their countdown clips are the cutest💕

Kiyoi and Koyama: SMASH App Bonus Clip [ENG SUB]

I got three requests to sub this today alone, so here you are😂

Translator's note below because I chose to localize part of their conversation.

TRANSLATORS NOTE UNDER THE CUT

I localized a bit of their conversation, and just in case some people with some Japanese knowledge noticed and wondered about it, I wanted to explain why the Japanese and English words technically don't match up.

For those who don't know what localization means, it's when a translation is made with the target audience in mind (here, English speakers/Western audience) and the translation of something therefore is changed from the LITERAL meaning, which might make no sense for the target audience, into a similar equivalent in the targeted culture/language. E.G when a translator changes the currency in a subtitle or when idioms are translated to an equivalent in the other language. An example is the English idiom "Nothing ventured, nothing gained", which in Japanese is "You will not get the tiger's cub without entering the tiger's den"). If localization is done well, then even if the words are not translated literally, the meaning is still intact.

When Koyama says "Just because there's no ring on it doesn't mean it's not real", the literal translation of his words are "Do you know of the concept that even if you're not registered officially as family, you're still in a common-law marriage?"

which... I figured really didn't make much sense to an English speaker with not much knowledge of Japanese culture. But it means that even if you're not lawfully wed, your relationship (as husband & wife) is still valid.

(ps. Kiyoi's literal response is "In that case, that's me").

They definitely let Gemini and Fourth starve that day on set to serve us for the finale😭

TinnGun first win 🤧

You have never celebrated… Ohhh. You have never celebrated the new year with anyone before? With me now.

MOONLIGHT CHICKEN 2023, dir. Aof Noppharnach

“𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒.

𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢,

𝐼 𝑓𝑜𝑐𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑜𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

𝑀𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢.”

“𝑾𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒆 𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆, 𝑨𝒍𝒂𝒏.”

Shaking in my boots let me tell you.

In Defense of Hira - A textbook case of C-PTSD caused by Childhood Abuse and Neglect

In a lot of the shows that I watch, especially with teens or young adults relating to trauma, or any genre really, there’s always a playful question on my mind: where are their parents? However, at this point in show, it’s becoming so much more apparent that the lack of support Hira received growing up, is fundamental to the way that he sees himself and his position in the world around him. So much so that as much as I want to joke about Hira being as dense as a stone wall, I find myself becoming increasingly uncomfortable in how much my own trauma and reactions to isolation mirror Hira’s.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

Feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt.

Problems controlling your emotions.

Finding it hard to feel connected with other people.

Relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners. (Source: NHS)

How was Hira Traumatized?

He was left to his own defenses at an early age and had to fend for himself. Just because they provided him with a house and money for food doesn’t mean they took care of him. He was also bullied for a speech impediment and isolated by his peers as a result. He’s probably never had anyone listen to him closely or had close emotional or physical relationships in his life. Extended periods of neglect in childhood and then more intense isolation later on is extremely damaging.

Trauma manifests differently. Before therapy, it was really difficult for me to wrap my head around the fact that I wasn’t actually invisible to friends and family. It took a quite aggressive and embarrassing event, (now funny and touching really) for me to understand that if I deviated from my own patterns or if I disappeared or didn’t contact people for hours that people would actually miss me or think about me. I went out and watched a movie after an event, and told one person through text. After the two hour movie, I turned my phone back on and found 30 missed calls. My mother had informed me that she had called the police and that the principal had formed a search party for me. My face was plastered all over Snapchat by my classmates.  I was mortified by what I believed to be a waste of resources and time on my behalf. Such a loud display of love and even then all I could think about was hiding away and making myself smaller. I wasn’t even decent enough to acknowledge the pain, worry, and fear they felt at the thought that someone they loved went missing. It took multiple years later: a very a tentative mother and aunt, very involved teachers, mentors and friends plus therapy for me to stop feeling like a ghost. To get out of my own head and stop trying to fade in the background as a coping mechanism. After being abandoned by his mother to live alone in a house so she could be with the family she wants, after being isolated by his classmates for having a stutter all throughout high school, only one person knocked loudly enough at the door attached to the fortress Hira built in his mind to cope with his trauma. Kiyoi.

That mental fortress is why Hira is alive today. It kept him safe when he had to sleep in the dark alone as a young boy when he had to cook his own meals. His social ineptitude is due to years of isolation and degradation by those around him. He wasn’t deemed worthy enough by his own mother to be taken care of. Yet Kiyoi loves and sees him. Kiyoi says his name and holds his hand and kisses him and suddenly Hira is solid mass. Not a shadow on the wall or the useless child not worth keeping. He becomes slightly more than nothing. In Hira’s mind he becomes a pebble. Sigh. Well it’s a start. But it’s not enough. It’s gonna take a real miracle for Hira to overcome years of trauma and see himself as a human being. I believe in him though. He’s so brave. No like really though, some of the shit he says is so cringey it takes real guts. Kiyoi is not going to give up on Hira anytime soon he’s too much of a voyeur and a freak. Also, Hira is obsessive and intense, so they’re a perfect match.

He just needs proper counseling and a bit of time. I’m rooting for them.

hira is trying his best to be better for kiyoi. he goes out of his comfort zone and takes part in the photography competition and even starts working night shifts. this is a big deal for a guy like hira who i believe has some level of social anxiety. he is making all these efforts in the hope to make this relationship work sustain a little bit longer, because he believes that kiyoi will eventually get tired of him and leave him. it hasn't been mentioned in the drama, but in the book, hira has this weird notion that kiyoi falling in love with him is some kind of mistake on god's part. so when god realises this mistake and corrects it, kiyoi's going to leave him and then hira's going to suffer. he is a king of negativity and pessimism. he thinks too much happiness is always followed by tragedy and sadness. so hira wants to cherish whatever little time they have together. he is constantly taking photos of kiyoi, capturing every moment and memory, so that he can look back at them when kiyoi is no longer with him. basically, he doesn't see a future with kiyoi by his side and believes that kiyoi thinks the same, therefore inadvertently hurting kiyoi in the process by confessing he doesn't want to inconvenience kiyoi with his parents.

“𝐒𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭?”

𝑇𝘩𝑖𝑠. I think in Hira’s mind everything hurt less if he make himself believe Kiyoi never loved him to begin with. After all everyone of us at least once thought that everything was better in our “imagination”.

But he’s not doing it on purpose, he just doesn’t know differently. He doesn’t know what it takes to be treated as an equal since everyone in his life always treated him as lower. Or worse. They always left eventually.

I wish Hira could learn to love himself as much as he loves Kiyoi and he could see how beautiful and capable he is in Kiyoi’s eyes and that he cares and accepts him as he is, with his weird little obsessions or his infinite ways to take care of their relationship and their nest.

I know he will but this process will be difficult and it will hurt. Both of them. But they came such a long way already, together. And i want to believe they’ll do it again because their love is stronger.

some moments from today’s IG lives [21.02.23] 📸

Utsukushii Kare 1.03 || 2.02

the kiyoi demon took over yusei🫢

Kiyoi giving Hira a makeover to show off how hot his boyfriend is, and then immediately regretting it when it works is so deeply funny to me.

"Look at my man! No, not like that!"

They're so weird. I love them.

Kiyoi through Hira’s eyes (and lens)✨

Utsukushii Kare Bonus Clip: Tea Olive [lollipopsub]

Today a little extra clip was posted on the SMASH app. It's connected to episode 2 and is a little moment from High school days:

I'm working on Episode 2, it should be ready Saturday :)