multiplicity-positivity
Multiplicity Positivity
A positivity and advice blog for plurals, multiples, and systems of all sorts!
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Here’s some positivity for systems and headmates with conflicting and/or contradictory queer labels!
System life and queer identity can both be confusing, messy, and complicated. Often, headmates in a system may have unique or uncommon experiences and ways of relating to their body, headmates, the world around them, and even themselves - but this in no way invalidates the ways they identify! This post is for all the systems and headmates whose queer labels seem conflicting and/or contradictory!
🏳️🌈 Shoutout to systems and headmates who are mspec gays and lesbians!
🏳️⚧️ Shoutout to headmates who are AMAB transmasc, AFAB transfem, transfemmasc, or transfemneumasc!
🏳️🌈 Shoutout to systems and headmates who are sex-favorable asexuals, or who tolerate, engage in, or enjoy sex while still being asexual!
🏳️⚧️ Shoutout to systems and headmates who are aromantic while still having and loving their romantic partners and relationships!
🏳️🌈 Shoutout to systems and headmates who are bigender, trigender, boygirls, girlboys, or who are multigender in some other way!
🏳️⚧️ Shoutout to systems and headmates who are aplatonic while still having friends, wanting friends, or who wish they wanted friends!
🏳️🌈 Shoutout to systems whose plurality complicates their understanding of gender, sexuality, romantic attraction, and queer identity!
🏳️⚧️ Shoutout to systems and headmates who choose not to label their queer identity due to its complex nature!
🏳️🌈 Shoutout to systems and headmates with conflicting or contradictory xenogenders, or who use conflicting or contradictory neopronouns!
🏳️⚧️ Shoutout to those who have been fakeclaimed, bullied, or told they are harmful because of their conflicting/contradictory labels - you did not deserve that mistreatment and you are wonderful as you are!
🏳️🌈 Shoutout to systems and headmates who use conflicting or contradictory labels as they are still questioning or unsure about their queer identity!
🏳️⚧️ Shoutout to systems and headmates who are both boys/men and lesbians, or both girls/women and gay!
There is no one right or wrong way to be queer or plural. It’s okay to have labels and identify in ways that may seem or are conflicting or contradictory! Identifying in this way does not invalidate you as a system, headmate, or member of the queer community. You belong here and you make both plural and queer spaces more beautiful simply by existing in them!
We hope that you and your system can come to accept and embrace your queer labels and identities, even and especially if they are conflicting or contradictory. Know that you aren’t harming anyone by identifying in the ways that you do, and in fact, you are spreading warmth, joy, and hope by becoming your authentic self! Regardless of your queer identities or what labels you use, we love you and we want to support and uplift you however we can. Thank you so much for reading, and have a great day!
#plurality#pluralgang#multiplicity#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#mspec gay#mspec lesbian#amab transmasc#afab transfem#conflicting genders
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✨ Happy Pride Month! ✨
🌈 To the plurals who are collectively queer
💕 To the trans, nonbinary, and xenogender plurals
🌈 To the plurals who are mogai/liom or have coined their own terms to define their queer experiences
💕 To the plurals who are questioning if they may be queer in some way
🌈 To the asexual, aromantic, demisexual, demiromantic, greysexual, greyromantic, and other aspec plurals
💕 To the plurals who don’t define or put labels to their gender, sexuality, or romantic orientation
🌈 To the plurals who have queer relationships inside or outside their system
💕 To the plurals who are aplatonic, in queerplatonic relationships, or whose friendships are inherently queer
🌈 To the plurals who are BIPOC, disabled, neurodivergent, poor, or multiply marginalized
💕 To the plurals who are just beginning to find a home and belonging in the queer community
🌈 To the plurals who are bi, pan, omni, or multi sexual or romantic in some way
💕 To the plurals who reject amatonormativity and heteronormativity
🌈 To all queer plurals everywhere!
This is our month to shine and embrace who we are! We hope that every queer headmate and system out there can have a beautiful pride month filled with all sorts of queer things and activities that bring you peace, comfort, and happiness. You belong here, in both the queer and plural communities, just the way you are! Keep being yourself. Keep living your most authentic life boldly and proudly! We love you, we’re so proud of you, and we hope that this month will be filled with joy and acceptance for yourself and your system!
#plurality#pluralgang#multiplicity#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#queer pride#queer community#lgbtq community#lgbtq pride
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Here’s some positivity for systems whose plurality is caused by delusions!
Systems with delusion-based plurality are lovely, valued, and integral members of the plural community! Systems with psychosis are allowed to define your own experiences and use terminology that brings them joy and self-fulfillment, and they belong in our spaces just the way they are! Here’s to all the systems whose plurality is caused by delusions!
🌀 Shoutout to systems who identify with labels like deligenic, delusionbased, psygenic, neurogenic, or who use their own terms to describe their plurality!
💟 Shoutout to systems whose delusions shift of fluctuate over time, which affects their plurality as a result!
🌱 Shoutout to systems with delujects, or introjects who are based on delusions!
🌟 Shoutout to systems who are tired of seeing “delusional,” “delulu,” “psychotic,” “psycho,” and “psychopath” so often used as insults!
🍑 Shoutout to systems whose delusionbased plurality has brought them peace, comfort, and joy!
❣️ Shoutout to systems who are struggling with their delusionbased plurality, but are trying to learn how to live with or make the most of it!
🌸 Shoutout to systems who don’t want or aren’t ready for their beliefs to be questioned or reality-checked by others!
🪁 Shoutout to those whose plurality only manifests when they are in psychosis or a delusional episode!
🦋 Shoutout to systems who are in therapy, take anti-psychotics, or otherwise are receiving treatment for their delusions and/or psychosis!
☘️ Shoutout to systems with certain headmates who are deligenic or delusionbased while the rest of the system is not!
🌻 Shoutout to systems who sometimes feel ashamed or embarrassed by their delusions - you’ve done nothing wrong by being delusional, and it’s not your fault that other people may not understand your delusions!
🧡 Shoutout to systems who feel ostracized from their family, friends, and community due to their delusions, plurality, psychosis, or mental illness!
🌹 Shoutout to systems whose delusions inform their plurality and how their system and mind function!
To any system whose plurality is caused by delusions, please know that your plurality is valid, you are plural, and the plural community is absolutely for you! Your unique perspectives are wanted and encouraged, and we feel honored to be able to share our spaces with you. Whether your constantly feel plural due to delusions, your plurality waxes and wanes, or if you’re unsure whether or not your delusions make you plural, you matter and you belong here!
#plurality#pluralgang#multiplicity#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#delusions#delusionbased#deligenic#psychosis#psychogenic#neurogenic
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Do you have any advice for median systems of mostly or entirely facets & fragments differentiating who is who?
The sense of feeling like partially different identities, but never entirely different makes us feel like none of us are a whole person and this is very frustrating and overwhelming for us…We want to develop stronger & more separate identities of our own and we’re hoping you or someone else might know of any resources that could possibly help us with that?
Perhaps resources for facets intentionally developing into alters?
Thanks for taking the time to respond either way. We appreciate it. Hope you & your system are doing well!
Hey, we have had fragments in our own system who later either fused or otherwise developed into fully formed alters. For some it just happened sort of naturally as they fronted more and more and gained new traits, interests, and perspectives. For others, they had to spend time consciously trying to develop their identities a bit more.
We have a post that aims to help headmates become a bit more distinct and individualized - and as a guide it could probably work for fragments as well:
Though keep in mind, for some systems, they are who they are, and they won’t be able to reach a point where their fragments, parts, or headmates are extremely distinct and unique as individuals. It’s better to try and learn to accept yourself than try to change some unchangeable core aspects of who you are. So please use your own discretion and try not to force your system to function in a particular way if that’s not how your system has worked in the past and if attempting to change isn’t really working.
If anyone sees this who has any further advice, info, or resources for systems with fragments hoping to become more separate and distinct, we’d encourage you to share it to help anon.
#fragments#facets#median systems#sense of self#headmate identity#headmate individuality#fragment identity#fragment individuality
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can I get some postivity for alters who are told their queer identity isn’t valid/real/use controversial labels ( we have multiple alters that ID with controversial labels such as Mspec lesbian/gay, lesboy and other labels and queer discourse really gets to them to the point they don’t want to front do to the amount of people hating on them)
Yeah for sure. It’s going to post tomorrow night at 8:00pm est, just in time for pride month 😎🌈
On this blog we love, cherish, and embrace those with conflicting or contradictory queer identities. Mspec lesbians/gays, multigender folks, afab transfems/amab transmascs, lesboys/turigirls, he/him lesbians and she/her gays… all of y’all are welcome here. And we have some parts in our own system who have conflicting queer identities, too. An mspec transmasc lesbian is actually writing this response and put the post in the queue. We’re here, we’re queer, and we’re stronger as a community when we accept each other as we are 💪
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Can we have positivity for systems that are caused by delusions?
Yes you can… it’s now been queued and will post tonight at 8:00pm est.
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doing this on anon since I’m still researching/denial(??)
I’m maybe semi-convinced that I would have OSDD. Though, something seems to happen whenever I do a lot of research (I tend to do it on/off since I have other problems to worry about). After periods of a lot of research, I can no longer communicate with voices inside my head?? Like, it becomes increasingly harder to talk to anyone in there and as a result I struggle to think straight
Is there any way I can fix this? Or at the very least, open up communication again??
Hey, you may be getting overloaded, overwhelmed, or potentially triggered from doing lots of research. Our best advice would be to try and speak to a therapist or mental health professional, who could help you figure out what’s going on while prioritizing your own health and safety. Going at it alone when it comes to diagnosis and treatment regarding complex dissociative disorders can be extremely challenging. If you can’t access a good therapist though for any reason, it may be best to just make sure you’re taking lots of breaks from doing research, and making sure to do lots of self care to make sure your needs are being met.
Not sure how much this could help you, but we do have a post with some self care questions which we’ll go ahead and link:
Also, we do have a post for systems and plurals who struggle with denial:
As well as a post with resources for questioning systems:
Remember to take it easy every once in a while, step back when things start getting overwhelming, and look after yourself to the best of your ability. For our own system, neglecting to do these things has caused us to regress and our communication to falter in the past.
We’re wishing you all the best with this process - we know it can be difficult, painful, and confusing at times!
#questioning system#questioning osdd#osdd#did osdd#complex dissociative disorder#internal communication#system communication
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i love talking to myself (thinking method) talking to myself (plurality) and talking to myself (speaking at objects) xD
Aw yeah, love the way you are, embrace it 👍
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Positivity post for Protescutors/Vigilantes?
We used “prosecutor” language specifically, but we do have that post here:
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Did I go through enough to cause DID?
by Sunflower
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Do you really want to know?” says a concerned voice, from the back of my mind.
“Yes. Why shouldn’t I know?” comes a reply, not from me.
“Maybe,” comes another.
“I guess not,” I finally say. I shouldn’t have bothered asking this question.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“No,” says a small voice to me.
“Why do you think that?” I ask it.
There’s no answer. Only crying.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Yes,” states someone matter-of-factly.
“How do you know for sure?”
“You’re literally talking to an alter, right now,” they point out.
Ugh! How is that supposed to answer my question?!
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Fuck off with these questions! It’s ridiculous!” growls something from deep inside, bubbling with rage. “Do you think this is fun? Do you think this is a game?”
I don’t.
Oh God, I don’t.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
Screams.
Ripping.
Spiraling.
Falling apart.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Why does it matter?” replies someone in the back.
“I don’t know,” I confess.
“Does it matter to you?”
“No, I guess not.”
“Does it matter to someone else?”
They already know the answer. They’re sitting in the back of my thoughts with it.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Do you feel like you’re not hurt enough?” Someone asks this.
The background is wracked with voices mirroring my own. Some shout yes, others shout no. I don’t know if they’re my own thoughts or something else.
“I’m not sure,” I finally say, confused.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Why are you asking this so much?” a voice asks.
“Well, sometimes I just wonder if I was hurt enough to have DID,” I explain.
“You have it. Doesn’t that already answer your question?”
“No,” I reply, a bit angrily. “I don’t feel like what I went through justifies me having DID like this. Wouldn’t my childhood have to be extremely unnatural? I mean, sure, I was suffering, but was that enough?”
“You do realize that suffering isn’t natural, right?”
I don’t know how to reply.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
A child is asking me this. I hold them close. I cradle them in my arms and rock them.
“I wish you didn’t,” I sigh.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“You went through too much,” says someone else.
“Yeah. You did, too,” is all I can utter.
Acceptance fills out the space between us.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
A sad voice whispers through the frosty darkness. “I don’t wish anymore pain onto you.”
“I don’t wish it onto you, either,” a voice whispers back.
I touch their hands. We are connected.
—
Did I go through enough to cause DID?
“Yes, and the proof is in our existence. Our existence is proof of our survival,” a familiar voice answers me.
We survived?
“You did. I did. All of us survived.“
I feel the others shift inside. Warmth blossoms in my chest.
The system that is me, suffered. The system that is me, also survived.
Maybe knowing this is more important.
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Here’s some positivity for introjects who have lost or can no longer access their source!
Lots of introjects may have complex and complicated relationships with their sources. For many introjects, discovering that their source is no longer accessible for any reason can be painful, confusing, or disheartening! This post is for any introject who is no longer able to view, engage, or interact with their source for any reason!
⭐️ Shoutout to introjects whose source is a person their system knew in real life who passed away, moved somewhere else, or lost touch with their system!
🔷 Shoutout to introjects whose source is from abandonware or a video game that has been deplatformed and can no longer be played!
⭐️ Shoutout to introjects who only have vague memories or no memories at all of their source, and they can’t remember what it is in order to view, interact, or access it!
🔷 Shoutout to introjects who are upset about losing access to their source and are mourning or grieving the loss in their own ways!
⭐️ Shoutout to introjects of abusers and people who have harmed their system, who must stay distanced from their source in order to keep their system safe!
🔷 Shoutout to introjects whose source is triggering for themselves or someone else in their system, causing them to have to avoid it as a result!
⭐️ Shoutout to introjects whose source is obscure and has been all but lost to time!
🔷 Shoutout to introjects who worry that their source will only live on in their memories!
⭐️ Shoutout to introjects who feel lost, confused, numb, or don’t know how to feel about losing access to their source!
🔷 Shoutout to introjects whose source is a interactive collaborative work like an SMP or TTRPG which has since finished, closed, or shut down!
⭐️ Shoutout to introjects whose source was never released, revealed, or made available for public use, making it difficult for them to access!
There are no wrong feelings and, if you’re an introject who cannot access or engage with your source for any reason, the feelings you have about it are valid and worth expressing! It’s okay to feel grief, depression, anxiety, or ambivalence about not being able to access your source. It’s also okay if you don’t know how you feel! We hope that you can take the time and steps necessary to properly process your emotions in healthy ways in order to continue living your best life.
Please do your best to show yourself some kindness and compassion today. If thinking about your source is painful, maybe try taking some time away to relax, unwind, and prioritize some of your physical, mental, and emotional needs. Or perhaps try talking through your feelings with a loved one or a trusted headmate who can listen to you and provide some reassurance. Remember we’re rooting for you, and wishing you the very best in all that you do!
#plurality#pluralgang#multiplicity#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#introjects#source talk#fictives#factives#death mention
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our etsy shop is back up and running!
if you'd like to help a severely disabled schizophrenic trans person of color stabilize after being homeless for 6 months, two of which were spent in a hotel, you can now support us through etsy if you choose! if you favorite and interact with our shop, it will help us be seen by more people and improve our metrics!
we make y2k, gothic, kawaii, and alternative jewelry and accessories, as well as sell original paintings, and offer traditional painting commissions!
our ko-fi shop is still open as well, but we need the organic foot traffic from etsy right now to help us pay for our expenses, like our electric bill. thanks for reading, interacting and sharing!
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Here’s some positivity for plural artists and creators!
Plural artists and creators, you are a wonderful, integral, and cherished part of the plural community. We so value your presence here, and we hope that your artistic endeavors bring your whole system comfort, joy, and fulfillment! Regardless of what kind of art you make, how long you have been creating, how popular your art is, or how skilled you are at making art, you belong here and your works are worth discussing, uplifting, and celebrating! Plural artists, this one’s for you!
🎨 Shoutout to systems who have just started making art, are beginners, or have yet to see many improvements in their art!
🖌 Shoutout to systems whose art styles vary between headmates, and to systems who share a collective art style!
🖼 Shoutout to systems who draw, paint, color, collage, sculpt, or make digital art! Your art makes the world a better place!
🖋 Shoutout to systems who are poets, novelists, essayists, or writers by other means! Writing is art and you are an artist!
🎨 Shoutout to systems who experiment with different mediums and forms of artistic expression!
🖌 Shoutout to systems who are makeup artists, have lots of tattoos, are fashion-focused or otherwise use their body to express themselves with how they look!
🖼 Shoutout to systems who often feel self-conscious or insecure about their art! Keep on making art for you, we know it will turn out beautifully!
🖋 Shoutout to systems who love to create art for and of their headmates, or who love to collaborate with their headmates on art pieces!
🎨 Shoutout to systems who use art to cope with trauma, mental illness, grief, conflict, or other heavy things!
🖌 Shoutout to systems who are interested in making art for the first time! You can do it, we believe in you!
🖼 Shoutout to systems who want to make more art, but struggle to do so due to disabilities or chronic illness! You are allowed to take your time and create what feels comfortable for you on your own terms!
🖋 Shoutout to systems who have been creating for as long as they can remember! Your artistic endeavors are always worth sharing and celebrating!
🎨 Shoutout to systems who have found purpose, belonging, meaning, and a zest for life through art!
🖌 Shoutout to systems who feel lost and confused about their art, but keep creating and making art anyway!
To all plural artists out there, we want to encourage, support, and uplift you however we can! We hope that you can find lots of inspiration in your own system and the plural community. Know that you don’t have to be the very best at what you do in order to consider yourself an artist and for the art that you make to be worthwhile. Your system’s creations are wonderful and uniquely y’all’s, and we are so grateful to share our spaces with artists like you!
We truly wish that your system will continue to create, even when it’s hard or slow going! Whether you’ve been making art for one week or many decades, please know that your creativity is unmatched and there is not artist out there who is quite like you or your system! We hope that you can find inspiration, motivation, energy, and resources to make all the art you want to make, and we’re wishing you the very best with your future artistic endeavors!
#plurality#pluralgang#multiplicity#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#plural artist#plural art#system art#system artist
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Are there any books you recommend for learning more about systems in general and about being a system?
When it comes to plurality/multiplicity in general, we don’t have any good recommendations for you. But there are a few books about living with and managing dissociative identity disorder that we know of… these books have been on our reading list for a while, but we haven’t actually read any of them yet 😅
That being said, here are the books from our list. Keep in mind they may have discussions of trauma, particularly childhood trauma and abuse. Please keep yourself and your system safe and don’t read anything that may prove to be dangerous or too much for your system to handle!
First Person Plural: My Life As A Multiple by Cameron West
Got Parts? An Insiders Guide to Managing Dissociative Identity Disorder by ATW
Amongst Ourselves: A Self Help Guide to Living with DID
The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization by Onno van der Hart, Ellert R.S. Nijenhuis, and Kathy Steele (we actually have read this one. It’s quite dense and has a lot of complex clinical language, but it was really eye opening for us and definitely worth the read imo)
We also have a link to this Google drive which has a few books on living with dissociation and a history of complex trauma (which is often intrinsically linked to dissociative disorders that cause systems to form).
It’s also worth mentioning that some of these books may have out-of-date information about plurality and DID. But we still think they’ll be worth reading, as there likely will be some useful stuff in them, even if some of the info is outdated.
If anyone else has recommendations for books about plurality/multiplicity, please share them! We’d like more books to add to our list, too 😊
#reading list#book recommendations#dissociative identity disorder books#plurality books#multiplicity books#adding some tags for reach in case someone sees this with their own recs:#plurality#pluralgang#actually plural#dissociative identity disorder#complex dissociative disorder
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Here’s some positivity for systems with constructed languages (or conlangs)!
Having a language created by your system that is uniquely your own or learning a language constructed by others can be an exciting experience and prove to be a useful tool! Regardless of how your system created, learned, or acquired a conlang, having and using a constructed language is a beautiful thing! Here’s to all the systems and headmates out there who use conlangs!
📝 Shoutout to systems who collaborated for a long time to create their own conlang!
🗣 Shoutout to systems who have learned a conlang from a piece of media beloved by their system!
📚 Shoutout to systems who use conlangs from their own projects or creations!
🔊 Shoutout to systems who read and write in their conlang better than they can speak it, and vice versa!
📝 Shoutout to systems who are new to conlangs and are starting to learn or create one for themselves!
🗣 Shoutout to headmates who are very invested in their system’s conlang, maybe even taking on roles like “chronicler,” “coiner,” or “archivist” for their conlang!
📚 Shoutout to headmates who formed specifically to manage and update their system’s conlang, or to teach it to other members!
🔊 Shoutout to systems whose conlangs are an important part of their inner world or headspace!
📝 Shoutout to systems who use their conlang to communicate with loved ones outside of their system!
🗣 Shoutout to systems with headmates who have a conlang as their first language!
📚 Shoutout to indigenous systems who have learned or are practicing a conlang created by members of their nation in order to revive a dead or lost cultural language!
🔊 Shoutout to systems who have a passion, special interest, or hyperfixation of specific conlangs, or conlangs in general!
Systems who use conlangs, know that the languages you use are each beautiful, fascinating, and special in their own ways. It’s okay to create a constructed language, or to learn and use one that was created by someone else! What matters most is that you’re happy, your headmates are happy, and y’all are able to bond and find fulfillment through learning something new and incorporating it into your daily lives. Please take pride in learning, using, and sharing your conlangs - they are an important part of you and your system and deserve to be celebrated! Thank you so much for reading, and have a wonderful day!
#plurality#pluralgang#multiplicity#actuallyplural#system positivity#plural positivity#plural pride#system pride#conlang#constructed language#conlangs#constructed languages
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what the fuck am i meant to do if being a system is still completely miserable. i've tried so fucking hard to get anything out of this and i'm sick of it. i'm sick of seeing how so many years of effort has amounted to absolutely nothing no matter what approach i take when someone who has known for like a month is happier about this than i am. i'll probably be dead before i get anything positive out of this whatsoever
hey, thank you so much for reaching out to us. we’re sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much and system life has been difficult for you. we’re not sure what you’re looking for here, be it some advice, encouragement, or just a listening ear. we do have some words for you, but we’re putting them under a cut in case you don’t want to hear any advice/encouragement and were just looking to vent (which is always welcome here, by the way).
okay first, we’ll say that we know it’s difficult, but comparing yourself to other systems is only going to cause you more pain and strife in the long run. every system is different. every system’s personal journey is unique. and just because some systems are able to get along perfectly with excellent communication after only a couple months of trying… that doesn’t mean every system can or should function that way.
if it’s any consolation, our system also struggles a lot due to our plurality. we have parts who fight, communication can still be difficult to manage, balancing everyone’s interests and desires can be overwhelming, and dealing with dissociation and cptsd symptoms on top of everything else makes life often feel abysmal and hopeless. it took us years to achieve the level of communication and comfort with each other that we have today, and even then, we’re not exactly stable. we can assure you, you’re not alone in feeling like you’ve made no progress with your system. there are lots of folks out there who have been in your shoes, or are currently dealing with similar situations.
for many, many systems, especially those of us with dissociative disorders, life is very hard. learning to accept your plurality is hard. learning to cope with your trauma history is hard. learning to communicate and get along with your alters is hard. it’s all extremely difficult, and you are absolutely owed a bit of credit.
you’re here. you’re alive. that is a major accomplishment! and we’re very proud of you for making it this far.
also, you’ve been trying. you’ve spent years attempting to make progress. that also counts for something - your efforts deserve to be recognized, even if you feel like they have been fruitless so far.
recovery is a very long process. we’re not sure if you’re in therapy, but if you’re going at it alone, it can be a monumental task and often feel impossible. and when you’re in the thick of it, it can be quite difficult to see the progress you’ve made, or feel like anything has changed at all. we don’t know you personally, but it could be that you have made progress - it’s just hard for you to recognize or see it at this time.
if anything, know that we see you. we recognize your efforts and while we cannot understand the unique pain you’re going through, we sympathize and have seriously struggled ourselves. even if you really have made absolutely no progress, we have faith in you and we know that it won’t always be this way. please don’t give up. please keep trying. and look after your mind and body too, while you’re at it.
we believe in you. we’re wishing you and your whole system the very best with healing, building communication, and founding positive, happy, healthy relationships. and if you never get there, know that you are still deserving of love and acceptance just the way you are. we seriously hope that you can find that, friend.
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Hi! So I have recently discovered that I am part of a (mostly traumagenic & median) system. I’m our host and I’ve have had headmates since early childhood, but we’ve always felt like they’re vague/partially formed and don’t really have solid identities, awareness, thoughts, or feelings of their own. I don’t entirely feel like I do either actually (though still more than them)…I wanted to know if any other systems have ever felt this way?
I’m also wondering if it’s possible for a median system to help their partially formed headmates develop into more solid identities and if you know of any resources that elaborate on this?
I’ve spent so long trying to block the others out since I first noticed them because I didn’t understand why our mind was like this, but now that I finally do, I feel so lost after years and years of rejecting them. Now that I know we’re a system, I think I’m finally ready to work with them instead of against them and I want to stop fighting/pushing them out, but it’s difficult when we all feel so fragmentary and incomplete. I think we’d all be happier if we could each feel a little more whole on our own.
Anyway, if you know anything about this or any resources that might help us, it would be very appreciated…Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! -🦋
hey 🦋, we’re sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling lately to accept and connect with your system, but it’s good to know that you’re interested in making some positive progress :)
to answer your first question yes, it is possible to be a system made up of members who are fragments or partially formed. we believe that in median systems the term for this sort of headmate is facet (<- pluralpedia link) - they can range from being a simple emotion holder to having an almost completely fleshed out identity. all of these things are valid experiences for any system, including median systems.
it is possible for many systems to have fragments who later develop into complete headmates. our own system has had this happen on many occasions. when it comes to helping fragments find individuality, interests, and a sense of self, we do have a post that might help you.
keep in mind though that every system is different. some systems may find that their facets, fragments, or members are unable to reach the degree of individuality that they were hoping for… and that’s okay. if your system is struggling to self-actualize with little success, it may be better to shift gears and focus on learning self-acceptance as you are.
we recommend therapy here a lot - we have benefitted immensely from it and we feel that many other systems could as well. if you have access to a good, open-minded therapist in your life, this may be a good thing to try discussing with them. they may be able to help with some advice more tailored to your system’s needs. as for further reading or resources, nothing is coming to mind right now regarding developing facets/fragments into more well-rounded headmates, or anything about median systems in general… so sorry about that.
finally, we’d really like to open this up to any median systems and/or systems with fragments to share some of their experiences with 🦋. what is life like for you as a median system with fragments? were any of your fragments or facets able to develop into more fully-formed headmates? any advice or words of encouragement for 🦋 would be greatly appreciated.
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