frownyalfred
Bruce Wayne Shitposter TheResurrectionist on ao3
here to talk about Bruce Wayne/Batfamily/Superbat/Etc with you
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I love the headcanon that none of the Bats are supers, but over time? Gotham is slowly messing them up, one by one.
Bruce smiles at Clark one day in the Cave, and his eyes reflect the light back like a wolf's
Jason suddenly has tiny fangs, but nobody has the nerve to mention it
Alfred literally doesn't die
Dick can jump higher and faster than ever before, but barely notices it
Tim is awake for three days straight and doesn't blink
They're all subtly, but noticeably different. Gotham-blessed, or cursed, or something in between.
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i think if bruce saw clark deliver this line it would awaken shrimp emotions in him
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has anyone explored the comedy goldmine of both Bruce and Hal suddenly realizing the other one is Jewish one day?
Bruce, declining a donut from Clark on Yom Kippur: no thank you
Hal across the table, also fasting for Yom Kippur:
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Jewish Family dynamics and the Batfamily:
“Why the hell would you do that?” grabs your ass off the ground and takes you home
“What the fuck are you doing bleeding everywhere? I just washed that carpet!” bandages your wounds while complaining the entire time
“I told you not to try that jump!” gives you ibuprofen every four hours without asking
“You look stupid with all that shit on your face.” tenderly reassures you that your face will look exactly the same when you wake up at three in the morning terrified about the reconstructive plastic surgery
“Don’t do that again.” holds you when you cry
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And people say Jason doesn’t think of Tim as his brother smh
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The Rogues all like Batman because he’s actually a really good active listener and only tries to fight them/escape once they’re done explaining their evil plan. He’s going to beat them up or arrest them eventually, but he nods and makes little agreeing noises when they start talking and that shit is addicting.
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Y'know sometimes I wonder what Ras reaction was to the Justice League. Like he practically offered Bruce the chance to be one of his generals, straight up offered for him to be his heir, and was turned down.
Do you think he's offended. Because oh, so his organization isn't good enough, but that merry band of idiots is?!
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“I am not Bruce Wayne. But when lives were lost…and the entire city was at state…I did what Batman had to do. I acted as the Dark Knight. To the best of abilities—I became him. And I succeeded. Not as Dick Grayson. And not as Bruce Wayne. (Batman #697)
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haha on the Drakes/Bruce, Dick meets Tim and asks Bruce “Are you sure he isn’t yours?” and Bruce goes “no Janet only ever pegged me”
Bruce “no I was always the bottom” Wayne beating ALL of the paternity allegations is SO funny to me. The ultimate defense.
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comic book artists seem to love drawing Bruce wiping away blood from a broken nose and I am WITH them on that. let me see the Batman bleed. have the reader focus on his lips and nose. show us his teeth all bloody and his lip curled back.
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haha on the Drakes/Bruce, Dick meets Tim and asks Bruce “Are you sure he isn’t yours?” and Bruce goes “no Janet only ever pegged me”
Bruce “no I was always the bottom” Wayne beating ALL of the paternity allegations is SO funny to me. The ultimate defense.
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Bruce lifting sofas for alfred
Lifting sofas, translating things for him, running a lap of the grounds so Alfred can test a new motion sensor. Etc etc. What use is having a bizarrely fit and jacked adoptive son back from the dead if they’re not helping out around the house?
Though I do imagine sometimes that Alfred asking Bruce to open a jar for him in the kitchen results in a broken jar and glass all over the floor.
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Look if Brucie gets around then there’s honestly a chance he slept with Jack AND Janet Drake at some point. Poor Tim. even worse than walking in on your parents having sex is finding out your parents banged your adoptive dad
Just imagining the first time Tim confronted Bruce for being Batman and:
Tim, to himself: Why is he being so quiet? Maybe he’s pissed I revealed his secret.
Bruce, who’s 150% the reason Janet and Jack are currently on a second honeymoon and vow renewal combo trip to “recenter their marriage” after his last threesome with them:
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Bruce trains with the League of Shadows, grows close with Talia and Ra’s, but — eventually — spurns their movement to return to Gotham and pursue his mission.
Years later, he shows up in the middle of the night at Talia’s door. There’s a body in his arms, wrapped in bloodstained sheets.
“The Pit,” he whispers, trembling, “is it true?”
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I feel like when bruce left foe training, he was this thin, tinny little scrawny boy, but when he came back, he was this big buffalo
Things I hc were different when Bruce came back from training:
-he finished growing while away so he was much taller
-filled out with muscle from training
-looks like a young Thomas Wayne in the right lighting (this kills Alfred)
-quieter
-speaks several languages, most of which don’t come up immediately
-loves spicy foods now
-doesn’t drink alcohol anymore, or sparingly
-meditates in the mornings and evenings
-renewed interest in Wayne charities and philanthropic work
-calluses. so many different types. sword calluses??
-can grow a beard now (shaves frequently to avoid this)
-always watching the door and positioning himself accordingly in every room, even in Wayne Manor
-tight smile whenever certain topics are mentioned
-odd sleep cycles
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I think Alfred was probably a little relieved when Bruce came home from his travels/training with all of the whiny rich boy (literally) beaten out of him.
But also. I think a part of Alfred misses that whiny rich boy who can’t bother to look under the sofa for a missing pen.
#he grew up!!#while#he was away!!!#and Alfred missed it!!!#this confident adult came home!#who knows how to do everything!#alfred pennyworth#bruce wayne#batman#dc#I know he’s still whiny and does this stuff as Batman but#only in rare moments#he’s so different!
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Bruce as the least murderous but also very ultraviolent mando is great. He has so many children. He loves them all. I think he should be given the darksaber and tell no one but people find him arranging groups to be the most happy and efficient together and get sus
Bruce has the darksaber (dha’kad’au) in my Mandalorian fic actually! @soupysoot drew incredible, incredible art of it here.
#asks#anon#myfic#theresurrectionist#bloodletting#bloodletting my beloved#soupysoot I’d still die for you#bruce wayne#batman#dc#batfamily#clark kent#superbat#Superman#mandalorian batfsmily au#mandalorian superbat AU
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