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julysn · 2 days

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what’s your eta? || 03: kissing a fool

ship: kyle broflovski x fem!reader

synopsis: Y/N finds herself on a park bench, soaking in the rays of sunlight. Kyle finds himself having to accompany Ike to the park. Cartman finds himself walking down the snow-covered sidewalk, looking for someone to help him escape from his troubles and worries. Tolkien finds himself at his front door, answering a knock he never knew he dreaded.

Would unintentionally adding gasoline to an already raging wildfire save the environment, or would it destroy it even more?

wc: ≈ 3330

everyone's in high school, canon divergence, based off of s21 e7 (doubling down), y/n is NOT heidi turner. slightly ooc, whatever.

read on ao3 | prev | masterlist | playlist

notes: FINALLY POSTING IT TO TUMBLR HELL YEAH also i designed the logo myself it took me an hour so um. never doing that shit again

You sat there, on a bench, watching lazily as Soleil sat on the playground swings with her friends and Dallas went to play basketball. Your parents had asked you to take your two siblings outside, because, apparently, as your mom had put it, they needed some vitamin D.

So there you were, just basking in the sunlight and letting the cool Colorado breeze brush against your cheeks. Soft clouds dotted the sky like paint on a canvas, making for a rather nostalgic sight.

It reminded you of your childhood, when times were funner and you were still in elementary. You thought back to your memories fondly, smiling lightly at the memory of Wendy and a few Iraqis shooting your fourth-grade substitute teacher, Ms. Ellen into the sun. Though a bit harsh, the memory was actually a bit amusing and you let out a soft chuckle as the story replayed in your head

There were even more memories you wanted to reminisce about, but something else was on your mind.

That very thought was the extremely fresh break-up between you and Eric Cartman. It had happened the night prior, and now you were wondering how you would face him at school that following Monday. Thank god it was Saturday so you’d have a chance to try and avoid him.

Of course, you weren’t completely safe.

There was always the possibility of him coming to your house and waiting for you outside, or, even worse, knocking on the door and witnessing him bothering and pestering your family in trying to get them to ask you if you’d ever get back with him. It was quite the specific scenario, but it had happened before and he had done it to you multiple times in the past.

That wouldn’t happen, you were sure of it. Your tactic of avoiding him like the plague and making yourself unrecognizable had seemingly worked, due to the fact that you were wearing a mask and you had one of Soleil’s wigs on.

“Y/N, is that you?” A familiar voice broke through your thoughts, interrupting the quiet cloud of tranquility you had surrounded yourself with.

Your ears filled back with the noises of a basketball dribbling against the pavement and young kids playing on the playground, as you tilted your head upwards to meet the eyes of the one who was speaking to you.

“.. Oh. Hey, Kyle.” You smiled gently, taking the mask off and tossing it into a nearby trashcan, deciding to ditch your corny disguise. Even if Eric did find you, there was a pretty low chance that he would try anything to get back with you in front of Kyle. You felt pretty safe. “Hold on.”

You sped-walked over to where Soleil was, taking the tacky wig off of your head and tossing it playfully at her and her friends. Before you could witness her reaction, you quickly sped back to where Kyle stood, giving him a sheepish grin. “Sorry.”

“Were you trying to avoid Cartman?” He laughs, and it was genuinely one of the sweetest sounds you’ve heard in a long time—or, ever. His laugh wasn’t filled with any sort of vitriol or mockery, no, he was actually laughing at your attempts to hide from your now ex-boyfriend. And it felt nice, having a guy laugh at you without a glint of distaste and hate in his eyes.

“Obviously.” You smile back, playfully nudging him as you pull your mask off and toss it into a nearby trash bin. The two of you bickered for a moment, bursting into laughter afterward as you both collapsed down onto the bench you were just sitting on minutes before. “So, why are you out here?”

“My little brother’s playing basketball with his friends, hockey rink was closed.” Kyle answers, jerking his thumb back to point over at one of the guys on the basketball court. The boy he was pointing at was a young, black-haired teen who looked as if he was around Dallas’s age. Soft, light freckles peppered his cheeks like stars filling the voids of space, and he had beady dark eyes that had depths to them like no other.

“Same.” You smiled, pointing over to your brother as he shot a hoop. You quickly realized that the two of your siblings were friends, and a thought struck. If I ever wanted to hang out with him, I could just drag my brother along as an excuse.

You brushed away those thoughts, sighing softly. Those were irrelevant and random, you didn’t like him. You did not have a crush on Kyle Broflovski. You reaffirmed and reaffirmed that thought endlessly until it was etched into your memories. You couldn’t fall for someone new yet. You had just broken up with your now ex-boyfriend.

“You doing alright?” Kyle asks softly, his voice causing your train of thought to come to an immediate halt as you nod and give him a sheepish smile.

“Just processing.” You reply, yawning and stretching your arms out as the rays of sunlight illuminate your skin and give you an ethereal glow. You had been feeling prettier ever since you sent that break-up text, but that was most likely just a placebo effect.

“Yeah, I get it.” The curlyhead shoots you a reassuring smile, shoving his hands into his pockets as the two of you slowly began to walk along the trail. Delicate, beautiful flowers greeted your eyes as you moved along, and the greenery of nature was quite pleasant to lay your eyes upon.

The noises of various cars passing by and the sound of children playing around on the grass faded into the back of your mind as a soft, almost unnoticeable smile graced your lips. For the first time in a while, you felt at peace, as if chaos and despair was no more in your life.

Because you genuinely felt that way.

Yes, it had only been about a day since you ended it off with Eric Cartman. But would it be so wrong to say that you were having the time of your life? Your dad had made your favorite breakfast that morning, your siblings were acting sweeter than usual (of course, it could probably just be the fact that they found out you were now free from Eric’s grasp), and overall, you felt more relaxed and calm.

The soft, chilly Colorado breeze brushed against your cheeks, causing you to shiver and tremble slightly as you sighed and rubbed your hands. I should’ve worn more than just sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Kyle quickly took notice of this as he eyed you in his peripheral, glancing over with worry. “Cold?”

“Yeah.” You nodded sheepishly, averting your eyes from his gaze as you looked down and acted as if rubbing your hands together was the most interesting and entertaining thing in the world.

“Well, you’re only wearing sweats.” He chuckles lightly, but shrugs his jacket off of his shoulders and wraps it around yours, giving you an embrace of comfort and warmth instead of actually hugging you. It’d be very awkward if he did, and still, he was your ex’s best friend! You couldn’t do that, right?

However, the back of your mind attempted to justify such fantasies. Firstly, Eric Cartman was horrible, and it’d be more of a gift to society if you did something remotely bad to him. Secondly, he barely even hugged you when the two of you were dating. You were the one to have to initiate hugs, and even then, he had only hugged back around five times.

Five was a very generous overstatement.

You sighed, your breath carrying away your thoughts as it traveled through the breeze and away from your mind. You should just savor the moment of tranquility and peace, because you knew Eric wouldn’t let up once you both were at school. You had to block his and his mother’s phone number because he couldn’t stop spam-texting and calling you, begging for you to come back to him.

“School’s gonna be miserable for me now.” You chuckle dryly, trying to force out the mental images of Eric and his attempts to get back with you during class. If he does anything like cling to my leg or try to kiss me in front of everyone, I’m gonna kill myse—

“Just.. stay safe, alright?” Kyle just sighs, running a hand through his tousled curls as he yawned and cracked his knuckles. “We know how he is.”

You chuckled, crossing your arms as the two of you descended down the path. “I’m gonna jump out of a window if he tries anything during lunch.”

He laughs softly at your little joke, finding your attempts to lighten the mood quite amusing, yet his eyes were still filled with concern. He tentatively reached out, taking one of your hands into his and squeezing it lightly. “Make sure he doesn’t get to your head.”

…?

A blizzard blanketed the small mountain town of South Park as soft snowflakes flowed down to the ground, giving everything a wintery glow.

Eric Cartman stepped down the chilly streets, tears streaming down his cheeks as he slowly wrapped his blanket tighter around his frame. Did he feel genuine sadness after the breakup? If he was being completely, completely honest, yes. It did hurt. Just a little, not enough to destroy him but enough to sting.

The break-up text was sudden and unexpected, and every asinine statement she had sent him sunk into his veins. It was all her fault, all Y/N L/N. What had he done to deserve this? He was the sweetest, kindest boyfriend to ever grace this earth, and suddenly, she leaves? It was true love, pure endearment, infatuation, wasn’t it?

The way Y/N gazed at him while they were on their dates, the way she protected and took care of him, the way she would relentlessly shield him from ridicule.. and now, she just got up and left? How dare she!

He sighed, the snow crunching underneath his feet as he descended the chilly streets. Cars passing had just assumed that he was aimlessly wandering, taking a walk to calm himself down as they noticed his tear-streaked cheeks, but in reality, he was heading to someone’s house.

Cartman shivers a little, tightening the embrace of the plush blanket as he cursed under his breath and treaded through the treacherous terrain (which was just a feet of snow). He saw the faint lights of a very familiar mansion in the distance, one he knew he could seek asylum in, even if he was trying to seek asylum from his own worries and troubles.

He finds himself at the front door of Tolkien Black’s house, or, rather, mansion, ringing the doorbell and pouting softly as he sobbed.

A few seconds later, footsteps approached the foyer and the door swung open, revealing Tolkien just standing there in sweats and a tank top. A look of pure, unfiltered annoyance sat on his face as he took in the scene.

Cartman was covered in snow, wearing thin pants and a hoodie that could barely protect him from the chills of the Colorado mountains. Cold tears ran down his (probably) frozen cheeks, and an aura of sadness flowed from his consciousness. “Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y/N…”

This words were strained and slurred, voice broken with emotions as his hands tightened their grip on the blanket that was wrapped around his torso. He whimpered softly, a small little pout forming on his dry lips.

Tolkien rolls his eyes, heaving a sigh as he shut the door in his face. He walked away, thinking that Cartman would simply leave, but of course, he repeatedly slammed his finger against the doorbell, hoping that the door would be opened once more.

“What the hell do you want?” Tolkien crossed his arms, ignoring the soft sobs and whimpers of the boy before him.

“Y-Y-Y/N broke up with me…” Cartman sniffled, shivering as his tears fell from his cheeks to the blanket that he covered himself with. He looked up from his feet to meet the other boy’s eyes, ignoring the obvious vexation that was reflected.

“... So?”

“I have nothing now, Tolkien. She was my whole world. My everything. Can- can I just stay here with you, please?” Cartman whimpered, clasping his hands together as he gave him a pleading look.

With each and every passing second, Tolkien became increasingly annoyed with the sheer presence of Cartman alone. It wasn’t his problem that Y/N left, so frankly, why should he care?

“What!? Why!? You still have a house!” Tolkien exclaimed, running a hand through his black hair as he rolled his eyes, his hand latching onto the doorknob and gripping it tightly. He was extremely close to slamming the door shut in his face again.

“I know how you feel now, Tolkien - to be pissed off at the world. To feel completely screwed over by society. I totally get it now. I wanna do what you guys do.. like go disrespect the flag and flip over cars and stuff.”

Tolkien slammed the door shut again, causing some warm air to waft into Cartman’s face. Just as he turned around to go back up to his room, the doorbell rang again. And again. And again. Cartman continuously rang the doorbell, trying to get Tolkien to open the door—which he did. He heaved a sigh and turned back around, answering the door for what he hoped would be the last time.

“Tolkien, pleeease! I'm sorry! I really am! Pleeeeeaaaas-” Cartman whined, a small pout laying on his lips. Snowflakes drifted down to the ground behind him, chills crawling down his spine from the weather he was subjecting himself to. Yes, he could’ve stayed home and let his mother pamper him as he cried, but that was just so not fun.

“Get outta here!” Tolkien groaned, rubbing his eyes in annoyance as he suddenly felt the presence of one of his family members behind him. He tilted his head slightly, seeing his mother, Linda appeared, blinking in confusion at the sight before her. A boy who had also attended SPHS with her son was standing there, sobbing miserably in the snow, while Tolkien just watched and gleamed in the comfort of the warm foyer.

“What’s going on?” She questions, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow as the cold air breezed into her face and brushed against her cheeks.

“... Nothing, mom.” Tolkien sighed, uncrossing his arms and shoving his hands in his pockets as he glared at the shivering boy. Cartman was still on his front porch, holding onto the blanket tightly as he pouted again.

“Y/N broke up with me..” Cartman said, forcing his voice to be more obnoxious than ever. He stretched the end of his sentence out, his words sounding more of like a whine, causing Tolkien to grow even more annoyed.

“Tolkien, he’s freezing.” Linda sighed, turning away from her son. She ignored how Tolkien’s fingers dug into the doorknob; brushing off the sheer anger in his eyes. “Come in.”

…?

Annoyance.

Annoyance was the one word that could perfectly describe how Tolkien really felt in that moment. He felt vexed, like the universe had turned on him and put him into a horrible situation, as revenge for something. Here he was, having a perfectly normal and relaxed evening when all of a sudden, Eric Cartman just had to turn up at his door, crying and sniffling over Heidi, and his mother just had to sympathize and let him inside.

The Black family (and their guest) was inside the dining room, all eating dinner like usual. Linda had prepared soup, and Cartman was grateful for the generous treatment. Somewhat grateful. You could never be certain with someone like him.

Tolkien sighed, and turned his head to look out of the window, admiring the night sky before him. The gorgeous white snowflakes continued to pour from the sky, adding layers upon layers to the soft blanket of snow that gently covered the town. The sight outside was beautiful, streetlights glowing brightly in the dark, cloudy atmosphere that the snowstorm was causing. The warmth of the interior lights of everyone’s homes heavily contrasted the starless, cloudy sky that overlooked the milky-white ground.

“Are you guys almost done with the soup?” Cartman asked, his words cutting through the awkward silence as he looked up from his soup bowl. The peaceful, quiet dinner had now been interrupted due to his words. Hell, dinner wasn’t even peaceful—with him around. He had been quietly sobbing throughout the meal, the heartache beginning to affect other parts of him.

“... Don’t you like it, Eric?” Linda raises an eyebrow.

“Well yeah, no, it's great. It's just- well, what time do you guys usually go out and disrespect the flag and stuff?” He asks, tilting his head.

The three family members all looked at each other in confusion, before Tolkien’s dad, Steve Black, spoke up.

“... What?” Steve asked in bewilderment, his expression filled with genuine disbelief. He lowered his utensils, his mind trying to comprehend what the boy was saying. What the hell is this kid talking about?

Cartman gasped, before beginning to speak once more. “Don’t tell me… did you guys already disrespect the flag and flip over cars? Did I miss it?”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, the gears in his brain turning and twisting as he tried to comprehend exactly what Cartman was talking about.

“What the hell are you talking about?!”

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone tried desperately to figure out what the hell Cartman was saying, before Tolkien interjected into the conversation.

“... I told you not to let him in-”

“Please! I don't know what to do with all this anger and hurt!” Cartman whined, rubbing his eyes for dramatic effect. Tolkien rolled his eyes in annoyance, and turned away to look out of the window — admiring the gorgeous white sheet of snow that covered the land around his home.

“I'm sorry your girlfriend broke up with you, Eric, but maybe you'll get back together. Maybe she still loves you.” Linda spoke softly, in an attempt to comfort the poor boy. Her reassuring tone was enough to calm Cartman a bit, yet he still felt feelings of anguish and despair.

“No, no, we've broken up before, but this time it's different. I can tell. Something's changed with her. She won't even answer my phone calls.” Cartman pouted, tuning his voice to a higher pitch for sympathy. Curiosity began to brew up around the two parents, and Steve decided to pry in a little.

“If you don’t mind me asking… who’s your girlfriend?”

Cartman looked up from his now-empty soup bowl, and let out a deep, sad sigh as he began to answer the question. “Y/N..”

“Y/N? Y/N L/N? Like, the L/N’s daughter?” Steve raised an eyebrow, his lips parting slightly as he went lost in thought. He swore he saw that girl with someone while he was driving to the store.. it couldn’t have been her, right? Maybe it was someone else who looked like her. Or maybe she had a twin sister..?

“Yeah..” Cartman sighed again, another wave of sadness hitting him as he answered Steve’s question. He didn’t know why he had been asked that, but it didn’t matter to him. The only thing that mattered was the fact that she was gone. Y/N had left.

“I thought she was with Kyle Broflovski. I saw them holding hands at the park earlier.”