#It's literally been a decade
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My blog just turned NINE today. It's not old you are.
#;Ooc#Usually i'll make a big thing for it#But not this year#I've neglected it a lot the past year so#It's literally been a decade#I've written this kid#Wrow#Neway.#Not to repeat myself over and over#But i love my mutuals so much#& appreciate them#4 always sticking around#making my days funner#This blog would have perished long ago#if it werent for them n my friends#So thk u all so fucking much#4 everything
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being completely and utterly normal about the bombshell that just dropped
#HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH IT#anyway for those who don't know; toby fox managed to get an interview with yume nikki creator who is literally infamous not doing them#and not only interviews. kikiyama has been nearly if not totally completely radio silent FOR NEARLY 2 DECADES since yume nikki came out#toby fox wielding his immense power for good and i respect it. i also respect kikiyama's denny's order#yume nikki#undertale#deltarune
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Backseat Shenanigans
Drawn for @destieldtiyschallenge based on this original by @stab-of-hunger
#destieldtiys2024#destiel fanart#dean Winchester#castiel#destiel art#spnfanart#wiggleart#op is literally someone I’ve been following on here for like over a decade#at this point so I had to take a stab haha at one of their arts 😘#also this took me way too long okay. why is it so hard to cram two dudes into the backseat of a car! like guys!#two bros chilling in an impala sitting on top of each other bc they’re totally gay lmao
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WITNESSED: Sunny playing and being a kitty!
#she even got briefly startled and KEPT playing this is BIG PROGRESS FOLKS wowiewow#sunny#cats of tumblr#mostlycatsmostly#also: i've been buying the ''kitty can't cope'' sack for my cats for literal decades now lol. number 1 best cat toy bar none
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how clare managed to lock down the two strongest warriors of her generation as mums.
a claymore fancomic.
#the manga claymore literally completed in 2014#its nearly been a decade since it ended#and of all times the brainrot strikes now#i havent read this series all the way through since i think 2016#the sword lesbian brainrot lies ever dormant#anyway this is an au where everything is fine and i decide the rules#everyone's happy#clare claymore#teresa claymore#irene claymore#claymore manga#teresa of the faint smile#manga#stillindigo art#comic art#teresa x irene#fancomics
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in the hunger game renaissance era and beyond shocked that the love triangle was even a thing with how obvious it is that katniss loves peeta. literally in thg, katniss says the only person she is certain that she loves in the world is prim after talking with gale. in mj, she says she turns to haymitch for comfort because he is the person that loves peeta too.
#Everlark#I could talk about them forever#I love them even more now a decade later as an adult ;-;#and the significance of their relationship#literally without them there would have been no revolution ;——;
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Hi great overwatch rant. Now I'm curious, what are your thoughts on TF2?
It's the Minecraft of sex.
#ask me#anon#i've been a tf2 gamer since middle school#ok if you genuinely want my thoughts#i love love love love love tf2 so fucking much literally been a fan for a decade plus#but.#i don't like playing it...#it's both too fast and too slow at the same time#dying is so fast and respawning is so slow TWENTY SECOND RESPAWN TIMES YOU CANNOT MAKE ME SIT STILL FOR THAT LONG#it's also too chaotic for me there's no communication it's just kill people and also objectives(?)#and I think a big problem for me is i don't have friends to play with really#and playing tf2 alone is not very fun#gameplay for me is a split#20 seconds of being worse than everyone in the match and 20 seconds thinking about how i'm worse than everyone in the match.
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happy 29th birthday to me & I get to eat some good fuckin tamales for lunch
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its a cornerstone of radfem ideology that women are incapable of making real choices Because Patriarchy. if a woman likes makeup, its because shes been conditioned to. same with heels, dresses, anything stereotypically feminine, any kink, sex work, etc. etc. and you can literally do this to anything you dislike.
and because of this, women need the Enlightened Radfems to tell them how to think and feel. its justifiable to deny other women's autonomy, because they can't really think for themselves, they are brainwashed by the patriarchy. so it doesn't matter if you violate their autonomy, ignore their wants, and demand that they do whatever you think is morally right. because you know what's best, and they don't. you have taken the red pill and they just can't see it yet. radfems essentially take the patriarchy and just replace cis men with themselves, and all women with non-radfem women (or radfem women who have different beliefs than them). when you build your ideology on the idea that anyone who disagrees with you is brainwashed and you are justified in ignoring their autonomy and opinions because of that, you end up with a pretty fucked up worldview and way of interacting with others.
#m.#this has also been a major issue w r/dfems for decades too#like a major complaint has always been that they treat other women#like they are incapable of understanding themselves#and need someone else to make decisions for them#its literally girlbossifing the patriarchy#feminist win! the person denying you your humanity is a woman!
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I saw people talking about that scene where Yassen shot Max as a huge betrayal of Alex and it's kinda funny to me like yeah he involved Alex in a murder but also I cannot emphasise enough that Alex decided to join a criminal organisation. People have been telling him he'll need to kill for days now, Alex has watched them kill multiple people already, I get that it sucks for him but you cannot team up with a known killer and be that shocked when actually his secret extra mission was to kill
#alex rider spoilers#alex rider#yassen gregorovich#alex x yassen#alex rider tv#like hot take i guess but actually i don't think he lied to alex when alex asked him about why he was coming#he just avoided the question and said something else that's true (and is part of his underlying reason for coming)#he already told alex he wouldn't just tell him everything like mrs jones might#it's the way yassen has been working for a decade and a half. you get told the essentials and don't ask questions#not answering alex's questions and holding back info/not sharing all the details of yassen's part of the mission is not the same as lying#i mean i guess the real issue here is that alex does not want to kill or be involved in a murder#which is not something yassen and scorpia have ethical concerns about ashdflhs#and is something they have basically told him he'll need to get over already#once again i cannot stress enough that alex is literally surrounded by known killers and teamed up with them
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I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.
There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?
I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc.
I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P
But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."
You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?
You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?
You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.
But let me flip it around to the positive!
A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")
Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.
Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.
You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.
And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.
So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.
(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)
#actuallynarcissistic#actuallynpd#npd feels#npd safe#npd culture#my favorite person is literally my favorite person only because she warned me about media that used narcissist as an insult and listened to#an album i liked when literally EVERYONE ELSE i've recced the album to has ignored it. (I've been a fan of said album for ALMOST A DECADE)#like guys it's not that hard to treat us well#(also i mean favorite person in the cluster b way - she's my favorite person in the NT way for many reasons)
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One of my favorite parts of phase 2 (and indeed one of the few moments I resonated with IDW Prowl) was when the neutrals were coming back to Cybertron and Prowl said that he refused to let Autobots be pushed aside and overruled after they were the ones who fought for freedom for 4 million years (the exact wording escapes me atm).
And I mean, that resentment still holds true even once the colonists come on bc like. As much as it's true that Cybertron's culture is fucked up, and as funny as it can be to paint Cybertronians as a bunch of weirdos who consider trying to kill someone as a common greeting not important enough to hold a grudge over.... The colonists POV kind of pissed me off a lot of times, as did the narrative tone/implications that Cybertronians are forever warlike and doomed to die by their own hands bc it just strikes me as an extremely judgemental and unsympathetic way to deal with a huge group of people with massive war PTSD and political/social tensions that were rampant even before the war?
Like, imagine living in a society rife with bigotry and discrimination where you get locked into certain occupations and social strata based on how you were born. The political tension is so bad there's a string of assassinations of politicians and leaders. The whole planet erupts into an outright war that leads (even unintentionally) to famine and chemical/biological warfare that destroys your planet. Both sides of the war are so entrenched in their pre-war sides and resentment for each other that this war lasts 4 million years and you don't even have a home planet any more. Then your home planet gets restored and a bunch of sheltered fucks come home and go "ewww why are you so violent?? You're a bunch of freaks just go live in the wilderness so that our home can belong to The Pure People Who Weren't Stupid And Evil Enough To Be Trapped In War" and then a bunch of colonists from places that know nothing about your history go "lol you people are so weird?? 🤣🤣 I don't get why y'all are fighting can't you just like, stop??? Oh okay you people are just fucked up and evil and stupid then" ((their planets are based on colonialism where their Primes wiped out the native populations btw whereas the Autobots and OP in particular fought to save organics. But that never gets brought up as a point in their favor)) as if the damage of a lifetime of war and a society that was broken even before the war can just magically go away now that the war is over.
Prowl fucking sucks but he was basically the only person that pointed out the injustice of that.
And then from then on out most of the characters from other colonies like Caminus and wherever else are going "i fucking hate you and your conflicts" w/ people like literal-nobody Slide and various Camiens getting to just sit there lecturing Optimus about how Cybertronians are too violent for their own good and how their conflicts are stupid, with only brief sympathetic moments where the Cybertronians get to be recognized as their own ppl who deserve sympathy before going right back to being lambasted.
Like I literally struggled to enjoy the story at multiple points because there was only so much I could take of the characters I knew and loved being raked over coals constantly while barely getting to defend themselves or be defended by the narrative so like. It was just fucking depressing and a little infuriating to read exRID/OP
#squiggposting#and like dont get me wrong barber wasnt trying to make cybertronians the bad guys or whatever#it's just a problem with his writing where like. he has A Message he wants to send#and so he uses the entire story literally just for The Message even if it involves bullshit plotlines#or familiar characters ppl were reading about for the past decade being shit on by OCs made up to fill a new roster#like barber's writing tends to lean way too much on a sort of lecturing tone#without giving proper care towards including moments where characters get to like. fucking express themselves and share their side#sort of like how barber couldnt be bothered to write pyra magna and optimus actually talking to each other during exrid#and instead during OP ongoing pyra is suddenly screaming about how OP is unteachable#even tho she never even tried to teach him bc she and OP never interacted bc i guess barber couldnt be bothered#he just needed someone to lecture OP so fuck making the story make sense or like letting OP get to say anything in defense#this is the infuriating part of barber's writing bc i think he has incredible IDEAS and was in charge of the lore i was most interested in#but most of the time his execution sucks and he's basically just mid with a few brilliant moments occasionally#or like he has a message about the cycle of violence he wants to convey#but his narrative choices trying to convey that theme made his story come off as super unsympathetic to the ppl who suffered#to the point where barber actively kneecapped some scenes that couldve been super fucking intense and emotional#in favor of the characters lecturing each other or some stupid plot to criticize OP#that time in unicron where windblade screamed about how this is their fault and then arcee replied that her planet is build on coloniation#shouldve happened more often than literally the last series of the ocntinuity. like goddamn stfu about your moral superiority#when your own sins are right fhere lol
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okay so you know how it goes: fourteen comes to life in thirteen's clothes. and they're both too short and too loose and entirely too bright for his frame of mind. they worked with a doctor who hid everything behind a too wide smile; not so much with a doctor whose pain and tiredness is written across his face
he needs to change. obviously
and then the star beast starts, and fourteen leaves the tardis, and he's still in thirteen's clothes
he just. he doesn't know. how does he choose new clothes? he feels wrong. how will wearing something else change that?
(donna tells him that it's christmas, mate; it's bloody freezing. maybe wear longer trousers, yeah? also he's both too young and too old to wear braces. just a friendly note)
he doesn't have to explain who he is to the unit scientist, not with those clothes. instead he talks about how he doesn't understand why he looks like this. why he is this. why this face? why isn't he someone new?
actually. maybe he is someone new. was he ever this open before? hm
why do you look like that, sylvia hisses, trying to hide him from the daughter he destroyed ruined left
it's a lottery, he replies, purposely ignorant
he still has his thirteenth self's screwdriver. it's too small in his hands
(the whole time they were her, her hands were too small. she didn't like touching anyway, but whenever someone took her hand, it felt wrong. they were too small. sometimes it felt like if she worked fast enough, tinkered about without stopping, she wouldn't have to look at them)
everything goes wrong. his fault, like always
(blimey. of all the things to carry over from the first time he had this face, it had to be the guilt, didn't it?)
you shouldn't look like that, the doctordonna says, and he runs a hand down his face with a tired laugh
no, the doctordonna says, not the face. a hand reaches out to grasp at the collar of his shirt, at the dangling earring chain. this isn't you. who are you, doctor?
like he knows. like they've ever-
she dies.
she lives. he doesn't deserve it. it isn't about him. he still doesn't deserve it
we're letting it go, donna says, and he looks down at himself, at another him's clothes, another him's screwdriver
well, she never was subtle, his donna
the tardis is gorgeous, though when isn't she. he tries to show off his new console to donna, and she rolls her eyes, and drags him off to the wardrobe
unlike normally, where all the clothes are scattered about, the new tardis wardrobe now also has a line of wardrobes stood against the wall. fifteen of them, to be exact
the last wardrobe is open. and empty
he goes to the second to last, and opens it to reveal a wide array of rainbow patterned shirts. she probably would've hated for her things to be organised like this. always creating mess so she wouldn't have to think about anything important. he laughs. and he takes off the sky coloured coat and the worn boots and the earrings and gently places them inside. tag, he thinks, as he closes the doors
and then he moves down to the eleventh wardrobe, full of brown coats and blue suits and neatly pressed shirts and pairs of converse. and he stands in front of it. and he wonders
after a moment, donna's like wait do you want me to leave?? you never cared about nudity before, did you? and he's like oh actually i do feel more self conscious. huh. weird.
he doesn't have to say, i think i'm a different person. not to donna. she just gives him a smile, and a shoulder nudge, and tells him she'll see him in the console room
the last wardrobe is empty
he takes a breath, and then goes to rummage about in the rest of the clothes
#13 🤝 14 (🤝 12) -> dysphoria 😔#doctor who#the doctor#fourteen#my fanfic#i mean ig#the tardis is including war. and so am i#the fugitive doctor's clothes are around somewhere also#then he leaves the wardrobe and donna's like literally all you've done is change your colour palette#and he's like oi i've only been me for a few hours! give me time to get a fashion sense!#and she's like well how long were you your last face#and he's like idk. bout a century?#and she's like i saw your clothes before this. that one had decades & never found a sense of fashion so i'm not holding my breath with you.#it's the new year i've decided to write about things only i still care abt probably dsakjlaskjl#why isn't this a proper fic. because i can't be bothered. hope that helps#bye im gonna go make brownies
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what do u mean im gonna be blogging about new pnf episodes in 2025. that should not be a real sentence
#I am still SO flabbergasted abt the revival idc I know it’s been over a year but I still get so fucked up when I think abt it#like how are we getting new pnf a decade after it ended there’s literally no way that’s a real sentence#phineas and ferb
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prompted by a baffling conversation with one of my friends + overall trends with events like big bangs. apparently i am deeply underestimating the amount of, like, actual consumption crossover between fanartists and fanwriters. i've been operating under the assumption that the majority of fanartists don't read fanfic and that fanfic is a relatively niche thing mostly shared between fanwriters with a few outlier exceptions. like, that the "communities" or w/e are relatively separate??
this is possibly because i've been out of "fandom" for a few years (or bc im not on twitter/insta where the artists hang out), but i feel like most of my friends are other fanwriters and most of the people who actively engage with fanfic on tumblr/ao3 are also fanwriters (and vice-versa with fanartists gravitating to each other). however. my friend disagrees? neither of us are actually artists tho so i'm putting the question out to the crowd. (more thoughts) ->
side note: i didn't include an option for being BOTH a fanartist/fanwriter because 1) you're like rare and exotic birds to me 2) i'm trying to figure out who falls into which category based on what community you "identify" with the most. if you write the occasional fanfic but you mostly think about/create fanart, you're a fanartist; if you mostly write fanfic but every now and then will think about/make some art, you're a fanwriter. the group you're more likely to engage with. that kinda thing.
side note 2: you will see i have included an option for fanwriters who don't/rarely read fanfic. i know you exist because that is my category. i read fanfic but do so rarely these days. i'm selective because i dont have a lot of time on my hands. this is possibly another reason why i feel like engagement between fanwriters is so high, because if i'm going to engage with a fanfic i'm gonna put my whole ass into it since that's the kind of engagement that makes me happiest from a writer's perspective.
for reference, when i say "engagement" i'm talking about leaving kudos, comments on ao3, asks/comments on tumblr, tags on reblogs... that kinda thing.
with all of this in mind, this could literally just be because fanfic writers are more willing to engage with other writers bc of their own shared hobby and/or because fanfic writers know what kind of engagement theyd prefer on their own fics and act accordingly--and non-writer/artists are just more willing to engage in general because that's the primary way you participate in fan communities. on the flip side, fanartists might just straight up be a really quiet bunch... possibly because your thing (affectionate) is "visual" more than "verbal" (if that makes sense).
basically... this is exactly what i'd like to know LOL.
#this is mostly abt one piece because i DEFINITELY feel like there was WAY more crossover between artist/writers reading fanfic in homestuck#but that was also literally a decade ago & i feel like theres been a HUGE shift in how people see/are willing to engage w fanfic these days#THIS ISN'T SHADE OR ANYTHING I'M GENUINELY SO CURIOUS#i found out some people i assumed didnt read fanfic at all actually DO and i was BAFFLED#the librarian urge to do research create categories and make lists#spiders loopey is an outlier and should not be counted lfasjlhlhsdfsdhfkjs (kidding ily)#gyro.txt
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alan ross watching the ocean from the lyric and such
heres the ref i used for the main pic
#the last binding#alan ross#a restless truth#a power unbound#freya marske#my art#my scribbles#i havent been on tumblr in a decade and i havent drawn in even longer than that but this DAMN series grabbed me by the throat and made me#come back i love it so much#i literally read the whole trilogy in under two weeks and im trying to force my boyfriend to read it so we can talk lol#i have no clue what im doing and idk how to do line art or color or shade but this series truly is making me want to draw again#this is like the second thing ive drawn in legitimately a decade so im nervous to even post it but i want to add to this fandom bc it#deserves more content and recognition#my cat rly did step on the ipad lol
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