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tinemorrow-blog · 7 years

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Tinder is the night

Everyone is doing it. That's what my sister said. Well, everyone except me. Online dating, the romance rabbit hole. Would I find my Mr Right or would it be a complete write off?

So I inhaled deeply and created my first profile. It all felt quite formulaic and unnatural. That's part of the reason I wasn't keen on the whole concept. Although with the profile filled out I sat back in weird anticipation. I browsed a few profiles but didn't start any conversations. My own 'headline' was a Lionel Richie lyric which did initiate responses. Some typical, some funny.

The whole profile concept made me feel a bit like a number on a list. Although it was just like the online equivalent of the cattle market club nights I went to religiously as a student. I was still trying to find the tall dark handsome needle in the haystack. I tried to make the profile as exciting as an online profile of a human can be.

In many ways these apps feel like they replace initial real life social interaction. They are romantic icebreakers, if you will. We all love icebreakers. They are a symptom of the social media,fast paced technologically driven world we live in. In a way it makes me yearn for when my parents went to dance halls.

I have had some strange messages 'what's a girl like you doing on here'. I decided not to state the obvious and just deleted those. The conversations can be the type of forgettable barstool chat that's easily forgotten. Although sometimes it can be about life, hobbies and other normal things.

The thing I got quite good at was judging people's personality by their photograph. Although if they couldn't take a decent selfie I was tending to rule them out.

I wasn't and haven't been looking for anyone in particular. A sense of humour has always been number one criteria. I'm too old for the white wedding, knight in armour stuff but young enough to want someone decent and kind to be a part of my life.

I didn't want dating apps to take over my existence, although the rabbit hole can be a time consuming place if you let it. I also found that taking regular breaks if the whole thing got a bit overwhelming was super important. With online dating because there's a sense of unreality to it, I was determined to ensure I was happy with who I was chatting to. I did become unapologetically brutal in my dismissals of messages very quickly.

How long will I online date for? Do I think I will find the one? I’m forty in December and as the number looms large in my head I think online flirtations will last until then. Will I find the one? I’m not sure, the jury is still out. I still live in hope that I might meet someone in real life and that my first interaction with them is not a typed message. In one way that seems a bit too much to hope for. Maybe once I reach forty I’ll be more at ease with typed notes of affection.

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