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idk-anymore-mydudes · 2 months

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"Coward!"

Merlin felt more than heard his own breath stutter. The ground before him seemed to stutter with it.

He stepped forward anyway.

"Face me!"

The ground blurred more, swathed in rain drops that did not fall in Avalon.

Nor on the pathway out of it.

The unsettled magic crackled along Merlin's skin, dragging like Ealdor's burrs, dried crisp in the fall.

Avalon clawed at Arthur, but Merlin, as always, knew there was no better shield than himself.

Merlin forced a breath and another step forward.

"So much for bravery and honor."

A bitter laugh from behind him.

"Just another hypocrite and liar."

The otherworldly tethers snapped and scraped against his body, Avalon's appetite for Arthur turned on Merlin instead.

Avalon cannot take an immortal life.

Find your king and shield him.

Return, but rest assured, should your eyes turn to him, then Avalon's shall as well, and it shall hide his soul where you will not find it.

"You-you, coward!"

One chance, young warlock.

Merlin closed his eyes entirely. He did not need sight to lead Arthur away from Avalon's grasp. He shuddered as the otherworld's magic skittered with barbed hooks across Merlin's own.

A huff now, and Merlin wished how Merlin wished that he could just- just fix it. Make it so Arthur had never died, so Merlin had never lied.

Merlin had no doubt he would die for Arthur in any universe, even in the universes where Arthur had known him completely, and in the ones where Arthur hadn't known him at all. Any of those would have been better for Arthur, better than meeting the shade of a person Arthur now knew Merlin to be.

But Merlin had only this universe, this one and the shitty, shaky premise that Merlin could drag his king out of Avalon and then rest in his hatred forever.

"You can't face me."

Merlin stumbled.

Avalon dug into his back.

His breath caught. He lurched upward and forward.

"Merlin!"

Merlin tightened his jaw, like Arthur, the masochist in him said.

He briefly thought of explaining, of begging for Arthur to trust him one final time, of turning to him and-

and that was exactly why he couldn't.

"No place for magic in Camelot indeed."

Arthur's words scorched. Every step away burned as the pyre.

Nothing Merlin hadn't been through before.

Merlin didn't actually know why Arthur was still following him to be honest. He just hoped Arthur didn't stop.

"Were you ever planning on telling me?"

Merlin itched to cover his ears and hum, like Arthur had done once to him one particularly wine-filled, loose-lipped evening. His hands even twitched with the desire, but if he could not hear Arthur's hatred, then he would not hear Arthur at all, and that he could bear even less.

Avalon's pull was lessening, its weakening magic lashing all the more fiercely for it. Merlin clenched his hands, himself the only solid ground in the transient in-between.

Merlin heard a whimper and, for a moment, didn't believe it came from himself. Avalon's tendrils clung, tight as nooses, around his limbs. He almost raised an arm to pry them off.

"Merlin?"

His voice had grown closer.

Arthur had come closer.

The tendrils started breaking away, one at a time, and Merlin felt each one snap. His own magic buzzed and swarmed ever more greatly, eager to wash away the lingering traces of the otherworld. On instinct, on habit, it stretched behind him - to Arthur, as always.

Then Merlin remembered Avalon felt his magic as surely as he did its. He yanked his magic back, drawing it up into himself before it brought Arthur to Avalon's attention.

"Merlin."

The last tether to the otherworld snapped, and Merlin-

Merlin lurched forward again.

And again.

And then one more time, just to be safe. He could no longer feel Avalon, he couldn't, but he felt as though its presence was still bearing down upon him.

The darkness spun. His knees slammed into smooth, unbroken stones. The shore.

He brought his hands to his face. His knuckles rubbed against his shut eyes, and he could hear the waves. He could hear the waves.

They had left Avalon.

He couldn't hear Arthur, not over his own shuddering breaths. The rocks pressed against his knees, worse than castle stone. They had left Avalon, so Arthur was behind him. Arthur was behind him, and they had left Avalon.

Merlin still couldn't turn around.

If he didn't turn around, then Merlin would not have to see the disgust in his eyes.

A hand on his shoulder.

"Merlin."

The hand curled, an anchor that pulled back, and Merlin found himself leaning towards it - and hating the action.

Arthur wanted answers though, and it was the least Merlin could give.

Another shuddering breath, a steadying breath, Merlin told himself. He sat back on his heels more, though he had not realized until that moment that he was sitting at all. He lowered his hands. His eyes stayed shut.

"You are free of Avalon." His voice rasped as roughened parchment and sand. "You will not return there until you die again."

The hand on his shoulder tightened.

"And you?" Arthur's voice was clear. Clear and angry. "Are you to leave Avalon as well?"

Something in Merlin shriveled, curling in on itself. Merlin hunched his shoulders inward, downward, as much as he could with the hand still gripping his shoulder.

"Yes." His tongue was heavy in his mouth. "Your safety would have been assured, but they would not take a trade."

Arthur's grip was strong enough to bruise.

"You were going to give your life for mine."

"Yes." Merlin lowered his head more. "They would not take it.

"I'm sorry."

Arthur dropped to the ground. He wrapped his other arm below Merlin's, across his chest, and Merlin-Merlin could not help but think that this was almost precisely how he had held Arthur less than a day, an eternity ago.

"Y-you . . ." Arthur's voice shook.

"Coward. I know." Merlin choked out the words. Then he was gasping. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Arthur, I'm so sorry. Arthur . . ."

Arthur pressed closer, his arms cinching Merlin in the way Avalon could not. "Stop. Stop!"

Merlin shut his mouth so fast his teeth clacked.

"Did I ask you to give up your life?"

Merlin's response was automatic. "You don't have to ask."

Arthur shifted his arms, settling them more firmly across Merlin's body and marginally more tightly.

"Well, don't. You don't trade your life for mine. Not now, not ever."

"It wouldn't have effected you," Merlin only half heard his own voice speaking. "My life still would have worked. Like anyone else's."

Arthur was alive and right there. Arthur was right there.

"It . . . wouldn't have effected me?"

Merlin twitched in the facsimile of shaking his head.

"In what universe," Arthur hissed in his ear, "does your death not effect me?"

Merlin did flinch this time and felt Arthur's response of tightening his hold yet again. Arthur still did not know, then, that Merlin could never run from him.

It had taken everything just to walk away and that was when he knew he'd see- that Arthur would be there at the end.

"I'm sorry." Merlin tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry. "I swear I asked them to take my life for yours."

Arthur grunted. "You thick-headed idiot. I'm saying you shouldn't have even tried to trade your life for mine."

"Your life is worth ten of mine, and I needed to bring you back, Arthur."

Arthur's huff lifted the hair around Merlin's.

Gods. He was so alive.

"We'll return to that first remark later, but Camelot was strong when I died. Guinevere is a good queen. She has many good advisors and" - Arthur shook Merlin once - "she was supposed to have you."

Merlin struggled to find words. "What about . . . an heir? You needed an heir."

Arthur rested his forehead on the side of Merlin's own. "Morgause said a life for a life."

Merlin's breath caught.

"I do not think more time will make a difference," Arthur finished quietly.

"Oh, Arthur." Merlin reached up and clasped Arthur's hands.

"You don't get to trade your life for mine, too. Do you hear me? That's an order, Merlin." Another shake.

Merlin shifted, feeling Arthur move with him. "I don't understand."

"That's nothing new."

"I can't- I didn't think- are you going to kill me?"

"No!"

Merlin flinched again. "Then why did you not want me to trade my life for yours?"

Arthur tightened his hold. A disgusted sigh. "You-"

"I know." Merlin didn't know if he could bear to hear the words, however true, again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"You clearly don't know." Arthur snapped. Then his hold loosened.

Merlin realized he was shaking.

"Merlin . . ." Arthur pressed his knee against Merlin's side. "Merlin, I want you to live. You should want to live."

"But I'm a sorcerer."

Merlin nearly opened his eyes at the sound Arthur made. He stopped though, and reached with magic instead, searching for whatever remaining injury may have caused Arthur pain.

"Merlin." Arthur's breath was warm against Merlin's skin. Alive. "You're . . . Don't interrupt. I'm not done."

Merlin had not even tried speaking.

"I . . . I told you not to change."

Merlin his head forward, but only slightly. "When you were dying."

Arthur huffed a laugh, and Merlin- Merlin, glutton for punishment, turned towards the sound.

Arthur sighed. "Open your eyes."

Merlin shut them more tightly.

Another huff of laughter from Arthur.

"Merlin. Open your eyes."

Merlin heard his own disbelieving breath.

Arthur shifted, as if he wanted to come closer, but Merlin did not know how closer would be possible. All he could feel was the rocky ground and Arthur.

"I stand by what I said" - Arthur's tone brokered no argument - "and I'm not dying, am I?"

Slowly, Merlin shook his head.

"Then open your eyes."

He couldn't.

Not right away.

He inched his hands along Arthur's till he felt Arthur's wrist. He turned his head until he felt Arthur's shirt. He opened his eyes, but not to look at Arthur, just Arthur's shirt. Arthur had died in armor, but the shirt was his favorite, softened red one that Merlin swore he had to throw away years ago after an injury and blood made it unable to be salvaged.

Merlin saw Arthur's shirt and then- then . . .

"Not so bad, is it?"

"Looking at your ugly mug is."

A bark of laughter and then Arthur was grasping the back of Merlin's head and Arthur was pulling Merlin in closer and Arthur was holding Merlin and Arthur was alive.

He was alive.

They were alive.

And maybe, Merlin thought, just maybe, this universe wasn't the worst one.

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@longlivechips

@achillesuwu

@trainee-trickster

#merlin #arthur #fanfiction #merlin bbc #woke up and wrote #lol no #this was three days worth of sitting in my car before work and fifteen-minute breaks #abuse of dashes and ellipses #writing

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