#if i know you in real life and find your you're cheating i will ruin your life. ill tell your partner. ill tell your boss | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

k2ntoss · 4 months

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BIG FEARS AND LITTLE SURPRISES

tw ⭒ jason todd x fem!reader, pregnancy, cheating mentions, cursing, really REALLY angry jason, angst finished with a lot of fluff because i need something sweet with my baby ):

a/n ⭒ i had all of this almost finished and my fucking phone decided to go crazy and post it unfinished :) i swear i'm screaming. comments and reblogs are all appreciated, also feel free to leave anything on my askbox or inbox <3

no words count again, lmao, too lazy for that

the way your hands tremble makes it hard to see properly the results but it's worse with the tears blurrying your vision. positive. it's what you can see if compared to what the box says.

the knot on your throat is catching your breath with the sobs that manage to leave your lips and lucky you, the apartment is empty as jason had to leave for patrol. how are you supposed to tell him that you're expecting his baby? it's probably the biggest responsability you could make him take and you know he's capable of leaving his life behind just to keep you and the baby safe but here again, who are you to rip appart his life? you didn't had the right to take something so important to him away.

guilt is eating you up as you make your way out of the bathroom to pick up your phone, choosing to call babs because you really needed some help and she agrees to take you on her house for the night so when jason comes back you're not there, instead there's a note were you wrote 'i'll be back in the morning, had a small family emergency' and he senses there's something off but there's no sing of a single shit around the house.

you're out, babs helps you see an emergency doctor and you find out you're pregnant and you're on your fourth month, there's no way you can deny this and ignore it. you know that you'll have to end things with jason, be out of his life before you can ruin it for good, before you are the reason he loses his happiness and his reason to be.

there's no need to say that jason isn't able to sleep what's left of the night, it's not until you open the door when he's able to breathe because you look just fine, there's not a single hair out of its place on you and he comes closer but stops on his track when he's met with the less warm greeting you could have made.

"morning, jason" you say in a calm tone, your lips pressed on a fine line as you walk pass him, gently nudding your shoulder against his side as if you just bumped him and he turns around, mouth parted as he tries to say something in the exact second you dissapear through the doorway of your room.

"good morning?" he greets back, where was his kiss? and his hug? he's following you like a lost puppy while you pace around the room "babe... is something going on?" he asks softly, his eyes look worried and it hurts so bad because a big part of you wants to jump into his arms and break the news to him.

you were going to be a family.

you could have been a family.

but life wasn't that nice to almost anyone, you couldn't just tell him and ruin his whole life, take away everything for him to take a responsability that maybe he wasm't ready to take.

"nope, nothing at all" you reply, turning around to avoid looking at him as your voice comes nonchalant naturally, almost putting too much of a good show of being just fine. and then your phone rings, dick's name pops up on your screen and you look at it, fisting the device as you walk fast out of the room "i have to take this, wait" you mumble as you dart oit of the apartment.

jason is so taken by surprise he doesn't follows at first giving you the chance to talk a little more safely.

"i can't tell him, dick, what am i supposed to do? if i ever tell him it's all gonna be over" you mutter into the speaker and dick knows that part of it is real, but he also knows jason and he knows he couldn't feel his life would be ruinned by his own child growing on your womb.

there are steps comming from into your place and you know it's time to finish the call "i can't talk right now, please don't keep calling me" you mutter between gritted teeth "not when he's around" you let out as a whisper hoping jason didn't heard.

but as i said, life isn't nice. he hears it, it's weird because he made part of your mumbling and whispering "was it about your family emergency?" he asks, it's clear that there are some thoughts starting to rumble on his head but he tries to push it away.

"yeah, uh... my sister is having a hard time with her husband" and your answer seems to be genuine at first, jason nods at it makes you believe he accepts it. but he's not stupid.

that's the first time jason feels like something isn't right, the first time a little hint of distrust raises on his mind and he feels sick.

the following days are almost the same, you keep your phone inside the pockets of your clothes and avoid looking at him. there are no kisses or hugs over the day, no cuddling while watching a movie on the evening and what is worst.

there no hugging on your sleep. it's like you're pushing him away, closing yourself up to him and that makes him feel like he's losing you.

most nights you would just turn around and shift under the blankets pretending to be asleep just to push away his arms, snuggling away from him until you were sleeping on the edge of the bed. some other nights, just like this one, you would put up any lame excuse.

"it's too hot, jason, can we not cuddle now?" you'd ask him with a frown, thruth is that it was chill and you are just wearing shorts and a old shirt, too thin to cover you from the wind. your tone is filled with disgust at the thought of being too close to him when you were both sweaty when you wanted nothing else but cuddle yourself into his arms, to kiss him and hear his heartbeat "it's not a big deal, just one night not cuddling"

and jason isn't even able to reply, he just nods because he knows that if he speaks his voice will break. he might look like a though guy, like he didn't needed anyone but himself but he needed you. it was killing him, not being able to see your eyes looking up at him with so much love and care, why was he losing you?

at this point is hard for him to even talk to you, it's been two weeks already and you aren't home during the day. when he has to go on patrol you are about to arrive and he starts to lose any hope on being able to talk this through with you even if he decided to stay at home and skip his patrol. when he's back it's either to find you sleeping already or to find you on the couch and he doesn't feel brave enough to pick you up to take you to bed.

he has some hopes up tho, he feels like maybe ome of this days you'll wake up being the same as always, showering him in soft pecks to wake him up or maybe whispering sweet nothings into his ear but you know how they say that even the strongest rock breaks when water hits it too much?

jason has his limits too and his mind hasn't stopped to think of the possibilities of you having someone else. he hates himself because that would mean he doesn't trust you anymore and that what it is, but he doesn't want to think it like that.

one evening when jason is supposed to be out with bruce to check a big case you come back home, you miss being there and having him to hold you thight and kiss your face.

"you came back early" you hear his voice and it makes you freeze, he wasn't supposed to be here. for your luck it's starting to get colder outside so a few layers of clothing helps to cover the way your belly has started to grown. it's ever so slightly swollen, being your first pregnancy and you just being on the fifth month it was easy to say it wasn't really a baby bump.

but you knew jason would notice if he looked close enough. you are there, arms crossed over your chest as you look at jason. there's no hint of the warmth of his happiness to see you back home and your heart breaks up all over again for the hundreth time in weeks.

"aren't you supposed to be with bruce?" you asks, pretending not to be surprised or scared because you tried so hard not to tremble under his gaze.

"am i? really? for what i can remember we are both supposed to be and do some things but you aren't like you're supposed to be lately" he says and his tone comes out harsh. maybe it's for the better but he hates fighting with you, he hates having any kind of argument with the girl he loves so much but he can't take this anymore.

"and can you tell me what do your words mean?" you ask him, you knew that this was about to come it just needed to be pushed a little more to explode like an old grenade. like an old mine on a war field because it was just like that, everything was so spiky between you both it was better to spend your time out.

"you know damn well what i mean, y/n" he scoffs, there's a sharpness to his eyes that makes you want to cry but you have to keep it together so you can finally push him away so you can safe what's the most important thing for him.

oh but how mistaken you were. dumb, dumb, dumb. as if you weren't the most important thing for him, as if losing you wouldn't break him completely and let alone finding out he was going to be a father. you were about to take his heart out of his chest and squeeze it, drain it completely to leave him destroyed. the shell of the man he became when you came into his life.

"i'm sorry to break it into your hard head, i have no idea what you mean" you talk back, sounding all so sure and defensive when everything you wanted was to bury yourself into his arms and say how sorry you were, how stupid you felt for hidding all of this from him.

"you're not even the shade of who you were weeks ago, y/n" he stands up from the chair he's sitting at, heavy steps as he comes closer. he's towering over you and there's a voice in the back of your head that tells you that it's better to stop all of this because you also hated this kind of confrontation "what the hell is going on? is it even something better that what we had?"

and that question makes you confused, what was he talking about? what was better?

"care to enlighten me? you're just talking and i cam't understand what do you mean" your words sound genuine and they are, there's not a single thought of what he could possibly mean.

"c'mon, don't play dumb with me" he starts, looking away with a scowl. he walks away when he feels you shifting a little closer, it's almost as if the heat of your body wasn't a welcome feeling anymore, it burned him "did you decided to go play someone's else pretty girlfriend? is he even as good as i am?"

and it all makes sense. did he really thought you had someone else and even if you've been lying to him, hidding things from him it hurts you so bad because you were so sure he knew how much you loved him, how he was everything you could have ever wished for.

"are you being–? do you think i have someone else?" you ask and the way you sound so offended makes him feel angrier "who the fuck do you think i am? how can you even dare to say that?"

"so now you're offended? what? cam't stand being called out like the cheater you are?" his voice turns louder, he sounds so angry and hurt, jason feels his eyes sting and he has to bite his tongue to hold back the tears "what do you think? that i'm fucking stupid?! you think i don't listen to you when you speak on the phone? how you tell him to stop calling you when i'm around?"

every single word feels like a dagger into your chest, he's unable to stop himself with the questioning and the pain on your heart makes you bring one hand to the top of your belly in a protective way, almost by instinct because you know that intense emotions can be harmful for a baby.

"do you think i don't know you're not home until i leave for patrol?! maybe you're too busy letting another asshole fuck you like some cheap whore" and it's what you needed to hear, the last thing you needed to listen from him because now you can't help it.

the tears that start falling from your eyes in silence are just fuel to his anger.

"and now you're crying! can't you stop playing thr victim" and his voice is louder, he's screaming now and you can't think before it slips out of your mouth.

"i'm expecting" it comes out as a whisper, he can't really make your words because his voice mutters yours completely.

"i can't fucking believe you're crying when you're the one cheatin–"

"i'm expecting!" this time when his voice lowers it's your turn to raise your tone and he stops on his tracks. his face turns pale when the words sink on his mind and even the vein on his neck vanishes.

"what?" it's the only thing he manages after swallowing hard, he looks at you in disbelief and your worst fear roars inside of you when you think that he just can imagine his life ruined.

"i'm pregnant" you're still crying and your hand is still holding your belly almost as if you were also scared of losing what you thought was the last thing you had left of jason "i didn't knew how to tell you- i didn't wanted to ruin your life like this, i'm so sorry i'm doing this to you"

your words are slurred and you can't help it, the tears fall down more and more when jason covers his mouth with his hand and sighs. he hides the biggest smile he has let out in years and you can't see it. it looks like he's regretting being with you to your eyes and it breaks you even more.

with your eyes closed and the noise of your struggled breath you can't hear it when he comes closer and his hands are over yours, he looks at you with a spark of pure joy as he cups your cheeks so lovingly it makes your heart ache.

"are you? sweetheart..." he speaks and his voice breaks but you're sure he has never sounded so happy before "why didn't you... you really thought this would ruin my life?"

through your tears and all the fear you still feel doesn't let you speak so you nod feeling your knees weak and jason notices. he holds you into his arms, picking you up to walk and sit on the couch, taking your body in his embrace to cuddle you against his chest.

"there's nothing that i could have wanted more than this" he mutters, his lips pressed against your temple as he caresses your back "never again think that something as important as this could ruin me, okay? you have no idea... how much i've wanted to start a family by your side" jason speaks and there's no trace of anger on his eyes anymore, there are still a few tears rolling down his cheeks but the smile on his lips is there too.

"i didn't knew how to tell you, i'm so sorry" you sob, your arms going around his neck as you hide your face from him in shame "i don't want you to quit your life for us, jason"

"let me clear a few thing up for you, hm?" jason starts, one of his hands sneaks until it finds the small curve of your belly "first of all, you can't call me jason, it's either jay or any of those cheesy nicknames you have for me but never in your life jason" the way he sound deadly serious brings a sense of warmth and safety that you lost in the past weeks and that made it easier for you to breathe as you nod at his words.

"now, i won't quit my life. my life right now is you and this little one, yeah? it's gonna be hard, we're still young but we are a family now and i'll do anything to keep you both safe" jason says, so solemnly it makes you nod without even thinking. he was so right.

and you've been so wrong all this time.

"i'm on the fifth month..." you say, your voice comes out a little hoarse but jason can't help the pretty chuckle he lets out at his excitement.

"do you know what it will be?" he asks softly, leaning in to kiss softly both of your eyes. those were one of your favorites because jason started to kiss your eyes once you told him one of the stories you were told when you were a little girl.

and when you nod at his question he looks at you, waiting for your answer and it bring a small smile to your face after weeks of feeling dead.

"it's a girl... i went to the doctor today, i wished you could have been there" you say as you look away and it only makes you miss the way jason's smile widens and he has to cover his eyes because he's crying all again.

"so were having a little princess, right?" he asks, jason sounds so happy that just thinking about how you were about to hide this from him makes you sick, but there's nothing that can bring down how you feel when he smiles like that "will i be able to read to her when she goes to bed?"

how easy had been for you to deny yourself from the pleasure and joy of letting him know before but it wasn't late to make up for all of this. having a family with the love of your life was really a dream come true.

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masivechaos · 9 months

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vigilante shit!

── ☆ regulus black x fem! reader

── ☆ Request: yes / no

── ☆ Synopsis: it's the first time you meet James after he cheated on you, but Regulus is by your side and you're not against making your ex a little mad.

── ☆ Warning/content: celebrity au, mention of cheating (reader been cheated on in the past), swearing, idk anything about how award shows are organized so bear with me please, idk if i like this or no but err, my English

── ☆ a.n.: 1.8k words-

masterlist/ marauders masterlist / navigation / taglist

Your eyes travelled the room, mouth in a thin line with the most neutral expression on your face, Regulus’ arm around your waist, flashes of cameras illuminating your make-up-covered skin. It was your first apparition in public with Regulus as your new boyfriend. Well- people knew about it, thank the paparazzi for this, but for the first time, it was official, it was your choice.

It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say this news broke the internet. You were known to be James Potter’s wife, the lead singer of the Marauders, and your break up was sudden, nobody saw it coming.

James Potter was famous for being adorable and so so respectful. Hence your surprise when you found out he cheated. You couldn’t describe how disappointed and betrayed you felt. You genuinely thought he was a good man, but maybe celebrities were celebrities. You hope it was false because you didn’t want Regulus to fool you as James did.

But you didn’t have to worry for the moment, today was a prize award show and you were nominated in the “single of the year” category and Regulus in the “album of the year” category. You wanted both of you to win, and eventually for the Marauders not to win the album of the year prize. First, for yourself and second to prove to James what he had just lost. It was all ego and pride but you didn’t care.

── ☆

Finally sat at your table, you looked around and without meaning to, your eyes fell on the Marauders’ table, so on James obviously. You couldn’t help but notice no one was seated by his side, guess his secret girlfriend wasn’t that good. You rolled your eyes before turning your body to face Regulus sat next to you “You good?” he whispered as he let his thumb slide over your knuckles before pressing a soft kiss to the back of your hand.

“Yeah,” you murmured. You weren’t going to let your stupid ex ruin your night.

Soon the night hosts were on stage and you could escape your thoughts by listening to them but it turned out you were zoning out the entire time, your brain only focusing on what you were going to read in the news tomorrow about how it was the first time you and James were reunited after your sudden break up.

Regulus nudged your shoulder, tearing you out of your thoughts “You need to go, it's soon your performance,” he said as he tried to read your eyes. He knew it was hard for you to face James again, but his band mates too.

The world of celebrity is like a playground for adults. Everybody knows each other, some people whisper and others eavesdrop. The kindest ones weren’t always the most popular and you could have a hard time finding real and honest friends.

And for a long time you thought you did. You had what people would call a “perfect life” and you couldn’t be happier. You had an amazing husband, who was the lead singer of a very famous band and you were friends with the other members. What could possibly go wrong?

Journalists and friends were talking about you like your life was complete, that it was going to stay the same until the end. You believed them. You thought you knew James by heart, that you were going to live a perfect marriage.

But maybe you were blind by love, or maybe you were just oblivious but you never saw his furtive glances at his phone at night or the way he would be less present for you, always finding an excuse to go out without you.

One day you got suspicious and asked his bandmates about it but they said they didn’t know anything so you let it go, forgetting about everything. That was until one of your shows was cancelled and you got home a day earlier only to find James in bed with another. When you thought about it, all you can remember is how you cried and screamed and wanted him to disappear from your life.

With tears running down your face, you left the house to find comfort next to your best friend, Remus. He welcomed you, comforted you. You thought that you hadn’t lost everything, your friends were still here. If only it was true.

── ☆

“How could he do this to me?” you sobbed, letting your cries staining Remus’ sweater as he brushed away the strands of hair stuck to your cheeks. Remus didn’t answer anything, hugging you closer. His best friend messed up but so did he.

“Since when was this going on? When did he start to lie?” you asked, anger taking over sadness. You felt Remus tense at this. You detached yourself from him, your eyebrows furrowed “You knew about this?” you whispered, your heart clenching inside your chest.

Remus avoided your gaze, staring down at the ground, the hardwood floor being suddenly the most interesting thing of his life.

“Did you know about this, Remus?” you said through gritted teeth and he shyly nodded, ashamed of himself. You jumped out of his sofa, throwing at him the blanket he offered you for extra comfort. “Get fucked, Remus,” you spat as you left his living room.

── ☆

You got off of stage after your performance under the loud applause of the public, taking a deep breath in. You had done your best and you were satisfied with the outcome. Walking back to your table, you passed by the Marauders. After realising, you tried to increase your pace and when you thought they didn’t notice you, you felt a hand grabbing your elbow, turning around.

You closed your eyes, hoping this wasn’t happening “Y/n. Please, can we talk?” You winced as you recognized James’ voice.

With a sigh, you opened your eyes “No, we can’t. Bye,” you said as you tried to leave but he held onto your arm a little harder.

“Please,” he begged and the urge to punch him in the face became even stronger. “I- I messed up, okay?”

“Woah, took you a year and half to realise? You’re a bit slow.”

James took a deep breath, combing a nervous hand through his hair “I regret what I did, okay? I fucked up and I…,” he looked at you in the eyes, getting closer to you and your whole body tensed. “I miss you.”

You raised your eyebrows, there was something so satisfying about seeing him miserable like this. Before you could answer anything, an arm slid around your waist and you lifted your eyes to find Regulus by your side.

“Everything’s fine?” he asked as he kissed your temple before letting his lips linger on your skin.

“Yeah,” you whispered, leaning into him, seeking for the comfort of his smell and touch. James’s eyes travelled between you and Regulus as a frown appeared on his face.

“So you guys are dating, now?” You nodded, taking Regulus’s hand and giving it a light squeeze. “This is your revenge? Going out with my rival? You want to know all the awards he stole from us?”

“You know everything is not about you, James? My only revenge is that I’m finally happy and apparently you are not! Like what, Karma knows how to do her work!” You turned to leave before adding “And maybe he didn’t steal any award, maybe his music is just better than yours.”

“What now? You’re saying my music sucks?”

“No. I was maybe stupid enough to believe your sweet words, I wasn’t stupid enough to marry a guy who’s music sucks. All I’m saying is that maybe he’s not the problem, maybe you are. I also happen to appreciate more a music when it’s not made by a bunch of guys who spent months lying into my face because they are fucking cowards.”

You finally walked away, leaving behind you a very much shocked and confused James. He was being honest, he truly wanted you back. And the fact that you were dating his rival wasn’t helping make him feel better.

── ☆

When the marauders started to be known, they were immediately successful. All of them being pretty, nice and talented, the success was almost given to them. Until Regulus Black arrived. He was the marauders’ guitarist’s brother and just as handsome, if not more for you. And from there started years of rivalry, The marauders and Regulus often fighting for awards and being the number one hit of the year.

Therefore, since you were married to James, you were used to see Regulus as a rival and bad guy. But when you broke up, you reached out to him. Out of revenge first, you definitely wanted to make James jealous. But as you talked to Regulus more and more, you discovered how much of a sweetheart he was. He made you realise how much James wasn’t treating you right, because Regulus loved you and always made sure you knew it. He made you understand that the sentence “If he wanted to, he would” was definitely true. By his side you felt loved, whole and happy.

── ☆

Sat down at your table, your drink in hand. You were waiting for Regulus’s performance, you were sure he was going to be great, he always was. He appeared on stage and started to sing, you carefully watched him, proud of him. It was his new song, the first time he ever performed it live.

From the corner of your eyes, you looked at the marauders, they were watching Regulus and seemed pretty annoyed. You let out a chuckle. You were waiting for one particular lyric and you quickly realised it was the next sentence and watched even more carefully the band’s reaction.“

The words finally crossed Regulus’s mouth “Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife and she looks so pretty. Driving in your Benz. Lately she's been dressing for revenge.”

You couldn’t help but let a wide grin appear on your lips as you saw James’ clench his jaw as he briefly glanced at you before realising you were looking at him.

When Regulus sat down by your side again, you kissed him, the smile still present. “I can’t kiss you if you smile so much,” he said as he cupped your face between his hands.

“His reaction was priceless.”

“That’s what I wrote this for, darling,” he smirked.

You leaned into his side, your head resting on his shoulder. “It’s maybe childish of me, but I don’t care, he deserves it.”

The night ended and the grins never left both of your faces. And while the Marauders were going back home with their heads down and hands empty, you were sleeping peacefully next to the man of your life, with both of your awards installed proudly on your fireplace.

James lost you but you won everything. You won awards but you won the game of love too. Because you’re the best thing that happened to Regulus and he’s the best thing that happened to you.

⋆ ★ regulus black taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @maroon-winestain @cauliflowertree @madison-rebel @rhydianissuperior @loveeharrington @meredarling @jackys-stuff-blog @elenatries2write @juneberrie @f4iry-blush @gilmore-angel @heartfucks @songs4themoon @moondemon123 @mystic-writings @siriusblackstwin @natashxromanovf @unadulterated-syd @garfieldsladybird @starconfettii @percy-the-hufflepuff @fairydxll @spookydarkwitch @duxpuella @innerloverpainter @kieracassette @nyxxxxxxxx @venussflytraps @oncasette @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @widowbf @starlit-epiphany @rosalyn-s @etanordiesbullsh!t @daltopia @jsjcue @mellozhi @lovings4turn

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macsimagines · 10 months

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hiiii!! I saw your "yanderes who will resort to murder" so can I request separate HCs for Yandere Kisaki Tetta and Ran Haitani where they cheated on their darlings bcs "she couldn't keep them entertained" and ofc the yanderes won't allow their darling to leave them so their darling becomes more and more lifeless day by day... thank you so much!

TW: Yandere, Abuse, MINORS DNI

Yandere!Kisaki

He doesn't cheat. Don't get me wrong, he's tried. But he can't stand the feeling of someone's lips on him if it's not you. Nothing will ever matter if it doesn't revolve around you.

What he does though is make it look like he cheated. He needs to test you. Sure you were here before he became a rich mogul, but are you really going to stay no matter what? Will you really keep your promise?

Kisaki is shocked when the answer is no. "You think you can leave me?" "Don't give me that crap! YOU cheated! YOU'RE the cause of all of this!"

The second you try to walk out that door, bags in hand, Kisaki is grabbing you by your hair and dragging you back. He has never once been physically violent with you, that's why you're so shocked and can't even react right at the action.

"You're not fucking leaving, Y/N. That ring on your hand means you HAVE to stay."

It's your turn to shock him when you throw your ring on the ground. You've never taken it off since the day he slipped it onto your finger...

"FUCK YOU! I WANT OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE!"

But there is no out. Not anymore. The doors are bolted, you're chained and collared, and no matter how hard you try there is no escape.

The light fades from your eyes, day after day, and he's so broken seeing you slowly start to loose your light. You're everything to him, and like an insecure fool he's ruined you.

"Y/N please," he'll beg, "It was all a lie. I just...I needed to know you'd stay with me no matter what."

Your eyes start to water and Kisaki feels sick because that's your first emotion in weeks. "That makes everything so much worse..."

Kisaki will try and fail to build you up again. He's been trying to prove how much he loves you, how devoted he truly is. "Of course I'd never be unfaithful. The thought of anyone else makes me nauseous."

"I wish you would cheat... I wish you loved anyone else and not me." "...That's never going to happen, darling."

Yandere!Ran

He treats you like you're replaceable and you've let him for years. Eventually though, you've finally decided you've had enough.

"Haven't I been good to you!? I take all your bullshit and love you through it, why can't you just be loyal!?" His words make you sick "Not my fault you don't excite me anymore."

Well if that's how it is then you're not going to waste one more second of your time. The bastard has the audacity to actually leave you there crying.

"I actually have something important to do than listen to you cry, Y/N." and just walked out.

If that's the way he wanted to play it then you were going to leave. You had more important things to do as well, like rebuild your whole life without Ran Haitani.

When he returns home you're gone. You packed a bag and dipped out even emptied out your bank account. "She's bein' real dramatic."

Doesn't take it seriously until his brother says something. "Bro... I really think she's done this time. My guys just found out she bought a ticket outta Tokyo."

Thats when he really starts to get pissed. Goes out and finds you. "Look, I'm soooo sorry," he tells you rolling his eyes, "Now will you quit bein' hysterical? Do you get how bad you're makin' me look?"

The cold empty indifference in your eyes shakes him. Like you don't even care that he came all this way to get you. You're not even saying anything to him.

It goes on like that, him making demands ordering you to come with him, you not even acknowledging him. "You have your whores. You don't need or want me." is the only thing you say before you're making a move to get on the train.

Fuck making a scene. No one leaves Ran Haitani.

Its been months now. And you still won't talk to him. He's tried everything from isolation to starvation and physical violence. You might scream here and there, but verbal communication? Nope.

That empty look in your eyes is starting to really scare him. Ran really had no idea how much he needed you until you were really gone. Physically you're there, but its like he's holding a husk.

Once again, his brother has to speak up, the younger Haitani always did have a soft spot for you. "Bro, c'mon already. You broke her. She's got nothing left."

#yandere tokyo revengers #yandere kisaki tetta #yandere ran haitani

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valiantroeagleangel · 7 months

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Hatefuck.

Ryan Sitkowski x female reader

Kintober day 27. Hate sex, hook-up, unprotected sex, cheating.

This one feels a bit wrong since some hate sex and cheating are involved. Don't cheat on your partner and don't break people's marriage, it's bad. But I had this headcanon of Ryan in my head and I like it very much. Please don't come at me if you don't like this trope. It's just fucking fiction and shitty porn.

That being said, enjoy my loves <3

-Go to hell Ryan it's not my fucking problem. You shouted, slamming the door as you left the recording studio.

God how much you hated Ryan. He was insufferable with you, always making you remarks and picking fights. He was so convinced that he was superior to you, always degrading you and making bad comments about you to the rest of the band.

Why the heck was his problem?

Since you started to work as a sound engineer for the band six months ago, there have been constant arguments between the two of you. The atmosphere was always so heavy that now you were just running away from him, choosing to only interact with him when it was strictly necessary.

-It's not my fault if you suck at your job. Spare us your incompetence and just quit for good. He screamed louder, not sure if you were even hearing him now.

He sighed, sinking into his chair as the other guys looked at him in disapproval.

-What is wrong with you for real? She is doing a good job on the album. Chris pinched his nose, exasperated.

-No she's not. She's a pain in the ass, always whining about everything.

-She's not Ryan, and you know it, you're just unfair to her for god knows what reason.

Chris shook his head, standing up to open the door of the studio.

-What side are you even on dude?

-Hers. Now go apologize, we have a song to finish. He paused but Ryan didn't move. Now.

Reluctantly he got up and left the room, Chris slamming the door after his passage.

Ryan looked for you through the building, complaining and cursing until he found you, taking a coffee in the break room. You turned back as you heard someone coming, your brows furrowing when you knew who it was.

-Do you really think it's time to take a coffee break? You can't capriciously leave a session like that, we're all waiting for you to come back.

Wasn't he supposed to apologize? Yeah, right but seeing you like that just made his blood rush. He did not want to apologize, he wanted to ruin you, spit out his venom on you.

You saw red, will he never let you alone?

Slamming your cup on the counter you took a few steps in his direction. Your index finger pointed in his direction in a threatening way.

-You know what your problem is, Ryan? You're weak. You're the weakest person I know. You see me as a threat for a reason that I still don't get. You want me out of your life because you feel inferior. Because you're insecure.

Unconsciously you stepped closer to him as you continued your monologue, finding yourself inches from him.

-You call me a whiner but you're the one always whining about everything. I'm not going to destroy your life so peace out, dude.

He swallowed hard, looking at you as you kept your angry gaze on him. A long silence settled between you before he decided to speak again.

-But you are fucking destroying my life. He spoke in a low voice, not sure if he was supposed to say that.

You laughed as you stepped back a bit, throwing your arms in the air.

-How the fuck am I supposed to destroy your life? I won't take your job I'm a sound engineer, not a rockstar.

You were hallucinating as you kept laughing bitterly at him.

-God, you're a mad man Ryan. How could you make it so far in life when you think like that?

Rubbing your hands on your face you went to sit on the counter, throwing your feet as he followed you closely.

-You have no idea of what you're talking about. He retorted as his fists clenched.

-Certainly not but I think that you don't know either. You're just trying to cover how much of a coward you are.

His breathing was erratic as he stepped even closer, making you swallow this time. His gaze was menacing you, his arms resting on either side of your body as he bent over you a bit.

You shut down, intimidated by his dominating figure as your stomach squeezed.

-Don’t talk about things that are beyond you.

He was so close that you could feel his hot breath against your face. Leaning on him you kept your gaze on his.

-Fucking coward.

Why were you provoking him like that when he was so close you had no idea, but the tension between you switched. Your heart started to race but not from anger, your cheeks getting hot as you realized you were only inches away from his lips.

-I'll show you how weak I am.

Without letting you have the time to protest he collapsed on you, his lips crashing on yours as his hands came to grab your hips.

Confused and taken aback you pushed him away as he bit your lips, making it bleed.

-What the fuck dude? You started even more angry than before. You're married, why are you even- Oh.

It was at this moment that you realized it. You weren't going to destroy his job, you were going to destroy his marriage.

Your eyes widening you didn't say anything more, looking at him incredulously.

-Don't you fucking dare call me a coward again. You have no idea what I've been through the last months, trying to keep you away, trying to keep me away. He sighed, leaning more on you as he lowered his voice. Trying to avoid that fucking tempting ass of yours.

You squeezed your legs together at his words, your heart racing in your chest.

-You're completely mad, Ryan. You bit your lower lip, the taste of the blood diffusing in your mouth.

-Yes I am. And it's your fault. He breathed out, nearing his mouth to yours as kept staring at your lips. You make me insane.

You didn't move, holding your breath as you saw his lips slightly brushing against yours.

-You can't do that. Your tongue came to moisturize your dry lips as your breathing accelerated. Provocation again? Really?

-You're right, I can't.

But he did it, his tongue coming to caress yours as he kissed you again.

This time you didn't push him away. You don't know why but your hands came to his hair as you let him kiss you, uncertain. Maybe you were as mad as he was. The tension between you was confusing your brain. Ryan was hot, you never just admitted it to yourself as you were blinded by the hate.

His hands quickly came to your waist, pushing you against him as his lips kept kissing you passionately. He waited for this for so long that he thought he was going to explode. But you broke apart as you pulled his hair brutally.

-Stop it, we're not doing this.

He was panting against you, his pupils were dilated looking straight at you as his chest rose violently.

-Get your shit back together Ryan, you're married for fuck sake. You breathed out, his lips already losing themselves against your neck.

But he kept coming for you, pressing himself a little further between your legs making you whimper softly. You were not even sure that he listened to a thing you said. Fuck. That was wrong.

-God, I hate you. You rolled your head back as his lips became more persistent on your skin.

Leaving your neck, they came back to yours as he started to roam his hips urgently, getting needy.

-You're not going to answer a thing I say?

-Just shut up already. How annoying you can be.

He groaned, one of his hands coming to your face, grabbing it as he kept your lips against his, kissing you again.

You didn't know what to do. The anger consumed you as his touch made you go crazy. However, you knew you needed to stop before it was too late. The image of his wife coming to your head. You already had done too much.

Still, the words disappeared in your throat as Ryan's hands came to undo the button of your jeans, quickly working himself before he could think about what he was doing.

He was going to cheat and break his marriage but right now the only thing he could think about was how much he wanted your lips back on his. The feeling was too consuming as the tension of these last months dissipated, turning into pure passion.

You were the only thing playing in his mind, your complaints the only thing he would hear and the only thing he wanted to hear.

Settling a pace rapidly, he came to pull your pants down your legs, lifting you a little. He didn't want you to think, he wanted you to give up on his touch, wanted you to help him release his obsession with you, maybe that after it would stop and you both could go back to a normal life.

-Let me touch you, just for a bit. Hoarsely he asked, his lips kissing under your ear.

You nodded, not wanting to let the words out of your mouth. All of this was becoming way too real.

At your approval one of his hands came to caress your underwear, brushing his fingers on the wet spot that was forming.

-Fuck Ryan. You moaned a bit, surprised as your hand came to cover your mouth quickly.

He smirked against your skin, starting to rub you more.

-You want this as much as I do, don't you? He laughed a bit, mocking you.

Your head rolled back as you squeezed your eyes shut, his hand passing through your underwear as he started to caress you, rubbing your clit urgently, his lips biting to the skin of your shoulder as he lowered his head.

-Stop playing you, asshole. Just fuck me already. You whined, your hips roaming against his hand as you tried to grab his belt.

Yes, you wanted this, and you wanted it now. The more he was waiting the more you thought about his marriage and you didn't want to. You were fucking up real good this time.

He chuckled bitterly, quickly helping you to take his belt off as he opened his pants, putting them and his underwear down a little bit in a sure motion.

-See? You're always whining. He groaned in your ear, pumping himself before thrusting inside of you, not losing time.

You clung on him, your arms surrounding his neck as you pushed yourself against his body. The feeling of him inside you made you dizzy, your stomach tightening on how much you liked it.

After some time of peace, he started to move again, pushing in and out as he firmly grabbed your waist.

Shit, this was good, HE was good. You couldn't think about anything else than the feeling of him filling you up, your hips starting to rock against his, eager for more and more.

You heard him moan, his lips coming for yours as he tried to cover your sounds, fucking you restlessly as he enjoyed himself a bit too much.

-This doesn't change anything. I'll hate you 'til the day I die. You breathed out against his lips.

-Continue to hate me and I will fuck you until I'm the only thing you can think about. Accentuating each one of his words with a deeper thrust making you whine under his touch.

You gasped his name, feeling him throb inside of you. The hate between you was making all of this so hot, creating a suffering pleasure. It needed to end, you were losing your mind as the passion in your stomach was rising.

Ryan was pushing himself deeply, caressing that sweet spot every time making you cry his name. You were overwhelmed by everything that was happening, his hot breath against you making your head buzz.

He was getting closer, you could feel it, his movements becoming more messy and needy. He was fucking you like a beast, his mind completely gone as he was chasing his orgasm simultaneously to yours.

And god it was working, you felt your orgasm wash over yourself, leaving you completely drained under him as you shivered in his arms. His hips still twitching as he cursed, fucking you through your release.

Instinctively he grabbed your hips firmly when you clenched over him, feeling himself lose it all inside of you as is own orgasm left him panting.

Trying to catch your breath you pushed him out of you.

-God Ryan what have we done?

You started to panic as you realized what just happened, the sweet feeling of your pleasure disappearing leaving room for guilt.

He didn't answer, stepping back as he pushed his underwear back on, the door of the room slamming open.

-Ryan what is taking you so long to apologize for god’s sak- Chris appeared, looking at you both incredulously.

Ryan turned back, looking at him shocked as he didn't even put his pants back on.

-Sorry. That was the only thing Chris said before slamming the door back violently.

You were fucked.

#motionless in white #miw #miw band #miw fic #fanfiction #fanfic #smut #kinktober #ryan sitkowski #ryan sitkowski fanfic #ryan sitkowski fanfction #ryan sitkowski fic

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corujalesbica · 1 year

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Why would you wear black to a wedding

A wenclair story!

Chapter 2 ➡️

Enid was absolutely and utterly fucked. Screwed. Really, at her worse moment. She looked out the window, her eyes glaring the falling rain. If she managed to pack her things fast enough, she thought, maybe she could run away when the rain ceased. Live in the mountains, away from everyone and everything. With only mother nature and sadness as her company. Forever forced to hide and...

"Tá la la lã" Her buzzing phone got her out of her family issues induced anxiety spiral. It was on her bed, the screen shinning in bright blue in the dark room.

Yoko, my beautiful bestie

Yo you guys wanna come over and watch a movie or smt

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Depends. I refuse to watch any more of enids sad ass homo rom coms

Upon reading that, Enid threw herself in her old bed, reaching for her phone.

You

Hey!!! My rom coms aren't sad!

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Yes they are. If I have to watch 1 more scene with kissing people in the rain Ill throw myself off a cliff.

Yoko, my beautiful bestie

It's fine babes, we can watch a horror movie.

How could Yoko betray her like that ? Where was the friends before partners unspoken rule ?

You

I AM NOT watching a freaking horror movie. I'll have nightmares for weeks!!!

Yoko, my beautiful bestie

We can watch the Fear street trilogy. It has gays in it and shit.

You

You're just taking Biancas side because she's ur gf that is soooooo unfair

Yoko , my beautiful bestie

No, I'm taking her side cause u made us watch crush with you 7 times and I liked it at first but now my experience is ruined because I know all the freaking lines

You

........

Gaslight gatekeep girlboss

Enid ?

You

OKAY THEN we'll watch fear street or whatvs

Enid sighted, letting go off her phone. It was nice to be back home, thought third wheeling wasn't exactly her favorite thing to do. She looked around, and some of her old plushies looked back. Being in San Francisco felt... Different, this time. Maybe it was because of her brothers wedding this summer. And just maybe, it was because she herself was a bit different.

One way or the other, she was happy to get a break from college, to be back from Colorado. Her room there was boring as fuck, with its gray walls and metal desk. This, was much better. Someone knocked on the door, and Enid suddenly remembered why her gray room in Colorado felt as freeing as it was ugly. Her mom stepped in without waiting for permission.

" Enid. Dear"

" Yes, mom ?" The girl reluctantly looked her mother's way, shifting position so they were facing each other.

" When will we met your lovely - totally real - partner ? It must be before your brothers and Daysis wedding. You know, dearest, a werewolf needs a partner! Someone to take care of you in full moon nights, and someone to protect when you're- "

" -when I'm old and alone and hated by humans. I know mom. I told you already, youll met her soon enought! She can't get here before Dave's wedding, she has finals... "

"Well, she must find a way! I will not settle for meeting such a person only at the wedding! And if you're lying to me Enid, you will regret it" she step closer, her browns furrowed, her mouth downward in an expression Enid knew all too well. She shrieked on instintic. "You have three days to bring her here or else you're dumping her and going to the ceremony with Samantha Diologious daughter, Celine. And that's final."

The older woman left then, and Enid held her breath until she couldn't hear her mother's steps anymore.

You see, Enid needed a partner for her brothers Dave, wedding, and her love life wasn't exactly going well. Her last girlfriend dumped her after cheating, and broke her delicate heart in a million pieces. Since then she had gone on multiple dates with her mothers warnings in mind, but none of them wanted to go to a strangers wedding nor did they want to see her again after she asked.

She had even got as desperate as to ask Yoko to pretend a break up with Bianca and be her fake date but her girlfriend wasn't the fondest of that idea. With a sight Enid asked herself how the actual fuck she would get a date willing to go with her to the ceremony in three days. Because there was no way she was going with Celine Diologious. Celine was a self centered, cruel person who would always kiss Enid against her will when her mother forced her to go on dates with the girl. Enid protests and complains about harassment were useless, which of course had nothing to deal with the fact that the Diologious were rich, and prestigious among the werewolf community.

Maybe some miracle would happen and Enid would end up with a beautiful, nice girl in her arms just in time to not have to expose her lies to her mother, who had almost made her phone stop working with all the messages she sent before Enid invented this fake girl. Maybe everything would work out.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

It was late at night, Bianca and Yoko asleep beside her, while Enid scrolled mindlessly through her Instagram. The movie wasn't as bad as she thought was gonna be, though she was sure that had more to do with the fact that she gat gotten used to the blood and the gore being a werewolf than with it not being scary.

She yawned, Yoko had a spare mattress in her room for nights like this, and at some point, she would have to wake up the cuddling girls beside her. The girl decided to get some water so she could take her medicine and be ready to sleep before waking her friends up. Yokos house was huge, but she was used to it. Her parents were probably out, always bloodthirsty vampires in the night. She respected that, thought it was easier dealing with Yoko, who got along with humans better for being a vegetarian.

There were piles and piles of books scattered around the house, when he wasn't sucking blood, her friends dad was a book worm. Even in the kitchen, books and notebooks full of Yokos moms notes filled the shelves you would usually see food in. As she filled a glass of water, Enid saw something shine in silver in the corner of her eye.

She kneeled beside it, a book with a black and silver cover thrown carelessly on the floor. She opened it, curiosity getting the best of her, and was met with words that started whispering to her, floating around her head and calling her name. The phrases told stories old and magical, and Enid lost track of time as she flipped through the pages. Countless spells were explained throughly, and she stopped as she found one that got her attention.

For the old and new, the sweet and bitter

To do the ritual, you have to be witter

Call the curse holder in desperate help

And in your aid, the witch will come

Enid had a terrible idea.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

You see, Yokos parents weren't really gonna miss the book. They had thousands of them, including dozens and dozens of witchcraft books, just like this one. She would return it in a few days anyways, but her brothers wadding was a day and a half away, and she was far beyond desperate.

The circle she drew in her rooms floor was adorned by lit candles and black roses. In the center, all kinds of offerings Enid could think of rested in a bowl, from candy bars to dead mouses (ew), because she had no idea what the witch would like, and the book wasn't all that specific on the ritual.

Finally, she sat on the floor and closed her eyes. Usually, Enid had a hard time remembering the information she read, but for some reason, the words for the spell were stuck in her head, repeating over and over again. She said the verses out loud three times as the clock struck midnight, too late for anyone in the house to hear her. The canddles went out, leaving her in complete darkness. For a whole minute, Enid breathed hard in slight disappointment but sweet relief, thinking the ritual didn't work. But as opened her eyes a dark figure stood in front of her.

The person wore all black and irradiated a cruel energy. Two dark eyes stared at her from the very center of her circle, looking like they were able to see into her very soul. She got up, her legs shaking, turned her phones flashlight up and before her...

Before her stood a petite girl with black hair. She had a braid resting in each of her shoulders and a notebook in her hands. Her face was delicate, beautiful sharp angles, and an expression that berayed no emotion. Enid calmed down then, not quite knowing where to start her request for the witch.

" Hum... I... I mean-"

"You have summoned me." The girls before her said. " I will therefore fulfill your wishes of revenge and blood"

"I don't want-"

"However," the girl interrupted her. "You must give me something in exchange for my services. What are you willing to give up on for this, Ms ?

"Sinclair. Enid Sinclair."

"Wednesday Addams"

They looked at each other, both a bit astonished.

"I gathered some stuff for you," Enid gestured awkwardly to her offerings. The girl looked her dead in the eyes and, without so much as blinking, caught a chocolate bar with gum flavored filling between the tip of her fingers. With the most disgust Enid had ever seen anyone show for anything, Wednesday put the candy bar in front of her face. " This ?"

"Yeah ?" The werewolf paused, not knowing what to do. "There's also some dead mouses if you'd like". The Addams girl sighed in exasperation, and rolled her eyes.

"I have been holding the family's curse for three years now, since turning eighteen. And not once in those 1095 days has such a moron summoned me. What do you want, disgustingly pink girl ?"

Enid wanted to be offended, she really did. She was whoever, wearing her most neon pajamas in that moment, pink panthers silly face painted with glitter in her shirt. Also, she was really, really desperate and not at all, wanting to have to deal with her mom.

"Look" she says, sitting down, too tired to care what the witch would think of her "I need a date for my brother's wedding. It is crucial I bring someone, and I was kinda hoping whoever I summoned could help me find a person my age to go with me. But, oh well, to my very surprise you are the one I summoned and also a person my age so maybe you could go with me? Do you want some of my blood in exchange for it ? Or maybe teeth ? I've heard if you mix dust made from a werewolf's teeth with fairy hair you can grow plants faster or something…" She shut up then, a finger on her tin and the knowledge she had been talking for way too long doing lops inside her head. Her eyelids were heavy, she just wanted to go to sleep.

"You want… A date ?" The Wednesday girl looked more than disgusted now, almost like she would prefer to wear Enid's pink panther pj's. She furrowed her brows, in an expression Enid thought she wouldn't be able to decipher even if she was fairly awake.

"Okay." The witch said. "I'll be your date to the wedding. This relationship is purely professional, however. And I have several ground rules. And I'll need you to-"

Before she could finish it, Enid had gotten up, wide eyed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!" She smiled, a weight she hadn't know she'd been caring suddenly lifted from her shoulders. "Oh my God, can I hug you ? Would that be OK? It's alright if it's not, but really, thank you!"

"You may not hug me" The girl took a step back "And I'll only attend the wedding on the condition you come with me to the Addams family reunion in two months. I need a partner for the blood ritual."

"Of course! Is that your only condition ?"

Wednesday took a second to think to herself. "Yes" she said carefully. "Do we have a deal ?" She extended her hand, and Enid shook it, delicate but strong fingers with black nails meeting her rough ones. " Yes we, do , Ms Addams" she said cheerfully.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

This was supposed to be a one shot...

I'll link chapter 2 when it's up

#lgbtq #sapphic #lesbian #wenclair #enid x wednesday #wednesday 2022 #wedclair #wednesday the series #enid is a lesbian #enid and wednesday #enid wednesday #enid sinclair #wednesday fanfic

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bunnyreaper · 7 months

Note

Good evening! I hope you’re doing well! I saw you’re hurt and lit a candle for your speedy and comfortable recovery! Obviously don’t reply if this is a stupid question but I was curious (because I like to hurt myself and read angsty little things)

For NDILYD Price x reader, what if when she found out she was being cheated on, instead of thinking it through and just completely distraught she decides to pack up and leave without telling anyone?

Would she ever tell Price about what happened? I know she worries about her own feelings she feels toward her (ex) boyfriends dad - so would she just leave worried about ruining an already problematic relationship?

Would Price be heartbroken wondering where she is and why she’s no longer in his life and try to find her?

I’m so glad that Price is taking care of her, makes me giggle and kick my feet reading your fic 🥹😭

This was actually the original plot kind of, lol?

Reader was going to find out while Price was deployed, and he was going to come back to his son's place to find no one home. After a day or so of not hearing from his son, he would text you to ask if everything was okay, and you'd tell him you moved.

He'd show up expecting both of you to be there, only to find you moved out alone, and had left his son. Then he'd keep checking in on you, keep making sure you're okay and adjusting well to living alone--that you're safe and have everything you need bcs you need someone to look out for you (but really he just doesn't want to let you go!!)

You'd start to feel bad, like he was only there because he pitied you and you tell him he can stop checking in, but he insists. (And when he finds out the REAL reason behind the breakup, after finding you crying again and refusing to explain why??? ooh boy.)

Also GOSH I have so many thoughts but, things will come in time I swear ❤️

#bunny mail

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lunar-writes-things · 1 year

Note

i've had this thought many a time but "soft n sweet reader goes absolutely feral on red life"

that concept is just *rapidly bangs fist on table*

-✨

Crimson Adoration

Pairing: C! Mumbo x Reader, C! Etho x Reader

Summary: In which you dive into a death game and find that you have a horrible soulmate and in a fit of rage, find a secret soulmate.

Genre: Fluff to angst

WC: 2,335

Extra notes: Listen to 'The red means I love you' by Madds Buckley! This is what this fic was inspired off of!

Content warnings (If any): CHEATING!!!!!!, MENTIONS AND EXPLICIT DETAILS OF DEATH!!!

16 people was a lot to have in a dimension for a death game.

Met by choice and fated by chance.

Mumbo wasn't a bad partner to be in double life with. Truthfully!

When they were green for the first few weeks they felt their love, their attraction towards each other, as if their red string of fate had tied them tightly together.

Session one was absolute bliss for the newly soul-bounded couple

But then their first death came during session 2

It was so STUPID!

It caused a screaming match between the two that took hours to cool off.

Etho had found you when you were fuming and cautiously approached you.

"You okay?" He asked softly and sat down next to you

"A Panda Etho! I didn't even know you could die to a panda in this stupid realm of possibilities!" Y/n exclaimed "We were at half a heart! I was healing! But HE WANTED TO FUCK WITH SCAR AND MESS EVERYTHING UP!"

your scream echoed off the cliffside as you panted and took shaky breaths

Etho's warm hand rubbed your back and you sighed, leaning against him.

"I wish I had a better soulmate." You muttered

Etho stayed quiet but he wrapped his arm around your waist

"I could be a better soulmate than him," The ninja said softly "And I wouldn't be so brash to die by a panda. I would treat you right and I know you would too, Better than Joel."

"Damn straight... Etho... You do know what I'm about to ask... right?" You whisper

"Yes..." He trailed off

"Are you really willing to ruin your relationship with him like that for me?" You ask and cup his face

"Y/n I would do anything for you, Even if it means killing myself." He muttered, leaning into your touch "I have been in love with you for the longest time."

"Are you saying this now because we won't remember anything after we leave?" You asked, slowly leaning into him

"If we are important enough we will remember and our love will stay alive." He whispered, lips so close to you're you could feel your breath

"Etho Will you be my secret soulmate? My real soulmate?" You asked, feeling your lips brush against his

"Yes," He sighed and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips

no matter how many times you kissed mumbo, you had never felt this

Etho's kiss was like a hurricane and the beach waves all at once. Overwhelming and calm, a whirlwind yet steady gentle crashing waves. It felt like you were being swept up in the excitement but being grounded at the same time.

it was heaven

it was peace

it was Etho

And Etho was perfect

"Y/n!" Mumbo called out, eyes worried and hair mussed up "You're okay!"

it was hours later when you returned home and Mumbo looked terrified and worried

"Yeah," Y/n gave him a soft smile "I'm sorry I got so mad. I just don't understand why you did it. We were on half a heart and I was trying to heal us."

"I got carried away," Mumbo said and walked forward to cup your face with one hand and rest his other hand on your hip "I'm sorry. I know it won't make up for what I've done but for now its all I can do."

"Its Fine," You replied softly

no its not

"I forgive you."

HA! Yeah right

"I still love you."

Etho. I want Etho.

"I Love you too," Mumbo said and caressed your cheek with his thumb "Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," You sigh and he pressed his lips to yours

Nothing

No butterflies

No fireworks

not even excitement

How disappointing

Just like Mumbo

The Next morning, you woke up early to meet Etho in a forest to kiss him and share breakfast. It lasted about 30 minutes until both Partners of yours began looking for you and You and Etho had to split, promising to text through communicators and meet up again when they had time away from their partners.

You were giddy, the exhilaration of cheating, the taste of something new, something so... Etho. It was wonderful.

You had to force down your smile when Mumbo found you in the forest, chopping down wood and collecting saplings, iron axe glimmering with the spotted sunrays singing through the trees.

"There You are!" Mumbo smiled and you stopped hacking at the tree to give a forced smile back, heart dropping at the sight of him "You disappeared this morning, I'm so glad to have found you."

"Yeah," You said and watched as he walked closer and placed a gentle hand on your cheek, a move you leaned into with a fake smile "Sorry, I was just so excited to get to work today."

"Have you eaten breakfast?" Mumbo asked

"Yeah," You nodded, "I grabbed some food before I left and ate out here."

Technically not a lie

"Anyway, Today I'm gonna head down to the enchanter with Etho," You said

A plan to meet with him and get some work done, something they came up with right before the boys arrived. It was a win-win

"Don't be mean," Mumbo said playfully before turning serious "And Don't get touchy-feely with him. I know how you can be."

"Why?" You teased playfully, hopefully hiding the panic "You jealous?"

"Yes," Mumbo admitted "I know you... I know you get along with him and Bdubs more, but right now, you're my soulmate. And I intend to keep that for as long as possible."

"Oh Mumbo," You sigh softly "It's You, It's only you and has always been you."

You use both your hand to cup his face and pull him in for a gentle kiss.

That should stave him off for now.

"Etho!" You whispered a wave of fear washing over you as he hid the corner, both hands over his mouth and eyes closed tight

he was there for a few minutes before the warden finally decided to go back into hiding and you quickly ran towards etho into his arms, whispering his name and breathing in him.

"Are You okay? Oh My gosh, that must have been terrifying for you," You exclaimed

"If it was so scary for me then why are you crying?" Etho asked gently and wiped a tear from your face "I'm okay. I promise. Are you okay?"

"It didn't even come near me!" You cried and took a few deep breaths "I'm fine... Yeah, okay... You're okay. You're here. I can feel you and hear you."

For some reason, you knew you could live with it if Mumbo was the one backed into that corner but the fact that it was Etho terrified you to oblivion and beyond.

That was session 3

Session four was a bit messy.

In session four, Etho had died due to his soulmate's stupidity and a fishing rod and You had died to Mumbo provoking Etho by taunting him and stealing his stuff.

You didn't blame Etho for your death, but you did blame Mumbo.

"YOU PROVOKED HIM! HE WAS A RED NAME!" You yelled

Your eyes flashed red and your skin heated in rage as fury pulsed through your veins.

"I DID THIS?!" Mumbo screeched, hair messy and wild and his eyes cold and cruel "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"

"OH, AND HOW IS THAT?" Y/n asked, a tone so sarcastic that you could cut through it with a steak knife "I WASN'T THE ONE TAUNTING THE RED NAME AND HIS PARTNER WITH THEIR THINGS!"

"OH PLEASE! THEY WOULDN'T HAVE ACTED LIKE THAT HAD YOU NOT BEEN SEDUCING ONE OF THEM!" Mumbo shouted

there was a moment of silence as both caught their breath, eyes of pure rage staring at each other until you flipped him off and stormed off to Cleo's base

Session five came and went with both You and Mumbo ignoring each other and slowly killing each other. You spent a lot of time with two other reds.

Etho and Joel

Joel had no idea that when he turned his back, Etho snuck kisses and feather-light touches with you.

Unfortunately came session 6, there was a lot of bloodsheds and maniacal laughing.

Mumbo came across you as you swung an axe into Martyn with Scar cheering you on in the background. Once Martyn was dead, you swung your bloodied axe over your shoulder to take a scathing look at Mumbo.

"We need to stick together," Mumbo said

"No," You replied and turned your back on him "You survive on your own from now on. I wish you the worst."

"Even if it means you die too?" Mumbo asked, "What happens then?"

"Then it's your fault," You spun on their heel to glare at mumbo " I haven't been the cause of any of our deaths because unlike you, I don't provoke and rush into things. I have never done anything to harm us and get us killed. So whatever you do, it's your fault."

With those words, you turned around and walked off toward the burned relationship to meet with Etho.

Your actual soulmate

"Etho?" You asked searching around the wreckage only for you to see him making out with Joel "Etho-"

The silver-haired man pushed away from Joel who had a shit-eating grin on his face and looked at Y/n desperately

if it wasn't for the fact that Etho and Joel were soulbound, you would have killed Joel within the first five minutes of their soulbond.

"Its not-" Etho tried to explain but you gave him a pained smile

"It's fine Etho," You whispered and placed a gentle hand on his cheek "He's your soulmate and you actually get along with him. I'm only your side-piece."

Etho looked heartbroken to hear that but as you turned to leave, he followed you. He kept following you until the both of you came to a clearing of forest littered with bodies, some of which you killed some of which just popped up out of nowhere.

"Can I explain?" Etho asked softly

"You don't have to," You replied looking at him

"I want to," Etho replied "I promise It wasn't like that. He wanted to talk about maybe rebuilding the ship but he heard you calling my name and he grabbed me and forced me to kiss him."

Your eyes flashed in fury and you glared at Joel who was hiding behind a tree. His eyes widened and he tried to turn and run but you had caught up to him by throwing your axe and pinning him to a tree.

"You forced yourself on him?" You glowered standing over the man

"ONLY TO GET RID OF YOU!" He yelled, voice cracking from panic as he attempted to rip his shirt out from beneath the axe and escape "You're ruing my chances of winning!"

"You would have lost if you didn't share life points with Etho," You said "I would have killed you as soon as I turned red. You're lucky to even be thinking."

You grabbed the wooden handle of your axe and pulled it out and Joel scrambled to get away from you as You turned towards Etho and slowly walked towards him because you didn't want him to run away. Instead, he rushed forward and hugged you tightly.

"Etho wait-" You protested with a light laugh "I'm all bloody."

"'s fine" He murmured and he buried his face into the crook of your neck "Let's just-"

You stopped him by pushing him out of the way of a flying sword coming from your own soulmate. Unfortunately, the sword grazed Etho and he had a tiny cut on his cheek, cutting through the mask and revealing a patch of pale skin and freckles.

You turned to glare at your soulmate to see him glaring back.

"What Mumbo." You spat out, grip tightening on the handle of your diamond axe, the one Mumbo had given to you during the second session "What now?"

"Do You actually love him?" He asked, "Or did you just want to get away from me that badly?"

"I Love him." You stated before you turned to Etho "And the red on my face is matching you!" The sweet smile on their face didn't match the crazed look in their eyes and the words they were saying "And goodness you're bleeding! What a wonderful feeling! You're down and you're pleading! My head is just reeling!"

You gripped your head and watched how both their soulbound and secret soulmate reacted with horror. A giggle escaped your lips as you swung out a diamond axe, chipped from cutting down wood and stained with the blood of the bodies littered around the four people. Something in your mind turned twisted as their confession came out of their mouth

"The Red means I love you," You exclaimed and stepped closer to your secret soulmate and used your thumb to wipe the blood off of your secret soulmate's cheek before using your tongue to clean their finger "Tasting your blood means I love you-"

Your words were cut off as a phantom sword plunged through your heart and you dropped. Your legs crumpled underneath you as coughs of blood escaped your mouth and lungs. Behind you stood their soulbound, a sword piercing Mumbo's heart with tears running down his face

"You said there was only me," Their soulbound whispered out before their knees buckled and they landed on their face and chest, the sword impaling their heart deeper "This was your fault-"

"Y/N!" Etho's scream of your name was the last thing you ever heard in a world of death

#C! Mumbo Jumbo #C! Etho #mumbo jumbo #ethoslab #mumbo x reader #Etho x reader #double life smp #double life etho #Double life angst #double life fluff #hurt / no comfort #fluff to angst #oneshot #luna has written

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forcebookish · 9 months

Note

I don't care what anyone says I hope topmew is endgame and top takes mew away from that nasty friend group 🙏 I know some people like to victimize certain characters but let's be real here they are all shitty friends that constantly overstep his boundaries and I'm sure we don't need to get into all of Boston's atrocities. I guess the thing that gets me is people act like mew always has to carry the baggage of his friends and be the bigger person no matter what but somehow top is the one that is irredeemable and should not be forgiven under any circumstances?? If he wasn't cornered, manipulated, and coerced I would agree but that is definitely not the case here. Anyway this was longer than I expected and I'm not the best with words so I hope this at least makes some sense lol.

you're making perfect sense, anon!

i've seen folks try to say that boston is the "real victim" in his "relationship" with top...?????????? someone made a whole thread on twitter. if i had to say "no one owes anyone sex" once, i'd have said it too many times - but i've had to say it MULTIPLE times!!! what did top even do to boston? tell him he doesn't want to sleep with him?? tell him "stop?" nearly cry (twice) when boston told him that mew might be cheating on him? push him away when he wouldn't let go? wow, such abuse, so victim🙄 top out here literally just trying to stay in his own lane, date a guy, and work on the hostel while boston can't keep his creepy hands to himself😒 but i guess it's boston's god-given right to touch people who don't wanna be touched, apparently😒😒

and people got mad at mew for being "mean" to ray when he was frustrated about ray calling him drunk in the middle of the night. he even says, "i'm not picking you up again." again. he has had to help him out of these situations he puts himself into before. pathetic little meow meow or not, that is a huge burden to put on your friends time and time again. the drama already established that ray tells his friends he loves them when he's drunk, mew had no reason to think that ray was going through a crisis until he actually heard he was crying. AND THEN CAME RUNNING TO HIM!

re: mew's shitty friends (hey, cheum you can stay!), what's cool about the relationships in this drama is how many characters mirror each other, not being the same but being flipped and on opposite ends of the spectrum. the most obvious example is top and mew: top being sexually active, open to new experiences, and LOUD during sex, while mew is celibate, likes to stick to books, and hardly even breathes during sex. and for topmew, i personally think that's a strength!

but ray and boston are also mirrors to each other: ray looking up to/loving mew and boston hating/looking down on mew. and they both kinda ruin his life about it lol

and yeah, i really, really want endgame topmew. honestly, they seem to have the strongest relationship (at least among the boys and including the friendships) in the drama. i can't, and absolutely don't want to, see mew reconcile with boston. maybe ray, depending on how things go down - but i'm so not into the idea of mewray, because it smacks of "wearing him down." he held that torch for years.

i would never say that what ray has done is as bad as boston, but it's another case of not respecting someone's boundaries when they have firmly rejected them. (it's not just because it's not a forcebook ship!!! i promise!!! ...i mean, it is a little bit, of course😅)

and i find it very ugly that it wasn't until top and mew had someone serious in their lives that ray and boston couldn't deal. i've been saying this before the drama aired, but i really think that top and mew would have just had a normal, you meet, you date, you fall in love relationship (even with the drug use, it's not impossible to work through that as a couple), if it weren't for ray and boston actively trying to sabotage their relationship - if they were actually good friends. and the drama seems to be delivering on that theory. seems to be the point, actually.

thanks for popping in, anon! prayer circle for endgame topmew 🙏🕯️🙏🕯️🙏🕯️🙏🕯️🙏🕯️

#anonymous #asked and answered #ofs liveblog

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heroes-villains-side-blog · 2 years

Text

Unlucky Break

For the wonderful @just-a-space-rabbit!!! 💖💖💖

HS = Hero’s Sidekick, VS = Villain’s Sidekick

---

"I see you, I know you, I found you," VS sing-songed aloud in the cafe.

HS dropped their scone right in the hot chocolate they were dipping it in.

No.

They were so careful. Always. Ugh! How did this idiot find them out?

HS looked down at their ruined lunch and let out a groan.

Great. Just great. Now their cheat day was ruined too.

They looked up at their nemesis who was hovering over them with a huge smile on their face, garnering more and more attention by the second.

They waved to a waiter, stuffed their things in their bag and shoved it at VS.

"Hey!"

"How? How could you- how did you?" They sputtered indignantly.

VS just giggled and waltzed to the cafe door.

The waiter finally arrived and HS, tapped their card and made the payment for a meal they didn't even get to enjoy all the way, before following VS out the door.

—-

"How'd you find out?"

"What? Not even a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’?"

"No."

"You're no fun," they pouted.

"Bit hard to have fun when my identity is at stake."

"C'mon, I would never. I mean, you know my identity now too, don't you?"

"I- oh." It was only now that HS noticed that yes, they did know VS's identity now. "Huh."

VS rolled their eyes. "You're so dumb for someone so smart."

"I'm just not- uhh, just not—"

"You miss the obvious sometimes?"

"...Yeah."

VS laughed.

"So, are you gonna tell me how you found me out?"

"Hmm, well, it was—"

"BUNNY!"

VS stopped. Shoulders tense, eyes wide. Then they ran. With all of HS's items in tow. They ran.

Followed by some stranger running after them, yelling "Bunny!" and "Hey, wait up!"

VS turned just to drop all of HS's things, hoping to buy themselves some time by slipping their opponent. But their pursuer just jumped over them and continued chase.

Eventually, VS ran into a dead end.

Oh no.

They turned to run away but their pursuer was already breathing down their neck.

Oh, double no.

"Hi, Bunny. Where were you hopping off to, huh?"

"Nowhere. Get lost."

"Tsk, tsk. Little bunny rabbits shouldn't use such language. Think of the children."

"Get away." They tried to sound angry but it came out more scared than anything.

Their attacker laughed and took out a knife.

Oh, triple no.

"So, Bunny. I know why I'm here. You know why I'm here. Let's cut to it, shall we?"

"No." They said it with all the acid they could muster.

Their opponent smiled, but there was real anger behind those eyes.

"Now, Bunny. Or do you want to start losing blood already?"

VS didn't respond.

The bully sighed… then plunged their knife into VS's arm.

They yowled, blood had already started to seep through. Curses. They could feel the adrenaline coursing… they could feel their arms start to transform.

No.

They closed their eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to calm themselves. Big mistake because this time they were caught unaware when their opponent plunged another knife — into their arm this time — and this was definitely more painful.

VS didn't even have a chance to gather their thoughts when their bully took out both knives, letting their wounds bleed out, and stabbed their other arm and leg.

They screamed, there was no stopping the adrenaline now. Their arms were transforming. And their ears and legs. Finally, they subconsciously wiggled their new nose. The transformation was complete.

"Aww, see? Was that so hard? Aren't you just the cutest?" the tormentor leaned in to roughly pull one of their now furry cheeks. "You're such an adorable bunny rabbit, you freak of nature." They chuckled sinisterly. "Almost a shame to cut off your cute little feet but that's the circle of life for you." With that, VS was pushed to the ground, but something hit the bully in the face, knocking them off VS.

It was HS’s shield.

They screamed, "No one hurts my nemesis except me!" And they slammed them again with their shield.

VS got up, still bleeding. They were surprised at the battle in front of them, HS vs… them. But they had to go. They couldn’t let anyone see them like- like this, in their transformed form.

They had just started to try to limp off when something slammed into them and they were struck to the ground again. The bully had thrown HS at them and was now lurching towards them, face bruised and hand holding a bloodied knife.

Oh, quadruple no.

VS could do little but whimper, but when an arm came in front of them, HS’s arm, in a show of protection, they were, well, they felt just a little bit safer.

“What? You’re gonna protect that freak? All by yourself?”

“Y-yeah! I will! Don’t you dare come near them!”

“Ha! You sure like to talk big, don’t you?”

“I’m warning you!”

“Threats only hold water if there’s something to back them up, kid.”

“Oh, I think it’d pay to listen to them.” The bully turned around and was met with the stern face of Hero. Their regularly cheerful demeanour was nowhere to be seen, their arms crossed and their hands balled into fists tight enough to break stone.

“I- I- I was just- they’re a monster! I was just protecting myself.”

"Oh yeah?" Behind Hero, the bully noticed the heaving visage of Villain, standing on a rooftop. It looked like they were barely restraining their anger. They gulped.

"I- Um- look at them! They're a monster!" They pointed to VS, bleeding, trembling, and huddled behind a very protective and very glaring HS.

Hero looked over the tormentor's shoulder, "All I see is a defenseless human being you hurt out of cold blood. And my sidekick you harmed as well when they tried to stop you."

"That's no human! They're a freak!"

"They're not human? Honestly, anyone who thinks torture is ever the answer isn't human. Even animals are kinder. You're coming with me, Mx. You're looking at a lot of time, bucko." And with that, Hero handcuffed then dragged the quarrelsome culprit away.

HS turned to VS and finally took in the scene. VS was bleeding, sure, but they also had tall floppy ears, whiskers, and a pink nose.

"You're a rab—"

But HS was pushed to the side by a very concerned Villain, "VS! Are you okay? Please answer me!"

Villain had hurried down the building during the short instance between Hero arresting that savage and HS noticing VS's transformed form.

"I'm fine, I'm fine—"

"You most certainly are not! You're bleeding all over!" They said while examining VS's wounds. they used their own healing powers to heal VS as much as they could before continuing, "And why didn't you tell me this person was harassing you?"

"I didn't think to? Because it's not work related, can't just go to the boss for non-work stuff, y'know?” They gave a strained laugh but Villain's expression made them nervous. "Villain? How did you even get here?"

"HS called Hero and Hero called me. But VS," they sighed. "Is everything okay at home? How long had that creep been after you? And why? Do your parents know about it?"

"Huh. I would've expected a question about the ears or the bunny nose first."

"I'm more concerned about you being in danger. Danger that caused you to be stabbed. Repeatedly. Now, please answer my questions."

"Yeah, um, so I got cursed and now I'm kind of a were-rabbit. And, um, rabbit's feet are lucky in magic and spells and cost a fortune so that dude and a few others want to, um, want my feet," they laughed nervously, trying to make the whole situation less serious.

Obviously it didn't work.

Villain grit their teeth then spoke, their voice breaking, "Who are they? I need names and addresses right now. I’ll show these creeps not to mess with my sidekick, I’ll–”

“Hey, how about we first get VS healed first, huh? Then we can talk about legally getting revenge. How does that sound?” asked HS.

Villain narrowed their eyes, but gave a slight nod.

HS continued, “So, VS. I should probably call your parents."

"Oh, don't have any."

Villain took in a deep breath and closed their eyes.

VS looked at them then at HS who just shrugged and shook their head.

Finally, Villain opened their eyes. "You…you…,” they got up, “That’s it. You're coming with me.”

"What?"

"You heard me! Honestly, you think you can deal with a curse and who knows how many superstitious weirdos all alone? While working for me and school and taking care of yourself all alone?"

"I—"

"—No more missions, kid."

"But—"

"And starting right now, you're living with me."

"What?"

"Yes. HS, come with me. I'll need help rabbit-proofing the lair."

"Hey!"

"Not a word out of you, young bunny! You're in enough trouble as it is." They pulled VS's rabbit ear and started walking, but they were only able to take a few steps before VS, part begrudgingly, willingly followed their mentor-turned-something-more to their new home.

Fin 🐇

A/N:

Rabbit feet are considered a symbol of good luck in some cultures

The idea of coming after a were-rabbit for their feet was inspired (read: word for word stolen) by an episode of NBC's Grimm the TV series.

Thanks @eahravinqueen for helping me out with this! :D

If it feels wonky and disjointed then hush, I'm learning 🤫

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xreaderbooks · 1 year

Note

Your thoughts on obx season 3 ???

Warning: SPOILERS Be prepared for a whole essay of my thoughts :)

I could not stand Big John, mf really just did not care about John B or at least cared more about finding el dorado and/or the treasure than his own son. Kind of made me think that John B was thriving when his dad was dead (yes, I know he actually wasn't thriving but it just hurt to see how his dad came back into his life and he was actually more toxic than you remembered).

Following up with that... IMO Ward is a better father than Big John lowkey.

John B needed to speak up! The daddy issues were real, I felt bad for him tbh

What is up with villains and their need to narrate their whole life story, I hated Singh, this short ass mf really thought he did something with everything that he did (that sentence might have made sense but in my mind it did)

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah... Get this girl a therapist! Please because what the actual fuck. Can I just say that I know she's human and people make mistakes, she went through some really tough shit. But this bitch really cheated on John B with Topper dude, like John B is the only one that's acknowledged that they are 'married'. They were not broken up, John B said some hurtful ass shit to her and she said 'come find me when you wanna tell me the truth' or something like that... so you cheated and you told your ex that you were broken up.

Fuck Topper and his feelings but if you know that he can get white boy crazy, like girl why would u do this? Mans is OBSESSED, and he wants to talk shit about the pogues when he's the problem. Literally, burned John B's house to the ground like???

Anyways... I still stan her though bec poor bby was hurt and ended up pulling through.

Kie's mom really did try to be supportive but HER DAD!!! he really thought that this girl was being lied to and manipulated by the pogues. he boiled my blood with the way he spoke to JJ and just did not try to be understanding at all- with the way he said that he was a pogue so he knows what it is to lie and shit? So that just tells me that you're really no better than JJ and the others as a matter of fact you were worse even.

If I was Kie I would have been RAGINGG dude that was so wrong of her parents, I know she was pissed but the moment I saw that van I would've ran!

Poor JJ, he really felt like he wasn't good enough for Kie (I don't necessarily ship them but they were cute). He was so self-destructive I wanted to shake him through the screen and tell him how he is more than enough for Kiara.

The no love club!!! did we really think that was gonna last though? Like they swore off love yet they have feelings for each other ahhhh okay but Cleo and Pope >>>

JJ and Kie had MOMENTS and they were pretty cute

I LOVE JJ but I am a slut for Rafe, he ate this season idc

It's the way that at the end of the season everyone gave the pogues a standing ovation for the award they received (was it an award? I can't remember cause at that point I was in shock at how this was ending) when they ALL thought so lowly of them, fake ass bitches I swearrr

I feel like they could've ended the show perfectly fine there, maybe they could have added an episode where they show how the group is doing while they live their new lives, I am excited for season 4 but I just hope they don't ruin the vibes yk?

So those were my thoughts I probably left out a few that I can't think of right now but for now let me know what you think in the comments or message me and we can discuss :)

#paradise on earth by xreaderbooks #obx #outerbanks series #outerbanks season 3

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girlfrandletters · 1 year

Text

Open Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

This isn't an accusatory letter, nor is it a cry for pity. It's not meant to place blame or cause harm, merely to explain and, maybe, allow for some understanding, on both of our parts.

~~~~~

Hello.

I hope this letter finds you well, and I truly do hope you're living a peaceful happy life right now. I know I am. Even when I am shaken by bouts of anxiety and panic about certain things, I am happy.

I am working at a good practice, as a veterinarian. Whether or not that surprises you, I'll leave that up to you. After so many years of watching me flounder in the stress that school caused me, I hope you are at least a little pleased to know that I did end up making it through to the end. I have two very sweet, loving cats of my own, one a long haired black cat named Azriel, and a short haired black cat named Cassian. They always want to be snuggling with me. I know you would have hated that. There is a third cat, an orange and white girl named Ginger, who belongs to the man I currently live with - I guess she is also technically my cat as well. She was his, but we share an apartment and share our lives and our time so... she's mine too.

Right now I'm lying in bed, him lying next to me, Azriel hugging my arm as I type and Ginger lying at our feet. I'm not sure where Cassian is. I'm thinking about how odd it is to be here, and all the things that had to happen for this to have been made real. I met this guy while on a last scroll through of Tinder before I deleted it forever. I had the Tinder after you broke up with me. You broke up with me after years of clearly being unhappy with me. We had those years because you were the friend of my previous boyfriend, who I met through a work colleague. He started dating me because I was complaining about my first boyfriend and after we had broken up, he had jumped on immediately. It goes on and on. I wouldn't change a moment of any of it, even the bad stuff.

I think I am going to marry this man. I love him deeply and he has been nothing but the most stable support I could ever ask for. I know marriage was never on the table for us, and I never really realized how much of a fundamental difference that was. This guy has made me realize that I am very much ready to get married, have children and really settle down. But it took a lot to get to this point. 2 years in, and I am still having moments of doubt and concern that I am not good enough, that one day, in 2 years, he will decide he's had enough of me and he needs to leave.

You did that to me.

I gave you all of me, wholeheartedly, without real concern. I gave you my precious time, my money, my attention and my affection. And you enjoyed it, for a time. Until you didn't. Not only did you cheat on me and ruin my confidence to its very core, you manipulated me into doing what you wanted, got annoyed when I wouldn't talk to you about how I was feeling, then put me down for feeling certain ways when I did work up the courage to speak to you. You got angry when I would take the time to gather my thoughts and send them to you in a text message, claiming you hated the "novels" I sent. And I'm starting to realize you never actually read a single one of them. Because I told you things that were very dear to me and important to me and the working of our relationship... and you completely ignored them. You used to get annoyed when I would have my moments of panic in school, telling me that if I wasn't confident in myself, that I'd never be a vet and I should just give up and do something else then. How do you say that to someone? You put down my fears and anxieties, then got mad when I joked about yours. You made me feel like I was crazy for being upset for you not answering the phone for hours - after you told me you'd be ready for a call in 10 minutes. I realize that being long distance was hard, and I know that maybe the times when we had time differences made it different. But towards the end, I would cry myself to sleep, cause I hoped to talk to you at least to say good night before I went to bed, and you wouldn't answer - not even to tell me you were busy. Then called 2 hours later, when it was 1 or 2 in the morning for me. I used to lose sleep, waiting for you to call me back.

The night Jacqui messaged me, with her message about sleeping with the same guy, I thought it couldn't possibly be real. You would never do that to me. And when I woke you up, when I heard the way you responded when I told you about her... that's when my heart broke. And I'm not entirely sure it was ever truly fixed after that. I tried to do everything to make it work. I tried an open relationship because that's what you wanted. You explained your feelings about having different people in a way that didn't make sense to me, but I tried anyway because I wanted to make this work. I even tried to sleep with someone while I was at school. I thought, if you had someone, then maybe I could try it. I couldn't. It made me physically ill to kiss another person, knowing that I was in love with you. I put so much into changing my beliefs and desires for you. And then when I finally told you that I couldn't do it, you said that you knew that. You knew I'd never be able to do an open relationship. And yet you continued to watch me struggle with it.

The day that Jacqui wrote that horrible comment on a photo - asking if the photo was taken before or after you told her I wasn't good enough for you - and you sided with her. You told me to not be so sensitive, not to allow other people to affect my emotions like that. You told me to stop crying because I needed to grow up, instead of telling her to not disrespect your girlfriend. I think I knew then that we would never make it far together. I still tried, I think, to save face. I had defended you and our relationship to my family for so long, I couldn't just give up on it now. I continued to allow myself to endure the emotional abuse because I didn't want my mother to say "I told you so." And you know her, she absolutely would have.

In that final year, I started to wonder what it would be like to break up with you, to no longer have you as a fixture in my life. And I found that...

I wasn't upset with the idea.

I didn't cry because I feared losing you. I would worry more so about how I would make it happen. HOW I could make it happen. I was always terrible with communication. But I thought that maybe at the right time, I could tell you I'd had enough. But I never could. I couldn't bring myself to cause that heartache to you. But now I know that I should have, and it wouldn't have caused you much heartache at all.

I wonder sometimes if you felt anything at all after you hung up the phone that day. I wonder if you knew that I cried for the whole night, not really for you and for us and what we just lost... but because it was over, and I had let myself endure so much for so long... to be told that I wasn't good enough.

I'm not fully in the clear in this, and I am aware of this fact. I clung to you like a drowning man clings to driftwood. I made you out to be this savior, to be my salvation and that was unfair. I came to you with anxieties and worries that you were not mentally equipped to deal with. You pretended like you did in the beginning, but as we got further along, you realized that it was more than just a rich-bitch-crying-for-help type of thing. I think you started to realize just how deeply fucked up I was, and you were not able to handle yourself and me at the same time. And I'm not blaming you for that. Over the last few months, I've learned that there was a lot of deep seated past traumas that were so far repressed in me, that I didn't even know how to acknowledge them, and yet they dictated a lot of how I acted, and felt, and thought. And I used you as my driftwood. Which was unfair. I held you to a standard you could never have been, not at that time. When you weren't Just Perfect, I got upset. When you didn't say the right thing, I would cry. When you tried to have a healthy balance of life, I got jealous. Can you believe that I used to. get jealous of RetroFitness, because of all the time you spent there? It's so stupid, I know, but I was jealous of that time, because that was time that we were not together. I was not a healthy person, though I thought I was. Seeing where I am now, I can see that I was as far from healthy as a cancer patient. I was a dying human.

I don't think you really knew the full extent to which I felt my emotions. I never really got to explain them fully to you. And I hope you'll bear with me as I go through these next few thoughts. Again, I mean them not to garner pity, but merely for you to understand the things that made me who I was and am.

I was passively suicidal. I would think about cars hitting me while I drove, I fantasized about a burglar breaking into our house and either killing me as a primary crime, or to remove a witness. I can't tell you how many times I used to sit on the beach, and wonder what would happen if I just swam out too far and drowned. That first night we ever talked on videochat in that stupid dingy Philly apartment, you were seeing an aftermath of one of the worst raging panic attacks I've ever had. I've only ever had 2 since that moment. I know I told you this, but you cannot understand the abject terror I felt when I blinked and realized I was standing in the kitchen with the largest kitchen knife held over my wrist. I don't remember going to the kitchen. I barely remember making it inside the apartment. I've never used a knife before. I cut myself with my fingers. I scratched and scratched and scratched until I hurt deeply. I used to drink myself into blackness every night because I thought maybe one day, I just wouldn't wake up. You seemed like a light at the time, and I grasped you and held you aloft and used you to work my way out of that darkness.

But I ended up feeling more alone as time went on. I realized that you couldn't save me, nor should I have ever expected you too. I lost my ability to be able to talk to you, I lost the outlet I once had. I had all these pent up feelings and no way to release them. And I started to get more and more in my own head, more and more incapable of accepting and working through my traumas and flaws. By the time you broke up with me, I was a shell of what I should have been, I felt unloved, unappreciated, underwhelming, and like I'd never be good enough for you. Or anyone for that matter. I tried to use that time afterwards to heal, but I wasn't ready for that. I was able to drink without fear of disappointing you. I was able to sleep with whoever I wanted for whatever reason I wanted and I did. I fucked guys because they were attractive for a night. I fucked them because I wanted to erase the memory of you. There was one guy though, a guy who I thought was just going to be around for a night, but ended up making the rest of my time in school bearable. But he ended up just increasing those feelings you had instilled in me. Not that he's super important to what I have to tell you. But he was another person who I allowed to push me and manipulate me and get me to that ledge where, with one more word, he could have sent me spiraling to my death.

....

It's funny.

The night I started talking to the guy I'm with now, I was going to quit online dating and go on that mediative reflective journey to "find myself" and "become a better me," or whatever horseshit phrase the cool kids are saying now.

In the end, I did go on that journey, but I did it with him by my side.

Since being with him, I've realized all the things that I'd been missing with you. He provided me with the unconditional support, the encouragement, the sex, the affection, the interest that I never really got from you - not to the capacity that I needed it. He was able to see where I was going wrong and steer me in the right direction, whether or not me meant to do that. I'll never presume to know where you were in your own mental health journey, but I think he understood where I was a lot better, because he had been to that brink as well. You used to talk a lot about wanting to "jump off a cliff." But I don't know if you were ever actually at that point. You loved life too much. You loved attention and people and stories. Not to sound like an asshole, but you were, in a way, a very selfless person and would never have actually killed yourself.

But this guy... he stood on a bridge and contemplated that jump, just like I sat on a cliff and contemplated mine.

When I was in the throws of a raging panic attack, struggling to gulp down air to breath, clawing at my skin, crying until my eyes burned, he was able to talk me through a lot of things that made me realize that a lot of what I felt and how I reacted was from the way I grew up, from the things that happened when I was a kid, and even before then. Before my adoption, before I was really cognizant of what was happening. Without boring you, I can say that he helped me realize that I have a very deep core fear of abandonment, likely from being left by my birth family. I have a fear of attachment and, ironically, touch, because of what happened with my brother. When I am in a very bad spiral, I can't stand being touched. I don't know if you ever knew that.

The point of all this is to say that he knew the right words, the right actions, the right looks and touches. He knows how to communicate to me when I am in a spiral, no matter how deep. And he knows how to talk about his own concerns - paranoias and fears and worries, and stresses.

We are a couple of people with similar experiences and are able to share them with each other. You and I were never a couple who could do that. And I think that, at its core, is what kept us from working. We were two vastly different people. We were not "the same people with different view points," as I like to see myself and this guy. We were two very different people with two very different view points.

But I have found the person that I am going to marry, the one I intend to spend the rest of my life with. I am happy with him, and comfortable. I like what we have built and I look forward to what we will be continuing to build in the future.

I hope you have found the same, or that you will find the same. I know everybody grows up, everybody becomes different given enough time. And I can only hope that you have found a way of life that is good for you. I hope you've got a life that you are content with and I hope you have a long life, for whatever it's worth. I never wished any ill to you, even if those videos of me cutting that pillow and breaking that mug might speak otherwise.

I know you will never read this, and this letter is actually not even the important things I wanted to say. Maybe I'll write a different one next time, more concise, to the point. To drive those points home that actually matter. But until then, I'll be happy with this novel of word vomit and hope it brings me a little more peace to help me sleep at night.

Sincerely, Your Ex-Girlfriend

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character-fan19 · 1 year

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MLB Season 4 Character Analysis: "Rocketear"

Introduction

Hey everyone, here we are again with another season 4 character analysis. If you missed my previous analysis post, you can find it here. If this is the first time you're reading one of these posts and you have no idea what's going on then here I look into the minds of our favourite MLB characters in every individual episode of season 4 in order to understand why they're acting the way they do and give an overall look at how far these characters have come.

So today we're looking at "Rocketear", an episode centred around Alya learning to keep secrets from the people she loves just like Marinette and how she fails miserably by the end of the episode and how this affects her boyfriend, Nino. We also have some progression for the Ladynoir miscommunication arc so let's get started and see what this is about.

Character POVs

Alya

"I'm still Rena Rouge. But now I'm in hiding and that's why Ladybug asked me not to tell anyone. (Nino: But why area you telling me if no one's supposed to know? Is Ladybug cool with this?) I can't hide it from you, because I love you Nino and we share everything."

Starting off with Alya, like I said in the intro, this episode focuses on how hard it is for her to keep secrets from the people she loves and how she fails miserably at that, continuing her hero arc from the episodes "Mr. Pigeon 72", "Optigami", "Sentibubbler" and "Hack-San". We see in the episode that she's not used to being so secretive about her role as Rena Furtive as we see her asking what version of her costume she should post on her Ladyblog only for Marinette to remind her that her identity must remain secret and that posting those different versions of her costume would expose that secret.

We see that this is especially hard for her with Nino since they share everything, even their secret identities but Marinette reminds her how hard it was to keep her secret from her best friend and that she should try to do the same with Nino as well which she does at first by telling Nino that Ladybug told her she can no longer be Rena Rouge due to Shadow Moth being able to target her family. But by the end of the episode, she succumbs to the guilt of not telling Nino what's really going on and told him that she was really just in hiding now because she can't keep her identity as Rena Furtive from him.

2. Nino

"But I do, I'm part of the team. I see how he acts in real-life. Sure, when Ladybug shows up he throws himself over his feet with roses and big declarations *kissing sounds* but he gets blown off every time 'cause Ladybug thinks he's obnoxious and she's right and then whenever Rena Rouge shows up it's like (imitating Cat Noir) why hello there pretty lady, you look so fine, you smell so good (stops imitating). So yeah! It's easy to figure out that the first mission I missed, I mean Carapace missed, he makes his move and BAM! This is what happened. Now, I'm all alone. I've lost the love of my life. If I could, I would sew his sweet-talking mouth shut with his own whiskers.

Moving on to Nino and how this affected him, the miscommunication between Alya and him led to their relationship becoming shaky. Think about it, the reason Alya and Nino have been such a strong couple is because they never kept any secrets from each other and telling your partner everything is an important part of being in relationship. That is what ultimately caused the downfall of both Lukanette and Adrigami. Miscommunication. And that's what's ruining such a strong relationship here.

When Alya started acting differently, Nino became suspicious of her and that only strengthened his belief that Alya was cheating on him with Cat Noir which made him feel alone and hopeless and unnecessarily angry at Cat Noir. Sure, he had some fault in this as well, with him jumping to conclusions and everything but Alya played a part as well by keeping secrets from her boyfriend. And since Nino isn't very good at regulating his own emotions like his best friend, Adrien he let's his emotions take over due to which it did not occur to him what he had just done just like with Cat Noir in "Hack-San".

By the end of the episode, he realizes his mistake in jumping to conclusions and apologizes for doing so and Alya reveals that she has been Rena Furtive to avoid anything like this ever happening again.

3. Adrien/Cat Noir

"But they're a couple and they know each other's secret identities (Plagg: So?) So why does she make it a rule that we can't know each other's secret identities but it's OK for them?"

Last but not least, we have Adrien progressing the Ladynoir miscommunication arc with the help of Nino telling him that he is Carapace and he knows that Alya is Rena Rouge from the episodes "Sentibubbler" and "Hack-San".

When Nino first revealed to him that he was Carapace and that he and Alya know each other's identities, Adrien felt furious and betrayed at Ladybug's apparent hypocrisy with her rules of identities, unaware that the only reason Alya and Nino know each other's identities as superheroes is because Ladybug was in a hurry to give out the Miraculous on Heroes' Day and had no time to give Alya and Nino their Miraculous separately. To him, it seems like Ladybug is keeping secrets from him and keeping him in the dark, which she kind of is due to her Cat Blanc trauma, knowing full well how much he wants to them to know each other's identities and since if he tells Ladybug about this, she will know that he is Adrien, when Ladybug asked him if he was OK, he said that he was, the miscommunication further cracking their now-fragile relationship and that's sets up a lot for what's to come in "Kuro Neko" and "Strikeback".

Conclusion

Well, that's it for this analysis and I can't wait to get into to next one because you know, Luka knowing both Ladybug and Cat Noir's identities and all. As always, let me know your thoughts on my analysis and let me know if I missed anything for any of the characters this episode as well. With that being said, see you guys next time!

#ml character analysis #mlb characterization #ml season 4 #ml rocketear #alya sugar #nino lahiffe #adrien sugar #marinette sugar #alya cesaire #marinette dupain cheng

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rainbowdays-and-cloudsofgray · 2 years

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What people don't tell you about in terms of mental health are nightmares.

When you wake up reliving a new hell that your brain concocted out of old horrors and new memories. You think that you're back there, at that time. Except this time, she's angry for a new reason. She's yelling at you to change your life as it currently is, rather than just what it was at the time. She holds you hostage, takes away your ability to speak, and just comes up with new reasons for why you're going to hell.

You vaguely remember your current situation; the laughter and joy, forgiveness, and remediation of harmful beliefs and statements. Memories surface of how you forgave each other and how she regrets what she did.

Dream Her doesn't care, even if you tell her this. She's angry, she's right, and nothing you do or say will change that. You're in her house now and have to follow her rules. You can't post that on Facebook, it's against what she believes. No, that person offends her, so you need to unfriend him.

Even though you know that she wouldn't do this in real life, she wouldn't do this currently, you still panic that maybe this is real. Maybe she's mad again and you've ruined that relationship you had rebuilt. Perhaps she really hates that you're gay, just like she said at that time, and she's just putting on an act to get information from you.

You know that the only one who lied and cheated Then was your own sister. She'd lie and pretend to support you, only to turn around and lie to Her so that you'd be even more hated. Then she'd act like she hated you, then later she'd support you so that she could get more information and tidbits, and the cycle would go on.

Your nightmare version of Her takes your sister and Her and combines the worst parts of both. In your nightmare, your father is a coward and begs you to just 'play along' to get out of trouble, but also yells at you and punishes you.

Then you wake up, breathing erratic. You're still in the dream and nothing makes sense. It's 2:30am and you're 20 years old again. You're 17 years old again. You don't know where you are, but you have to be back There. It all felt so real, it has to be real! You're dying and waking at the same time and nothing you see is connected to your own experiences. Sure, you must have bought that poster, you remember buying it and taking it home. But that doesn't make sense because you can't have posters like that. They aren't Christian. You still live with Them, right? But this cat is yours- But you adopted it while you were living There. You have to still be There right now.

You try finding five things you see, none of them make sense! You try four things you feel, it feels disjointed. Three things you hear, it's three am and everything is almost silent. Two you- you don't remember the other senses. You start back up at five and everything is still disjointed.

Eventually thoughts and sense come back to you. You remember that you moved out. You remember the frantic, teary phone call just a few weeks after you left. Your cat is just that, Your Cat, and no one can keep her from you. You bought and hung those posters, you bought that blanket and tapestry.

It's still 3am and you feel mentally exhausted, but physically sick. What caused that dream? Was it just PTSD, maybe you triggered it by talking about the nightmares yesterday in psychiatry? Or maybe it's the new meds? You don't know. You've been awake for almost an hour and you don't know if you want to sleep.

Maybe if I take my emergency anxiety medication...no. I don't want to become addicted. That happened to her, and I don't want that for myself. And I still don't know if I want to sleep.

What people don't talk about are the late nights/early mornings when you wake up and think that you're back in that traumatic event, with modern twists involving current happenings and memories. Your brain creates an alternate version of that horror that uses what you currently remember so that you wake up and just KNOW that you're back There. People don't talk about the really ugly, fucked up parts of being mentally ill. We don't want what we have, but we live with it anyway.

And to those that want to have PTSD? Or maybe they want to have bipolar, anxiety, or any combination of mental disorders? Fuck you. It hurts and we don't enjoy what we have. There's a reason they're called illnesses and not character traits. They aren't an excuse and they're not cute. They hurt and affect our lives in ways that you couldn't imagine understanding. You take medicine to help the pain, but that causes pain so you take more medicine, but that medicine doesn't work so you need a different one, but this one interacts badly with that one so you need another, but the side effects make it too hard to get up and be a person so you drop that medicine, but then...

The nightmares, the flashbacks, the triggers, the dread and Knowing that you're back There, it all sucks. Not many talk about the dirty parts of mental illnesses, maybe just the symptoms and signs, but that doesn't encompass everything that mental health is.

PTSD sucks. Bipolar sucks. Anxiety sucks. But there's no one to take it away and all you can do is hope that you'll find another med that works. You put on your coping skills and pray that you'll make it to tomorrow with some sense of self and your current situation, not the one your head tries to feed you.

Mental illnesses can fucking jump in a lake. But no one really talks about those really ugly parts.

#emotional abuse #ptsd #anxiety #flashbacks #may call in again today #3:30 am and i'm still awake and afraid to sleep

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k-indie · 2 years

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Have you ever...

NSFW themes shhh

"I've never been in love. Well, not totally; I've fallen for fictional characters but never with or for a living being, like a boyfriend or girlfriend. I've fallen in love with a cat before. And nothing like romantically or bestiality, just that the cat gave me so much happiness that nothing and no one else could've ever offered me.

And the same could be said for these fictional characters. Right now, it's only the one because the others actually died off and that was around the time I disappeared for a while and everyone was calling and wondering where I went. I needed time alone to process such a loss and you're snickering-- I know, it sounds so stupid but honestly, have you ever been done wrong by someone who didn't exist? And not in such a way that the character killed off your comfort character, or betrayed one of your other favorite characters or whatever happened, but generally has just existed in a fantasy land you created just for them?

Have they cheated on you? Have they ever lied to you? Have they ever harmed you in any way whatsoever that they could or could not come back from? Not unless your fantasy described such an atrocity. No, they have not. So, when I say I've never been in love with a human being, don't laugh and tell me it's unbelievable or impossible. Because we all know what love entails and that it will come to an end. And anyway you look at it, you can numb yourself to those emotions, or shut them down as soon as they start unless you're a water sign or can't exert great emotional control. So, it's better to either never fall in love and live your life how you want to as an infinite individual than to limit yourself in love, or to never start what will come to a timely end. It's truly better to just exist than to allow chaos to ruin your peace. Why would anyone ever go for something so ethereal and flighty that leaves you just as quickly as you found it?"

A long silence, widened eyes, and your thumbs twiddled at the sudden revelation to the question Mei Mei had asked the group. You were the last to answer after everyone else gave small nods, some stating they had been in love or were currently in love. Your answer was anticipated by a few, everyone's interest building when you started speaking. And by the end of it--as they still are now--stared at you as if they'd seen Yuji come back to life one more time.

When that soft, deep voice hit your ears, you quirked up slightly, allowing your attention to fall on the white-haired sorcerer across the table from you. "From what it sounds like... you've made attempts to feel love for another human but it never worked out, huh?"

His small smile wasn't the usual mock, the smirk, nothing playful hinted in his tone, but he was being kind for sure. Maybe he felt what you were saying save for the fictional characters portion. You hummed to yourself and looked down at your cup, lazily running your thumb over the rim and the shoulders of most of the group raising ever-so-slightly as they leaned forward, fully invested in the conversation now.

"I guess you could put it that way. I've only had one real relationship but I was emotionally unavailable and he had more than enough love for the both of us, so I guess that's what made it work. I mean, I knew what to do outside of providing those emotions but when he had enough, he cheated on me and dipped and I remember feeling very relieved while most people often find themselves in heartache or some sort of pain. So, I suppose that's what we could call it."

And now Yuji spoke, curious as to, "What happened to your other relationships? Or did you have any after that?"

"Not exactly. I tried my hand at "being in love," dating someone again, the whole lot. It ended almost as soon as it started. I was still feeling pretty normal--well, normal for me. Unable to respond emotionally how they needed me to, or wanted, and they realized it pretty quickly that I wasn't emotionally invested so they called it off via text message about two weeks later and sent a picture of them on a date with someone else. I didn't feel anything then either."

"Is it like a burnout thing? Like when you've given so much love as a child and it was constantly refused and now that you're an adult, you can't feel love because you wasted it as a child trying to give love to everyone who didn't receive it healthily, if at all," Nobara inquired, eyes squinting halfway at you as she tilted her head. Noting her confusion, you smiled at her and let a half-hearted laugh that was somewhere between a huff and a soft chuckle.

"I think that's a good note to end on, now. I think I've stolen enough of the spotlight for the night."

Groans could be heard around the room, some tired from the day and others wishing you'd just answer the question. They loved getting to know you, but it was hard getting you to finish conversations about yourself because of many reasons; mainly being that you hated to take too much of the shine so others could have their chance to answer in this game of Drunk 21 Questions.

Your eyes glossed over at the thought of the question, though. Still pondering the idea of whether it really was childhood trauma or just a personal thing. You had been one of those kids that gave love so freely, so warm, so happily. And you had been walked all over, abused, used, and spat out as if the people who took that love would have an endless supply of it after they left you with nothing.

And sometimes those users came back, those abusers rose a hand to you once again, and those walkers came stomping all to wring your love out of you, to suck your soul, to have their hand out for you to give to them now what you gave so freely before. But even if you did have anything, you made it very clear you did not. You had nothing left to give them because you weren't about to be the fountain everyone washes their nasty, sorry asses in when the water is shut off at their house or apartment. You weren't going to be burned out, snuffed out, ruined again for whatever reasons these people saw fit.

And he noticed. He noticed you weren't okay, he noticed you needed something to get your mind off things and he reached out after everyone started to depart from the venue where the kickback was held. He made sure to keep his eyes on you to find you, to bring you back to his place so he could help you feel something, anything. Because he too knew what it was like to be lonely. And while he was platonic at first, his gentlemanliness quickly left when you gave him the green light to lay his hands on you, to ravish you as he pleased at your concurrence. And he was relentless, every piston of his hips flush against yours with every move he made, every delighted sound you made he kissed your cervix so sweetly and so savagely, like he'd never touch someone like this before, he ate it all up when he bit your lips, sucking on them before moving down to your neck, then your breast.

But that left after the first round, he was back to his gentle self again. And he was rarely gentle with anyone or anything, so it surprised you greatly at his original advances, the change in demeanor when this all started, and even now; his self control taking over and he made love to you.

He made love to you like the sun rises and the moon goes down. He made love to you like he'd never done it before. He made love to you like a blue fire burning brightly behind his eyes. He made love to you like he would die if he didn't...

He promised to keep it to himself at your insistence. He promised to be the one you could come to whenever you had an itch that needed scratching. He promised to be there for you when you needed help, when you wanted to feel something other nothing, and when you wanted to learn to love another human being instead of a fictional character because he was real, he was right there, a mass of beautiful sorcerer laying on top of you as he pushed deeper and deeper into your honeyed heat kindly, as if his body was whispering thanks to yours for allowing him in, for allowing him to get you in a way he wished no one else would have the pleasure of receiving even if he felt the same; nothing.

That time you'd left, when everyone wondered where you'd gone because Yaga explained that he hadn't sent you on a mission, that no one got any word on where you'd disappeared to, he was wondering about you. You didn't know because you didn't care. You went to an island in Tahiti to feel the only pain you'd allow into your body and soul; your favorite character died and you found comfort at a beach that resembled the very place the character died. It was as if you could see the scene happening in front of your very eyes, tear-stained cheeks baring back as you let out an agonizing scream, one that would happen frequently during the month you'd disappeared.

You were only there to grieve, not really to look around and experience life. But you'd have plenty of time to do it later after you returned to Japan and finished some assignments before taking another notified leave again.

But when you were dragged off by Mei Mei and Utahime to attend a kickback, it was the last thing on your mental to-do list and you'd bargained with Mei to pay you for the inconveniences to which she begrudgingly agreed to and left Utahime a little speechless.

And that's where you ended up, having conversations over drinks with the teachers and the students who had finally hit their legal drinking ages and begged everyone to party or at least sit and talk over drinks, and now in Gojo's bedroom. The room where he'd just taken his own piece of love from you, but he was kind about it. He wasn't using you or abusing you. He genuinely wanted to do that with you, only you and you obliged him openly because who better to share the last shred of intimacy with than someone who understood your aversion to love, someone who knew the pains of being pure at heart, someone who knew what it was like to be lonely and is still reeling in the isolation but acts as though it doesn't bother them?

Who better to spend your life with than someone who feels just as empty as you do and isn't afraid to make a relationship out of it because one night stands are too played out for his age and he'd rather have one for now, one who won't catch feelings and go crazy when he doesn't dick them down anymore? One who won't try to change him, one who won't try to make him feel bad for not loving, for not trying to love, for not feeling anything in that regard? One who will just exist and allow others to do the same because that's all you wanted?

All you wanted was peace and when he wasn't teasing you to death or pestering you about every little thing, he offered that. Because deep down, he wanted peace too.

And more than anything, he wanted a friend.

Tags: slight smut, loveless, no feelings, numb, friendship, new flame for Gojo atp

Don't repost, don't steal, I'll kill. Enjoy.

#gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru gojo x reader #no love #just friends #loneliness #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yes this is partially self indulgence #dont judge #just read

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multiland · 3 years

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Mr. perfect.

pairing: idol!Joshua x reader

genre: angst

word count: 1.5K

summary: what do you do when the one who was always there to comfort you, is the one who now has broken you?

warnings: mentions of cheating, denial and heartbreak.

A/N: this sucks. I’m sorry.

When you first learned about love, you always tried to keep in mind that everything about it was ephemeral, that no matter how many happy endings you had heard about, there was no way someone could ever meet such expectations. To you, fairytales were nothing but that, a fictional scenario people created to give themselves hope, to try to find something good even when the so-called love they felt, hurt them more than any physical harm.

But then you met Joshua, and suddenly you found yourself believing in everything you had convinced yourself was nothing but a lie.

You met him on a Friday night at some fancy party your best friend had thrown. Being from a wealthy family, it was no surprise to you that you found some famous people there. You were nothing like them, but being attached to the hip to her since you were kids surely took you to some places you would’ve never thought you’d ever see.

Dressed in a skin-tight navy dress, you were minding your own business, playing with the martini in your hands as your eyes traveled across the enormous house. The music wasn’t the same kind people your age would put in the background, instead, there were some violinists and pianists playing live. You felt out of place, the fact that your friend had left your side to keep greeting people not helping at all.

And that’s when you saw him, walking through the door with some other guys in a beige tuxedo, black strands of hair hanging over his eyes and small silver piercings decorating his ears.

Your eyes were immediately drawn to him, as he stood there across the room with his hands in his pockets, clearly enjoying the music and focused on the musicians. That’s when somewhere along the lines his eyes had landed on you, the previously blank expression on his face turning into the smallest but sweetest smile for you, and you swore you had never seen a man that beautiful in your entire life.

You knew it was over for you as soon as those round and beautiful dark orbs made your heart go crazy, wanting to look away but not being able to. He had an instant power over you, and you didn’t even want it to be any different.

Somehow you exchanged numbers that night, and although you thought you would never see him again, he proved you otherwise when he started texting you the following days.

You started spending time together every now and then, going to some cafes or meeting somewhere more private. Knowing the reality of his situation wasn’t something easy, but you were soon so infatuated with him that you didn’t even think of saying no when he asked you out.

Being with an idol wasn’t what you had expected at all, but Joshua always made everything feel so safe, warm, and comfortable that everything seemed to be just so easy.

He was so attentive, caring, and loving that you, not even once, felt neglected. He called you every single night before going to sleep or messaged you in the mornings or during breaks.

If you ever felt bad, he always knew the right words to say, and even though you felt insecure about him being around beautiful women all the time, he was quick to ease your fears and make you believe there was no way in the world he would ever want someone who wasn’t you.

You felt wanted, beautiful, and loved. He was a prince, he was everything someone could have ever wanted. So gentle, sweet, always there for you no matter what.

He was the only one who was able to set your body aflame with a single touch, always feeling like you were flying whenever his arms wrapped around you and the smell of his cologne, so familiar, filled your nose and made you feel like everything would be okay.

The way he held your hand and kissed your knuckles when he drove, the way he always tucked strands of hair behind your ear, or the way he kissed you in the middle of saying something just because he couldn’t help but being so whipped for you, making you lose your mind with such a simple action.

His sweet, raspy voice in the mornings after he had spent the night; the way his pupils dilated whenever you wore one of his shirts with nothing underneath, the way he made love to you as soon as he went back home, loving you hard enough for you to feel the trace of his fingers and the taste of his mouth whenever he had to leave again. Fingers through his hair as his mouth swallowed your moans, fingertips digging on your burning skin, teeth sinking on the flesh as he took you to paradise.

The way you found relief in his lips, kissing like there was no tomorrow and feeling like you couldn't get enough of each other. His tongue making you delirious, electrifying every inch of your skin.

Everything that came out of his mouth was dripping with honey, because he never wanted to see you upset, because he was your serotonin, because he simply was the best thing that had ever happened to you, and you were the same for him.

Or at least, that’s what you thought.

That’s why you couldn’t process the words that were falling from his mouth that night, after a month of not seeing each other for his comeback and promotions, he had come to your house, but as soon as you met his gaze, you knew something was wrong.

But you never thought it’d be something so horrible.

He had appeared at your place to tell you he had kissed a female back dancer a week before.

“No.” You laughed humorlessly as you shook your head. “It’s impossible. That did not happen.”

His eyes were filled with hurt and remorse, the more he noticed your denial, the worse he felt.

“y/n… I- I’m so sorry… Fuck I’m sorry. I swear I love you. I’m such an asshole.”

“Joshua, please stop. This is not a funny joke.”

“How can you think I would joke with something like this?” He asked in frustration, running his fingers through his hair.

And you were well aware of it not being a joke in the slightest. The way you could feel cold sweat running down your spine and your stomach churn kept trying to pull your feet back to the ground. But you would try to trick the fate and desperately conjure the truth you wanted to take place.

“Because there’s no way you’d do something like that. You love me, right? You’ve done nothing but show me how much you do.”

Joshua swallowed, tears burning his eyes and threatening to fall.

“I do love you. More than anything.” He assured. “That’s why I’m here, that’s why I can’t stand the idea of what I did behind your back. I kissed someone else while you stayed home and gave me all of your trust.” He repeated. “I regret it every second because I know how much I just fucked up… But I can’t cope with the idea of you trying to dismiss it. I don’t deserve it.”

"Joshua"

He shook his head, stepping closer and grabbing your hands in his.

"Please, please don't give me a chance to stay by your side because I will not hesitate to take it and I don't deserve to be with someone like you." His voice was so sweet, so subtle despite of him saying something so devastating. His hand moved to tuck a strand of hair behind you ear like he always did, retreating as soon as the guilt attacked him again. "You're so beautiful, so smart, sweet and bright and I'm so, so in love with you. It kills me to know I just ruined everything with the woman I love the most in such a dumb way."

You noticed the way his eyes were getting watery, another thing that made you realize how real it was. You wanted to hate him and tell him how much of a dick he was, but nothing came out of your mouth. You just couldn't, although you knew you should have, you could not bring yourself to hate him.

“You- No, listen Joshua…” You trailed off, heart finally breaking in a million pieces as you tried your best to convince yourself that everything was nothing but a twisted dream. “I know you would never hurt me like that. You would never cheat on me. Why would you? That’s ridiculous! You know that I'd do anything for you, right? You know that I love you more than anything. We’ve always had this chemistry, this peaceful and beautiful relationship. You’ve never given me any reasons to be jealous or to feel insecure, someone like that wouldn’t go against his own preach.” You tried to reason, a bitter chuckle slipping from your lips as you wiped your tears “See, I know you’re just such a gentleman that you’d rather put the blame on your shoulders than say she was the one who took advantage of you and kissed you. You’re a gorgeous guy, it must be hard for people not to throw themselv-"

“Why are you trying so desperately to excuse my actions?" He interrupted you in distress. "Babe, I- I don’t deserve it. I was the one who kissed her. While we danced the atmosphere got tense, the adrenaline did not help, and I just had the impulse.” Joshua said lowly, the knot in his throat becoming thicker and making it hard for him to breathe. “I’m so sorry... Why can't you just blame me for what I did? Just tell me how much of a piece of shit I am, slap me, tell me you don't want to see me again. Call me a dickhead, the worst thing that happened to you, I'll take it all, because I fucked up.”

You forced yourself to step back, the air in your lungs slowly fading away as the void in your chest grew bigger.

“No... I- I can't... Because you would never do something so vile.” You smiled, not noticing the way your tears were already streaming down your cheeks. "You wouldn't throw all the beautiful things between us out of the window just to get your damn dick wet. Not when you told me so many times how you'd never want anyone else but me and I believed you because you looked me in the eyes."

Joshua pressed his eyes shut and took a deep, shaky breath as he stepped closer, but you stepped back.

"I do not want anyone else but you, but I stopped thinking and just let my primal self take control instead of considering what I got to lose."

"No!" You shouted. "You wouldn't! You're perfect!"

Joshua lowered his gaze to the floor, hands ballin into fists.

“I’m not perfect… I never was, I never will. No one is.” He whispered. "That's why I need to go before I keep hurting you. If you ask me to stay I will, and I can not let you accept me back."

And then you knew. The idea you had engraved in your head about love being a real fairytale was long gone, cause all it did was break, burn and end.

Your sweet boyfriend, the same who used to whisper how much he loved you against your lips, the same who washed your hair for you, the same who looked at you like you were the most beautiful thing in the world, was the same one who had stabbed you in the back.

Your lip quivered, and Joshua wanted desperately to wipe your tears away and hold you in his arms, but how could he? When he was the one who had hurt you in the first place, how could he ever fix up a heart he let down? He did not deserve to touch you ever again.

With a shaky breath, you forced the words out of your throat.

“That’s where the problem is, Joshua.” You said, voice cracking as his brows pulled together in confusion. “That’s why facing the truth will destroy every part of my being, that's why I will never be able to trust anyone again, that's why I don't want you to walk out the door. If you do, everything will be real, and the thing that would hurt the most is to realize all this time I stopped believing in my instincts, because I thought you were different, because I've always known perfection does not exist…" You explained, a small sob falling from your mouth and cutting you out before you continued. "But to me, you were perfect.”

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