imperfectly alone
Remember high school, most specifically test days. Omfg. That moment when you read a question and look around in hopes that you’ll meet someone else’s overwhelmed gaze.
You would think that the questions and knowledge from the test is what we took away most from but really, it’s that moment. The moment you felt lost but knew you had no real choice but to either give up or continue through.
If you feel this, you’re clearly not alone gui.
As a 20 smthing myself I can confidently say, that feeling is reoccurring. And don’t let you be actively working on something about yourself, it’s giving AP class vibes with more test moments than normal.
Is this suppose to be reassuring? Or just “yeah life’ll get your ass…. okay byeeee.”
Well, we did the latter so let’s try some reassurance. Uh… I went outside today. So that’s a thing. Sheesh this is harder than expected. Lol. Hey.
Yesterday I had this weird feeling that never really got explained so I just allowed myself to let the feeling ride out and not force myself out my comfort zone. Which usually I would be hard as sht on myself, you know the whole “YOU’RE GOING TO GO OUT AND YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY!” but then i’m like “But it’s hot out there and I feel weird”
So I sat in, still got ready for the day of course. But that day was spent on the couch like a teenager staying home from school. Felt really refreshing honestly, I just needed that break. And not just from working but from adulting as a whole. (I don’t like that word but hey when you need it you need it)
Today, I woke up from a dream full of thrills, a perfectly landed plane by yours truly, and chilling with a women who me at any age thinks looked dope asf. The meaning of all that is for me to live with but it woke me up to a world of truths that my teenage self has been wanting conscious me to know.
Today I’ve been embodying these truths and come to realize that that nice polite behavior my child self was taught in order to be treated well isn’t my truth. I’m a 20 smthing now, I will be respected simply by being my most authentic self.
Simple Facts of Life by a wandering 20 smthing
I have no obligation to be extra respectful and nice to anyone in the hopes of receiving a fraction of that respect back.
I have no obligation to appear in a cute nice and “respectable” way in the hopes of being treated better than I would should I appear as my most authentic self.
My self expression is always my main priority. All else falls to the wayside.
My direction in life is not directed by anyone or anything but my own passions. I am not obligated to have my life laid out and completed before I get to enjoy it.
Well, that reassured me… if it didn’t for you then….
I Love You! …. Did that do it?
Oh well, we can’t please everyone. Here’s the songs that gave me this blog topic. Absolute bangers, Mr Mendes does not miss. I swear. Okay bye boo 👻
blgpst 37023
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