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canumoveurseatup-no · 5 years

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The Mission

Part 2 of Puffballs; from my new Honeybee Series.

Summary: You went on a mission and while trying to save everyone you could, it wasn’t enough. You go home and the dynamic of your family changes because of it.

WC: 4.5K

Pairings: Bucky x Black!Stark!Reader, Bucky x OC!Daughter, Avengers x Black!reader (SB stands for Stark-Barnes)

Warnings: descriptions of civilian casualties during an attack, child death (not Anna), angst, arguing, nightmares, disruption in family dynamic, fluff!

A/N: If you are tagged/ want to be tagged or even just like it. All I ask is that you leave verbal feedback please as I put a lot of effort into my work.

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“Come on SB, we gotta go!,” you heard the quinjet start up through your earpiece as Clint’s tone was stressed and strained.

“I can’t. Not yet. There are still people out here!!,” you rushed civilians out of the houses on the block, running in and out of each one to get them to safety.

“Mommy!! Someone help!,”

You heard someone yell from one of the houses, “Clint there’s a little girl,” you said into the com.

It was just you, Clint, Steve and a few SHIELD agents to run the other carriers. Steve was helping get families out of their homes and to safety as their city was being bombed to smithereens. You ran as fast as you could to the house, hearing the little girl scream. One part of the house was on fire and that was the part she was trapped in.

“Mommmyyyyy!!!,” you could hear her over all the commotion.

“Y/N lets go, everyone is out. We gotta go before they hit again!,” Steve was out of breath and tired.

“I can’t! There’s still a little girl in one of the houses!,”

Without any hesitation, Steve came to help you. The little girl was in the window, the fire blazing behind her.

“Help please!!,” she cried. She was hyperventilating and screaming her head off. She was little, no younger than your Annalise, which prompted you to act fast because she reminded you of your little girl.

“I’m gonna need you to jump. I’ll catch you!,” Steve yelled up at her. The bottom part of the house was now in flames and collapsing.

“I’m scared,” she whined. And you tried your best to talk her down, “My mommy was downstairs then I heard her screaming, is she with you? I want my mommy,”

“Steve, we didn’t get anyone out of this house,” You whisper to him. Trying to find a way to get her down, Steve swore under his breath.

“I’ll help you, you just have to jump. I promise I’ll catch you,” Steve knew you were all running out of time before the house burst fully into flames or the enhanced come back to attack to finish the job.

“I want my mommy!,” she cried.

“Sweetheart, please,” you pleaded. You felt tears in your eyes as you envisioned Anna up there, which was the worst thing to do, “I’m not your mommy but I’ll protect you, I promise. I’ll keep you safe. Just jump and I’ll catch you,”

You wish she wasn’t so far up, you wish the house wasn’t so big and tall. It makes everything so much harder. You wish there were dark places so you could shadow travel but the fire kept you from doing that. She started slowly climbing out of the window and slowly crept to the edge of the roof. She looked down and froze.

“It’s not so bad, it’s okay!,” Steve tried his best to ease the little girl’s thoughts but she stepped back.

“It’s okay baby girl, I’ll catch. I promise. I won’t let you get hurt,” Your soft, motherly tone seemed to calm her down.

“Guys! We gotta roll out!,” Clint yelled at you two. The other carriers started to leave because they got everyone.

She started coming closer to the edge the more your promising voice talked to her. You reminded her of her mother and that’s why she trusted you so much. Steve’s rushed and loud voice didn’t do much help in this situation. She reminded you so much of Anna so that’s why you took the motherly approach rather than Steve’s.

She was just about to jump when everything happened in slow motion. You had a smile on your face with your arms out, she finally trusted you to jump. But it was all ripped from you both when you felt Steve’s arms wrap around your waist and pull you back, running away. You had gone deaf in that moment as you saw the little girl preparing to jump when the missile hit her house. The blast sending you and Steve further back than he had ran.

You were spread out on your back, ears ringing staring at the sky. You slowly sat up and saw the ruined house where the little girl just was. You stared wide eyed at the scene. You swallowed heavily, taking in what was splayed out in front of you. Gasping for air, you started crying before screaming as loud as you could, “NOOO!,”

You tried to get Steve’s arms from around you but he had an iron grip on you as he dragged you back to the jet. Bucky and Tony made Steve swear he would look after you and while the scene was heartbreaking he had to get you out of there.

“No! Steve NOO!,” thrashing in his arms as the door shut. The scene slowly being closed off from you as Clint flew you guys away to head home. He set you down and you started punching his chest, straight up sobbing and screaming.

Clint had heard you sobbing but he had to get you guys home. He’d have Steve fill him in on everything later. It hurt him to hear you cry like that so that prompted him to speed up the jet to get you guys home faster.

“I almost had her! I could have saved her!,” you fell to your knees looked at your empty arms. She could have been there, she was so close.

“She had no one, Y/N. I know it hurts but she’d have to live with knowing what happened to her family. You on the other hand have a family to get back to. Casualties happened,”

You wondered how he could just be so closed off about it. Maybe he’d seen so much that he takes it as is and keeps it pushing.

“That could have been Anna!,” another wave of strong emotion washed over you, “That could have been my Annalise. Our Annalise standing on that roof getting ready to jump!,” you’ve seen some shit in your time as an Avenger but that was all before you had Anna. You and Bucky had mainly been doing logistics during and after your pregnancy that way you wouldn’t have spend too much time away from her. But lately you felt like you could get back in the swing of things. After her identity crisis you spent more time with her until Bucky told you it would be fine to go back out, as long as whoever went with you looked out for you.

You wish you didn’t go back out there.

“She still had so much to experience. So much life to live and it was stripped from her, Steve! That could have been Anna,” you just couldn’t shake the look of relief on her face as she was about to jump just for it to turn into pure horror as the missile came near.

“Those guys are being taken care of, Y/N,”

“She’s fucking gone, Steve. It’s a little too late for me to care about that,”

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“Bucky...” Steve sighed into the phone, he peered over at you, you were in a haze, your mind playing the series of events over and over again. You wish you could go back in time and do something different.

“Steve, what is it?,” Bucky’s tone was laced with worry.

“It’s, Y/N,” sure Steve could have worded it differently and gotten straight to the point but he wanted to ease Bucky into it and let him know what he'd be dealing with.

“Steve, I swear if you fucking let her get hurt I am going to kick your fucking ass!,” Bucky’s voice boomed in the speaker. You and Bucky used to go on missions together all the time so he got anxious when it came to you going on missions with other people without him. If it was all of you then he was still there to protect you but without him there, he felt like no one else had the capability to protect you like him. Of course you could protect yourself but Bucky would never stop worrying.

“She’s not hurt... physically. It was a mess out there today and she had a front row seat to something that might take a while to get over,”

“Steve, what happened out there?,” Bucky lowered his voice.

Lowering his head and shaking it, he hesitated before speaking into the phone,

“Just...just let Annalise know her mama still loves her,”

------

You stalked off the quinjet like you were dead. Nothing has ever rattled you this hard. As much as it’d make sense for you to actually want to see Annalise, you shut down and hoped that you could avoid her long enough to get yourself together. You saw Bucky once you walked inside and you ran into his arms automatically resorting to crying again.

“Baby, what happened?,” He held you tight as your fists clenched and tugged on his shirt hard.

“I couldn’t save her. I promised I’d save her!,”

Bucky made the connection from what Steve said on the phone to how hysterical you were and what you were rushing out of your mouth. You always had a soft spot for kids even if they weren’t yours. You always tried to save kids first if they were ever involved. This one must have involved a child. That was the only explanation and that child must have reminded you of the one you came home to every night. Hurting you to your core even more.

“She trusted me and I failed her,”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. No matter what he said, it wouldn't ease you. “You did all you could” would just make you feel like shit, making you feel like your best wasn’t good enough. “Casualties happen” would just make him seem aloof about the situation. He knew if he was in your shoes he’d react just as you were but more violently.

“I’m here for you, baby doll. You know that. We are in this together, always,”

Bucky didn’t want you to know he was hurting as well. Something about Bucky that no one knows is that he is an empath. When you’re hurting he’s hurting just as bad. When his daughter was having her own problems, it discombobulated him and threw him off kilter.

“Mama,” the little sleepy voice rung through the room.

Bucky felt you tense up in his arms, “Mama, I missed you,” she came forward but all you did was step back and away from her, looking at her in horror.

“I can’t do this right now,” you told Bucky and walked away out of the room, leaving your daughter standing there looking sad with her stuffed bee in her arms.

“Did I do something to upset, mama?,”

As if he wasn’t hurting enough, he saw the was his little honeybee’s bottom lip quivered. He knelt down to pull her into a hug.

“You know how mama and papa go out to fight bad guys to keep you safe?,”

She solemnly nodded her head, “Well today... the bad guys did something that hurt your mama really bad and she’s having a hard time right now. We just need to give her time. It’s nothing you did,”

He wiped the single tear that fell from her eye, “I hope she feels better soon. The way she looked at me looked like she was scared of me,” Anna played with the antennas of her bee.

Bucky dropped his head and sighed, “There is just a lot for mama to process right now and as bad as it sounds, seeing you right now is hard for her. But remember she still loves you no matter what. We just have to give her the time and space to collect herself. Just like we tell you to do when you’re upset. You understand?,”

Annalise nodded her head and sighed, “I understand, papa,”

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The nightmares wouldn’t stop. You found comfort staying up late in the lab with your father to keep your mind off of the mission from weeks ago. Every night it was the same, the little girl screaming at you, telling you that you broke your promise and didn’t keep her safe. You'd wake up in a cold sweat and a sore throat from screaming and you’d end up in the lab, tinkering with one of your dad’s projects.

“Sweetie, you gotta talk to someone about this. You’re losing sleep,” You were surprised that out of all people, your dad, the man who has to be forced out of the lab to get sleep was the one preaching to you.

“Dad, I’m fine,” cutting a green wire to fuse it with a blue one, the once defective project lit up.

Things between you and Bucky have been tense and you can’t even be in the same room as your own daughter without having flashbacks of your nightmares. It was taking a toll on your entire family and as much as you knew you need help, you couldn’t admit it.

“Anna needs you, Y/N. Don’t become estranged,” he took a seat beside you and handed you a cup of steaming chai tea.

“Bucky has explained this to her, dad. She’ll be okay until I get over this,”

Tony sighed and wiped a hand over his face, “You’re making that little girl think you hate her,”

“Dad! Enough,” you snapped. You were exhausted and weren’t in the mood to argue. You felt tears burn your eyes and you angrily shook your head, “I don’t need you guilt tripping me. This isn’t easy for me either but pulling back is what needs to be done until this blows over,”

“That’s the thing, Y/N. This isn’t going to blow over until you sit and talk this out. She needs her mother. You have to take this situation into your own hands or else it will only get worse. Annalise needs her mother,”

“So did that little girl, dad!,” Slamming your fist on the table, you scared Bruce awake from his power nap at the computer, “She needed her mom but she was gone! I was the closest thing to comfort in that moment. She was so close to being saved and I failed her. How am I supposed to live with that? How am I supposed to live with the fact I let a child die? That could have been Anna and that’s what hurts. Seeing that little girl as my daughter. I didn’t just see some little girl get bombed, I saw my daughter up there and I don’t even know how to put it in words but it hurts seeing my daughter look at me and then the little girl standing on that roof about to jump in my arms and it all get ripped away!,”

That’s the most you had to say about that day. You avoided everyone, you avoided talking about it, harboring all the feelings and nightmares.

“I can’t sleep because I see the little girl crying, screaming, begging, asking me why didn’t I do more to save her! Do you know how that makes me feel?,”

Tony stepped slowly toward you before wrapping you in a hug to let you cry. Bruce had slipped out to give you privacy.

“I understand, Y/N. I’m your father, I’ve seen some things that have hurt me and made it hard to face you but I realized you needed me. You didn't let anyone die. I know it hurts but you still have a little girl that is here, cherish that, appreciate that. It might be fucked up but that little girl and her family are together again even though the circumstances aren't the best,"

You knew he was right but you were nervous about facing your own family. You hadn't even been home, you'd been staying in the tower. But you figured after everything your dad was telling you, you should head home to fix things.

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The next day you cleaned yourself up and headed home, making it seem like you weren’t battling memories in your head. You slid the key into the keyhole and unlocked the door, slowly walking into the house. Anna’s toys littered all over the living room floor. You heard her giggles in the exercise room and slowly walked up to see her and Bucky lifting weights together.

“I lifted 175 pounds today, papa!,” she clapped and he was so proud of her. She came out of the womb strong a hell. Sam held her as a newborn and she broke his index finger just by gripping it really hard. Bucky always helped her channel her strength that way it didn’t get too out of hand.

You stood against the door frame and smiled, “That’s so much more than the last time,” you said with a small smile.

You wrapped your hands around yourself as Bucky looked up at you and Annalise turned around and frowned at you. She walked out the room right past you and Bucky sat on the weight bench.

“I see you’ve been working with her. It’s crazy she’s only six and can lift that much,”

Bucky awkwardly nodded his head and stood, wiping his hands on his sweats. The silence was deafening, your ears rung and it was making you breathe heavily.

“I’m going to therapy,” you tried your best to smile but your eyes started watering, “I- I realize my daughter needs me and it’s just... it was a mess that day,” you tried to laugh it off to ease the tension but it only caused your voice to break. Bucky stepped closer to you and he started to feel bad for your current state.

“I saw Anna up there,” you tried to explain but it all came out choppy and jumbled, “I know it wasn’t her but the girl reminded me of Anna and that’s why I took it so hard. Dad says I didn’t let her die but that doesn’t change the fact I broke my promise and didn’t protect her. She was so close, so close but those fucking enhanced they just had to attack at that exact time. It sickened me, I couldn’t take it. The nightmares, the flashbacks. It hurts. She wasn’t even my kid, Buck but she needed me. She deserved so much better. Annalise.. deserves so much better than what I have been giving and I- I don’t know-,” you choked on a sob and Bucky instantly pulled you into his arms.

“I’m so sorry,” you knew you were soaking his shirt but it’s not like he’d care.

“I knew you’d come around. It was just hard trying to explain to a six year old why her mother can’t stand to be in the same vicinity as her,” Bucky kissed your head as he held you tight.

“I guess it hurts so much because I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to our little girl.” You pulled back a little bit and wiped your face, “Now she resents me and I totally get it because I was so cold to her as well,”

“Just give her time. That’s all this family needs is time. You know that. She’ll come to terms with understanding. She knows you still love her, but she’s been missing you,”

You nodded your head and he took your hand, kissing it lightly, “Lets get you some rest. You look like you could really use it,”

You stopped him and your breath hitched in your throat, “I- I can’t sleep,”

Bucky ran the back of his hand along your cheek, sweetly smiling at you, “I’ll let Anna know what’s up and I’ll be right there with you. Just like you were my anchor when it came to my nightmares, I’ll be yours,”

---------

It’d been about a week since you came back home and you were still trying to get Anna to talk to you but she would just ignore you and talk to Bucky. While you knew you deserved it, it didn’t make it hurt any less. Especially knowing you were trying to make amends after everything and have your daughter in your arms.

“Anna, I figured we can go shopping today,” You smiled across the kitchen at her as you made her breakfast. She just continued coloring, not saying a single word. Bucky had taken up your missions while you were back home and spending time with Annalise like you needed all along.

You felt your eyes water at her silence as you plated her breakfast and handed it to her with her juice, “Let me know if you change your mind, I’ll be right back,”

You rushed to your bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, the tears finally falling and you did your best to keep your whimpers to a minimum so Anna didn’t hear you. Anna sat at the table, eating her waffles, fruit and oatmeal as she heard you crying from down the hall. She felt really bad, she knew her mama was going through a lot but she wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine but hearing you cry broke her heart.

She climbed out of the chair and went over to the house phone to dial her pop pop.

“Y/N, hey, how are you feeling?,” The phone only rung twice before Tony answered.

“Pop pop,” Anna whispered into the speaker.

“Anna? Where’s your mother? Is she okay?,” he was shooting a bunch of questions at his little granddaughter.

“She... she’s in the room crying. I can hear her,” Anna’s little voice sounded so sad, “I don’t know what to do,”

“Do you know why she’s crying? Do I need to come over?,”

Anna shook her head but she knew her pop pop couldn’t see her, “No but... I think she’s crying b-because I’ve been mean to her,” Anna started to feel guilty. Her mama rarely ever cried and most of the time when she did cry, it was happy tears.

“What do you mean?,” Tony started to walk around his office to focus on his granddaughter’s words.

“B-because she hasn’t been home lately and been ignoring me so I ignored her back so she felt how I felt,”

Tony sighed into the phone and she could tell her pop pop was disappointed in her, “Honeybee... listen,” Tony sat in his chair and stared out the window, “That day your mama saw a little girl go away for good. I know it hurt for your mama to ignore you but it was because that little girl she saw reminded her of you. I know it doesn’t always make sense but people cope in their own way and mama just needed time to collect herself to realize that you’re still here with her. She blamed herself for what happened... it wasn’t her fault and she felt like she let that girl down so she was beating herself up a lot over it and when she saw you she felt like she let you down all in the same,”

Tony took his time slowly explaining what happened that day and how you’d been having nightmares, how you had to come to the tower so you didn’t wake her up with your screams and cries in the middle of the night. Anna finally understood it all, you didn’t intentionally hurt her but she was intentionally hurting you and family doesn’t do that.

“Okay pop pop, thank you. I gotta go,”

“Bye, honeybee. I love you,”

“I love you too,” Anna hurriedly put the phone back on the dock and walked down the hallway to you and her papa’s room. She could still hear you crying. She slowly pushed the door open and she felt saddened by your state.

“Mama,” she called out. You sat straight up and wiped your tears, smiling, trying to act as if you weren’t just bawling your eyes out.

“H-hey. Is your breakfast okay? Are you okay?,” you stood up off the bed and Annalise dropped her gaze to your feet.

“I-I would like to go shopping with you today,” her voice was low but her words restored a little faith in you. Wiping your face again you nodded your head.

“O-okay. I’ll get you dressed and I’ll straighten up then we can go. Is that okay?,”

Annalise realized how nervous her mama sounded talking to her. She felt bad that she made her mama feel bad. She now understands that some people witness bad things and they might not always react the best. She forgives her mama because she knows every time she goes out to fight bad people that she is a strong woman and she does what she does to not only protect her but little kids like her as well.

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“Want to get ice cream? We’re not that far from your favorite place,” You placed the bags in the trunk. Shopping went smoother than expected.

“Yeah that sound good,” Anna smiled up at you as you put her in her booster seat. You drove to her favorite ice cream spot while blaring her favorite kids bop CD. You ordered her favorite and yours, sitting on the bench and looking out at the lake as the sun started to set.

“I’m sorry,” You and Annalise spoke in unison. You look at her and frowned, “You don’t have anything to be sorry for, baby,” you wiped some ice cream from the corner of her mouth.

“I made you cry and family doesn’t do that. Especially not ours,” She stared into her cup of ice cream before making eye contact with you, “I didn’t get it when you started acting weird but when I heard you crying.. I called pop pop and he explained it to me. I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry I hurt you,” Anna’s eyes started welling up and you shook your head.

“No no no, honeybee,” you kissed her nose and smiled at her, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m so sorry for shutting you out the way I did. But mama is getting help to make sure in case anything like what I saw just so happens to happen again, I’ll know how to deal or at least cope with it better. Mama is so sorry,” You placed her in your lap and hugged her tight. She kissed your cheek and rested her head on your shoulder.

“Figured I might find you guys here,”

You and Anna looked behind you and you saw Bucky in jeans and a hoodie, walking up to you, “What are you doing here?,” You asked him as he took Anna’s ice cream, scooping some in his mouth as he sat right beside you, resting a hand on your thigh. Anna muttered a small “heeey” before snatching her cup back from him, eliciting a chuckle from him.

“Tony filled me in on his phone call with Anna and when I got home you guys were out so I came to look for you guys to make sure you were both good with the tension but I’m glad to see it’s all sorted out,” he kissed Anna’s cheek and kissed your lips which caused her to scoff in disgust.

“I love you, honeybee,” you played with her tight curls and she smiled up at you and you finally didn’t feel your stomach twist in pain as you looked her.

“And I love you, mama,”

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If you enjoyed this, please leave some feedback! Maybe even let me know what you’d like to see in this series! Thank you all so much for the support, means so darn much <3 If i forgot to tag you please let me know!

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xtruss · 3 years

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We Don’t Recognise Our Own City: The Bastard Child of the United States Zionist Cunt Israeli Barrage Redraws the Map of Gaza

A ceasefire is finally in force, but traumatised families have little hope as they recall collapsing buildings and deaths of loved ones

— Oliver Holmes and Hazem Balousha in Gaza City | Saturday, 22 May 2021

As they emerge from hiding, people living in Gaza City have had to adapt their memories. So deformed is this small place on the coast that a mental map of its roads and landmarks from two weeks ago is largely useless today. Shortcuts to avoid traffic may no longer work, as craters dot back streets and rubble blocks roads. Locally famous high-rises no longer exist.

Eleven days of bombardment have buckled the city. Air attacks shook the ground so violently that some bomb sites appear as if buildings have been pulled into the earth rather than hit from above.

On one street, the bent walls of a kindergarten descend downwards at an angle until they disappear completely.

Israel’s latest war with Hamas, which ended in a ceasefire on Friday, killed 248 Palestinians, including 66 children as well as scores of fighters, and left more than 1,900 wounded in Gaza.

In Israel, 12 people, including one soldier and two children, were killed by militants firing rockets, mortars and anti-tank missiles. The country’s prime minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, said his forces had done “everything possible” to keep their own citizens safe, but also to make sure Palestinian civilians were not in harm’s way.

Statements like those would lead to scoffs along al-Wehda Street, a main road in the centre of Gaza City. The boulevard has been rocked by several strikes during the past week, including the deadliest single attack of the latest round, which killed 42 people.

A Palestinian man sells balloons in front of the destroyed al-Shuruq building. Photograph: Mahmud Hams/AFP/Getty Images

At one end of al-Wehda, Gaza’s largest medical facility, Shifa hospital, contains many who survived.

Amjed Murtaja, 40, lay in a hospital bed, his legs dotted with scratches. He was in his fourth-floor rented apartment on al-Wehda when he said a missile hit his balcony. “The building was shaking. My only thought was to get to my wife and son,” he said. Murtaja ran to the other room just in time to embrace his family before a second strike hit, causing the entire structure to collapse. “We fell together,” he said. When they landed, Murtaja had his arms pinned, although his wife, Suzan, and his two-year-old boy were next to him.

As he spoke of being trapped, other patients, visitors and a hospital cleaner stopped what they were doing and listened intently. Murtaja and his wife, who doctors would later confirm had broken her back, would be trapped for four hours until neighbours and rescuers dug down and dragged them out.

In the same strike, several members of the al-Auf family, including one of Gaza’s most prominent doctors who worked as the head of Shifa’s coronavirus response, would be pulled out dead. Murtaja said that while he was trapped, he could hear neighbours from inside other parts of the debris. “They were screaming,” he said.

His wife was now in the same hospital, but two floors down in a women’s ward. A drip fed liquid into her hand, and a plastic water bottle and yoghurt pot sat on a shelf by her bed. Under heavy pain killers, her eyes rolled as she spoke. Suzan Murtaja, 36, said that when the building fell in on itself, she was so disorientated that she first thought only a cupboard had fallen on them. But, with one free arm, she was able to reach her phone. “I turned on the phone light and we realised the building had collapsed.”

For those four hours, even before she knew they would be found and would live, she tried to calm her son to sleep, but bits of rubble and dust kept falling and waking him up.

Palestinians run from sound grenades thrown by Israeli police in front of the Dome of the Rock in the al-Aqsa mosque complex in Jerusalem, on 21 May. Photograph: Mahmoud Illean/AP

Israel said the aim of its attack on al-Wehda last Sunday was to destroy an extensive network of tunnels it called the “Metro”. The military said it had not intended to make the building collapse.

What Hamas was hiding in those underground passageways, if they existed, is unclear. Al-Wehda is deep within the city and far from the frontier with Israel.

Nearly a week after the attack, large mounds of concrete still lined the road. A seven-storey building that survived stood at an ominous angle, as men quickly removed wooden furniture from the ground floor. Further up al-Wehda stood a giant pile of debris that once housed the Murtajas’ apartment. Amid the dust were twisted plastic water tanks, a washing liquid bottle, pillows and a frying pan. All that remained was a three-storey-high internal staircase at the back. A sign has been erected with the names of the dead and “Al-Wehda massacre” written on it in Arabic.

A yellow taxi pulled up, and a woman got out with her teenage son. She said her name was Zakia Abu Dayer, 44, and she lived in the next building. It was the first time she had been back, she said, to collect some belongings.

On the night of the bombing, as the Murtajas were trapped under the rubble, Abu Dayer, her husband and her son moved further up the street to a relative’s home. They thought they would be more secure there as it was on the ground floor, possibly allowing them to rush outside quickly.

But two days later, she and other family members were eating rice and lentils outside when another strike hit. “There is no safe space,” she said, her leg still wrapped in bandages. “The whole place went black.”

People in Beit Hanoun return to their homes after the ceasefire. Photograph: Anadolu Agency/Getty Images (Left). Palestinians inspect the damage of their destroyed homes in Beit Hanoun following a ceasefire after an 11-day war between Gaza’s Hamas rulers and Israel. Photograph: Khalil Hamra/AP (Right).

Abu Dayer remembers smoke and then rushing water as the tanks on the building above exploded in the blast. Her husband, who was a few metres away from her, was killed after shrapnel hit his head. An 11-year-old relative was also killed.

The building that was hit still stands, although its windows were blown out. The ground floor was a bank with two ATMs covered in dust. A dental clinic sits on the first floor. Several local charities operated there. Higher up, a box with “US AID” written on it is visible through the smashed glass.

Across the road stands the damaged shell of another building. “It’s a very old primary health clinic, maybe the oldest in Gaza,” said Abdel-Latif al-Hajj, director-general of international cooperation at the ministry of health in Gaza, who stood by the gate.

At first glance, the clinic appears to have been bombed, with large pockmarks across its walls and football-sized bits of debris covering the ground. However, it was not hit directly. Instead, when the Israeli missile struck the building across the road, it ripped off the top two floors, which then slammed into the clinic.

‘It will not be the last war’: Palestinians and Israelis reflect on Gaza ceasefire

Al-Hajj said the building was Gaza’s main testing centre for Covid. Staff had been working inside during the explosion, and several were wounded. Gaza was already suffering a dangerous spread in infections, and another outbreak is expected, he said.

“Anyone can imagine what will happen if we stop doing tests,” said al-Hajj. In addition, the war had meant thousands of displaced people were now crowded together, which could speed up transmission.

According to the United Nations, the violence on Gaza has destroyed nearly 260 buildings. Fifty-three schools, six hospitals and 11 primary healthcare centres have been damaged. Nearly 80,000 people were internally displaced, and 10 times that number have little access to piped water. As well as Israeli strikes, armed groups have launched faulty rockets that landed short, with reports of extensive damage and even fatalities within Gaza.

The strip’s two million inhabitants already live inside what they call the “world’s largest prison”, with more than 50% unemployment, a collapsed healthcare system, sometimes-poisonous water, and relentless power cuts.

Palestinians enjoy the beach as the ceasefire came into effect on 21 May in Gaza City. Photograph: Fatima Shbair/Getty Images

Israel and Egypt, Gaza’s other neighbour, have maintained a crippling blockade, locals say “siege”, for 14 years. Israel, which recalled its forces occupying the area in 2005, says the restrictions are for its security. But the UN says the blockade constitutes collective punishment.

At the damaged clinic on al-Wehda Street on Saturday, Lynn Hastings, the UN’s deputy special coordinator for the Middle East peace process, had come to assess the impact.

Flanked by aides and bodyguards, she was asked by a television reporter if this round of violence might, unlike the previous three wars, spur significant political change.

“Everyone is saying it should not be business as usual,” she responded. “You know what the definition of insanity is,” she added rhetorically. She was referring to a quote usually attributed to Einstein, that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Palestinians return to devastated homes as UN calls for Gaza dialogue

Friday’s ceasefire brought some Palestinians and Israelis hope that the violence would spur a renewed push to resolve the crisis. Hamas kicked off this round of fighting when it launched rockets at Jerusalem on 10 May, but it followed weeks of growing frustrations over the treatment of Palestinians by Israel, which has for decades dictated how millions live their lives.

Gaza! Palestinians sit in a makeshift tent amid the rubble of their houses which were destroyed by Israeli airstrikes.

The head of Oxfam in Israel and the Palestinian territories, Shane Stevenson, said the truce should not be celebrated as a solution. Israel should be held to account “for the atrocities it has committed over the last 12 days”, as should armed factions in Gaza for their indiscriminate targeting of Israeli towns and cities.

The truce, he added, “will not change the illegal occupation and denial of human rights which Palestinians are subjected to daily. This inhumane and brutal status quo has to change, once and for all.”

New York, US! A Jewish boy holding a Palestine flag takes part in a protest in support of Palestinians in the Queens borough.

Lying in Shifa hospital, Amjed Murtaja had less ambitious reasons to be happy. Despite his exhaustion and injures, he had stayed up late on Thursday as rumours of a ceasefire circulated. He had been waiting for the ceasefire announcement, he said, “because I don’t want to lose the rest of my family”.

— The Guardian USA

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