touch as a love language
Margaret Atwood, Christophe Vacher, William Stafford, Alphonse Osbert, Shauna Barbosa, Sherrie McGraw, Natalie Diaz, Mark English, John Keats, Megan Howland, Marya Hornbacher, Ron Hicks, Sanober Khan, Ron Hicks, Banana Yoshimoto, Ron Hicks, Ocean Vuong, Anne Magill, Mary Oliver
buy me a coffee
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Teenage Dirtbag Masterlist (JJ Maybank x Reader x Rafe Cameron)
summary: You're charmingly spoiled. You're too kind for your own good. You're the princess of Figure 8 ...and you're way out of JJ Maybank's league, but when he realizes that Rafe Cameron's pride and joy is actually a bruised and battered damsel, he's determined to save you.
Your rescue just comes with a price.
➥ Prequel
➥ Warnings: NON-CON, DUB-CON, abusive relationship, domestic violence, violence (+ gun violence), gun kink, dacryphilia, attempted murder, mentions of blood, public sex, jealousy, manipulation, infidelity, underage drinking, drug use, canon ages, kook!reader
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depression tips™
shower. not a bath, a shower. use water as hot or cold as u like. u dont even need to wash. just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. sit on the floor if you gotta.
moisturize everything. use whatever lotion u like. unscented? dollar store lotion? fancy ass 48 hour lotion that makes u smell like a field of wildflowers? use whatever you want, and use it all over.
put on clean, comfortable clothes.
put on ur favorite underwear. cute black lacy panties? those ridiculous boxers u bought last christmas with candy cane hearts on the butt? put em on.
drink cold water. use ice. if u want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.
clean something. doesn’t have to be anything big. organize one drawer of ur desk. wash five dirty dishes. do a load of laundry. scrub the bathroom sink.
blast music. listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.
make food. don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. take the time and make food. even if it’s ramen. add something special to it, like a hard boiled egg or some veggies. prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.
make something. write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, color a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. even if you don’t think you’re good at it.
go outside. take a walk. sit in the grass. look at the clouds. smell flowers. put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.
call someone. call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. talk to a stranger on the street. have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. if you can’t, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. even if you don’t say much, listen to them.
cuddle your pets if you have them/can cuddle them. take pictures of them. talk to them. tell them how u feel, about your favorite movie, a new game coming out.
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convalescence - a proclivity continuation - part one: time is a thief
↳PAIRING: frat!rafe cameron x fem!!reader
↳SUMMARY: senior year of college is supposed to be exciting, but you can't shake the feeling that something is about to go horribly wrong.
↳ [1.3k] WARNINGS: mature themes, mentions of anxiety, nostalgia, and fear, etc.
↳A/N: this is a repost from my old blog @illicitfixations. all of my works are being reposted to this one + the previous blog has been deactivated.
series masterlist | my masterlist
Time is a thief.
That’s the thought that ran through your mind as you sat by the bonfire at the boneyard staring up at the man you loved in all his fitted t-shirt, backward cap glory. Seated on top of his beefy thighs was your favorite place to be as it had been for the last six years. The cotton of his t-shirt felt soft on your skin as you looked out at your best friends surrounding you. In your time together lots of things had changed – his hair was different, no longer the floppy strands covered in way too much gel, but instead a shorter, fluffier, messier version of them sat underneath his hat. Apart from the change in his hair, yours was now almost down your back, but other than that the appearance of the two of you hadn’t changed much, facial structure has become more defined and so had the love the two of you shared. He was still ruggedly handsome and you the most beautiful and kind girl that ever graced Kildare Island, or at least that’s what he told you and everyone else. You had been through a lot together in the last six years, starting college and moving away, learning how to live together in the apartment the two of you shared, car accidents and graduations and birthdays and anniversaries and yet, none of those milestones and events prepared you for the nostalgic depression you felt tonight, the night before your senior year of college. You couldn’t put your finger on what it was – the changes; you were welcoming of the changes, excited for them even – the promise of a proposal looming over your head, which you wished he would hurry up with. Yet, part of the massive amount of change made you uneasy. Some part of it made you feel like something bad was about to happen, that you weren’t protected, that something was deeply, deeply wrong. Call it mother nature or women’s intuition, you didn’t really know the technical term for the amount of fear you were feeling, you just knew you were feeling it. The looming sense of danger made you long for high school and youth and innocence and not having to worry about responsibilities. You wondered if you’d ever be that girl again, the girl you were before sickness and expectations took over. You wondered if you’d ever be that young and wild and free again. As you pondered on your youth looking at the people around you, you felt a sense of deja vu wash over you and four years to the day earlier met your mind like the waves crashing around you.
-
“Shut Up, Top!”
Rafe spoke up annoyed at Topper’s incessant need to talk about Maggie Mills for the one-hundredth day in a row – he was smitten and heartbroken and all of you understood how hard it would be for them to keep up long-distance, so breaking up seemed like the right decision.
You placed your hand on Topper’s, letting him know you cared even though the boys were extremely insensitive around the subject. You understood Topper in a way nobody else did, you understood what it was like to lose the person you cared about most in the world. You had lost Rafe for two long years and it was the most agonizingly painful thing you’d ever been through. You understood that no matter how many times they said they’d keep in touch and they’d remain friends and they’d organize visits between each other, it just wasn’t going to happen because you can’t be friends with the person you’re in love with. It didn’t work for you and Rafe, it was too painful and you knew the same to be true for Topper, now.
“It’s gonna be okay, Top. I promise. You’ll come home and see her for breaks. It could work out.”
You said to him, a hopeful glint in your eyes as you did your best to comfort your best friend.
“You think?”
He questioned with a small grimace, unsure of the validity of your words.
“Me and Rafe worked out.”
You mentioned and gave him a small smile.
“Yeah, that’s because you and Rafe are soulmates. This isn’t that.”
Kelce interjected with a tone that wasn’t necessarily kind.
“Shove it, Kelce!”
You spoke, exasperated at his remark and his ability to only be sensitive to your emotions when Topper needed his friends now more than ever.
“Whatever, whatever, okay? Drink up, Topper. We leave for college tomorrow. Be excited about that.”
Rafe spoke, rolling his eyes.
“Yeah, Top. Be excited – us goons, in the same place, within walking distance, no parentals. It’s going to be the best time of our lives.”
Kelce agreed with Rafe’s sentiment.
“Come on, let’s toast – to the best four years of our lives.”
You held out your beer bottle, and the boys moved to clunk their drinks against yours.
“To the best four years of our lives.”
All of you spoke in unison, laughing at whatever horrible joke Kelce was telling to the girl seated next to him.
-
Rafael’s voice brought you back to reality.
“What’re you thinking about, mama?”
He questioned sweetly in your ear, leaning you deeper into his chest, squeezing you just a bit tighter than before. You looked up at him and placed a peck on his lips.
“Just thinking.”
You smiled softly at him.
“Well, what about? Come on, let me inside your big beautiful brain.”
He teased, knowing good and well there was absolutely no way when you said you were thinking that it was about nothing of importance. Six years later and he still knew you like the back of his hand.
“Just about senior year – what it’s gonna be like, all the stuff we have planned, classes this week, those two idiots moving away from us. I have this daunting feeling that nothing will be the same, that something bad is going to happen, Rafe.”
Rafe was taken aback by your words. He was no stranger to loving the girl with big emotions, hell, he had been doing it most of his life. But, he knew that when you got in your head when you were paranoid and anxious, you needed alone time with him.
“Guys, we will be right back. We’re gonna go walk the beach for a bit.”
He ushered you up and stood, grabbing the two beers placed on the ground next to where you had been residing for the last two hours. The bonfire lit up his features, the hues of orange and yellow illuminating his chiseled jawline. He took your hand and led you down toward the water, walking the shoreline for a few minutes before he opened up the table for the conversation to take place.
“What’s going on, baby? Why are you so paranoid about senior year? It’s going to be great, you know that.”
You sighed, dropping your arms in a melodramatic fashion, which erupted a giggle from his lips.
“Come on, you’ve gotta know this is just your anxiety messing with your head baby. What do you think could go so wrong, hmm?”
He questioned, rubbing his hands up and down your biceps before pulling you into a hug, settling his chin on top of your head. You breathed him in for a moment – this hug, his hugs – always able to heal the most broken parts of you.
“I don’t know, Rafael. Call it women’s intuition or whatever, but something just feels off. This is supposed to be the most exciting time of our lives, to be almost done with school. But, I can’t shake these weird emotions, I can’t shake how scared I am of what’s next.”
You sighed into his chest, the feeling of the warmth he radiated already making things a bit more calm in your brain. But, you still couldn’t shake the immense dread you were feeling.
Was it really just nostalgia or was something more sinister looming in the background and you just had no idea?
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