her hip, “What are you saying baby?” She shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, maybe… maybe we could think about moving… back here?”

I sat up a little, “To Holmes Chapel?” She shook her head, “Maybe London? I know you have work to do in the city and Gemma lives there and we have friends, and your mom is also close”. I cleared my throat, “What about LA?” She shook her head, “I don’t wanna raise Pippa there, where paparazzis lurk in every corner.” She had a point, London was the place I was papped the least, if anything it was fans who would ask for pictures and it would be easier to ask them for privacy.

“I though you loved New York baby?” She gave me a melancholy smile, “I do, I love it with all my heart, but my heart has another person whose safety and wellbeing comes first, she deserves stability, having family close by, being able to go to a park without the fear of getting papped”, I nodded.

Before I could answer she spoke up, “It’s just something to think about, yes? We don’t have to make a permanent decision over it”. I nodded, “Yeah, we have all the time in the world.” She gave me a passionate kiss before pulling back a little and muttering, “We do.”

February 13, 2022

London, England. 22:30 AM.

Pippa was turning two months old today and I was in denial. How can my baby be so big already? Time needed to slow down a little please. To celebrate, Harry and I had decided to go out for Sunday brunch at The Mandrake, and afterwards we would go to the British Museum.

Brunch was amazing and now we were making our way to the museum when we stopped at Whittard so I could buy some tea. Harry following behind me with Pip asleep in the carrier, smelling all the teas. After making our way to the cashier, he paid for my tea, his excuse? A gift for being a mom for two whole months.

I laughed and kissed his cheek, “Thank you baby.” He kissed my forehead, “You’re welcome my heart.” We left the cashier and started making our way to the exit. As soon as we did, I crashed into someone and almost went tumbling when a hand stopped me.

When I got my footing back and let Harry know I was okay, I turned to see the person with whom I had crashed. Oh boy was I in for a surprise, “I’m so sorry I was not looking where I was- Mathew?” He stood up straighter, still as tall and handsome as I had remembered, but having aged a little and looking pretty surprised, just as I was before he muttered, “Birdie?”

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