escad-dacse
The Green Room v.2
Welcome to everything candid behind the scenes
Part time healthcare provider, Professional hermit
♋ Cancer ♋
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Tips on how to be numb?
#tumblrpost#i just need to not feel anything#i might have invested feelings shit#which i don't even know is reciprocated#pota I'm over unrequited feelings
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I wonder what it feels like to be loved fiercely, to receive a love unconditionally for a change. I just wonder, then reality hits me back.
#tumblrpost#random#thoughts#I'm not tired#just preemptively feeling dumping#i hope i can feel this way with someone
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I think I'm down pretty bad. I don't even know why I like you. Is it the long term touch deprivation talking? The hidden insecurities? I don't even know. I just want to spend most of my time being with you.
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Dinner date (although I really wouldn't call it a date I guess lol whatever) with glasses guy was kinda nice. Idk if he was just being polite or something but I won't look too much into that. I enjoyed his company though I hope he had fun and was comfortable too.
#he was really nice and stoic like#and did I mention he had glasses#he has a really nice body build like genetics ftw#not that i was noticing it or anything lol 🫣#did i also mention he had really soft hands#kilig#is real
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I may be a hypocrite for saying this but insecurity is unattractive, especially if it's coupled with attachment issues. Just saying nothing personal, it's tiring I'm sorry.
#random rant#tumblrpost#thoughts#but it's just too much for me right now#better cut off my losses early i guess unless they do something about themselves#and i really kinda liked him actually
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Why am I so fucking horknee?! I need an intervention or an exorcism or something. Fuck.
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Here's me joining a dating app for the sole purpose of improving my social interaction skills. Well never thought I'd write that down on my bucket list lol.
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How do you seduce straight guys again? loljk. I'm no homewrecker. 🤡
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Okay scratch option E since he's apparently taken and straight lol easier to let go then that's that. 🦖
#ah how the tangled web we weave#i deserve this for liking someone#idk why was i even hopeful again? lol 😆#maybe its just the thrill of feeling something different i guess#well fuck that#🦖
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I have a thing for cute nerds (glasses-core, braces-core, etc.) apparently, I blame myself for this. lol
#i hate this#having crushes past thirty is tedious#lol#nevermind#it's most likely a me thing#as if I'll even act on my feelings#delulu
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Develop romantic interest in:
A. A pastry chef / entrepreneur
B. A gym bud freelancer
C. A coffee economics nerd
D. None of the above
Update:
E. Cute braces guy (probably straight but whatever I'm stupid that way lol, heck they're all probably straight except C lol)
#i don't even know#might be desensitized to real romantic feelings#maybe identifying as a plant might not sound as bad as it seems#lol#as if the feelings are mutual in the first place#delulu is real#god i feel tired
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"Alone but not lonely."
What does it mean to be lonely? Is it simply a feeling? A state of being, or rather the absence of a certain state?
We must've "experienced" this at least once in our lifetime. But is this something universal?
Is it much "felt" when we're alone? Or does it "feel" the same even when we're with other people?
Empty. Devoid. Intangible. I can think of different words associated with it but it doesn't give justice to what it truly means.
One song even says, "Nobody wants to be lonely." but does this hold true to all? There might be a person out there who wants to be in that state?
Should we worry? Is it dangerous? A threat to one's being? Is a person not allowed to feel loneliness?
So what does it take for one to be "lonely"?
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Hello creeping feeling of loneliness.
It's not that I'm bothered by it, rather it makes me feel self aware of my feelings. Makes me feel more "human"?
Or am I just rationalising my ass off again. Anyways chile. 🦖
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Maybe it was performance anxiety? Idk? Not comfortable being in public spaces? Well anyway that's sort of like a bucket list? lol
#lol#i mean it was the first time someone ever offered so grabbed the chance ig#it felt weird but it does the job?#*wink2#god I'm hopeless
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I think I need a "healthier" relationship with alcohol. I'm not a drunk or dependent on it but once I drink I have a bad habit of not saying no. Well maybe it's that people pleasing side of me that needs to piss off around these times. 😮💨
#my current limit is 3 bottles of beer#god where did my tolerance go#but i can like share 1/2 a bottle of Rhum?#i don't even know anymore#lol
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I'm feeling extra horknee tonight but whyyyyyy. Freaking hormones. 😩
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Idk, maybe I should just get laid "properly" once so I can get my horny-all-the-fucking-time phase ahead of me.
#random#why the fuck am i randomly horny#help#i mean I'm not THAT horny#more like ticking off some bucket list shit so I can just move on with my life (or what's left of it)#damn#happy fucking pride
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