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webanglikethat · 2 days

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thinking about Ram and Deviya today: a long rant by me.

⚠️: spoilers for season 1! Ram Doobay — the younger son of the Doobay family, one of the top two most powerful and influential family in the Dozen. each family who is part of the "Influential Dozen" has an occupation they are famous for and for him, it’s his role as Brahmin and his visions are more accurate than others, so he is associated with the goddess.

Deviya Sharma — the youngest child and only daughter of the Sharma family. the only child left alive of this powerful legacy. her family is the third most influential family in the Dozen. after the death of her beloved brother, she had to carry all of that weight on her shoulders. the Dozen gave Devi five years to learn the family business and prove that she was worthy to be head, otherwise the position would go to a distant male relative, because how could a woman lead, right? and so she did. she carved a place for herself in a world that didn’t want to accommodate her and she proved them wrong.

I’m thinking of how Ram sure he got Devi out of the house during the attack on the mountain before even going going to rescue his brother. he put her above his own family, above his responsibilities, over and over again. he went after Devi when she took off on an horse during the attack and carried her in his arms back to safety, the only place he can be sure she’s going to be safe. (and thankfully, it wasn’t his arms in which she died)

I’m thinking of Deviya and Ram together. how even after not seeing each other for five years, or barely catching a glimpse of each other, the feelings they harbored still kept growing, spreading like a wildfire. I’m thinking of Ram’s hope and wishful desire to see her at every service, of how his eyes would search amid each throng, just hoping to catch her smile along the hallowed halls where once they met - a vision he could never forget. I’m thinking of him, watching Devi’s phoenix-like life before his eyes. though grief had struck a cruel, harsh blow in her life, her soul still glowed, and he basked in the light of that, a sense of pride he couldn’t decipher or explain to himself. I’m thinking of him “noticing an unfamiliar feeling rising inside him” when he met her.

I’m thinking of Ram always finding an excuse to touch Deviya, holding her hand to lead her somewhere, brushing his fingers over her cheek, cupping her face, putting a hand on her waist, trapping her against the wall, putting his finger on her lips, a game of push and pull, of hide and seek, a game they shouldn’t be playing because they’re pawns in the game that is their life, yet they can’t help it. I’m thinking of how he said he missed her when she didn’t attend the religious services, and when she joked that he missed her, he said he missed her smiling at him.

and now they’re both adults, she’s the head of her family, he’s still the powerful Bahmin. after all the loss, rebuilding, jest and teasing, they’re finally acting upon the passion they hid for so long as if it was something to be ashamed of. they finally give in to their sweet but forbidden temptation, one that had been building up for half a decade. I’m thinking of Ram drinking his wine, kissing her and making Deviya drink the same wine his mouth was holding, a release sweeter than anything. a sweet torment, a sweet sin, that was what their kisses felt like.

I’m thinking of their game of prey and victim, of Ram falling into his own trap, of realizing he’s just as much of a victim of their game of love as she is. and why, why does he not mind that? he’s supposed to be like the rest of his family, marry someone he’s not in love with, cause what worth does love bring when you require power? that’s what his family line looked like, alliances, partnership, all devoid of love. but Deviya, he awakened something in Ram, a fire he couldn’t contain, a fire he didn’t want to contain. they weren’t kids anymore, playing seek and chasing, they were adults, and the whole Dozen be damned if they couldn’t have each other. he was ready to risk any wrath, if it meant being able to see that damned smile of hers.

I’m thinking of Ram talking Devi through her anger at the reception so she wouldn’t make a mistake in front of her guests and lose the position she had so long worked for, in a world that didn’t make space for people like her. I’m thinking of him reminding her to not let their baseless scorn diminish her radiant dignity.

I’m thinking of how, minutes after FINALLY giving in to temptation that has been built up for !! half a decade !!, they find out she got betrothed to another - who just so happens to be a colonizer, an enemy they’re supposed to turn into another pawn in the games of their parents/superiors - and how those few minutes of passion were supposed to be the end of their story before it even began, before the ink had even dried on the first chapter.

for those few stolen minutes, the world around them ceased to exist and there was only their all-consuming passion. they came so close to unity and happiness, something they didn’t allow themselves to even dream of, considering their status, only to have it snatched away again. those five long years of silent pining, living for their secret smiles and tender touches across a crowded room, was it all for naught? he’s slipping away from her, she’s slipping away from him. their destiny was no longer their own, but had it ever been? it was always dictated by the merciless march of fate, a stone in their road they can’t destroy.

“everything that had been blossoming between them for five years... those glances, their secret smiles, their light touches... was it truly all over?”

I’m thinking of how perfectly their hands fit together when they kissed, but now hers is promised to another. how could hands so perfectly intered now part?

“it felt unbearably difficult to be attracted to one man while preparing to marry another” x “my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand, taking mine, but it's been promised to another”.

I’m thinking about how Ram, as a seer, is forced to support Mahakali’s will, under any circumstances. and yet, he lied, he lied and tried to save the girl who felt like his only truth in this world. he lied, perjury spilling all over the place, a truth he was willing to hide forever, like a shameful secret. (for he didn’t know what was worse, losing Devi to their enemy or to death.) he lied that the bride was another girl, he willingly let another woman DIE in Devi’s place !! because he couldn’t fathom losing her !! and this act had been committed five years ago, when the affection between the two had barely began blossoming. despite that, he still put his life on a silver plate to save hers. and yet, he now realizes that despite him trying to change the literal course of destiny, Devi has ended up being arranged to the British Lord anyways, which means she will die and so, whatever he does, he can't change that, he can't fix that, he can't protect her. and that explains why Ram kept Devi so close to him during the arson night in their Himalayan mansion, why he saved her before saving his own blood.

I’m thinking of them breaking rules for each other, to craft and create a space that is just theirs. thinking of Ram entering Devi’s room to discuss what happened during the ritual, knowing fully that if a sight of them in that situation had been caught, they’d be in huge problems. I’m thinking of Ram telling her “such a rakhasi cannot possibly die. I need her” while teasing her, but I’m also thinking of how at the end of season one, his heart aches for her, turning this jest into reality. he knows can't love her in the open because they're both the head of their own families and she's arranged to the British lord but despite it all, despite the challenges and stares of dismay they’re certain to face if this were to be revealed, he finally mustered up the courage to ask Devi to be with him, even if it's in secret. he would rather have her in secret, than lose her, be it to death or another man.

Devi said "those in charge bend the rules to their will. If the one I choose is my equal, then the two of us will have enough power to change any rule to suit ourselves." because that is the truth. they both come from strong families, they both already have everything, so why can't they bend the rules, why can't they unite these two strong families? Devi herself has seen the injustice of the world's power structures firsthand. she knew that those at the top could manipulate the rules to serve their own interests, bending them like twigs to align with their desires. there was a righteous defiance in her tone, a refusal to be constrained by arbitrary dictates created by the elite to maintain their supremacy. why should she and Ram, both scions of powerful families in their own right, be subjugated by rules that did not apply to their supposed "betters"? there was an almost revolutionary undercurrent to Devi's words. if the system was rigged to only benefit those at the very top and the goddess, then she and Ram had the power and pedigree to overhaul it entirely, to dismantle the unjust hierarchies and rebuild the foundations with equity at the core. Devi and Ram could author a new truth, a new legacy, one of freedom.

and I’m thinking of them, on her death day. of how Ram looked at her and thought to himself, “/ wish this had happened to me instead... hasn't she been dealt enough pain already, in her life?” and “when Ram realized how sincere his desire to take all Deviya's troubles for himself was, it quickly became clear that their secret relationship had taken on a new meaning … growing into something profound”. I’m thinking of him trying to change the prophecy, the fate, the will of an immortal woman whose power controlled them all. what had begun as a forbidden illicit affair, blossoming in fleeting glances and gentle caresses had evolved into something sacred - a bond so deep that he yearned to shoulder her entire burden himself. he had never known anything like that, because love in the Dozen was marked as weakness. marriages, union, relationships? they’re all pawns being moved by string pulled by people higher than them.

if only Ram could rewind time itself and change the prophecy that had ripped them apart. if only he possessed the power to overrule the designs of Mahakali herself and spare his beloved from this cruel end.

I’m thinking of how weak he must have felt when him and Devi started their ritual. and yet despite that, he still put her first, caring about her before his own self, creating a quiet vortex where only she existed, cocooned in his devotion.

“noticing how distressed she was, he closed his eyes and then slowly began kissing her fingers. Devi noticed that his eyelashes were trembling. he’s nervous as well, but once again he tries to reassure me first, even though he could use some support himself."

and for all his attempts to be her anchor in the storm, he too was adrift on unsettled waters.

“they kissed each other gently and yet desperately at the same time, as only doomed lovers can kiss.”

“he was with her right at that moment. sharing her pain and fear... would that have been possible if what they had was fleeting? he always chose her, no matter what.”

Ram: “I'll be with you. no matter what.”

Devi: “I know.”

and I wonder, what is love if not tragedy? the greatest love stories of this lifetime are always tragedies after all. the greatest romances that echo through the ages are not those of simplistic bliss and happy ever after, but rather of all-consuming passions etched in unescapable sorrow. it is as if the cosmos demands the highest price for the grandest of loves - extracting an anguished toll, lest the intensity of that bond between two souls burn too bright for this mortal plane. as if the gods look upon a love too pure and decree that it must be forged in the flames of tragedy to temper its power. for how could we mere mortals comprehend the depth of a love not balanced by loss? how could we appreciate the rarity of two beings joined at the soul if not for the cruel obstacles that sought to sever their union? after all, the sweetest wine must pass through the bitterest of pressings to become transcendent.

and I’m thinking of promises, of how Ram and Devi despite them because they are as fragile as glass and porcelain, worse than lies because they encourage hope to come out of that shell, in which it was hidden just to then they demolish it again. but this bond between them, it was more than a promise — a certainty. it is a whirlwind of love and passion which doesn't want to cease. everything that it's not about the other, it's cold, colorless, arid, impassive, of a glacial perfidy, that empties inside, overshadowing every corner. (okay I might be talking about my own mind but shh)

I’m thinking of her dying moments, of Devi’s thoughts tracing their way back home to Ram. she tried to close her eyes to “connect with him, to send to make him feel what she felt, to send him some part of her inner strength. he was there for her, last time. he helped her get out of the residence and protected her when the enemies attacked them.”

“the very thought of losing him was unbearable. and just as things were beginning to blossom between them.”

"I'm with him in my thoughts, heart, and soul."

"even if it doesn't make any real sense, it does for me. l feel calmer this way."

she tried to send him some parts of her inner strength and that reminds me of being a child, believing that blowing over your mother’s wound will heal her, because in your mind love is enough, enough to save you and heal you. in the innocence of childhood, we all truly believed that love alone could be the salve for any hurt or ill. that if we willed it hard enough, cared deeply enough, the sheer force of our adoration would be potent enough medicine to cure any malady. so when Devi made that offering of her strength to Ram, it resonated to me with that same beautiful naivete. a pure-hearted notion that the simple act of sharing her reserves of inner fire could reignite and renew his own flames, just by the power of her love alone.

and what if this is what’s truly holy? their lives are controlled by a goddess, but what if their bond is what’s truly holy? for is not love itself a form of divine grace? where every caress, every whispered vow is a prayer more sublime than temples could endow. I’m thinking of how the ring on his finger is his connection to the goddess, and I wonder after all that will happen, he’s starting to wish it was a different kind of ring.

and in today’s papyrus —

─── ⋆⋅☾⋅⋆ ────── ⋆⋅☾⋅⋆ ──────

tags: @a-cloud-for-dreams, @astarotha, @pawaki17luna, @lanesrequiem, @ratanslily, @tremendouswolfsaladranch @haitianempress

[since you asked to be tagged (which made me so happy 🥹🥹) you’re now required to think of me as that one moot who obsesses over them] also I feel like it shows I’m a poet ☠️

#JB is thinking about rc #romance club #romance club game #rc kfs #rc devi #rc deviya sharma #deviya sharma #rc ram #ram doobay #kali: flame of samsara #rc kali flame of samsara #kali flame of samsara #kfs #I am so insane about them

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