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free--therapy · 2 years

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Create A Plan for a Happy & Healthy Holiday Season

Holiday stress is no joke and according to a poll done by the American Psychological Association, they revealed that more than 8 of every 10 Americans tend to anticipate some amount of stress during the holiday season. Having heightened amounts of stress during this time can trigger a lot of unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms, like drinking too much or overeating. Thankfully there are other coping mechanisms and behaviors that we can learn to embrace during this time that are healthier and work long-term.

Here are some important coping strategies we can use to make sure we have a happier and healthier holiday season this year:

Letting Go of Unrealistic Expectations

Expectations usually lead to disappointments. Learning to let go of having certain standards for this season can help immensely to reduce stress and the need to have things be a certain way. Allowing ourselves to simply embrace whatever happens, without expectations, can allow us to be more open to spontaneity.

Reflect: One thing I would like to have happen this holiday season that probably won't is _____________________.

Acknowledging & Expressing Feelings with Honesty

Feelings and emotions can be incredibly uncomfortable to feel and express, especially during this time. Unfortunately by suppressing them, we only make ourselves feel a lot worse. We should allow ourselves to be honest with ourselves by giving ourselves the permission to just feel everything that comes up, unashamed. It's okay to grieve loss because we may be experiencing an illness, going through a divorce, grieving lost relatives, feelings of anxiety, dread, sadness. Just let yourself feel the emotion and honor it for what it is.

Reflect: One thing I've been feeling today as the holidays are approaching is _____________________.

Keep Busy Instead of Isolating

It's so easy to want to run away and hide from our family and loved ones when dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, and so on. Isolation will only make our feelings a lot worse, especially if we're not facing them either. Despite all of our temptations to want to stay away from everyone, we should do our best to make connections with others during this time. Consider inviting friends over, setting up some sort of get-together, getting outside as much as you can, keeping active by going for walks around the malls or outside.

Reflect: One friend or group that I could get together with is _____________________.

Don't Expect Certain Issues to Disappear Because it's the Holidays

Sometimes people believe that because it's a certain time of the year that certain people who may give us trouble will behave. It's best not to keep this belief as human behavior is always unpredictable and even something like "the most wonderful time of the year" isn't a reason enough to keep people who like to start conflicts from doing so. If possible, we should try to reduce the amount of time we plan on spending with these difficult family members or even friends. It's also helpful to try and let go of any past conflicts and resentments. During this time, acknowledging the feelings related to the holidays are a great step to take (as mentioned above), but also we must do our best to not allow these difficult moments to be associated with the holiday seasons, as challenging as that may be. This includes unresolved family issues or painful childhood memories. It's more productive to create new, happier moments than to dwell on what went wrong in the past. We should do our best to support our family members and their choices to participate in family activities or not, and to keep an open mind when it comes to changes in plans when possible. Again, it's helpful to keep expectations low and realistic, while also learning to be more forgiving. Remember to balance our own needs with our family's.

Reflect: One positive and supportive family member/friend I can spend time with this holiday season to make better memories with is _____________________.

Find Support if Struggling with Loneliness or Loss

The holidays is not a good time for a lot of us and can bring up painful memories that make us feel alone. While these feelings can feel unbearable, it's best for us to make sure we don't end up being alone during this time, no matter how much we may want to reinforce those feelings by staying away from people. We have to do our best to find a place to go where we can find support and encouragement from others, whether it be with family, friends, or a support group of some sort that can help make these days a lot more enjoyable, even when we don't feel in the mood to allow ourselves to have joy. We need to spend time around people who care about us because they don't want us to feel down during a time of the year that's supposed to be filled with joy and good memories. Another idea we can do to help us be around others to feel more positive is by volunteering our time to help others. Giving back to the community or to those less fortunate to us is incredible rewarding and mood-boosting. It's a great way to keep our mind off of our own troubles while focusing on helping others.

Reflect: One activity I can do to deal with my loneliness/loss is _____________________.

Prepare for the Extra Chaos & Insanity

Everyone knows how crazy this time of year can be for us and our families. Being prepared to face the chaos can help to reduce a lot of stress and anxiety that can pop up because of it. Working to eliminate any stressful or unnecessary activities and chores can be a good way to start reducing that stress. Because of all the chaos and insanity, we often neglect to take care of ourselves, so it's important to make time to devote ourselves to some self-care, relaxation, and restoration. We can do this by doing something special for ourselves like making plans or an appointment to do something we enjoy. It can be holiday themed or it can be something like a personal massage. It's also super helpful to seek support from other people since we tend to think we have to do everything and figure out everything by ourselves. It's okay to ask for help too and nothing to be embarrassed about.

Reflect: One stressful activity/chore I can abandon for my sanity is _______________. One relaxing/restoring activity I can enjoy is _______________. One special thing I can do for myself is ______________.

Re-evaluate Holiday Traditions

When it comes to traditions we always want to make sure we get them right and to make sure to include them ALL. Sometimes this can be incredibly time consuming and stressful. By re-evaluating our holiday traditions, we can figure out whether they're too time-consuming or stressful. We can either modify them to make them work for our timeframe or budget, or we can eliminate them entirely. We have to give ourselves the permission to be okay with skipping out or modifying these traditions for this year. If we can't handle it, we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it. There's always next year to bring the tradition back or to expand on them.

Reflect: One tradition I may need to give up/modify is _____________________.

Be Mindful of Overindulgence

It's so easy to overindulge during this season since there is so much food, so many people to visit, and so on that we feel guilty if we're not participating in or enjoying. We have to remember to eat, drink, and spend in moderation this holiday season. If struggling with drinking, it's best to stick with non-alcoholic drinks. If we're having a hard time keeping our wallets from emptying, create a budget and stick to it. If we can't spend that amount for everyone on our list, we may need to consider revising and reducing the people on it. Another helpful thing is to increase physical activity. It not only helps to make us feel better physically, but helps mentally as well.

Reflect: I will spend no more than $ ___ per person this year on gifts. A way I can increase physical activity is to ________ for ___ minutes a day.

Remember the True Meaning of the Season

Remembering the true meaning of the holiday season is always important to keep in mind when we're feeling too stressed or anxious. Everyone has their own meaning for this time of year and it's important that we reconnect with it to keep ourselves centered and focused. It's way too easy to get wrapped up in the chaos and stress, but being mindful of why this year is so special to everyone can help us keep things in perspective.

Reflect: This year I'll remind myself of the importance of _____________________.

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Congrats! You have completed your plan on helping you get through another holiday season. If we are able to cope and manage getting through such a chaotic time of the year, then we can carry on these coping mechanisms throughout the year as well to help us manage any other instances of stress.

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secondpubertyscene · 3 years

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8.14.21

This year has been one of major change. In Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower, there’s this quote, “God is Change. Beware: God exists to shape and be shaped,” and I think for the first time since reading it, I get what was being said. While I subscribe to the idea that there is a higher power of some kind, I also believe that we (as in, us as individuals) have great power as well. That power lies in our ability to change, to grow, to persevere. This year has been one of major change, and we really have to talk about it.

It is easy to look at this last year and think, “Well, that fucking sucked” because frankly, it did indeed fucking suck. I could write you a list of things that brought me great pain this year, unbelievable, undeniable, unrelenting pain that still lingers now. But, see, the beauty of it all is that none of that pain happens in a vacuum. Along with the pain, I’ve come through it all with more wisdom, more compassion, more empathy, more gratitude, more peace, more love, and more confidence. I’d like to share how those things all are connected, but first I would like to acknowledge something.

While I don’t know for sure if this is just an American thing, it does seem very clear that Americans aren’t fantastic at processing grief, death, and pain collectively. We often are encouraged to suck it up, to shut up about it, to not make others uncomfortable with our tears and trauma. I believe this is in large part due to the fact that American Exceptionalism doesn’t quite allow us to acknowledge when our systems have failed us or when we are suffering in the “greatest country in the world.” I don’t intend on participating in that toxic positivity or to dismiss the seriousness of the year past. I simply intend on acknowledging the nuances of my experiences, the complexity of it all. Now, let’s begin.

Without recounting every moment in large detail (in part because that would be far too much and also because I don’t need to relieve my traumas today), the events of the last year have been as follows: 1) COVID hit, 2) I had a severe emotional breakdown that resulted in a short stay at the hospital, 3) my grandma passed away, 4) I broke up with my partner of a year, 5) I was officially diagnosed with adult ADHD (inattentive), 6) I got into a PhD program for sociology (fully-funded), and 7) I moved to Ohio (two weeks ago now). So much happened in what feels like a blink of an eye. When you’re a kid, you think a year lasts forever. Now, a year feels like a couple months!

Anyhow, all of these things had super intense negative impacts on my life and most of them had super intense positive impacts on my life. Let’s talk about how. I won’t say that COVID had any “positive” impact on my life, because it’s still currently making things difficult and it is still destroying lives (full worlds) every day. The emotional breakdown that I experienced shortly after COVID began, however, was the impetus for some of the greatest change I would ever make in my life. It began with new therapy, medication for the first time ever to treat my mental illnesses, and a new relationship with boundaries.

Out of this breakdown, I came to realize a few things. 1) I wasn’t really feeling most of my life up until that point. That isn’t to say that I didn’t feel at all or that I wasn’t aware of my feelings all the time, but to say that most of the time, I numbed everything out that was too hard to bear. I didn’t cry, I didn’t write, I didn’t even take the time to try to identify exactly what emotions I did feel. I just lived through it and waited until I felt better. Or, I would breakdown with rage and then feel better. Therapy, especially the group therapy I participated in for a couple weeks after leaving the hospital, changed that in huge ways for me.

Because I was able to sit in my pain, in my discomfort, I was able to actually work through some of my issues. I began to identify the areas in my life that made me genuinely unhappy and began to grant myself permission to feel disappointment. I granted myself the permission to expect more, to want more. I granted myself the permission to set boundaries without guilt or shame. I granted myself freedom. It is an ongoing journey of mistakes and back-peddling and trying again, but it is mine and I am proud of it. Had I not had that breakdown, I don’t know that I would be where I am now.

My grandma dying is one of the most painful things I’ve experienced and honestly, I haven’t dealt with it all the way yet. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her in person, I still am battling the feelings of guilt despite knowing that there likely was nothing I could have done, and my chest still feels heavy thinking about her. Even as I write this, I feel that pain. I know she is not truly gone and that she lives within me, but oh, I do miss her physical presence. The nagging, the phone calls, the hugs, the cooking, her soft hair and beautiful hands. I miss her. Because of her, though, I have been able to rehabilitate another relationship in my life. The relationship I share with my mother.

My mother is a lot of things, but for whatever reason I continually forgot that she too is a victim of hardship brought on by nothing but sheer luck. In this last year, she lost her mother, the man that she loved, multiple cousins, friends that went back to childhood, and who knows who else. She suffered a lot this year and she has suffered a lot over the course of her 61 years of life overall. For the first time, I have been able to really acknowledge her as a full being with a complex history and understand her as a person, rather than just as a parent. I’ve set new boundaries with her as a result, boundaries that have completely change the dynamic of our relationship and will continue to do so as we both learn more about each other. Gone are the days where she relies solely on me for emotional support or financial support. Gone are the days where she feels comfortable talking down to me and then expecting any kind of favors from me. She understands and respects that I am an adult, that I am independent, and that I can terminate our relationship should it get to a point where I feel unsafe again. While this might sound like a threat or even negative, it is in fact quite the contrary.

We now share the belief that I deserve better from her and that my continued relationship with her is founded upon our mutual growth. That’s a beautiful thing that arose from us being pulled together by the loss of someone we both loved more than we maybe even loved ourselves. Thankfully, though, I have come to love myself more than anyone else on this planet. This newfound self-love and respect resulted in the severing of my relationship with my partner.

I won’t pretend like my ex was this horrible person because she wasn’t. She was kind, loving, intelligent, hilarious, unique, complex, and so many other amazing things. I still love her with all of my heart and have thought about her every single day since we broke up. It is not for lack of love that our relationship came to a close. The issue was that I needed more than what she could give. I needed someone who could really sit in my shit with me without invalidating my feelings jokingly because they didn’t know what else to say. I needed someone who could make me feel safe and secure, not fearful and insecure. I needed someone who understood boundaries as openings for futures, not closed doors. I needed someone who could show up for me the way I showed up for them, even when they hurt me, even when they lied out of fear. She wasn’t able to do that. She wasn’t able to stick beside me during the worst days of my life. She wasn’t able to see me beyond our relationship. When my grandma passed and our relationship was on the rocks, she made it about us. She didn’t stop pestering me about our relationship for long enough to give me support on losing someone who meant the world to me. I couldn’t trust her after that and I also realized, I wasn’t required to.

Boundaries in that relationship weren’t healthy. I felt unseen, unprotected, and sometimes even unloved. While I am sure that she has grown even more since we have parted, the reality is that when I ended things, I knew that doing so was the most fair thing I could do for the both of us. This is because I deserve someone who sees my value inherently. I deserve someone who takes the time to understand me, to love me, to see me. Not just see me and them together, but me as an individual separate from them. More importantly, I needed to be able to ask for those things without feeling guilty or bad. As of now, I still don’t know that she sees me as me, as a singular person, and maybe she never will. That is okay. I still love her anyway. I just love me more now. As a part of that love I’ve grown for myself, I also now have sought out more help for myself. This seeking of resources led me to realizing that I was ADHD and helped me change my life.

Being diagnosed with ADHD at 21 felt absolutely ridiculous. How could I be ADHD when I can sit still most of the time and have a pretty decent amount of impulse control? The answers came from my psychiatrist, breaking down the stereotypical understanding of ADHD and allowing me to find myself within the diagnosis. Finding the right combination of medication has been difficult, but what hasn’t been hard at all is finding more resources that help me manage my symptoms. It’s because of some of these resources that I am able to sit here and write this.

A huge part of ADHD is this perfectionist mentality that makes it nearly impossible to start or complete some tasks. Every time I sat down to write in the past, I told myself that I absolutely had to write every single day, once a day, or I should just not do it. When it came to this blog especially, I had so much shame when I failed to post for a long time or had a lull, that I would either consider deleting the whole thing to start over, or just never posting again. I realize now that those were just cop outs for my brain, that I can write as little or as much as I want because it is for ME. It doesn’t have to be perfect; it doesn’t have to be anything but what I need it to be. Waiting for perfection would have me waiting forever because it’s simply not how my brain works. Accepting that is a large part of how I got into my PhD program.

I’m not going to lie. I am still trying to figure out all of the feelings I have regarding this PhD program. I am shocked that I got in, shocked that I got full-funding, shocked that I am now in Ohio, shocked that I am in my own apartment, and overall shocked that I’ve made it this far in general. While I do not believe that I am stupid or not capable of greatness, I am realizing that I’ve always seen myself pursuing something more straightforward. When I was younger, I had a pretty clear idea of what I wanted to do even as those things changed. I knew what was required of me, I knew what I would ultimately do, and I took refuge in that. Doctors go to medical school. Chefs go to culinary school. Forensic anthropologists get masters degrees and do field work. It felt clear cut, straightforward, safe. This is uncharted territory. What do you do post PhD? What do you do DURING PhD years? I suppose I’ll just have to find out!

Anyhow, this year has been intense. Change is always present in our lives and sometimes it brings with gifts that we can only receive when we’re healed enough to take them. I’m hoping to keep healing, keep growing, keep loving, and keep going. I’m learning so much about myself and about the world. I’m loving myself more than I have in the past. I am incredibly proud of where I am. And I’m not done yet.

#personal blog #vent blog #black ftm #black transman #black tpoc #black mental health #personal writing blog #sociology #sociology phd program #covid #grief

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septembercfawkes · 4 years

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What to Do When You Want to Quit Writing

We've all had it. That dreadful thought that passes through the mind: Maybe I should quit.

It's often depressing.

And discouraging.

And to be totally honest? Completely normal!

So I wanted to do a post talking about it today. But before I get too far into this, I need to explain some things. There is a difference between "passing thoughts" and "intentional thoughts." Passing thoughts are what they sound like, thoughts that just enter your head, don't carry a lot of weight, don't really take much root, and pass right through your mind. All of us have passing thoughts. When people ask others things like, "Did you ever think of giving up?" and the person replies "No," it's a little misleading. The reality is, all of us, all of us have passing thoughts about quitting. The thought will just naturally come to mind when you are struggling. How can you really go years without it ever crossing your mind? You can't, because inside, you know it's an option. When someone says they never thought of giving up, what they really mean is, they never thought seriously about giving up. It was never an intentional thought. All of us will have passing thoughts of doubt and quitting. I know I do! Most of us will probably even have serious thoughts of quitting. And really, that's not necessarily a bad thing. Doubt and skepticism are super important parts of the human mind. They keep us safe, alive, and grounded. They help us learn to discern better and to think more critically. They even help us to grow. I mean, if you never experience doubt and skepticism, then there is a good chance that something is . . . wrong. (But, hey, I'm not a therapist or anything!) And in reality, this is sometimes more of a spectrum than an either-or situation, because there are different levels of seriousness.

Step 1: Evaluate Why

When you want to quit, one of the most important things to do (in my opinion) is to evaluate why you want to quit.

There is something that led you to feel this way.

Because if things were going great, you probably wouldn't be considering it an option.

Rather than throw in the towel, examine how you got here, emotionally.

It helps if you can be specific, rather than vague.

For example, "Writing is hard!" is a little vague. But, "I can't for the life of me find the right turning point for this scene!" is more specific.

When you are specific, it's easier to discern what's really going on, and what to do about it. Reasons for feeling this way are probably infinite, and sometimes indirect.

Some direct reasons may be:

- Writer's block, you can't figure out what to write next - An underdeveloped skill is making writing difficult (you need to learn how to write better dialogue, write better theme, write better middles, etc.) - You don't like the direction your story has taken - You realize your draft needs a lot of revision

Some reasons may be slightly more removed:

- Your work isn't getting picked up by agents or editors, so you're getting discouraged - You're getting negative reviews, and can't face one more - Few people read your work anyway, so why continue? - You don't believe in yourself as a writer

Some reasons may be more indirect

- Money is tight, and you can't afford to keep investing in a skill that hasn't made you much income - Your loved ones complain you spend too much time writing and not enough time with them - Priorities have shifted--you now need to spend more time and effort being a caretaker - You fear this will turn out to be a waste of your time on this planet.

And some may not even be negative

- You've discovered you're more interested in pursuing a different skill - You've realized you are satisfied, or "satiated," when it comes to writing - You've had an amazing opportunity come up that competes with your writing time - You want to spend more time with your family

Looking over this list, I'm sure you can glean why evaluation is important. Some of these situations require wildly different approaches.

If you don't know how you got to this point, it's going to be harder to figure out what to do about it.

Step 2: Accept Your Feelings

Some may argue this should be step one (hey, again, I'm not a therapist!), but I've made it step two because when you know why you are feeling what you are feeling, it's easier to more fully accept it.

One of the worst things you can probably do (I'd imagine), is to sit and stew and be upset with yourself as a human being--and doubly so if you don't even take time to evaluate the situation.

And often, I find, for me these days, if I stop and evaluate first, it suddenly becomes obvious why I feel the way I do. Because frankly, almost anyone would feel the same way in the same situation.

For example, last week I was struggling with an underdeveloped skill that I have. Once I realized that's why writing had become so difficult, it made complete sense why I was feeling somewhat frustrated.

Most people would probably feel the same way. Often we feel like quitting because we've hit something difficult, kept struggling with it, and began internalizing failure.

This happens to just about everyone.

But these negative feelings and struggles are often a normal sign of growth.

(Or at least, growth opportunity.) In fact, what often looks like failure, is actually the building block of success.

Just as doubt and skepticism aren't inherently bad, neither are negative feelings.

Some negative feelings can help refine our progress as human beings. Again, if you never feel negative emotions then . . . chances are, there might be something . . . wrong . . . maybe.

Let's look at some other examples.

Oh, you've submitted this manuscript a hundred times and have gotten no requests? Yup, it's totally normal to feel at least a bit sad or frustrated or doubtful. That's allowed.

Oh, you're afraid pursuing writing might turn out to be a waste of your life? Join the club. Loads of other writers feel the same way.

Oh, you want to pursue something else, like the culinary arts? Cool, that's okay.

(Though, I do feel there is a difference between moving on and quitting, but I want to acknowledge that some reasons for quitting are more positive.)

Often, it seems, we actually end up beating ourselves up if we don't just accept how we feel. If we accept it, there's no need to get angry with ourselves or others about it. Because it's allowed to exist. It's accepted.

Step 3: Consider What to Do

Once you know how you got to this point, and have accepted it, you can start looking at what to do about it.

If you don't evaluate and accept, you're more likely to make the wrong decisions (in my opinion). So do those things first.

When considering what to do, try to be specific again.

Think of it as making a plan. For example, last week, when I realized writing was extra difficult, I was tempted to just "try harder." But when I stopped and evaluated, I realized I hadn't fully developed the skill I was trying to use, that I needed to use.

So I decided to go online and read articles and buy writing books to help me develop that skill.

If I hadn't paused, evaluated, accepted, and planned, I may have just been trying harder and harder and getting more and more frustrated (losing more and more patience, and wanting to quit more and more).

If your manuscript isn't getting picked up by an agent or editor, maybe you can consider hiring a freelance editor, doing another draft, or going to conferences to pitch to someone in person.

What you can do will largely depend on what the problem is, of course. But here are some options that might come up:

- Take a break (sometimes we just need some space!) - Work on a different project - Learn what causes writer's block and how to overcome it - Take a writing workshop on a skill you need - Join a writers' group - Look into building up confidence and self-esteem - Find ways to pinch pennies - Set aside designated time for writing and designated time for family - Brainstorm how you might fit in both writing and the culinary arts - Decide to write for yourself - Try a different writing approach

Step 4: Why do You Write?

For some situations, those three steps will be enough to keep going. For others? Not so much.

Before you quit completely, take some time and consider why you started writing in the first place.

How has the writing experience changed for you? Can you pinpoint why it changed? For many, they begin writing out of pleasure--it's fun! And creative!

But as you work to become a better and better writer, or even perhaps, a more professional writer, the journey often gets more and more difficult. There is so much to learn. And so much to master. And so much time to put in! And at times, it can totally suck out all the fun. Why are you writing?

Can you replicate how things used to be?

Also, there is no sin in writing strictly for fun. And there is nothing wrong with writing for a hobby.

Consider if you'd be happier only writing for yourself. Maybe you were trying to be a professional writer when you really are more of a hobbyist. Writing as a hobby is amazing in its own way. The problem is, a lot of other people don't see it as a worthwhile hobby, often because they don't understand the benefits of it. But if writing makes you happy, then chances are you do. You don't need others' permission. It's okay to write for yourself, and it's okay to write for fun. Just as it's okay to play basketball at the local rec center, or play D&D, or go fishing, or bake pastries, or knit. You don't need to be professional. You don't even need to be a professional to enjoy the community, writing conferences, or writing groups. Do what you want and what you think is fun. That's okay. It's your life. There are a lot of other benefits of writing besides completing a great story. Writing helps you develop other skills too.

Or maybe it's not as fun anymore, because you've found something you like better. You know what? That's great. Isn't it great when we are at a place in our lives where we get to pick between two positive things?

Or has the writing experience changed because you've changed? Maybe you just don't like it anymore. That's fine. Everyone changes from time to time.

Revisiting why you started writing to begin with and where you are at now can help put things into perspective.

Step 5: Quit or Move Forward

Ultimately, whether you quit or move forward is your decision.

And really, make sure it's your decision. Not your mom's. Not your grandma's. Not Joe's (who lives down the street). Not your nibling's.

This is your decision.

Quitting is allowed.

And persevering is allowed.

And there is also something in between called "taking a break"--also allowed. (Years-long breaks? Also allowed.)

Changing your interests, priorities, or direction? Spoiler: Allowed.

Maybe after evaluating, accepting, considering options, and recalling why you wrote in the first place, you realize you'd genuinely be more satisfied in life if you quit.

It doesn't mean it was a waste--because as I said earlier, writing helps you develop others skills. And remember, it's healthy to have some fun in your life. Besides, growing as a person is more valuable than growing in a specific skill--and growing in any skill is an opportunity to grow personally.

On the other hand, if you truly want to keep writing, good news: You can! Almost every journey in life includes hardships. I find it's

worth keeping in mind that there will always be struggles in life. Some of these we choose and some choose us. When you have a choice, choose the struggles that are worth it to you. You can't escape negative feelings in this life. Life isn't about avoiding negative feelings. It's about choosing to pursue the things that are worth those negative feelings.

I like to think of perseverance as a muscle. I find the more I exercise it, the stronger it gets. And the things that used to send me spinning into lots of legitimate doubts, don't so much anymore. I believe as you practice perseverance, you'll get stronger too.

When I'm struggling with making a decision, I often ask myself these questions: Who do I want to be? And where do I want to go?

Level of difficulty isn't a direct factor.

Negative feelings are natural. Will you quit or persevere? It's up to you!

#writing tips #writing tips and tricks #writeblr #writing help #writing advice

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b0n-chann · 4 years

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Hi you guys! So I’m just going to say it now, I split up this last part into two so there will be a total of four chapters in this series. I had it all put together but it was such a behemoth of a fic, splitting it in half seemed more manageable. AND. I’m happy where this half is after edits so I got it out early 🤗.

For my regular readers, you’ll find that a part of the back half of this fic sounds familiar, I ended up using the soulmate prompt because it just fit so perfectly. I did edit it a bit so that it fit better but the idea is the same.

I’m finishing up part 4 soon, and then I’ll start edits but it shouldn’t take too long to post!

To Love And Protect (Part 3)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

“Do it.”

“Do what?”

“Just get it over with. I’d rather you kill me than some Imp.”

“I told you. I am no longer a hunter. I am a nurse droid.”

“Look. I appreciate what you did for her and for the kid, but IGs are all hunters.”

“Not this one. I was reprogrammed. I need to remove your helmet if I am to save you as your wife wished.”

“My wife? No, she’s not my wife. But try it and I’ll kill you. It is forbidden. No living thing has seen me without my helmet since I swore the Creed.” But as much as he respected the Creed, he has never wanted to break his oath more if it meant coming back to you.

“I am not a living thing.” The droid reminds him, and the Mandalorian’s helmet hisses as IG-11 removes it from Din’s head. A spray appears out of his hand. “This is a bacta spray. It will heal you in a matter of hours. You have suffered damage to your central processing unit.” He begins to spray the side of Din’s head, it’s cooling mist already having an effect on him.

Din looks up at him confused. “You mean my brain?”

“That was a joke. It is meant to put you at ease. Your wife didn’t seem to understand that I make jokes either.”

“I told you, she’s not my wife.” Even though I’d like her to be, he added that thought to himself.

“Well, now that I have healed you, you can make her your wife. Or have I mistaken your feelings for her?” The droid pulls the Mandalorian to a sitting position. Images of living a happy life with you and the kid flash through Din’s head. Yes, that is exactly what he wanted, but he still felt unnerved that the droid could know so much about him.

“No, but I have a lot to make up for with her.” Din stands by himself, the bacta spray already working it’s magic.

“Oh, yes. You did upset the miss a great deal when you left.” The droid looked over to Din, as is assessing him. “How do you feel?”

“Like I got hit by a ship, but I’ll survive.”

“Good.” IG-11 walks up to the Mandalorian before punching him in the gut. Din doubles over in pain, the wind knocked out of him.

“What was that for?!” He gasps, holding onto a table trying to regain his breath.

“I thought I told you. You upset the miss. I am merely, how do you humans say it, ‘paying you back’”. Din guffaws at this.

“I guess I deserved that.”

“You did.”

———————

You make your way through the sewer tunnels, Cara next to you and Karga bringing up the rear.

“Hey,” Cara says quietly to you, “what was that back there? I know the little womp rat has freak of nature powers but it looked like you were doing something too?” She asks genuinely interested. Cara has always been trustworthy so you figure it’s safe to tell her at least something.

“I don’t know what to call it, but I’ve had these abilities for as long as I can remember. I’ve been able to move objects with my mind and my parents were terrified of me when I was a small girl. As I got older it’s gotten easier to control.” You pause for a moment and look at the shock trooper. There was no judgement in her face, just curiosity. “I have a strange connection to the kid, I’m able to feel his presence. It’s how I actually met the Mandalorian. I had been wandering around looking for something and literally ran into them after they escaped Nevarro. Little did I know that that something was this little one,” you say, nudging the child who babbles happily at you. Your heart aches as you think about Din but you continue to move forward. It’s what he would have wanted.

“I punched him for you, you know.”

“What? When?”

“On our way here. He told me a little bit of what happened and I clocked him for being a stupid man.” You laugh, loudly. Gods you loved Cara Dune. “But I know he was trying to protect you. It was eating him up the entire way here.”

“He’s always been so complicated.”

“Stupid is more like it.”

“Hey, I don’t appreciate that.” Your heads both whip behind you and you watch in amazement as IG-11 helps Din walk towards you. Before you even realize what you’re doing, you’ve walked back to meet them.

“Hi, Beautful,” he says, still sagging heavily on the droid, but he uses his free hand to play with the ends of your hair before moving to put his hand on the Child’s head.

“You’re okay,” you breathe out. He looks a little worse for wear but he’s here and alive.

“I fixed his central processing unit,” IG responds and you laugh; a full body laugh that forces you’re head to tilt back and the Mandalorian has never seen you look more beautiful.

“I missed that,” he says quietly. He removes his weight from the droid and slowly stands upright. You step closer to him in case he needs assistance and he places a hand around your shoulders. “I missed this, too.” Being able to his arms around you and the Child was almost too much for Din, and he was thankful that you could support him. He quickly presses his forehead to yours in a sign of affection before returning upright. “We should get going.” You nod and look down at the child.

“Ready?” The Child babbles at you in return. IG appears next to you, his hands outstretched.

“I can take the Child, Miss,” the droid says. You place the kid in his care before placing your arm around Din’s waist.

“Thanks IG. And thanks for bringing him back.”

“It is my pleasure, Miss. I also paid the Mandalorian back for you.”

You cock your head sideways in confusion as Din tries to hold in his laughter as he realized what the droid meant.

“What do you mean?”

“He means he sucker punched me in the gut for you, so we’re even.” You can hear Cara laughing behind you.

“You ever hurt her again, Mando, and the whole world will be coming for you.”

You laugh again. “Don’t think I’m letting you off the hook so easy,” you start and you swear you can see Din blanch behind his helmet. “But it’s a start.”

——————

The group continues through the sewers, the smell of sulfur thick in the air. However, if feels like you’re headed no where.

“Ugh, this place is a maze. Do you know where we’re going?” Cara asks Din.

He shakes his head. “I’ve only ever entered through the bazaar.” He stops for a moment before taking his arm off of you and standing upright. “I’m okay,” he says quietly. You smile up at him and nod.

“The bacta infusion is working,” IG says from beside you.

“I’ll try to find some tracks.” Din begins to look around and you take the time to admire him. His ability to find something out of nothing always amazes you. “This way.” He points left and the group follows. It feels as if the turns are endless but Din shows no signs of slowing down. How did the covert ever find themselves down here? You’re lost in your thoughts until you almost walk right into Din and you realize he’s stopped. You become concerned when he falls to his knees, worried that his injuries have worsened but stare in horror at what’s in front of him. A large pile of abandoned Mandalorian armor.

You hesitantly move closer to Din before putting your hand on his shoulder. “Din...”

“I can’t leave it like this.”

“I know, let us help you.” He finds your hand on his shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He turns his head towards Karga.

“Did you know about this? Was this the work of your bounty hunters?” Din spat, and you’ve never heard him so spiteful.

“No. When you left the system and took the prize, the fighting ended and the hunters melted away. You know how it is. They’re mercenaries. They’re not zealots.” Din gets up abruptly and approaches the man.

“Did you do this? Did you?!” He all but yells, pointing a finger at his chest.

“It was not his fault.” A modulated female voice comes out of nowhere and everyone turns to face her. “We revealed ourselves. We knew what could happen if we left the covert. The Imperials arrived shortly thereafter. This,” she says, her arm outstretched to the armor, “is what resulted.”

“Did any survive?”

“I hope so. Some may have escaped off-world.”

“Come with us.”

“No. I will not abandon this place until I have salvaged what remains.” The Armorer places one last helmet on her cart before pushing it away. Din looks towards you before following her. You hesitantly make your way forwards further into the tunnels.

You watch as the Armorer puts a piece of armor in the forge, never having seen anything like it.

“Show me the one whose safety deemed such destruction.” IG steps forward, showing the Child to her.

“This is the one.” You move away from Din, releasing his hand, which the Armorer did not fail to miss. You make your way to IG and the Child, patting his head affectionately.

“This is the one you hunted, then saved?”

“Yes. The one that saved me as well.”

“From the mudhorn.”

“Yes.”

“It looks helpless.” The Child coos but you decide to keep quiet, allowing Din to speak.

“He is injured, but he is not helpless. His species can move objects with their minds, however...” he stops and looks over to you as if asking for your permission. You nod allowing him to share your secret. “However, she seems to exhibit some signs of that as well.”

The Armorer nods in acknowledgement before ladling some of the liquid metal from the forge. “I know of such things. The songs of eons past tell of battles between Mandalore The Great, and an order of sorcerers called Jedi that fought with such powers.”

“These people are enemies?” Din asks, alarmed. He knows you and the Child are not, but if he were to find the Child’s species, he needed to know if they were hostile.

“These two are not.”

“What is he?”

“He is a foundling. By Creed, he is in your care.”

“You wish me to train him?”

“He is too weak. He would die. You have no choice, you must reunite him with his own kind.”

“Where?”

“This you must determine.” The Armorer pours the metal into a mold, but you are unable to determine what it is. If Din is to find the Child’s kind, you could be searching planets for years.

“You expect me to search the galaxy for the home of this creature and deliver him to a race of enemy sorcerers?” The Armorer looks up at him.

“This is the way.” She says before she begins her work, hammering away and effectively ending their conversation for the moment.

“Hey,” Cara says stepping forward. “These tunnels will be lousy with imps in a matter of minutes. I think we should at least discuss an escape plan.”

“If you follow the descending tunnel it will lead you to the underground river. If flows downstream towards the lava flats.”

“I think we should go,” Karga says.

“I’m staying,” Din replies. “I need to help her and I need to heal.” Before you can argue the Armorer responds.

“You must go, a foundling is in your care. By creed, until he becomes of age or is reunited with his own kind, you are as his father.” You look to Din, your eyes betraying your emotions. You are so proud of him, knowing how much this means to him, and you swear to protect him and the child with your own life. “This is the way.” Din can only nod at her, unable to find his own words. The Armorer walks towards him and places something on his pauldron. “You have earned your signet.” She says, attaching it to his armor. “You are a clan of two.” When she moves, you see a symbol of a Mudhorn and smile as you remember the story Din told you about the Child. It is a very fitting symbol.

“Thank you. I will wear it with honor.”

“IG, please scout the area for enemies. The rest of you, please refill your supplies and restock your munitions.” The droid follows her orders, but before he leaves he gives the child back to you.

“I will return shorty, Miss. Please watch the Child while I am away.” He says, not waiting for a reply before walking into into the hallway. You fix the Child in your arms before walking around the armory, seeing what you can salvage.

“Have you trained in the art of the Rising Phoenix?”

“When I was a boy, yes.”

“Then this will make you complete.” She shows him his jet pack.

“Thank you.”

“When you have healed, you will begin your drills. Until you know it, it will not listen to your commands. I will have IG hold it for you for now.” Din nods in agreement. He notices the Armorer’s gaze and follows it to you and the Child gathering supplies.

“You two are close,” she speculates.

“Yes.”

“How close?”

“I’ve never wanted to take my helmet off more than when I’m with her.”

“Why don’t you then?”

“I owe the Mandalorians my life. I cannot give up the creed.”

“She’s never asked?”

“…Just once. Earlier, in an attempt to save my life. But I refused and she didn’t pursue it. She knows how much I respect the Creed. She’s never pried or begged. She’s allowed me my space and respects that I cannot give more than I have already. I believe she’s my soulmate,” he responds truthfully and sadly. You never once tried to push his boundaries but have always been there when he needs you. However, he fears that one day it won’t be enough for you.

The Armorer assesses the man before her. Even under the helmet, her gaze is piercing, calculating. Din shifts slightly, he can’t help but feel a little uncomfortable. She is silent for a moment before turning her attention back to you and the Child. She has seen the way you and Din protect each other. She has seen the determination and fierce protectiveness in your eyes as she spoke to Din about being a father to the Child. Never once did you argue for more importance. She knows how much Din is giving up, continuing to uphold the Creed. However, she has never seen someone who isn’t Mandalorian respect the Creed just as much as you have.

“Do you want to know the hardest thing about having a soulmate?” The Armorer starts. “It’s not the separation in the beginning, not the endless nights lying awake, hoping and praying that someone was made for you. It’s…it’s the love. It’s too strong, and you can’t fight it.”

Din is surprised, he never would have expected such words to come from the Armorer. But then, he realizes, that the isolation is the same for every Mandalorian. Living a life underneath all the armor was as lonesome for him as it was for her, and the desire for acceptance and love must be the same for all of them.

“I’ve tried. Believe me, I’ve tried to fight it…but I’m always going to love her.”

“Does she know that?”

“I’ve told her once, before I told her to escape with the child before the troopers came after them.”

The Armorer presses something into Din’s hand. “I misspoke earlier. You are a clan of three. I realize now the importance of those two to you. I hope you know what that means.”

Din looks down to his hand. Another mudhorn signet attached to a simple chain. “I…yes. I know.”

The Armorer gives him a small nod. “Good. Now go. I will hold them off for as long as I can. Protect your clan; protect your family.”

“Thank you.” Din tucks the signet safely away as he makes his way towards his clan, vowing to himself to keep them safe. Blaster shots ring out in the hallway and you all turn in alarm. Din places himself in front of you and the Child, but relaxes slightly when he sees that it is IG returning.

“You are protected.”

“More will come. You must go.”

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” Din asks. The Armorer has always felt like a surrogate mother to Din, and leaving her behind seemed wrong.

“My place is here. IG, carry this for Din Djarin until he is well enough to wear it.” She hands the pack to the droid. “Now, go. Down to the river and across the plains.” You, Din and the child linger back for a moment as the rest of your group moves through the tunnels once again.

“Stay safe on your journey.” She says before looking towards you. “You, especially. I have a feeling you are what holds these two together.” You look at her, curious at her words but know that now is not the time to get too carried away.

��Thank you.” You, the Child and Din leave the armory and catch up to the rest of your group. The future lay uncertain but for now, you’re together. And for always, you are family.

——————

Tag list:

@momc95 @electricprincess888 @maia-hocane @lamnothome @highonsoundwaves @tedpicklez @renreypoe @mabelleen @cryptkeepersoul @holamor @mando-vibes @lustriix @katialvi @spookyold-saintjm @sarcasm-n-insomnia @awesomefandomsunited @sentimental-ghost

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anime-alyssa · 4 years

Text

princess alderaan - pt 2

one | two | three | four

tag-list: @ihavefailedyouanakin , @bitch-imma-head-out , @ravngers , @xxsirensong , @benskywsolo , @theroyalbrownbarbie

also on ao3.

“Just…don’t do anything stupid” “I’ll try but I can’t guarantee anything”

——

Leia had not stopped bragging to you for weeks about how she was right and how she knew you and Poe would be good together. She told you about how she threatened demotion, Chewie told you about how he threatened to rip his arm out of his socket (Poe didn't understand Wookiese, so you had to translate that for him, with laughter), and despite at least those threats (you also knew he definitely got more from other people, like Rey at least) he stuck around. He stole kisses from you in the corner of the Command Center, behind his X-Wing, and outside of your quarters.

You took late-night walks with him through the jungle almost every night. He told you about his life - his parents, his 'rebellious' phase after his mother passed and his job as a Spice Runner before going into the Resistance. You told him about growing up with Ben, the trouble the two of you would get into that drove your mother absolutely mad, and then living with your dad as a teenager on the Falcon and smuggling together.

Despite how the Resistance felt about your brother (the ones who knew what happened to him, that is), Poe let you talk about him endlessly. Which you were thankful for, because your mother got depressed whenever you talked about Ben or brought him up and you didn't think anyone else would care. But Poe did. He laughed at your antics and when you told him the story of when you two almost crashed the Falcon trying to get it to just lift off, resulting in two weeks worth of chores on the ship from your father as punishment. He really got a kick out of that one.

"I was 10 and he was 14 - he should have known better but how was I supposed to know better?" you said in your defense.

"Best pilot in the galaxy, huh?" he replied to you with a smirk, wrapping his arms around your waist in the moonlight. Poe didn't give you a chance to fight back because his lips were on yours in a matter of seconds. Every time you kissed, you felt butterflies in your stomach and felt sparks on your lips. He was a pain in the ass but he absolutely swept you off your feet, and you weren't complaining. His hand always found its way to your hair, gently knotting itself there as yours found the back of his neck, attempts to bring you two closer than before. You ended up flush against each others bodies - as flush as you could get with clothes on.

You and Poe had discussed taking things slow. You had never really dated before - who would even dare try to go near you with Han Solo and a Wookie for body guards in your teens - and Poe was just really trying to not screw things up. You only just got past the touching each other territory and exploring each others bodies in the darkened room of his quarters, and while he may seem like the type who would want to immediately move things to third base, he was ever so gentle with you and refused to do anything to you that you weren't comfortable with.

He made you incredibly happy, anybody with eyes could see that. And you did the same to him.

Currently, the two of you were laying on his bed, you in one of his shirts and him in just his boxers, dreading getting up for the morning. His arms were around your waist and his head was buried into your neck, sound asleep. You woke before him most mornings like these, knowing that you had to get back to your quarters with your mother to change and get ready. However, he didn't make it easy for you. The second you moved he would hold you tighter, grumbling about how you didn't have to leave so early.

"Only one of us can be late for the meeting, and it's not going to be me." you whispered to him after he finishing complaining. He let out a tired laugh as he rolled onto his back, bringing you on top of him. You softly kissed him, using this as your means for escape. He complained as you threw on your pants and your own shirt instead of his, getting ready to depart his quarters.

"One of these days, you're not going to need to leave to get ready." he said tiredly to you, slowly trudging himself out of bed to say goodbye until later. He wrapped his bare arms around you and kissed you again. "I'll see you later, babe."

"Counting on it. Don't be late!" you said, scolding him as you walked out the door. You heard him huff with laughter as you shut it behind you, making your way over to your quarters and walking in quietly, in an attempt to not disturb your mother if she was still sleeping.

"Why don't you just leave clothes at Dameron's quarters? You already sleep there almost every night." your mother asked you as you walked in. Of course, you couldn't get lucky and have her be sleeping. That would just be the kind of luck that you knew you didn't have.

"I don't sleep there that often." you mumbled, going into your bedroom to use your refresher and get ready. Leia scoffed, walking out the door and leaving you to get ready. Deep down, you knew she was right. You should just leave some stuff at his place, but your inner anxiety told you that doing that would be to much of a commitment between you two. You knew that you liked Poe a lot, but you hadn't even told each other that you loved each other.

Did you love him? Probably. But did he love you? You didn't know. A relationship was uncharted territory for the two of you. You knew that you had never felt feelings this strong for anyone else in your life.

Those were things you would have to figure out at another time. For now, you needed to finish getting ready to go to a meeting with your mother and the rest of the base. You slipped into some fresh clothes quickly, brushing your hair out as you went and putting it in a low, lazy braid before walking out the door. You realized you were probably going to be late as you walked out the door, knowing that you'd probably hear it from Poe as you arrived. Sure enough, he shot a smirk your way as you went and stood by him.

"Only one of us can be late, huh?" he said to you. You shushed him as Leia looked at you narrowly, beginning the meeting.

"As many of you know, not only are we low on supplies but our spy in the First Order has recently contacted us. They claim to have some information on the rumored return of Emperor Palpatine. I know we haven't heard any of this ourselves through our radios, but we need to take any crumb we can get on this matter." Leia said to the group. You sighed next to Poe, almost forgetting about the Palpatine rumors all together. He placed a hand on your back and spoke up to the group.

"General, I volunteer myself for this mission. Let me, Finn and Rey get the supplies and the information. As long as we have the drop points and coordinates, we will be fine." Poe said to her.

"And what ship do you intend to use for that?" she asked him. You felt Poe stiffen next to you, and you immediately knew that he was going to ask. Chewie made a low growl from behind you, signaling that he knew too.

"With General Solo's permission... the Falcon." he said slowly. Chewbacca put a paw on your shoulder and Finn looked at you from next to Rey and Rose, as did your mother. Sighing, you spoke up.

"Only if I'm allowed on the mission and Chewbacca and I fly." you proposed. Chewbacca growled out that it was a fair deal, Poe sighing next to you now.

"General Solo can go on the mission with you, and she pilots, Chewbacca co-pilots. Rey stays with me for training. You'll use R2 to save the transmission data, so he'll go as well." Leia said back to you. You nodded, as did Poe and Finn. Chewbacca roared that he would go get the ship ready for take off as the meeting concluded. You were just about to follow Chewbacca when your mother snatched your arm. "Be careful. And you - just.... don't do anything stupid." she said to you, directing her last statement to Poe.

"I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything." Poe said back to her. She slapped his arm and looked back at you.

"He meant to say yes." you said as you lead Poe away from her, Finn following behind.

"General, are you sure you're okay with coming?" Finn asked you.

"Yes, Finn. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have volunteered to come in the first place. Plus, I'm not letting Poe ruining my father's ship again." you said, walking onto the Falcon.

"I mess up the hyperdrive one time..." he mumbled as you made your way to the pilots seat. Poe slid into the seat behind you and Finn on the opposite behind Chewie. R2 beeped in encouragement from behind all of you, locking himself down as to not move. You plugged the coordinates in and with shaky hands, began to take off. You lifted off from the planet quickly, seeing the ground get smaller below you until eventually, you were in the stars and could see the planet below you.

"Prepare to make the jump. Strap in, boys. Lock down, R2." you said to them. Chewbacca gave you a roar of acknowledgment as you pulled down the lever to jump into hyperspace. The Falcon soared into it, leaving you a moment to catch your breath. Chewbacca called you out for your nervousness, and in this moment you were thankful neither could understand him. "I am not! Be quiet you." you scolded back to him. Poe and Finn looked between the two of you curiously - but said nothing to try and guess what was going on. "When we arrive, Finn and Chewie will get the supplies onto the ship while Poe opens up the top hatch to get the information from the spy loaded onto R2. I'll stay over here so incase we need to make a quick getaway, we can." you told them. Everyone seemed to agree, which made you feel better as you jumped out of hyperspace.

The second you did though, your heart dropped.

"Shit - cloak the ship now!" you cursed upon seeing a few TIE fighters in the area. Chewbacca roared as he did so and you sped up, buzzing past them. "Okay, we may need to make this quicker than we thought." you said to them.

"Chewie, go with Finn to the back and get ready for the supplies, I'll take over!" Poe said to him. Chewbacca looked at you for approval and when you nodded, he did as Poe said. "This isn't going to be easy, babe." he said to you.

"I know it isn't." you told him back, going in for your landing and lowering the ramp, also opening the top hatch in the process. "Get that information!" you told him. He nodded as he stood up, running with R2 following him to get the information from the spy. You were on edge, nerves kicking in as you just had a feeling that this wasn't going to go well, like Poe said. "Hurry up!" you shouted back to them. Chewbacca and Finn were back on the Falcon, ramp now sealed and waiting on Poe.

"It's almost there!" Poe shouted back. In the distance, you could hear TIE fighters closing in. "Got it! Close the hatch and punch it!" He shouted. Chewbacca closed the hatch as you hauled ass away from the location, TIEs now following you from behind.

"Finn get on that gun!" you shouted.

"Copy that, General!" he shouted back, running to the gun. Moments later he started to shoot as Poe made his way back to the cockpit, sitting behind you and Chewbacca.

"They're tracking us, you can't make the jump without them following." Poe said to you.

"No kidding?!" you practically shouted back.

"I can get them off our trail, but you might not like it..." he said to you. Chewbacca protested immediately as you took a quick moment to think. "Trust me." he said. Reluctantly, you gave up your seat in the pilot's chair and Poe took over.

"R2, lock down!" you shouted back to the astromech. He beeped in response as you heard him do so, strapping yourself in, nervous for what was to come.

"Strap in everyone, the only way to get them off our trail is to lightspeed skip!" Poe said.

"What?!" you nearly shouted at him. Before you could protest he already had made the first jump. You were thrown back in your seat as they escaped the first jump, flying through god-knows-where.

"They're still on us, Poe!" Finn shouted from the gunner.

"I know! Just trust me, we'll be fine!" Poe shouted back to him. He got ready to make another jump, but not before the ship ran alongside a cliff.

"Poe!" you yelled to him. You were ignored as you entered yet another world, TIEs still following you even as you made it out. You were fuming at him right now. Even if he was correct about this being the only way to get the TIEs off their tale, he was practically ruining the Falcon. You were thrown back into your seat as you made one last jump, through some sort of creature, and you were back in your normal system.

"They're gone." Finn said, running back up from the guns. You sighed with relief, desperate to get home. Poe turned to you with a small smirk after he landed the ship on the ground.

"Told you we'd be fine." he said to you.

"Yeah, at what cost to my father's ship?" you said to him, getting up and running outside to see the damage. Your heart sunk when you saw the outside of the ship was on fire, thankfully already being put out by some droids. In the corner of your eye you saw your mother and Rey, sad look on both their faces.

"Baby..." he said, reaching out to you. You turned on your heel and made way for your mother, tears in your eyes. He stayed behind and watched you go this time.

#poe x reader #poe dameron x reader #princess alderaan #myshit

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poetry-protest-pornography · 4 years

Note

Truthy Tuesday-- I've been intensely stress eating during quarantine, and exercising way less, and I've lost muscle and gained fat and I try very hard to be body positive but I'm not feeling it right now and I'm having a hard time.

Oof, I am in the same boat, Nonnie. I’m so sorry you’re struggling; if it helps at all, we aren’t alone in this.

I have an ED, and though I have been “recovered” for years, I struggle with it from time to time, and the last six weeks have been incredibly difficult.

Some important things to remember: with everything going on in the outside world right now, it’s important to be gentle with yourself. Give yourself room to breathe, to make choices that bring you comfort without judging yourself for them (as long as those choices aren’t harming you or anyone else).

If those choices include dessert for breakfast and less time working out, because you don’t have the energy, or because you’re stressed out, or because you’re trapped inside all day, or because you’re still working but it’s so hard to work while the world is on fire, that’s okay.

What’s happening in the world right now is a mass trauma, and whether we have had the time or space to process and acknowledge it or not, we are all in various stages of grief; you are allowed to have cookies, and spend more time on the couch than on the yoga mat while your brain tries to figure out what is happening. It’s okay to give yourself time and permission to set aside rules about what we’re “allowed” to do re: food in times of extreme stress. You’re likely exhausted--as most of us are, I promise you aren’t alone--and extra energy might just need to go into processing what is going on in the world.

If you’re feeling like it’s starting to take a toll on your mental health, here are some things that may help:

-If you start to think negatively of yourself, imagine you’re talking to your body like it was a friend, instead of like it’s you. It’s a lot easier to be kind to a friend (My own body positivity is always more positive about other bodies; it’s hard to be kind to ourselves in general, I think). If that doesn’t work for you, reach out to a friend who can talk you through the negative thoughts with compassion.

-If you would feel better getting back into routine, finding a friend who understands where you’re coming from, who will be your exercise buddy can be a good way to not only get back into a routine, but to be sure that you are having regular social contact, which will help you both feel better. (I will 100% be your buddy, bee tee dubs)

-I know I’ve been hammering the “a lot of people are going through this” thing a bunch in this reply, but I really want you to hold onto that. I have seen so many people joking about things like “only 47 more eats until dinner” (the excellent Randy Rainbow), and Twitter threads asking if anyone else is having dessert after every meal, with replies full of people joyfully sharing the pies they ate for breakfast, and many saying “yes, but that’s not just since quarantine. I’m glad you’ve all caught on!”, and every single one of them helped to stab that ugly little voice in the back of my head that whispers that I should skip eating today, or that I’m not as pretty as I was when I was skinny.

So, I want you to know that you are a person who is beautiful and wonderful and deserving of love and acceptance, whether you worked out today or not. Whether you ate a salad every day this week, or a whole cake for dinner, or a bag of popcorn and a candy bar got you through the day (I mean, please at least also drink some water, because dehydration can make you very sick, but otherwise...), you are worthy of love, especially from yourself.

PS, This is incredibly dumb, but I have started to refer to the jiggly part of my belly as “smush” instead of “fat”, and having something cute to call it makes me hate it/myself less most days.

I feel a little like I was writing this to myself, so I hope it was at least a little helpful, sweetheart. Please let me know how you’re doing, and if you want to be occaisional exercise buddies, I’m in for a couple days a week <3

#truthy tuesday #eating disorder mention #exercise mention #body positivity #trauma #recovery #eating disorders #food issues #body issues #Anonymous

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years

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07/23/2019 DAB Transcript

2 Chronicles 8:11-10:19, Romans 8:9-25, Psalms 18:16-36, Proverbs 19:26

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. Today is the 23rd day of July. I’m Brian. It’s great to be here with you as we kind of buckle up and prepare for today's reading allowing God's word to speak to us as we do every day just kind of calming our minds down. There's so much going on for each of us in our own ways. Just letting that kind of recede into the background. It's not going away. Maybe when we come out of this time, we’ll look at it differently. And, so, we just give ourselves permission to let the Holy Spirit to come as we take the next step forward through the Scriptures this year. This week we’re reading from the English Standard Version and today second Chronicles chapter 8 verse 11 through 10 verse 19.

Commentary:

Okay. So, we’ve been traveling with the apostle Paul through this letter to the Romans and listening to him lay out his argument about the law and its purpose and so today we reach this point where we can start to see the implications of what this argument is, and it should bring us unbelievable hope. So, Paul says, “it's the Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead that lives in you.” Okay, can we just sit without for second? Like, I know where at the end here and we’re kind of getting ready to enter…to move into prayers and move back into our day but can we stay here for second and slow down and let that just kind of turnover in our minds? Because we’ll hold it as a theological concept or some kind of metaphor and not as a reality that penetrates our hearts. Say this with me, “the Spirit of God raised Jesus from the dead, lives in me.” What else is there to say my friends? Like, what if we embrace that as a reality? What would change? Because we know it. Like it’s this famous passage. Like, we know this, but do we know this? Like is this our reality? How could we ever feel abandoned by God, ever again if we believed that the Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead lives in me? Like, how could you be abandoned by the Spirit that lives with in you? And if you take some time today to just meditate upon that alone. It’s the Spirit of God that’s in me, the Spirit of God Almighty lives within me. Like, you know, I don't know how to…I don't know the right words to use to describe the magnificence of what we’re talking about here the monumental shift of what that would mean if we were continually aware of it. If we just meditate upon this one thing today and just think of the implications, just look at all of the different anxieties and I’m speaking to myself here and all the different obligations and responsibilities. Like, my life is no less chaotic than your life and I have no fewer invitations to lose it than you do. So, if we just actually took some time today to think about all of the different things that seem to be flying at us like bullets, all the anxieties that we have inside that are just churning in there and consider the implications of what Paul has told us, “the spirit of God, the same one that raised Jesus to life from death after being brutally crucified as we witnessed in the gospel, that same spirit lives in me.” It’s like the biggest game changer you could possibly imagine. So, why aren’t we living like this? Because we’re choosing not to. We’re choosing other voices, we’re choosing our own voice, we’re choosing the voices of other people over the voice of the Spirit within us and frankly we’re gonna be obedient to whatever we have submitted ourselves to. So, let's consider today when the anxiety begins to churn up or when the depression seems to come down like a low hanging cloud around our head, let's consider whose voice we’re listening to because the reality remains the reality - if we are in Christ then the Spirit of God who raised Christ from the dead lives in you.

Prayer:

So, Holy Spirit, we invite you into that because it’s your Spirit that we’re talking about here and you are never not available to us. You have not abandoned us, you are within us. And we…we acknowledge…like…there's a lot of voices going on inside of our heads at any given time, like there’s all kinds of things that pull us, whether it's the voice of fear or the voice of judgment or whatever. We’re looking for your voice and your voice alone to lead us into all truth, to illuminate our path, to lead us on the narrow path that leads to life. We're looking for your voice and your voice alone. And, so, help us to silence the voices that are within us and reveal to us the voices that are outside of us that we’re giving a place that they do not deserve and show us how to silence that. We want to hear you. We want to walk with you and enjoy this life in you. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

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The Daily Audio Bible Shop lives there. All of the different links to connect to different places of the Daily Audio Bible on social media, that can be found there in the Community section. The Prayer Wall is their course where people are praying for one another and asking for prayer on an ongoing, continual basis. So, that’s a good thing to be aware of and participate in. So, that's all available at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can access these things as well by pushing the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com as well. There's a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer the mail, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, we are a loving community, we are on this journey together, we’re in this together and we love one another well here around the global campfire. So, if you are carrying burdens that are best not carried alone then there's a number you can dial, 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

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free--therapy · 3 years

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How to Regulate Emotions and Not Be Scared of Them

Adapted from Calming the Emotional Storm by Sheri Van Dijk MSW

Because a lot of us have grown up in emotionally invalidating environments, we were taught to think of our emotions and how we express them as wrong, inappropriate, not okay, etc., leaving us to feel either angry, ashamed, guilty, upset whenever these emotions do arise. Because of the suppression, ignoring, and avoiding of our feelings, emotions have become foreign to us and paved the way for the many mental health problems we’re dealing with, as well as unhealthy coping mechanisms that can be detrimental to our physical health.

Thankfully we can learn not to be afraid of our emotions and to embrace them for the purposes that they serve. We can unlearn all the conditioning done to us over the span of our lives to make dealing with our emotions in a healthy way. Like all skills in life, it takes time and practice, so do not get discouraged. Your feelings are valid, but you should also know how to manage them effectively.

Here are some ways you can learn to start regulating your emotions:

MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness is intentionally being aware of our present moment in time, and instead of judging whatever we may be experiencing in that moment, we let it be. We are just an observer. The purpose of mindfulness is to train our brains to pay attention to where we want it to go as opposed to letting it wander aimlessly (to negative thoughts, negative self-talk), but also to look at our current experiences with acceptance and openness.

It sounds easier said than done, but trust me, with practice we can learn to focus on what we are feeling at any given moment by creating self-awareness. This allows us the time and a calm mind to choose how we react to the situation. Mindfulness also helps to improve concentration and memory because we’re allowing our minds to focus on one thing instead of letting everything and anything come into it.

CHOOSE HOW TO ACT

Reacting without thinking has consequences, and they’re generally negative. In order to choose how to react, we have to understand that we have 3 different ways of thinking about things: from our emotional self, from our reasoning self, and from our wise self.

Emotional Self - when our emotions control our behaviors. Instead of thinking about how to react in a situation, we just react emotionally . Examples: when you’re angry and you lash out verbally or physically; anxiety → avoiding the situation; depression→ isolating yourself. Acting from the emotional self is generally not the best in the long run, but the challenge is the fact that our emotions make it hard for us to consider the consequences of our reactions, hence the important of self-awareness.

Reasoning Self - when we use logical thinking. When doing so, we’re not taking into account the emotions we may be feeling at the time and will likely minimize them. This generally comes up when we’re making decisions. Example: you may have been offered a job that makes your commute go from 10 mins to 1 hour: better pay, the job is closer to your elderly parents; sounds ideal. However, you might forget about your emotional attachment to your current home, the neighborhood, or even your current coworkers.

Wise Self - finding the perfect balance between the emotional self and reasoning self, and following our gut instincts about what’ll be best for us in the long run. We’re trying to consider what we think in a situation and the feelings associated with it, plus the consequences for the actions we intend to take. Thus, choosing how to react.

LEARNING ABOUT EMOTIONS

“Emotion” and “feeling” are used interchangeably, but emotions are more than just how we feel. With emotions comes a full-system response: it affects body chemistry and body language in addition to what we are feeling. Example: anger → you might feel flushed, increased heart rate, increased breathing, tense muscles, plus the angry thoughts. Not everyone experiences the emotions the same way however, but there are definitely commonalities that help us identify these emotions if we’re not able to yet.

Emotions have purposes though: to motivate, to communicate, and to validate. (You can find a more expanded explanation on these here)

It’s important to also name our emotions and recognize exactly what it is because it may have been something we’ve been suppressing for so long that it’s become foreign to us, or we’ve been using a blanket term like feeling “upset” or “bad” when we’re likely feeling scared, guilty, sad, grief, etc. Knowing exactly what we’re feeling will help us narrow down an appropriate response.

QUIETING OUR EMOTIONS

Emotions communicate with us, and these messages can be positive, neutral, or negative--often they’re negative. We generally inherit the feelings we have about our emotions from societal conditioning or even from our families. When we understand the reason why we think and feel these ways about them, it will help us change the way that we look at them in reality, which helps us manage your emotions.

When we judge our emotions or even ourselves for feeling them because of our conditioning of being made to feel that way towards them, it makes us more vulnerable to reacting from our emotional selves. The more we judge them, the more they control us. How can we fix that? We learn to validate our emotions! Validation means accepting and understanding them--we must recognize that they’re happening, acknowledge them, give ourselves permission to feel them, and eventually let them go.

LEAVE OUT THE JUDGMENTS

Judgments have a huge impact on negative emotions (obviously), but some people surprisingly don’t believe that they add to our emotional load (crazy, right?). Learning to become nonjudgmental can really help to decrease emotional pain, making it a lot easier to manage the remaining emotions. Of course, the challenge is realizing how automatic a lot of our judgments are, and this is where self-awareness and mindfulness come into play.

Another thing that may happen with increasing this awareness however, is that we may start judging ourselves for being judgmental. There’s no need to feel shame for it! We’ve been conditioned as a society to be like this, but this is how we begin to unlearn this behavior.

Here are some things to note on judgments: they don’t provide helpful information, self-judgment are a form of verbal abuse, they negatively impact relationships, but some of them can be necessary (for survival purposes). It’s also important to not that becoming nonjudgmental doesn’t completely eradicate judgments, it’s more about being aware of them and the language we use when we form opinions from them.

ACCEPTING THINGS ARE THEY ARE

Suffering is the extra painful emotions that arise when we refuse to accept the pain in our lives. When this happens, it makes it more difficult for us to cope and function normally and leads us into unhealthy coping mechanisms. As humans, we naturally want to fight the things that cause us pain (physical and emotional), and this instinct is a survival/protective mechanism that can sometimes bring us more harm than good. Of course this makes sense when it comes to physical pain, but our brain does this as a natural function as well, but in doing so, our brains are working against us without realizing it, causing suffering instead of alleviating pain. This is called fighting reality, and this is where emotional regulation comes into play.

When we learn to stop fighting reality and accept it, we can reduce our suffering. When we learn to accept the reality of our situations, it eventually loses power over us. We eventually stop thinking about the situation and the suffering starts to go away and your anger will go down.

#emotions #dealing with emotions #mental health #free therapy #mental illness #depression #anxiety #bpd #ptsd #bipolar disorder #ocd #invest in your health #you got this #your feelings are valid #mindfulness #acceptance #emotional intellgience #emotional dysregulation #emotional regulation

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shareeanne-deactivated · 6 years

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Everyone’s Doing The Best That They Can

“All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.” ~Brené Brown

My favorite principle is this simple truth: Everyone is doing the best that they can with the resources they have. Adopting this belief has radically changed my relationship to myself and to others.

This idea has been explored by a constellation of religious, spiritual, and wellness practitioners. As Deepak Chopra said, “People are doing the best that they can from their own level of consciousness.”

At first, it's a hard concept for us to swallow. In a culture that constantly urges us to do more, to be better, and to excel, “I'm doing the best that I can” sounds like complacency—like an excuse. But what if we took a step back from our culture's infinite growth paradigm and considered, “What if, right now, there is a limit to what I can achieve? Can I be okay with that?”

I first stumbled across this principle a few weeks after I quit drinking in 2016. It was a challenging time for me. In the absence of alcohol, I watched my anxiety soar.

I stayed away from bars and clubs to avoid temptation, but then felt guilty and “boring” for spending Saturday nights at home. When I met up with friends who'd previously been drinking buddies, our interactions felt stilted. I knew sobriety was the healthiest choice for me, but I couldn't accept the way it impacted my ability to be social. I felt like I wasn't trying hard enough.

I spent weeks in a frustrated mind space until I stumbled across that precious idea: “I'm doing the best I can with the resources at my disposal.”

At first, I recoiled. The high achiever in me—the climber, the pusher—scoffed at the suggestion that I was doing my best. “But other people have healthy relationships with alcohol. Other people maintain active, thriving social lives.”

But in that moment, I realized that my negative self-talk was an exercise in futility. It never boosted my inspiration or activated me toward progress. It just sparked a shame spiral that sunk me deeper into inaction and guilt.

So over time, I began to internalize this idea as my own. And as I did, I felt like a blanket of comfort had been draped over me. For the first time in weeks, I could sit back on my couch and watch Vampire Diaries without hating myself. It enabled me to find peace in the present moment and accept—not even accept, but celebrate—that I was doing the absolute best that I could.

I've found that this principle has been easiest for me to internalize when I've been going through deep stuff.

After a painful breakup last August, it took all of my energy to drag myself from bed in the morning. My intense emotions were riding shotgun, which sometimes meant canceling plans last minute, postponing work calls, or calling a friend to cry it out.

Because I was so obviously using all of my inner resources to get through each day, it was easy for me to accept that I was doing the best that I could. Throughout those months, I gave myself total permission not to do more, not to be “better.” For that very reason, those painful months were also some of the most peaceful months of my life.

Here's the thing, though: We don’t have to hit rock bottom in order to show ourselves compassion.

We don’t need to be heartbroken, shattered, or at wit’s end. Maybe we're just having a rough day. Maybe we're feeling anxious. See, our abilities in any given moment depend entirely on our inner resources, and our inner resources are constantly in a state of flux depending on our emotions (pain, stress, anxiety, fear), our physicality (sickness, ailments, how much sleep we got), our histories (the habits we’ve adopted, the trauma we've experienced, the socialization we’ve internalized), and so much more.

When we consider everything that affects our capacity to show up as we'd like to be, we realize how narrow-minded our negative self-talk is. We also begin to understand that everyone comes from a wildly complex, diverse array of experiences, and that comparisons among us are useless.

Consider how this idea can be applied in some more challenging situations:

The Friend Who Is Stuck In A Cycle of Stagnancy

This goes for anyone who complains about a monotonous cycle in their life but can't seem to break it: the friend who hates their job but doesn't leave it, or the friend who complains about their partner but won't end their relationship.

Those of us on the receiving end of our friend's complaints may get tired of hearing the same story every day. But our advice to “just leave your job” or “just break up” will fall on deaf ears because it's not that simple. They are doing the best that they can in that moment because their current need for familiarity and security outweighs their desire for exploration.

They are experiencing a tension within their desires, but don't yet have the ability to act on that tension. The limitations of their emotional (or sometimes, financial) resources make it difficult for them to move on.

By accepting that we're doing the best we can, we give ourselves the gift of self-acceptance and self-love. Only from this place can positive, sustainable changes to actions or behaviors be made

The Parents Who Hurt Us When We Were Kids

It can be especially challenging to apply this principle to those who have wounded us most deeply. But oftentimes, those are the folks most deserving of our compassion.

Parents have a responsibility to their children, and parents who hurt, neglect, shame, or otherwise harm their children are not doing their job as parents. But sometimes, our parents can't do their jobs well because they don't have the resources at their disposal. And even then, they are doing the best that they can.

More than likely, our parents didn't learn the necessary parenting skills from their own parents. Maybe they never got therapy to heal old wounds or never developed the coping skills necessary to handle intense emotions. This principle can be very challenging, yet very healing, when applied to parents and other family members.

The Binge Eater (Or Other Addict)

This used to be me, and it took me years to accept that even when I was in the thick of my eating disorders, I was doing the best that I could.

From the outside, the solution seems simple: “Put down the cake.” “Don't have a third serving.” But for folks with addiction issues—food, alcohol, sex, drugs, you name it—the anxiety or emptiness of not engaging with the addiction can be insurmountable.

Resisting the impulse to fill an inner void requires extensive resources, including self-love, self-empowerment, and oftentimes, a web of support from friends and family. Folks in the throes of addiction are caught in a painful cycle of indulgence, shame, and self-judgment, which makes it all the more difficult to develop the emotional resources necessary to resist the tug of the addiction.

But by accepting that they're doing the best they can, they give themselves the gift of self-acceptance and self-love. Only from this place can we make positive, sustainable changes to our actions or behaviors.

It's worth noting: Our actions have consequences, and when we harm others, we should be held accountable. But simultaneously, we can acknowledge that we are doing the best that we can, even when we “fall short” in others' eyes. Forgiving ourselves (and others) is an emotional experience that transcends logic or justice. We can make the conscious choice not to hold ourselves to a constant standard of absolute perfection.

Believing that we are all doing the best that we can opens our hearts to kindness and compassion. It allows us to see one another as humans, flaws and all. Next time you feel frustrated with yourself, stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing the best that you can.

Sit down with a piece of paper and divide it in half. On one side, write down the voices of your inner gremlins. What exactly are they saying? Are they calling you lazy, selfish, mean? On the second side, consider what inner and external factors affected your actions or decisions. Consider the emotional, physical, historical, and financial obstacles you face.

As you review your list of obstacles in contrast with your negative self-talk, summon compassion and kindness for your inner self. If she is struggling, you can ease her burden by quieting the self-judgment and replacing those negative messages with an honest truth: That you're doing the best you can with the resources at your disposal.

About Hailey Magee

Hailey Magee is a Trailblazer Coach, writer, and digital nomad. She envisions a world where trailblazers are empowered to explore uncharted territory and unfurl a world of possibility - professionally, emotionally, spiritually, and more - to people everywhere. She has worked with over 100 clients of all ages across the United States and Canada. Learn more at haileymagee.com.

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wrex-writes · 7 years

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Rehab for writing injuries

You’ve heard of “making writing a habit,” and you’ve tried, but the pressure to write fills you with horrible pain and dread. You spend all your time wishing you could write but somehow never writing. The “make it a habit” approach doesn’t work for you. But you still want to write, maybe even regularly. Is there nothing you can do?

Here is an alternative approach to try. A rehab program, as it were, for writers with a psychological “writing injury” that has destroyed their desire to write and replaced it with shame, anxiety and dread.

If you have a writing injury, you probably acquired it by being cruel to yourself, by internalizing some intensely critical voice or set of rules that crushes your will to write under the boot-heel of “you should.” “You should be writing better after all the years of experience you’ve had.” “You should be writing more hours a day, you’ll never get published at this rate.” “You should write more like [Hilton Als/Jeffrey Eugenides/Octavia Butler/Terry Pratchett/etc.].” “You should write faster/more/better/etc./etc.”

You know what, though? Fuck all that. Self-abuse may have featured heavily in the cool twentieth-century writer’s lifestyle, but we are going to treat ourselves differently. Because 1) it’s nicer, and 2) frankly, it gets better results. My plan here is to help you take the radical step of caring for yourself.

1) First of all: ask yourself why you aren’t writing.

Not with the goal of fixing the problem, but…just to understand. For a moment, dial down all of the “goddammit, why can’t I just write?” blaring in your head and be curious about yourself. Clearly, you have a reason for not writing. Humans don’t do anything for no reason. Try to discover what it is. And be compassionate; don’t reject anything you discover as “not a good enough excuse.” Your reasons are your reasons.

For me, writing was painful because I wanted it to solve all my problems. I wanted it to make me happy and whole. I hated myself and hoped writing would transform me into a totally different person. When it failed to do that, as it always did, I felt like shit.

Maybe writing hurts because you’ve loaded it with similarly unfair expectations. Or maybe you’re a victim of low expectations. Maybe people have told you you’re stupid or untalented or not fluent enough in the language you write in. Maybe writing has become associated with painful events in your life. Maybe you’ve just been forced to write so many times that you can no longer write without feeling like someone’s making you do it. Writing-related pain and anxiety can come from so many different places.

2) Once you have some idea of why you’re not writing…just sit with that.

Don’t go into problem-solving mode. Just nod to yourself and say, “yes, that’s a good reason. If I were me, I wouldn’t want to write either.” Have some sympathy for yourself and the pain you’re in.

3) Now…keep sitting with it. That’s it, for the moment. No clever solutions. Just sympathize. And, most importantly, grant yourself permission to not write, for a while.

It’s okay. You are good and valuable and worthy of love, even when you aren’t writing. There are still beautiful, true things inside of you.

Here’s the thing: it’s very hard for humans to do things if they don’t have permission not to do them. It’s especially hard if those things are also painful. We hate feeling trapped or compelled, and we hate having our feelings disregarded. It shuts us down in every possible way. You will feel more desire to write, therefore, if you believe you are free not to write, and if you believe it’s okay not to do what causes you pain.

(By the way: not having permission isn’t the same as knowing there will be negative consequences. “If I don’t write, I won’t make my deadline” is different from “I’m not allowed not to write, even if it hurts.” One is just awareness of cause and effect; the other is a kind of slavery.)

4) For at least a week, take an enforced vacation from writing, and from any demands that you write. During this time, you are not permitted to write or give yourself grief for not writing.

This may or may not be reverse psychology. But it’s more than that.

Think of it as a period of convalescence. You’re keeping your weight off an injury so it can heal, and what’s broken is your desire to write. Pitilessly forcing yourself to write when it’s painful, plus the shame you feel when you don’t write, is what broke that desire. So, for a week (or a month, or a year, or however long you need) tell yourself you are taking a doctor-prescribed break from writing.

This will feel scary for some folks. You might feel like you’re giving up. You might worry that this break from writing feels too good, that your desire to write might never return. All I can say is, I’ve been there. I’ve had all those fears and feelings. And the desire to write did return. But you gotta treat it like a tiny crocus shoot and not stomp on it the second it pokes its little head up. Like so:

5) Once you feel an itch to write again—once you start to chafe against the doctor’s orders—you can write a tiny bit. Only five or ten minutes a day.

That’s it. I’m serious: set a timer, and stop writing when the time’s up. No cheating. (Well…maybe you can take an extra minute to finish your thought, if necessary.)

Remember: these rules are not like the old rules, the ones that said, “you must write or you suck.” These rules are a form of self-care. You are not imposing a cruel, arbitrary law, you are being gentle with yourself. Not “easy” or “soft”—any Olympic athlete will tell you that hard exercise when you’ve got an injury is stupid and pointless, not tough or virtuous. If you need an excuse to take care of yourself, that’s it: if you’re injured, you can’t perform well, and aggravating the injury could take you out of the competition permanently.

For the first few days, all of the writing you do should be freewriting. Later, you can do some tiny writing exercises. Don’t jump into an old project you stalled out on. Think small and exploratory, not big and goal-oriented. And whatever you do, don’t judge the output. If you have to, don’t even read what you write. This is exercise, not performance; this is you stretching your atrophied writing muscles, not you trying to write something good. At this stage, it literally doesn’t matter what you write, as long as you generate words. (Frankly, it would be kind of weird and unfair if your writing at this point was good.)

6) After a week, you can increase your time limit if you want. But only a little!

Spend a week limiting yourself to, say, twenty minutes a day instead of ten. When in doubt, set your limit for less than you think you’ll need. You want to end each writing session feeling like you could keep going, not like you’re crawling across the finish line.

Should you write every day? That’s up to you. Some people will find it helpful to put writing on their calendar at the same time each day. Others will be horribly stifled by that. You get to decide when and how often you write, but two things: 1) think about what you, personally, need when you make that decision, and 2) allow that decision to be flexible.

Remember, the only rule is, don’t go over your daily limit. You always have permission to write less.

And keep checking in with yourself. Remember how this program began? If something hurts, if your brain is sending you “I don’t wanna” signals, respect them. Investigate them, find out what their deal is. You might decide to (gently) encourage yourself to write in spite of them, but don’t ignore your pain. You are an athlete, and athletes listen to their bodies, especially when they’re recovering from an injury. If writing feels shitty one day, give yourself a reward for doing it. If working on a particular project ties your brain in knots, do a little freewriting to loosen up. And always be willing to take a break. You always have permission not to write.

7) Slowly increase your limit over time, but always have a limit.

And when you’re not writing, you’re not writing. You don’t get to berate yourself for not writing. If you find yourself regularly blazing past your limit, then increase your limit, but don’t set large aspirational limits in an effort to make yourself write more. In fact, be ready to adjust your limit lower.

When it comes to mental labor, after all, more is not always better. Apparently, the average human brain can only concentrate for about 45 minutes at a time, and it only has about four or so high-quality 45-minute sessions a day in it. That’s three hours. So if you set your daily limit for more than three hours, you may be working at reduced efficiency, when you’d be better off saving up your ideas and motivation for the next day. (Plus, health and other factors may in fact give you less than 3 good hours a day. That’s okay!)

Of course, if you’re a professional writer or a student, external pressures may force you to write when your brain is tired, but my point is more about attitude: constant work is not necessarily better work. So don’t make it into a moral ideal. We tend to think that working less is morally weak or wrong, and that’s bullshit. Taking care of yourself is practical. Pushing yourself too hard will just hurt you and your writing. Also, your feelings are real and they matter. If you ignore or abuse them, you’ll be like a runner trying to run on a broken ankle.

I know I’m going to get someone who says, “if you’re a pro, sometimes you gotta ignore your feelings and just get the work done!”

NO.

You can, of course, choose to work in spite of any pain you’re feeling. But ignore that pain at your peril. Instead, acknowledge the pain and be compassionate. Forgive yourself if pain slows you down. You are human, so don’t hold your feet to the fire for having human limitations. Maybe a deadline is forcing you to work anyway. But make yourself a cup of hot chocolate to get you through it, literally or metaphorically. Help yourself, don’t force yourself. If you’ve had a serious writing injury, that shift in attitude will make all the difference.

In short: treat yourself as someone whose feelings matter.

Try it out! And let me know how it goes!

Ask a question or send me feedback!

#process:self-care #cw:ableism #cw:slavery #writing #wrex writes original posts

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marcusssanderson · 5 years

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Why Do I Procrastinate and How Can I Beat It

Why do I procrastinate, especially, when I know better?

Why do I feel an urge to do something else whenever I start doing something important?

What steps can I take to move forward?

If this sounds like you, keep reading!

We are asking the wrong question, and I’m as guilty as anyone. It’s not, “Why do I put off the things I really want or need to do?” The real question we have to ask ourselves is, “What’s the pay-off I enjoy by avoiding doing what I say is important?”

Our answers may vary but see if any (or all!) of these apply:

I get to stay comfortable.

I get to stay anxious.

I get to protect my dream.

I get to avoid making a decision.

I get to stay small.

Why Do I Procrastinate?

Let’s look at the reasons why we procrastinate.

I get to stay comfortable…Fear of Failure/Fear of Letting Go

Are we ignoring the nudge to take an important step, and instead, holding on to what’s familiar? Pruning is a metaphor I write about often because it’s just that powerful.

We are often so afraid of letting go—of something, someone, maybe some job that isn’t working—that we will cling to the dying branches.

The thought of the void seems so much worse than the death itself. Invariably though, when we let go of what’s not working and what is draining our energy and resources, we make room for new growth. Usually it’s so much better than we could’ve imagined!

Maybe we’re afraid of failing so we never try? Sometimes the only way to know what we are capable of is to push our limits. We will either delight in accomplishing what we set out to do, or we will find out what our best is on any given day.

If we fall short of our expectations, we can celebrate that we did our best. As we continue to push our limits, we may fall short of the goal, but we will continue to grow in the process.

I would rather overestimate myself and find my limits than underestimate myself and never reach my full potential. Les Brown says, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.”

Don Ward says, “If you are going to doubt something, doubt your limits.” If you think you can, you might be right. If you think you can’t and never try, you are definitely right!

I get to keep my dream intact…Fear of Lost Hope

Why does an ostrich stick its head in the sand? I don’t know, but why humans do it is a little easier to figure out. We may want something so much, but we don’t go after it because if we fail, we’ll lose our dream.

We would rather stay comfortable on our cozy couches, dreaming, hoping, praying, wishing and asking ourselves, “Wonder what it would be like to do that?” Instead, we could be asking ourselves, “How will I actually do that?”

Maybe that dream is all we have? Maybe our identity is so tightly wound up in that dream that we can’t afford to lose it? Maybe we keep our heads in the sand about a job or relationship because we know deep down, it’s not right, but we don’t want to admit it, much less do anything about it.

We disconnect from the part of us that knows the truth, so we don’t have to get out of our comfort zones and take action. Once we have awareness, it’s very difficult to go back to blissful ignorance.

Awareness may lead to fear but the cure for fear is always action! “I’m afraid!” Do it anyway. “I may fail!” Do it anyway, because either way, you will grow. “What if it doesn’t work?” It definitely won’t work if you don’t try, but what if it does?

“Who will I be if my dream doesn’t work out?” I don’t know, but who are you now, with an unsung song in your heart?” Personally, I would rather have my head in the clouds trying different things, than buried in sand, trying nothing.

I get to stay anxious, which is more familiar than calm…Fear of the Unknown

How many times have you said, “Tomorrow, I’m finally going to start that big project,” but then tomorrow arrives and you act against your best intentions?

All these unintentional choices can leave us filled with disappointment in ourselves, short on hope that we will ever act in a way that reflects our true desires.

How can we allow the greatness we have inside us to be fully expressed while the dark clouds of anxiety and shame are constantly hovering over a corner of our lives? Ahh, but maybe that’s the point?

By avoiding what’s really important, we can regularly sabotage our lives and continue to feel pretty crappy about ourselves. I hope some of you are wondering, “And how is that a pay-off, exactly?” It’s crazy, I know, but sometimes feeling good actually feels bad to some of us. So we do things that feel bad to feel better. Huh?

If we came from a background of chaos, calm can seem scary. By keeping anxiousness and unhappiness steadily flowing into our lives, we can have a leg up on anything else that might hurt us. In other words, we may feel we can control sabotage easier than success.

And this becomes a means of self-protection against fear of the unknown (good or bad). Nothing and no one can ruin our day if we’re doing a good job of that on our own! If this describes you, maybe it’s time to take a risk and try something different?

I’ve ventured out of my chaos-comfort zone a few times now and the sky hasn’t fallen. I’m learning it’s okay to feel good and that vulnerability can actually pay off nicely. Exercise one (below) is critical.

I get to avoid making a decision…Fear of Mistakes/a.k.a.Perfectionism

Perfectionism. The very word even sounds rigid and binding. Some of us may prolong taking any important action until we have the whole script written and we have everything worked out to the last detail.

While it’s possible life could happen the way we plan, more often than not, we will have to take action without knowing how it’s all going to turn out.

One way I’m learning that perfectionism is controlling me is by watching my vocabulary when I’m talking to myself. Should’s, and ought-to’s are a good sign that I’m trying to force a particular outcome or make myself do something I don’t really want to do.

Sometimes the should voice gets so loud, it drowns out all my authentic wants and needs. I feel paralyzed in overwhelm, wrestling with what I ought to do versus what I might like to do, so I stay frozen and do nothing.

Either that or I trick myself into thinking I’m taking action when I’m really just busying myself with other “important” tasks like cleaning out my inbox or getting lost in social media for hours.

I’m making progress in learning to trade in the “I should’s” and instead, ask myself, “In this moment, what do I really want to do?” I usually have an answer immediately. When I can mediate a balance between my wants and needs, and discern if there is any validity in the “should” voice, I can tap into my own natural flow and take action, without hesitation.

I get to stay small…Fear of Success

We’ve all heard the phrase, “We are never given more than we can handle.” I’ve always applied that to difficult situations and tough times, but I recently heard the idea that it’s also true for our talents, our potential, and thus, our destinies.

Fear of success is just as real as fear of failure. This may be the reason some of us constantly avoid taking important next steps.

In Nelson Mandela‘s famous inaugural speech, he quoted Marianne Williamson by saying, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

The biggest role we will ever play on the stage of life is ourselves! We must not be afraid to trust and follow the mysterious greatness inside us, no matter how unknown, unpredictable, or scary it may seem.

Change will happen at a speed we can handle. Me being all of ME, you being all of YOU, inherently came with the equipping we would each need to be that person in full. Being all that we are meant to become, letting all of ourselves float to the surface for the world to see is never a mistake.

It’s who we were born to be and it’s our role in the symphony of life. While this doesn’t happen overnight, we can all take a step in the right direction today by being honest and asking ourselves if we are hiding behind avoidance.

Solutions

Moving forward is a choice. However, understanding why we procrastinate leads to greater self-empathy, which helps us discover what we need before real progress can occur. Only then will we give ourselves permission to take action on our goals and dreams.

EXERCISE #1

Make a list of everything you’re avoiding or procrastinating about. Congratulations! Awareness and acknowledgment are the first steps. Now draw a line down your paper and for each one, write all the possible fears of taking a step in the direction of what you really want.

Then ask yourself, “What is the underlying belief holding me back?” Maybe it’s, “If I act on a dream and it doesn’t work out, I will look foolish.” Or, “If I succeed, I won’t be able to manage the pace of success.”

There’s no right or wrong answers, this is just you getting to know the real you—your fears, hopes, dreams and inherent beliefs. In a third column, write down the worst thing that could happen if you move forward in that area, and rate how likely that is to come true on a scale of 1-10. In a fourth column, jot down one tiny step you are willing to take and the name of someone you can use for accountability and support.

Strangely enough, one right action can give us just enough of a self-esteem boost to make another right decision. With each small, seemingly insignificant choice, self-trust and self-respect begin to return.

We’re motivated to continue. All the while, we remind ourselves what we really want and why we’re doing this in the first place. Our “why” must stay in the forefront, fueling our efforts.

TIP

Another trick is to focus on the journey rather than just the ultimate outcome. If we look for the gift—the reward solely in today’s small action—we may be more likely to jump in and do it.

If we slow down and enjoy the activity, we are more likely to find the willingness to take the next right step. Most of our lives are spent on the way anyway. Let’s have fun getting there!

Remember, good things take time. Living in a microwave, fast-food society, our inherent desire to pull up to the drive-thru window and have it our way is so much more appealing than taking small steps toward a meaningful accomplishment.

But we have a choice. We can dismiss the urges, desires, dreams, and goals that are going to take longer than one day, or we can do one small thing today (and the next, and the next) to get us closer to the goal.

EXERCISE #2

Visualize how nice it will feel to just do it (whatever “it” is). Imagine being free of the mounting pressure hanging over your head. See the goal achieved. Allow yourself to bask in the glow of accomplishment, self-pride, and the fruits of your actions. Doesn’t that feel great?

When the payoff for avoidance and staying comfortable becomes overshadowed by the payoff for getting it done, the scales will tip and suddenly we will have more motivation to be unstuck than stuck. We will do what is necessary to feel better and improve our situation. We will enjoy a sense of accomplishment for finally taking action.

BOTTOM LINE

No one can tell us when it’s time to move forward. We have to stay stuck until we’re good and ready to get unstuck. When we’re done playing around with a problem, we’ll solve it.

We already know what we need to do. In the meantime, we can accept we’re right where we’re supposed to be, getting the lesson and building up the necessary drive to take action.

Pretty soon we’ll do it and wonder why we waited so long! Usually, it’s not as big of an issue as we made it out to be in our minds … and in our procrastination. Cheers to your perfect timing!

The post Why Do I Procrastinate and How Can I Beat It appeared first on Everyday Power.

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thehautegoddess · 5 years

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goddess spirit…how to deal with the end of a long-term friendship

much like romantic breakups, the ending of a friendship can be devastating. i am at the age where i have had most of my friends for many, many years, so an ending can feel much like a death – and a death should be mourned. one of the things i have learned about long-term friendships is that people often just outgrow each other. sometimes it culminates in a gradual drifting apart, and sometimes it ends with one big bang – but the truth of the matter is that it is always because at least one of you are not the person you were when the friendship started, and things that used to work for you, just are not cool anymore. and that is okay…no one should be the same as they were 15-20 years ago. just like with any type of relationship – you either grow together or grow apart.

one of the themes i have noticed that had an effect on the longevity of some of my friendships is the presence of core values and character traits. i want to be clear that i do not profess to be a saint or to never make mistakes, or that everyone has to think just as i do. i do not claim to make all the right decisions, or that i do not have my fair share of flaws and ugly traits. however, as i have begun to work hard on myself to be a better person, i have noticed the people who seem to bring negativity into my life are those who are the most broken and unhappy within. do not get it twisted…we are all broken in some way, and all need to heal from something. and if that brokenness is coupled with a lack of similar values regarding what a true friend is and a common belief on how to treat people, you could have a true disaster on your hands.

when people aren’t willing to work on themselves, one of two things (or both) will happen:

if you stay around them for too long, they are apt to take their sh*t out on you, or

you will start behaving like them. energy is real.

i realized that i have allowed too many people to blatantly mistreat me, in the name of longevity. we say things like “…oh, that’s just how she is…” or “…you know _____, that’s just her way.” but as i grow and do my work, i realize that this is no longer acceptable. you do not get to be an as*hole to your loved ones because you did not get the pony you wanted for your 5th birthday, or your life has not turned out the way you envisioned, or whatever the issue may be. we all have our sh*t to deal with, but it is so unfair to make your loved ones your punching bags. we all have exhibited this behavior to some degree, at some point or another, but it does not make it right.

my goal every day is to stay at peace. some days i am excellent at this, and on other days i fail miserably. i have recently started really taking stock at the energies that make me happy versus those that make me sad. and when i started to peel back some layers on some of my friendships, i noticed that there were certain energies that either more often than not, or consistently, did not bring me peace. why should that be allowed just because someone has been around since the 80s or 90s? that does not make sense, and it is not what God wants for our lives. of course, we are to take the lessons, forgive, apply them and move on…but that doesn’t mean that we have to stay in the trenches while accepting behaviors from others that do not feel good to our soul. and i stand in full ownership that if i have ever made anyone feel that way, then they were well within their right to leave my energy behind…i never want to be anything other than a blessing to others. if love is not what i am bringing, let me go, as well! and maybe we can come together at a later juncture, but the point is that everyone deserves to be at peace.

i am growing every day and will continue to make mistakes, but i am proud of the fact that i am not allowing anyone in my life that does not treat me well. i am always open to forgiveness and new beginnings, but some things are just not okay. i do not want to be mean to my friends. i do not want to throw them shade, and i do not want to speak ill on their lives. i am not perfect, but i cannot have people in my life who are comfortable being unkind to me…and i make no apologies for that decision.

and also remember that you have the right to feel your feelings. it is okay to be angry, hurt, sad, or depressed and to go through your process…like i said before a long-term friendship needs to be mourned. you cannot just bury years of friendship like it never happened. give yourself permission to get it all out. and do not let anyone make you feel bad about your way of doing so – do what you need to do to get through it. no one else’s opinion matters.

i wish i could never have another heartbreak or argument with a loved one again. it hurts tremendously, but these are the facts of life, and we must face these difficulties head on to grow. but one thing i know for sure, which is a recurring theme in my life – i always knew the truth in my heart. i could always feel the disingenuous energy, and i ignored it by chalking it up to that person’s personality, or whatever. the biggest lesson i have learned from these challenges is that the answers are always there. you always know in your heart who is really down for you. we just have to be brave and allow the universe to order our steps. it is very scary to break away from the old, no matter how negative or toxic. it takes tremendous strength and faith to modify a relationship that has been a constant in your life. but that is what doing your work is all about.

when you start to choose yourself and your peace of mind over everything else, miracles begin to flow. you feel like a weight has been lifted, and you are free! because nothing feels worse than thinking that there are thieves in your friendship temple…trusting access to your life and your secrets with the wrong person is probably one of the most destructive things you can do. but when we allow the universe to lead us, and acknowledge and accept the signs we receive, we will save ourselves so much pain. in one of my favorite books by Florence scovel shinn “the secret door to success” she states: “misfortune is due to failure to stick to the things which spirit has revealed through intuition…” i believe this is the truth, because if i am being honest, i have never really been surprised about the ending of any relationship – romantic or platonic – because God always sends a pebble before the hailstorm.

i encourage everyone to honor those little pebbles of truth! when changing the current dynamic of a friendship, it doesn’t have to be a huge drama scene, but there is no shame in choosing to protect your heart and spirit first.

you are a goddess! love yourself! you deserve a life of peace.

let’s discuss in the comments. you are a goddess – love yourself! now go do your work 😊 until next time…”

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aisudbury · 6 years

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Maslow's Hierarchy and Sudbury Schools

I recently read a blog post that had the following depiction of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs in it:

This was a post on Universal Basic Income, but I felt like I could apply this version of the hierarchy to Sudbury Schools, something which has been discussed before at Philly Free School.

The idea is to view the school through the lens of this hierarchy. We will start with the security level as survival is something that is handled by parents.

Security

At Arts & Ideas, we pride ourselves that our students feel safe. Instead of a theater of security, we have actual security.

It is hard to observe this directly, but our community is watching out for all of its members. There is an attitude of not ignoring problems nor making them worse. Our students do push their own boundaries, but in ways that lead to scrapes and bruises if failure happens. They also push at the boundaries of our community, but our JC system pushes back before the lines get too far crossed.

The role of staff is to be the adults that can be counted on to take care of an extreme situation. Our attitude of not using an incident as an excuse is crucial to our being called in when our help is needed. If there is a problem, we are notified and we deal with it. We are not defensive nor sermony. This allows us to build the trust that provides this deep level of security.

Our students feel safe in their time here.

Belonging

The lack of labeling students, judging of individuals, or expecting certain outcomes gives a strong sense of emotional security to our students which very much is about belonging to the community.

With the adults showing acceptance of all students, other students also naturally accept others. They may not be friends and may even have minor squabbles, but the basic fact of existing as a member of this community is unquestioned as long as the boundaries of the school are respected.

Even when we have the occasional student that repeatedly or dangerously crosses our democratically established rules, the community does what it can to help the student stay with us and respect the rules. Our expulsion process requires at least 75% of the community to agree to expel. When we have taken such a vote, it is a solemn act, one that helps all of us reflect on how much we value our fellow community members. Even the loss of students who have been with us for a short, disruptive time are still remembered with acceptance tinged with a feeling of sad loss.

Arts & Ideas provides a space for our students to just be. In a world of commanding and demanding adults, it is one of the few places where they can feel they belong. It is why the staff do their best to work with the chaos of children in the office. Sometimes we have to quiet them to talk on a phone call or some other such need, but we do our best to respect that the office is just as much a place for students to be as it is for staff to be.

This school is their place. They belong to it. They have a community that does care for its members. We may or may not be friends, but we are a group.

Importance

We value students as they are now for what they bring to our community.

It is worth pausing and letting that sink in as a contrast to how children are often viewed. Far too often, adults are thinking about how a child can be valuable when the child grows up. Conventional schools are based on the subtext that children are not valuable now, but we can make them valuable in the future.

We say no to this idea. Our students do grow up to be valuable members of society, but it happens because we value them right now. Being valued is a natural human craving, for the young as well as the old.

If we reflect on what often irritates us in our adult interactions, it can often be viewed through the lens of not feeling valued. The same is true for children, but it can be even more important since they might never have felt valued. Rather they may have always felt that they were a burden on those who cared for them. It is, in one word, tragic.

We see a fire for life in our students and that fire runs our community. Every single one of our students contributes to our community.

At a basic level, we have the formal participation. We have Chore Teams, Judicial Committee Teams, and School Meeting Teams which all of our students participate in. One of the great joys I have as Law Clerk is to pencil in a new student into the teams. I know that they will get the message that they are valued.

Their service is needed by the community and valued. For new students, this can be a startling statement that their opinions actually do matter. We have seen many a new student voice opinions and participate in voting on the teams. We do have a rule that allows their first term of service on JC to be done without having to vote. This was done so that they can embrace the offer from the community to contribute. Within a day or two, students start voting and I know from my own experience how warming that welcoming of one’s voice can be.

But our community receives far more than formal service to the community. Each student is contributing to our community in their interactions with each other. The whiteboard drawings that are scattered around the school, the left out creations, the kinetic energies, the conversations and jokes that abound, all of these are valued. We have an ocean of social experiences with various currents, eddies, and pools leading to adventures around every corner.

I should hasten to add that we do have students that often largely keep to themselves. It may not be apparent to many, but they are deeply valuable to us as well. These students give permission to all through their quiet example that being quiet is okay. There is a quiet serenity that surrounds them which I think awes some of our more vocal students. It is something wonderful that our community will value the quiet and the loud. We do not all have to speak up all the time. And when a quiet person does speak up, we all listen.

This can be quite literal, by the way. One of our JC Clerks speaks rather quietly and the JC Room becomes still as every member of the room listens with deep intensity to the words of the clerk. Far from being a detriment, the quietness of the clerk promotes a sort of unity in the room. Our louder clerks can engender raucous debate. Both lead our community in just directions and both ways are valued.

Self-Actualization

Confidence is what comes to my mind when I think of the most common trait across our long time students. Confidence is what one gains when truly being valued by others becomes internalized.

Arrogance is what an A+ gets a person, the belief that knowledge has made them valuable. It is shallow because it is not valuing the person, but rather valuing some trick that they have assimilated.

Our community’s value of the person is not from them being able to demonstrate some skill, but rather valuing them for who they really are. It is the difference between paying for a friend and having an actual friend.

To be sure, our students have doubts about their future and about what they may be missing from conventional schools. This comes from the lack of being valued outside of our community. While we can tell stories of the many successes of Sudbury students, including our own, our options are limited in what we can do except to help support our own larger community in embracing our students for who they are, right now.

This is why it is important to let go of being concerned about whether the children will read or can do math or whatever it is. If we worry about this, then we are giving the message that they are not valued for who they are without that skill. Survival, security, acceptance, and importance, they all work together to lead to the moment of someone truly valuing themselves. And once that happens, anything is possible.

Indeed, even when I see doubts in our students, I still see below the doubts a deep reservoir of confidence. The doubt is superficial, the confidence is deep. The longer they stay with us, the more true this becomes.

A successful future is all about confidence. None of us are fully prepared for what we will need to do, but those of us that are confident that we can figure it out generally do. Those who have that, such as our students, are the ones that will succeed in acquiring the skills and resources needed to accomplish any of their goals.

Humans adapt to the expectations of their environment. For Arts & Ideas, we just assume that our School Meeting Members will be valuable to our community. We are not judging them, simply acknowledging the reality of the present with the expectation that the future will continue in the same fashion. And thus it is so.

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years

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06/26/2019 DAB Transcript

2 Kings 9:14-10:31, Acts 17:1-34, Psalms 144:1-15, Proverbs 17:27-28

Today is the 26th day of June. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible, I am Brian and its great to be here with you as we move through the center of the week, which I guess is why it's called hump day, we’re getting over the hump and moving to the back half of the week. But no matter what part of the week we’re in we’re always taking the next step forward through the Scriptures, which would take us back into the book of second Kings. We’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week. Second Kings Chapter 9 verse 14 through 10 verse 31 today.

Commentary:

Alright. So, in the book of Acts we’re continuing along with Paul on his second missionary journey and we should note the way that Paul adapts what he's saying to who he's saying it to. So, in Thessalonica Paul’s in the synagogue, he’s opening the Scriptures and he's explaining how Jesus is a part of the Jewish story and a part of the Jewish heritage. And, so, many come to faith in Jesus and others are against him because they're envious or jealous and angry mob kicks Paul and Silas out of town. So, they go to Berea. Paul's in the synagogue again. The Berean’s are diligently searching the Scriptures. And, so, Paul's right there to interpret. Many come to faith, many get jealous. The they’re out of town again. So, then Paul’s in Athens where spirituality is very diverse but very open and he's talking about the unknown God because they worship many, many gods, including any unknown God that they may not have known about and Paul offers to them very concise, very simple explanation of how he sees the gospel. And, so, let’s look at that again. Let’s listen to what Paul says as if we’re in Athens and we don't have any of the background of the Bible, we don't know other than just sensing that there's a God out there. This is how Paul explains to a person who worships an unknown God. The thing is, we’ll all agree with it, we’re reading it out of the Bible. But consider, do you functionally believe this? Do you live as if this were the truth? So, Paul says, “I want to tell you about this God that you're worshiping that you don't know. This God made the world and everything in it. “He’s the Lord of heaven and earth, and He doesn't live in temples built by human hands. He doesn't need help from anyone. He gives life, breath, and everything else to all people. From one person, God made all nations who live on the earth, and He decided when and where every nation would be. God has done all this so that we will look for Him and reach out and find Him. He isn’t far from any of us and He gives us the power to live to move and to be who we are. We are His children, just to some of your poets have said. And since we are God's children must not think that He's like an idle made out of gold or silver or stone. He isn't like anything that humans have thought up and made. In the past God forgave all this because people did not know what they were doing but now He says that everyone everywhere must turn to Him. He has set a day when He will judge the world's people with fairness and He has chosen the man Jesus to do the judging for Him. God has given proof of this to all of us by raising Jesus from death.” So, there you go. We should find great comfort in that, great encouragement in that, but also put ourselves in the position of somebody who's never heard this before so that we understand the kinds of people that Paul is trying to reach and we should also notice that Paul adapts the way that he interacts with people based on who it is that he's trying to talk to, which doesn't mean he is trying to change his message, it means he's trying to enter a person's story from where they're coming from instead of trying to force-feed where he's coming from. A pretty invaluable lesson for us in this day and age.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for this simple concise truth of the gospel from the apostle Paul here in the book of Acts. It reminds us of the fact that we are Your children. We also acknowledge the fact that we don't know all that we think that we do and a posture of humility in entering into each other's stories is the way of Your kingdom. Come Holy Spirit we pray. And we ask in Jesus’ name expectantly as we surrender, as we allow You to have space and access to our hearts and our day and our actions. Come Holy Spirit we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Coming up in less than two weeks, the 7th of July, is our annual Daily Audio Bible long walk. It's happening on a Sunday this year so it kind of makes it easier. And we do this every July 7th. It's a day to give ourselves permission to say, “look, “I'm in the middle of the year, I have journeyed halfway through this year and come to this point with the rhythm of the Scriptures being in my life.” And by now we can see what the Bible does as we put it in our lives every day. So, it’s a day to regroup and go for a long walk with the God of the Bible who is revealing himself to us through the Scriptures. Yeah, just to spend the day saying all of the things that there just aren't time to say. Like we’re just too overcommitted, too out of balance, we’re running too hard. So, we take this one day and go for a long walk, go somewhere beautiful whether near or far and go for a long walk and we can say everything that needs to be said and to allow space because the Lord has some things He's been wanting but we’re just too busy to listen. So, what if we took a day and gave it to listening and just spending time with God and appreciating that life is happening all around us and we’re ignoring it. That's the 7th of July and yeah, it’s a very individual thing, but it's also a very communal thing that we’re doing as a community all over the world. And you just take your phone. You probably have your phone or something with you anyway. Snap a picture of wherever it is you go or take a little video of wherever it is you go and post it up to our Facebook page, facebook.com/dailyaudiobible and then we’ll post them up and they become these beautiful little moments that we get to share with each other, little windows into each other's lives and where it is that we are on the planet and where it is that's beautiful where we are and we get this wonderful picture of God's beauty all over the world on one day. So, make plans for that the 7th of July.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible as we navigate the summer months, then thank you profoundly for your partnership. There's a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253, is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hello, this is Christy in Korea. I am a first-time caller and I have been listening since January, but I am quite a way’s behind. I’m actually 10 weeks behind when you were at the More conference because on that Saturday I was giving birth to my first child. So, I just wanted to share that God is really awesome and I know there’s a lot of women and men out there struggling with infertility. And my husband and I were able to get fertility treatment and now we have a beautiful healthy boy after a loss last year and God…God is amazing, and I know he has a made a promise and I just wanted to__. Also, I heard there was another listening from Korea. You’re not alone. There’s another listener here and I just want to say hi. And I try to pray…I don’t pray for everyone, but I do pray for some people and I want you to know that I can’t remember who you are that I do try to pray for you and that you are being prayed for across the world. And, please pray for my husband because he is kind…I don’t know…agnostic and I see God making movements and I would just like to see him making more movements and thank you for everything you do, and I will try to catch up. Thank you.

Hey family this is Viola from Maryland I hope you’re all doing well. Brian and Jill God bless you. Family I want to encourage you to give to Daily Audio Bible. As Brian always says, this is the summer months and things always slow down during the summer months. So, give and God will bless you. Okay. Doug from Alabama, I’m praying for healing for you brother in the name of Jesus. The word of God says in Philippians 4:6 that you shall not be __ for anything but in everything that prayer and supplication make your request known to God. And, so, pray brother. As people pray for you also pray. And I pray that the peace of God who passes all understanding will flood your heart and mind and God will give you wisdom on how to take care of the __ situation. God bless you my brother. __ from New Zealand I’m praying for little baby willow. Oh, my goodness. God’s such a powerful God. I pray that God will touch this baby and heal her body. You will call back with great testimonies in the name of Jesus. Father Lord of heaven, I pray that you will arrive with healing in your wings over little Willow in the name of Jesus. __ I’m praying for favor for your brother-in-law, that you will get that wisdom. You know, God has a heart for families. I pray that Give her favor and she’ll be reconciled, she’ll be able to be with your son __ Tyler in the name of Jesus. Rob from Canada, I am praying for Jimmy your son. I know how disheartening that can be. Lord of heaven, I pray that you will touch Jamie oh God, Father you that made the __ go away in the first place, I pray that that __ will be thing of the past in the name of Jesus, that every __ body will die in the name of Jesus because it’s…the word of God says that by the stripes of God, that by the stipes of Jesus Christ Jamie has been healed. I’m praying for you __ my sister. I pray that God will flood your business with clients in the name of Jesus. And lastly, Ben from London, I’m praying for your daughter and fellow kids, that they would do well in their __. God bless you….

Hi, DABbers this is Christchurch New Zealand calling. I really need your prayers for my brother. He is a good man but in a failed relationship with an erratic woman who has turned his two daughters against him. This has been going on for 16 years but severe in the last two and I feel that’s gonna break him. He’s strong, fit, hard-working, self-employed and continually gives to their demands to the point of them living or often going without. He wants to see his girls. There’s always a reason why he can’t. Even if he makes a date they find a reason to go out and so he doesn’t see them. He thinks about walking away but is not in him. I actually don’t know how he can still go on because it doesn’t of the Lord. So, I’m asking my DABbers if they can break every curse of his life and pray for the peace of the mind…of his mind and from the pressure that he gets in the demands of him continuing having to find work. He needs a lot of money to find each week to support the family and that there’ll be a breakthrough for his family somehow, that they’ll just be kind to him, they’d be easier on him. He’s positive and he’s always for them. So, would you pray with me please. Thank you.

Hey, God bless. This is Matthew Fouts. I’m calling from Interstate 10 in Mobile Alabama. May God bless you from the South all over the world. The Lord has a word, His word is truth and His word tells us that we must look past our present problems to see the face of Jesus. You must set aside the problems that You face every day and look for the face of Jesus. Jesus is greater than our problem. Jesus is the Lord, He is high and lifted up and we’re all facing something today, we’re all facing a giant, we’re all facing challenges. His word says to rejoice. So, we rejoice through the trials, we rejoice through the tribulations and we say that Jesus is Lord. We yield to the Father, we yield to the voice of the Father and we say, “Father, here we are. Send us.” Father, we’re here to do Your will. We believe in His son Jesus. We are covered by the blood and You are greater than any problem we shall face. Father, we thank You and we love You and we love each other in the name of Jesus. God bless you all.

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